Tack's Journal

[twilightcrimson7]

Okay. I'm not going to say its gunna be okay, if you don't want.

All I can say is i wish you the best, if that helps.

[stupidsoul1]

i know you dont care what i think ...and you arent going to get my sympathy

but when life is shit the only way it can go is up

dont worry about being unstable.....he is just a stupid shrink...he has no right to say that about you

only you know if you are unstable or not

[misery]

i know you dont care what i think ...and you arent going to get my sympathy

but when life is shit the only way it can go is up

dont worry about being unstable.....he is just a stupid shrink...he has no right to say that about you

only you know if you are unstable or not

That was very well put.

 

You know yourself better than he knows you.

[Tack]

Entry #16: April 10

 

You know, I've calmed down a bit about the whole being unstable thing. Really, when I said that I didn't want anyone's pity, I meant that I just wanted someone that will listen. Guess that's what y'all have been doing. Thanks for listening. I am appreciative of it. It makes me think, maybe this isn't not as bad as it sounds, and I can deal with it.

 

Second major competition is over now. Came home with a silver medal, two gold medals, and a diamond medal. Cha-ching. A diamond medal is the equivalent of a 90-100% score... which is obviously VERY good, especially when you've got an ajudicator like this one. Check this out. This guy was the toughest goddamn ajudicator that I've ever met in my life. My group got our first silver medal in five years, but we can learn from it. In my opinion, ajudicators should be tough on the students. That's the way it should be. Shouldn't be some sort of pansy ass, hand out gold medals like every kid that performs like crap deserves one. I frickin' hate that. So this was good for us. Made sure we didn't get too cocky. So, it's back the academy on Monday to haul a little ass... And to the next competition on Wednesday and Thursday... Shit, man. I'm really not looking forward to that.

 

But anyway... I have to go talk to a different councellor of Tuesday, someone that I've never met before. The first councellor figures that it might help me to open up about things I haven't spoken about in over a year if I talk to someone I don't know. They say she's good at what she does... I don't want to go. I mean, I want this to end, but I don't want to talk about it. Pfft. Well, I guess beggars can't be choosers. Still, I really thank y'all for trying to help.

 

Signed, Tack

[stupidsoul1]

congrats on the medals!!

 

good luck with that

[Tack]

Entry #17: April 15

 

Home from yet ANOTHER competition. Three gold medals and one high gold. There's a good chance that I'll have to head back to Red Deer on Saturday for finals. I don't really want to go. To be blunt, I'd rather just take a break and sit on my ass for a while in front of the TV with a bag of chips. Seems like forever since I've gotten to relax. School, practice, guitar. Everything's real hectic this time of year. I'm not liking it. So this weekend (don't let me forget, guys), I've got a portfolio to be working on, Design Studies assignments to finish, and Work Experience time sheets to catch up on. Remember that for me, 'cause I'm not sure I will.

 

Anyway... Started therapy. Been diagnosed with dysthymia. That's chronic depression for y'all who don't know. I'm have to see a therapist weekly now. Next appointment's on Monday. Shit, I hate having these meetings during school hours. Don't feel like going back to school after that, so I sorta just skip the remaining classes. My therapist thinks that I should take anti-depressants. I said I'll think about it, mostly 'cause lpp wants me to. But I'm not convinced that I need them right now. Rather just talk to someone instead of taking meds.

 

Signed, Tack

[Tack]

Entry #18: May 3

 

And... Blew the bitch off! Fuck! She was frickin' driving me crazy! She was reading me wrong. Calling my mom and saying things like, "I don't think that Tack has any friends, because they're all out partying night after night and taking three day trips to the city to go bar-hopping." Yeah, fuck that. My friends are like me. Dedicated to what we're doing with our lives, and where our education is going to take us in the future. We're still too young to even walk into a bar, plus I can't drink. We've got too much school to worry about to be partying all the time. To hell with fucking shrinks! I'll go back to dealing with my problems on my own. I think I'm better off without her help anyway...

 

So anyway, update on my life. I've been to two more competitions. First one got us three gold medals and one high gold medal, and a chance to compete in the finals, where we got sixth place, which isn't bad all things considered. The last and biggest competition was last weekend. Shit, let me tell you, THIS is where we were really pushed to our limits. See, this competition works different than all the others. It's either first, second, or third, or it's "Thanks for coming. Have a nice day." We placed first, third, second, second. The last placing was the real accomplishment. We were competing against three others, which meant that we had a 25% chance of not placing, and going home. When we didn't hear our group called for third, we figured we didn't place. Instead, we got second place. Score! We're officially Division 3!

