Heart_LP Posted May 2, 2005 Posted May 2, 2005 exactly! once you start you will go the same way as you used ot before? so you really wanna do that? Quote ♀ fighter ♀
LPGotLinkinPark Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 So I saw my friend Friday night. She was pretty much fine I guess. I mean, she was happy and all. I only got glimpses because she kept them hidden, but I did notice a rather large gash on her forearm. There were a couple others near it too. I'm not sure if they were scars, healing cuts, new cuts, or what because she said she had stopped the last time I asked her about it. Who knows. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be though, Quote rep me!! | xanga | add me on myspace
Penguinscanfly_88 Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 I started cutting myself again Monday night cuz I got mad at my stupid aunt and her need to be in control over me. I really cant stand her she is trying to take over my life and When I dont let her she goes all like postal on me I dont know what to do about it though Quote To whom this may concern.... Mine death was immient, You lead me there with thy staff For thine purpose You suffocated me to the end, You smothered me with hate Now I am gone and free from you http://www.myspace.com/lovinulovinme2
Heart_LP Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 shit! that´s not good.. well you cant do much but just..like is she the kinda aunt that would talk and listen to you...and if she is then talk to her about it.. Juts dont cut.. I´ve stopped..completly...I hardly get the urge now.. I just think tta cutting is noy worth it...why shall I harm myself by nothing I´ve done..I mean it´s not my fault then why shall I harm myself?!? I usually take out my anger by screaming in a pillow..I find it helping somehow. or just listen to music... but I´m not gonna go the same way again and feel hurt, bad, and guilty for nothing I´ve done! Quote ♀ fighter ♀
Penguinscanfly_88 Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 shit! that´s not good.. well you cant do much but just..like is she the kinda aunt that would talk and listen to you...and if she is then talk to her about it.. Juts dont cut.. I´ve stopped..completly...I hardly get the urge now.. I just think tta cutting is noy worth it...why shall I harm myself by nothing I´ve done..I mean it´s not my fault then why shall I harm myself?!? I usually take out my anger by screaming in a pillow..I find it helping somehow. or just listen to music... but I´m not gonna go the same way again and feel hurt, bad, and guilty for nothing I´ve done! No I cant talk to her she hates my guts. No joking She constantly says I'm just a little bitch who needs to be sent to a girls home I tried the screaming in a pillow before it used to help but now it just makes me more mad cuz all it does is hurt my throat after going in there every like 10 minutes to scream cuz I am mad. The music helps sometimes but I always get yelled at when I listen to music cuz I am in my room and not with the family Quote To whom this may concern.... Mine death was immient, You lead me there with thy staff For thine purpose You suffocated me to the end, You smothered me with hate Now I am gone and free from you http://www.myspace.com/lovinulovinme2
Heart_LP Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 No I cant talk to her she hates my guts. No joking She constantly says I'm just a little bitch who needs to be sent to a girls home I tried the screaming in a pillow before it used to help but now it just makes me more mad cuz all it does is hurt my throat after going in there every like 10 minutes to scream cuz I am mad. The music helps sometimes but I always get yelled at when I listen to music cuz I am in my room and not with the family woah that´s shitty! She cant talk to you like that! ok I understand that does not hjelp anymore but plz do something else then cutting yourself.. I´m not so good at this, sry but plz I´ve been there and I know how it is. Quote ♀ fighter ♀
Penguinscanfly_88 Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 I dont know what to do but if you get any ideas let me know k??? Quote To whom this may concern.... Mine death was immient, You lead me there with thy staff For thine purpose You suffocated me to the end, You smothered me with hate Now I am gone and free from you http://www.myspace.com/lovinulovinme2
Marizka Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 Im getting out of control, couldnt cut for a week, tried but no privacy, went completely crazy, out of conrol, i hate myself, yeah sorry, had to get that out. Quote http://www.sucksbbs.net/data/MetaMirrorCache/1f3f1672c41a196591ae77f9d8e11a0a.jpg This one world vision Turns us in to compromise What good's religion When it's each other we despise Damn the government Damn their killing Damn their lies Placebo-Sleeping With Ghosts
Heart_LP Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 I´ll surely let you know Penguinscanfly_88! *hugs* I hope things get better. Marizka, dont apologize.. why and what happened? Quote ♀ fighter ♀
