the cutting thread

[Penguinscanfly_88]

Yes it is funny how anger and rage helps you come up with inspired writing. It happens with me' date=' I get really made and I come up with great poetry or drawings. So ironic, the person I hate helps me produce good poems and drawings ><[/quote']

 

 

Yeah it is. So day three I wanted to cut this morning went to get my knife and I saw that one of my birds died this morning like right after I woke up so I didn't cut cuz I had to bury a bird.

[Katey]

Here's what I got to say:

 

I wouldn't really consider myself a cutter, because I don't cut constantly or anything. In fact, I've never cut myself before untill now... but I have snapped my wrist with a rubber band 40 times and then put nail polish remover on the welts, and that hurt. But the first time I actually cut was last night when I cut myslef twice on the wrist with a piece of broken mirror...not deep but they did bleed, and then I just went to bed and cried, but I after that I felt soo much better. I'm not scared that I'm gonna cut worse or anything, because I'm pretty sure I'm in control of this. It's not that bad and they aren't deep cuts so I'm not worried, and I just use a bunch of bracelets to cover the cuts....I'm not really sure if I'm going to cut again or not. I mean, I really don't want to cut. I DEFINETLY don't want to be a cutter, but I DO want to get rid of the pain...I'm pretty much okay now so I hope I wont have to cut again....

 

Good luck to everybody :-)

<3<3<3<3

[Penguinscanfly_88]

Sooo after 8 days I cut again yesterday I am sorry to those I have let down. My parents and of course my aunt say I am a let down though so.......... But I dunno I have to go to church again tonight last week no one would talk to me so I am really not looking forward to it tonight.

[Hybrid-Heart]

i thought i should visit this tread because.. i also cut myself..

and i did it again today..

it seems like i can't do anything right,,

[Katey]

i thought i should visit this tread because.. i also cut myself..

and i did it again today..

it seems like i can't do anything right,,

 

I'm sorry about that..but yeah I cut last night, too, twice and it wasn't that bad again, but oh well

 

much luck :-)

[Penguinscanfly_88]

Well my mom found out about my cutting and now they are watching me and crap I am soo mad my sister got online and read my posts on another site and she told my mom she knew I had been cutting before( my sister) but didn't say anything but I went to church last night and I went to my brother (the youth pastor) and told him so he sent my family home so she had to tell my mom before Daniel did so she could get credit for it and now my sister says she hates me. So I am just winging it now. My brother wants me over to dinner tonight sooo I am going over there at 6. Sorry this is long again but.........yeah you know.

[Katey]

Well my mom found out about my cutting and now they are watching me and crap I am soo mad my sister got online and read my posts on another site and she told my mom she knew I had been cutting before( my sister) but didn't say anything but I went to church last night and I went to my brother (the youth pastor) and told him so he sent my family home so she had to tell my mom before Daniel did so she could get credit for it and now my sister says she hates me. So I am just winging it now. My brother wants me over to dinner tonight sooo I am going over there at 6. Sorry this is long again but.........yeah you know.

 

That sux...I really feel for you ......

 

It must suck having your parents find out; I know that if my parents found out I was cutting they'd be very dissapointed and try to be involved and get into my buisness and bleh, I just hate thinking about it.

[Hybrid-Heart]

I'm sorry about that..but yeah I cut last night, too, twice and it wasn't that bad again, but oh well

 

much luck :-)

 

thnx.. i feel a little better now..

my friends helped me out..

[Heart_LP]

man, I ahte this so much. From yesterday I´ve been like shit. I couldn´t sleep the whole night but just lesiened to LP all night.

I so wanna cut myself and if I would have anything of my sharp things left, I would but right now I feel like just cutting myself by anything

[Aislin]

sorry about the cutting hybi

 

I don't cut myself,, but sometimes I think when I've problems:

It's such an easy way to escape from all your problems for a little while.

So why shouldn't I do it

 

But from the other site the ones who do..don't want to do it anymore

 

Just like know I think don't do that but in situations where I just can't think clear I start to hestitate

 

really confusing

[Hybrid-Heart]

Lin don't start cutting.. really.. don't

once you start you can't stop..

and i think the best way is just to talk about it..

well i know i do it to.. but i wish i didn't do it.

but yeah..

[Heart_LP]

yeah same as Hybi said and I know what you mean lin. It´s the same thing for me but I try not to.

As I said I dont have anything to cut myslef with..I threw it all away..so I cant do it anymore even if I want to.

[Aislin]

i don't want to start it, but there also many ppl who don't feel bad a few days after cutting themselves but yeah who am i

[Heart_LP]

that´s not true...after you cut yourself, you feel guilty cause you cut yourself and then ppl asking you about the cut marks isn´t so much fun either. It willl always stay and thinking of that doesn´t make you feel better either...

so cutting does not help at all.

[Aislin]

doesn't that variet by person?

[Heart_LP]

most of them feel like that..trust me.

[Marizka]

yeah, i know i do, i hate the part of me that wants to cut. I was doing very well for a week, not one cut, but monday i started again, i really hate it.