 

Other than that, we had our annual Gun and Hobby Show a couple weeks ago, and I added a little something to my "collection". Six katanas (for those of you who don't know, a katana is a Japanese sword)! You wouldn't believe the price! Six katanas, count 'em, SIX for $70! I was totally expecting something like two hundred dollars. I came home from my last competition with a Japanese broadsword too. Unbelieveable! Got a twenty dollar discount off of a sword worth $175! Heh. Nice couple of additions, I think.

 

Got a job with an oil company for the summer. Twelve bucks an hour, ten-hour days, eight-day shifts and six-day weekends. Not bad. I'll be working for the same guy my dad works for. Heh, better make a good impression. Pretty much, all I'm doing is maintinance work. Things like painting and yard work and stuff like that. It's outside work. That's good. Only problem is that there's a dress code - hard hat, steel-toed boots, coveralls, gloves, PPE. It can get pretty damn hot in all that gear. But at $12/hour, who cares!

 

So, other than that, I've been dealing with school and graduation. Rapture. School's a pain in the ass. Graduation is a pain in the ass. Would it be any surprise if I told you that life in general has been a pain in the ass? Probably not. Grad's only three weeks away. Spent ANOTHER six hours making decorations. Have to spend the next two weekends dealing with seven different end-of-the-year performances. Oh, joy. Actually, I'm pretty damn pissed off that all my free time is being blown away like this... Yeah, I'm going to sleep...

 

Signed, Tack

[lpp]

hey t

 

thought i should stop by

 

and umm say hi

 

how are you?

 

you already know about me

[stupidsoul1]

hey congrats on the awards...

ur shrink=sucky

OMG SWORDS!!!!! i love swords......

[lpp]

HEY T sup BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

ahahaaha

 

SS1- sword lover geez fi your a nerd

 

sowwie t i spammed your journal

[Tack]

Entry #19: June 2

 

Holy shit! Thirty days, I haven't written in here! Well... I did write one entry, but it was poorly written crap so I deleted it. Ah, the life of a writer...

 

Anyway, guess what I did on May 21st... GRADUATED! Out of thirty-two people, twenty-eight made it to the end of high school, and I am damn proud to be one of them. Obviously, I'm not the best of students, but I passed every one of my level 30 courses and am going onto Architectural Technology, and someday you might look up and say, "Hey, a guy I know from a Linkin Park forum designed this building!" After months and months and months of planning and decorating and fund raising and rehearsing and wishing that the principal would just... drop... dead... finally made it to the end. Here's a blue rose, Mom. Walk me down the aisle. Boom, finished.

 

So the "official" graduation ceremonies was on the 21st, though I really don't finish school until June 17th, which is my final day of classes. I've gotten a "graduation certificate" from the school, and a letter and certificate from our MLA stating that, yes, I have graduated, but no actual diploma. That comes later. Still have diploma exams to write. And I'm frickin' thankful that I only have two courses to study for. Social and Physics. And I'm even more frickin' thankful that I'm finished everything else for this year. No martial arts, no guitar, no nothing-but-school. Frees up my schedule more than just a bit. Hell, I can actually just sit down with a good book and READ for once! God, I've missed reading. My brain's gonna die of brain rot.

 

Other than that, presented my portfolio today. For y'all who are wondering, that's like a collection of things that are important to you, mostly things that will help you in a job interview, resume, networking, awards, experiences. All of that. Fuck, you have no idea how nervous I was! And I blame it on Matthew, who happens to be just about the most frickin' accomplished over-achiever in the class. 'Cause we all know that he had the best damn portfolio, other than our wonderful valedictorian Nicole. Didn't turn out too bad though. The judges said I was very "well-rounded" in my interests, and was enthusiastic about presenting, and that if any architect saw my portfolio they would say, "Yes, come work for me!" So, it was alright.