Marizka Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 Well, last week i went to Denmark with my family on holiday, i didnt really feel like going, but i had to go. But being in one house with my family 24/7 is to me the same as hell, constant shouting, constant getting hurt by mean insults, I always stay strong, pretend i dont care, but it eats me from the inside, it hurts more than i ever show, and that is one of the reasons i cut, but as i said i had zero privacy in there, as soon as i went to the room i slept they said: arent we good enough for you? you dont wanna sit with us? and if i am in my room they come bursting in all the time, like they dont trust me. I always try to write instead of cut but i culndt write without 4 ppl looking over my shoulder what im writing, so then i cant reallly "write it out" Ive been home since yesterday now, and ive cut myslef more than i usually do, i cant stop, i dont whats gone into me, i feel like ive lost control, and because its mother's day today we have to go to family and thats isnt exactly fun either. I was at my grandma's and i always have to help with everything at home, i do alot, and my dad told me to help my grandma, so i did, and my brother spilled his drink and i had to clean it up and he said: why thank you my slave, now fuck off..I was so hurt, really one of the worst of the many insults ive heard lately, and it seems to echo in my head the whole time...... wow, very long story, but it helped getting that out.. Quote http://www.sucksbbs.net/data/MetaMirrorCache/1f3f1672c41a196591ae77f9d8e11a0a.jpg This one world vision Turns us in to compromise What good's religion When it's each other we despise Damn the government Damn their killing Damn their lies Placebo-Sleeping With Ghosts
Heart_LP Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 woah that´s shitty...well first of all you can tell your bro to speak properly to you next time and f he says something then you can tell your parents how he talks to you, the exact same words.. They have to care about it. I understand taht you ahve to get it all out but you can talk instead. look, you can PM me anytime you want, if I´m offline just PM me and I´ll reply to you as soon as I can but cutting will just make things worse. I mean, it´s not your fault, then why are you harming yourself? No use, it will just make you feel even worse... Quote ♀ fighter ♀
Penguinscanfly_88 Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Heart_LP I am really sorry but I started cutting again this morning. My mom and younger sister were yelling at me and shit and I got really pissed off and started cutting and then I got mad thyat I was cutting so I cut deeper then I looked at it later and got mad cuz it wasn't deep enough so I cut more.My Aunt really hates me now cuz her son got hit in the head with a bucket and shes blaming it on me and treatining to call the cops on me and I wasn't even in the room when it happened. I don't know what to do. Quote To whom this may concern.... Mine death was immient, You lead me there with thy staff For thine purpose You suffocated me to the end, You smothered me with hate Now I am gone and free from you http://www.myspace.com/lovinulovinme2
LPGotLinkinPark Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Don't cut deeper Penguinscanfly_88. That only leaves scars you will soon regret. I didn't even realise I cut so deep until I stopped and still saw the marks. Not good to do that. Quote rep me!! | xanga | add me on myspace
Heart_LP Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 yeah I agree with LPGotLinkinPark! You know what..next time your aunt tells to call the cops..let her! they´ll know whose fault it is.. Dont give a fuck about it cause she seems really bitchy against you.. look, you´ve got support from me, yu can talk to me but plz do not cut..you will regret it as I do now. Quote ♀ fighter ♀
Penguinscanfly_88 Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Thanx you guys I really appreciate that Somebody care about me. I will try my hardest not to anymore but I cant make any promises cuz its almost my only comfort now Quote To whom this may concern.... Mine death was immient, You lead me there with thy staff For thine purpose You suffocated me to the end, You smothered me with hate Now I am gone and free from you http://www.myspace.com/lovinulovinme2
Marizka Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 pcf_88 Im trying to quit too, its damn hard, Imade a small cut the day bfore yesterday, but yesterday when i felt like cutting i started kicking my chair, it hurt like hell(actually bruised my foot) but it helped, i didnt cut, so the next time i get an urge im gonna kick my poor chair again, maybe something that could work for you too? Quote http://www.sucksbbs.net/data/MetaMirrorCache/1f3f1672c41a196591ae77f9d8e11a0a.jpg This one world vision Turns us in to compromise What good's religion When it's each other we despise Damn the government Damn their killing Damn their lies Placebo-Sleeping With Ghosts
Heart_LP Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 it´s great Marizka that you are trying! and pc_88 I think you shoudl give it a try! cause you think it comforts you but actually you are the one comforting yourself...when you vut you think ohww everything will feel better but you as you´re so sure of it..you trick yourslef...damn I´m not so good at explaining..well I read about this ni one science book actually and that helped me alot! Quote ♀ fighter ♀
Penguinscanfly_88 Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 I Am trying my hardest not to cut but its hard when you live in this house. I hate it more than I have ever hated anything. I am practically under house arrest the only place I can go is to church I don't like it there either. I will try that kicking the chair thing thanx Marizka for the advice. Quote To whom this may concern.... Mine death was immient, You lead me there with thy staff For thine purpose You suffocated me to the end, You smothered me with hate Now I am gone and free from you http://www.myspace.com/lovinulovinme2
twilightcrimson7 Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 it´s great Marizka that you are trying! and pc_88 I think you shoudl give it a try! cause you think it comforts you but actually you are the one comforting yourself...when you vut you think ohww everything will feel better but you as you´re so sure of it..you trick yourslef...damn I´m not so good at explaining..well I read about this ni one science book actually and that helped me alot! Yea, you are right. I try to think about things like that when i get an urge. I really want to get into psychology one of these days Quote http://www.sucksbbs.net/data/MetaMirrorCache/caa111db447cb1d28d713cebad979c8d.png ...:away and onward:...