 

On the down side, had a bit of a relapse today. I've been having nightmares again. But I realized that it's easy to take care of if I just tell myself that I don't care. Saying it in other languages works even better. Usstan xaut kyon. Usstan xaut kyon. Nindel elg'caress zhah l' uss a crup. Usstan xunus naubol xusst. Usstan uil naut ulu crup. Usstan xaut kyon bauth ilta jalmzild. Or blaring Linkin Park on the stereo, screaming the words at the top of my lungs until the glass breaks. And thus, I am fine.

 

Wrote my LAST Physics unit test yesterday on radioactivity. Came out of it with an 82%. Not bad, considering that I didn't study. Still a little pissed off at my Physics teacher for being an ass when it came to marking my other assignments. Gives me a zero 'cause it was "late", when I handed it in the day it was supposed to be in. Gives other kids a full mark, even though they handed theirs in three days overdue. Yeah, I'm fucking glad that this is my last year with him.

 

Also, last school assembly was today. My class had to stand on the stage while a teacher "introduced" us to the school. To make things even better, we were all wearing hats that made us look like jackasses. 'Cause it's "Spirit Week" and today was "Hat Day". So there I am in a white mullet wig and a bowler hat. Hello, world. Name's Tack. Had a Tug-o-War competition too... What kind of school has a Tug-o-War competition? Mine. Other than watching the principal land on his ass, it wasn't the greatest of fun. Cake and icecream afterwards. Best part.

 

And that's an update on my life as I know it. Actually, it's 10:10PM here, and really all I've been doing is putting off my Social homework so that I can do it tomorrow in my spare class instead. Got more energy than is required for it right at the moment. Gonna go read instead. Maybe admire my bamboo plant. Kill my brother if he's watching TV with the volume up to fifty. I swear that he's deaf. I swear it! Take out my contact lenses before they fuse to my eyeballs. Good idea, they're starting to burn. Welcome to Tack's Train of Thought! This is what a couple cans of Pepsi, crappy pork, and Celtic music do to me.

 

So... 'Aluve, ussta abbilen! Kyorl dos jal gajak! Gre'as'anto doeb!

 

Signed, Tack

[Tack]

Ha! First dibs on ANOTHER new page!

[woodyloveslinkin]

hey tack.

just checking up.

r u n becks still goin out?

lov woody.

[lpp]

woody-put a damn sock in it

[Tack]

Heh. Hope so. It's her call, though.

[shahfire]

im really happy for you that you graduated. congrats! good luck in achitecture tech. your principal fell on his ass?lmao i suppose all the students were stifling their laughter. i love to read too! yay! i've not come across a male who like to read before. kinda interesting to know. its usualy the females. hehehe. cyaz!

[Tack]

Hell, yeah! Reading kicks ass!

[Tack]

Entry #20: June 10

 

Wrote my LAST in-class Physics exam today! About damn time! I was getting so frickin' sick of Mellom's tests. He's WAY too goddamn smart to be teaching high school Physics. Anyway, I'd been reviewing all week, did my final studying this morning. I'm praying that I did alright. I need that Physics mark to get into university. An architect ain't no good if they can't do basic Physics, are they.

 

And let me tell you how lucky I was today. Now here's a good story. There was a highway crew putting fresh oil on the highways, so I had to leave home early to get ahead of them so I wasn't driving twenty kilometers an hour through miles of the stuff. See, I was going to leave at about 10:40AM for school. But to get ahead of the crews, I had to leave at 9:30AM. So I get to school, am pulling into the parking lot just as a friend is, and she gets out of her car and says, "Don't you have a Physics test?" I said, "Yeah, third class." And she sorta looks at me and says, "They're already writing it, you know." Shit, I think that my heart stopped right then and there.

 

Yep, turns out that the test had started at 9:00AM. I was damn lucky that I only missed half an hour. I wasn't the only one either. Mellom wrote on the board, and I quote, "Physics 30: In-class final exam, Friday June 10th, AM." How in the hell was I supposed to know that he meant the whole morning? I figured, alright we have a Physics class in the morning, third period, and that's when we're going to write. Not a fucking chance. So sick of that man...

 

Anyway, one more week, guys! And then I'm fucking free! Studying and scholarships, and that's my life as of the present.

 

Signed, Tack

[Tack]

Entry #21: June 28

 

FREE AT LAST! I am officially graduated! And now it’s into the real world…

 

Fifteen days since I was last here. In case y'all are wondering why (which it's likely you're not), I made a promise to a friend that I wouldn't be on the forums during those fifteen days that I was frickin’ studying my ass off trying to get ready for my Physics and Social exams. By the way, I wrote my last exam this morning. Social. Ugh, is all I have to say. Hope I did alright on the tests, seeing how they're worth 50% of my overall mark. What a frickin' rip. In other news, I got a letter from the university telling me that my application was cancelled because the tuition fee wasn't sent in time, but that doesn't matter, 'cause I wasn't planning on going to university this year anyway.

 

So, I split my lip open on the 23rd. Passed out, and you know tile floors are notorious for injuring a falling person. My chin’s a little bruised, and my teeth hurt, and every now and then I’ll get a headache where I bashed my head, but other than that I’m okay. My stomach had been giving me major troubles that morning. Too much acid or something. It had been bad before, but never THIS bad. Guess it went so far as to make me pass out to tell me something was wrong. Now I know.

 

Got an H2S course tomorrow at 8:30 in the goddamn morning after an hour and a half of driving. It’s not going to be a good day. And the day after that. Bam. Plunged into the world of working starting at 6:00AM… Rapture. Not even a day out of school. But I’m making money in any case, so who cares. Of course, there’s the little problems with canceling a shit load of other stuff. Like crap with a parade and playing guitar at the Homecoming this weekend. Anything before 5:00PM on weekdays and 3:30PM on weekends is now cut from my schedule, eight days a week. Keep reminding me, Tack, you’re making money, and this is a good thing.

 

Went to an awards ceremony tonight. And guess what… I got the Fine Arts Scholarship that I had been busting my ass over a few weeks ago! Hard work does pay off. Only three people had applied - Tess, who’s a friend, wants to become an actress, needed the money more than me, but she’s not putting herself through eight to nine years of university, and the other was another girl in my class, Brittany, also wants to be an actress, bit of a writer, but that’s about it, and then there was me, musician, artist, writer, and the list goes on. The woman presenting the award said my name wrong though. I don’t care, really. She apologized anyway.

 

Actually, tonight really wasn’t a good night for me, because I was already in a bad mood from being kicked off the internet, my stomach is hurting like a bitch, and then to make things worse, another friend of mine, Tal, wouldn’t shut up. He’s sitting there making fun of all the people getting awards loud enough for half the assembly to hear, and as many times I told him to shove a cork in it, he just kept fucking talking. He’s a good guy and all. He can just be an arrogant son of a bitch sometimes.

 

So what else is new right now. Not a lot, which is surprising, considering fifteen days being gone. In the meantime, I’m tired, pissed off, my stomach hurts, my parent’s are bitching me to go over that frickin’ H2S book… Obviously, I’m suffering from lack of sleep and overactive acidity… I’m going to bed…

 

Signed, Tack

[stupidsoul1]

good luck

 

glad to see atleast ur hard work is paying off

[shahfire]

whoa, seem like you are going through lots of physical pain right now. dont worry, it will get better. congrats on the fine arts scholarship. thats really cool. i can never imagine me getting that. man, you are not gonna play the guitar at homecoming? if i were you, ill cancel my work on that day. lol. but its up to you and you wanna make some green so its cool in that way. you have quite an interesting life tack. see ya around.

[Tack]

Entry #22: July 20

 

Home at last! Don’t get me wrong, camping’s fun and all, but two weeks of sleeping on a frickin’ cot gets a little irritating. At least I have stories.

 

The H2S course on June 29 went better than I had expected it to. First of all, I was the youngest guy there… In a class room filled with oil field workers that didn’t know jack shit about anything other than their job. I was the only one that knew a) the function of your kidneys, and b) what an aromatic hydrocarbon was. Even got to play with the dreaded hydrogen sulfide. The stuff stinks like rotten eggs, but that’s not the worst of it. Initially, the gas will cause headaches, or tingling in your legs or hands. In high enough concentrations, it will kill your sense of smell. Then it will cause confusion, dizziness, nausea, and go on to paralyze your central nervous system, knock you out, and finally kill you. That is, if you act like an ass when you’re around the stuff. Guess I caught on pretty quick to everything that was being taught. The course was a joke compared to high school. Finished with a score of 100%. No lie. Walked out of there a fairly happy person.