Marizka Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 I Am trying my hardest not to cut but its hard when you live in this house. I hate it more than I have ever hated anything. I am practically under house arrest the only place I can go is to church I don't like it there either. I will try that kicking the chair thing thanx Marizka for the advice. ur welcome, i havent cut since monday, and i have a blue foot but i dont really care, main reason i cut is my home situation too, its like hell here, i hate it. when other ppl are home i usually sit in my room avoiding them. what heart_lp said about tricking urself i think is true, you somehow try to repleace the pain or something, make it go away, but its still there, idk its hard to explain. Quote http://www.sucksbbs.net/data/MetaMirrorCache/1f3f1672c41a196591ae77f9d8e11a0a.jpg This one world vision Turns us in to compromise What good's religion When it's each other we despise Damn the government Damn their killing Damn their lies Placebo-Sleeping With Ghosts
Heart_LP Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 it´s really great that you both are trying! I understand what you mean Marizka..that is the thing I´m trying to tell but I agree the pain still is inside and kinda never fades away like a non healing bruise. but atleast it better then the open cuts. Quote ♀ fighter ♀
thehermit Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 blessed be x i understand that the pain inside can rip you apart, i understand the need to justify those feelings by inflicting wounds apon ourselves, but dont you feel that by creating these wounds we are only easing the physical pain while the torment inside still rages on within our souls? it may be a quick fix, but do you really want to spend the rest of your lives running from a torment you cant escape? or do we face it head on and confront whats locked deep inside? i know the choice i made and i hope this gave you something to think about. blessed be x the hermit Quote
lpp Posted May 12, 2005 Author Posted May 12, 2005 i understand that the pain inside can rip you apart, i understand the need to justify those feelings by inflicting wounds apon ourselves, but dont you feel that by creating these wounds we are only easing the physical pain while the torment inside still rages on within our souls? it may be a quick fix, but do you really want to spend the rest of your lives running from a torment you cant escape? or do we face it head on and confront whats locked deep inside? i know the choice i made and i hope this gave you something to think about. blessed be x the hermit wow do you speak from expirence? Quote
Penguinscanfly_88 Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Sooo......its day 2 for me again. My aunt has been a bitch again and I want to cut the kicking the chair didn't work. I dunno what to do. I am practically like restraining myself from touching a knife right now but I dunno how much longer it will last. But it is giving me inspiration for my writings. So that is kinda good I guess. Quote To whom this may concern.... Mine death was immient, You lead me there with thy staff For thine purpose You suffocated me to the end, You smothered me with hate Now I am gone and free from you http://www.myspace.com/lovinulovinme2
Silver_Wolf Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Sooo......its day 2 for me again. My aunt has been a bitch again and I want to cut the kicking the chair didn't work. I dunno what to do. I am practically like restraining myself from touching a knife right now but I dunno how much longer it will last. But it is giving me inspiration for my writings. So that is kinda good I guess. Yes it is funny how anger and rage helps you come up with inspired writing. It happens with me, I get really made and I come up with great poetry or drawings. So ironic, the person I hate helps me produce good poems and drawings >< Quote [broken External Image]:http://www.geocities.com/tsoi_26/db_avatar.jpg Love isn’t about finding a perfect person, its about seeing an imperfect person perfectly. dragon boating, volleyball, and music is life
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