 

Like I said, the next day I was working. The job’s a lot more relaxing than I thought it would be. Get up at 6:00AM, get to work by 7:00AM. Shit, I don’t even start working until 8:30AM. Just sit around the office and bullshit with the other guys until we all head out. That only lasted for two days to start off. Good news for shahfire, I didn’t have to cancel my stuff for the Homecoming. The boss let me have those two days off. Played guitar four times on the first day, and was in the parade for the second morning, marching for the Academy. We got a hell of a lot of cheering when we went by. Heh. If that isn’t a compliment and an ego booster…

 

Anyway, me and my family went on holidays after that. To nowhere special. Spent two days starting on July 5 camping at a little lake about an hour from home. Not a bad place. Its quiet at least. Of course, I spent most of my time dunking my little brother in the lake and stealing the air mattress from him. Caught a few minnows, but those were fleeting moments of entertainment.

 

When we left that campground, we headed off to a park in Saskatchewan. For y’all who don’t know, that’s just to the east of my home province, right above Montana in the atlas. It was my grandparents’ fiftieth anniversary. Of the seventy-two of us in the family, seventy-one showed up. That’s gotta be some sort of record for my relatives, I swear, ‘cause this is the first time in a lot of years that all eleven children with their spouses, thirty-one of thirty-two grandkids, and seven great-grandkids were in the same place at the same time. So we spent a few days there. Not a bad park, but there were bugs. Mosquitoes from hell. People worry about aliens taking over Earth. Forget them, pay attention to the goddamn mosquitoes! There was one day when it was just disgustingly hot. Like thirty-six degrees Celcius. And to make it worse, it was muggy. I sat there all day in the shade. Just sat there drinking anything ice-cold that I could get my hands on, and I was still wearing a layer of sweat. Went through about five cans of bug spray too. And a can of Raid. But it was nice to see the family again, I guess, with the exception of the clingy little cousins that you had to beat off with a stick. Heh. The folks aren’t much for exciting people, but it’s still good to see them.

 

On the road again, this time to another park in Saskatchewan. Now this place was nice, and I mean NICE. They even sprayed the place, so there were no bugs. Just lots of squirrels and lots of gophers. There was one squirrel that got into a garbage bag that we had sitting outside the camper, and it took a bunch of old dinner buns that we had in there. We found the buns up in a tree later. We spent maybe four days at the park. Went to an art gallery, and let me tell you, this guy could frickin’ paint! He’s got all of these paintings of Canadian scenes worth fuckin’ thirty grand! And there were damn well deserving of that! These were NICE paintings! Went to Batoche, which is the site of the battle between the Metis and the government way back in the 1800s. It’s one of those places that gets you thinking. I was standing right inside a Metis rifle pit, where men were once fighting for their lives, and it’s almost like you can feel them there. It’s weird. Messes with your head a bit. Went to a couple of museums too. One was a Metis history museum. Neat, but kinda boring. Not very interactive. The other was just a history museum, and it had all of these old restored buildings with artifacts that you could just walk right into. Heh. You could even mess with the old phones. You know, the ones that you had to hold one half to your ear and talk into the other half that was mounted on the telephone. I talked to my brother from across the ‘village’. Reception wasn’t great, but it was kinda cool. Except for those fuckin’ manikins! Frick, I hate those things!

 

So, I got home four days ago. Spent one day just sitting around, and then worked for three. I have tomorrow off, but then it’s back to work for three days again, and then two days off, and then I work into next month. There was a safety meeting today, which was a good way to waste five hours, but it was unexpectedly tiring. Just wanted to sleep after that. But I got over that, and I decided that I’m staying up all night. I don’t have to get up tomorrow morning, so who the hell would care? Got my first paycheck today. I’m a happy person right now.

 

By the way, thanks to stupidsoul1 and shahfire. You guys kick ass!

 

Signed, Tack

[LPGirl]

hey, i havent seen you in like forever.. whats up

[Tack]

hey' date=' i havent seen you in like forever.. whats up[/quote']

 

Yeah, I know. Been busy with final exams and work and holidays and all that crap. Doesn't offer much time for the internet, but I get on when I can.

[JammerG]

hey Tack!! Hope all is going well. Work is going good. Been so busy with it that I haven't had time to post and read... sounds like you!!! Anyway bud take care and have fun!!!