Aislin: plz dont start, its very easy to start but its is so much harder to stop.

H_H: your friends know about it???? to me those are the ppl(and my parents) i try to hide it.

I always wear wristbands to cover them, but with p.e. or something i cant wear them and then its hard to hide them.

If my parents would find out, they'd probably freak, sent me to a doctor or something..

pcf_88: im sorry the way things went, i hope itll be ok soon.

[Penguinscanfly_88]

That sux...I really feel for you ......

 

It must suck having your parents find out; I know that if my parents found out I was cutting they'd be very dissapointed and try to be involved and get into my buisness and bleh, I just hate thinking about it.

 

 

Yeah it sucks and they are all in my business now I hate it I hate this place I wantto die to get out just something I NEED out! They are dissappointed in me and want to know what caused it and all this crap. I can't stand it

[Katey]

that´s not true...after you cut yourself, you feel guilty cause you cut yourself and then ppl asking you about the cut marks isn´t so much fun either. It willl always stay and thinking of that doesn´t make you feel better either...

so cutting does not help at all.

 

I know...I hate having to hide the cuts....when people like wanna look at all the bracelets I have on. I pull away really quicky and get all insecure...I know my friends would be really dissapointed in me if they found out, because they think I'm like this happy-go lucky person all the time, but that's only an act. It's gay, really. I really HATE doing this to myself and having to hide the cuts all the time, but it WORKS, so I don't really wanna stop!! I mean, I just wanna rip the bracelets off sometimes and let my wrist breathe but I know I can't........but yeah as of today I'm gonna try very hard to stop. I hate the feeling of being "a cutter" so I'm just gonna drop it before it gets too bad, I mean right now I only have 7 on my right arm. I wanta put some on my left arm too, because sometimes I feel I need new flesh to work with, but I'm limiting myself now.....

 

Must, go

 

much love and good luck to y'all <3 katey*

[Hybrid-Heart]

yeah, i know i do, i hate the part of me that wants to cut. I was doing very well for a week, not one cut, but monday i started again, i really hate it.

Aislin: plz dont start, its very easy to start but its is so much harder to stop.

H_H: your friends know about it???? to me those are the ppl(and my parents) i try to hide it.

I always wear wristbands to cover them, but with p.e. or something i cant wear them and then its hard to hide them.

If my parents would find out, they'd probably freak, sent me to a doctor or something..

pcf_88: im sorry the way things went, i hope itll be ok soon.

 

with H_H you mean me?

ehm yeah i didn't wanted my friends to know.. and my parent don't know about it either.. but one time i felt so bad that i though i had to tell it someone..

and i thought i could trust Manoe *Aislin* and so i told her..

she understood it.. and i really appriciate that..

i always wear bracelets and stuff.. to hide the scars.. but one time my other friend nienke saw my scars.. and she was like: Do you cut?!

i was like.. oh shit..

but no one else but my friends know about it..

 

last night my bro saw my scars.. he was like: eey you have cuts on your wrist..

i was like: eh eh yeah.. a cat scratched me..

and he was like: owhh.. the cat from Mir?

i was like eh yeah..

he almost found out .. i'm so relieved that he didn't..

[shahfire]

a cat scratched me?? whoa...great reason. lol.

[Hybrid-Heart]

yeah.. i was really lucky that he belived that..

[Marizka]

with H_H you mean me?

 

 

yeah i meant you

Ive thought once about telling my best friend Amanda, but then i realised she hates blood, and once with biology we had to research our bloodtype and had to use a needle and she couldnt do it, so i realised it might be very hard for her to understand, so i didnt tell her. I guess it would be better someone around me would know, it might even help, but i cant do it. My other friend Jantine might suspect something, shes looking at my arms all the time with p.e. and body combat, it makes me feel very uncomfortable and insecure.

I guess ive said a lot of times a cat scratched me, maybe too many.

My brothers have seen the cuts, but they are younger and dont understand.

Something i wanted to ask to you all: it is controlled pain right? because i thought about it and thats really what it is, weird how that can be so addicting.

[Heart_LP]

I know...I hate having to hide the cuts....when people like wanna look at all the bracelets I have on. I pull away really quicky and get all insecure...I know my friends would be really dissapointed in me if they found out, because they think I'm like this happy-go lucky person all the time, but that's only an act. It's gay, really. I really HATE doing this to myself and having to hide the cuts all the time, but it WORKS, so I don't really wanna stop!! I mean, I just wanna rip the bracelets off sometimes and let my wrist breathe but I know I can't........but yeah as of today I'm gonna try very hard to stop. I hate the feeling of being "a cutter" so I'm just gonna drop it before it gets too bad, I mean right now I only have 7 on my right arm. I wanta put some on my left arm too, because sometimes I feel I need new flesh to work with, but I'm limiting myself now.....

 

Must, go

 

much love and good luck to y'all <3 katey*

 

do you mean it works cutting yourself? like it makes you better?

I´m not so sure about that.

Lemme give one example that has happened.

There were 2 guys that were alcoholic and doctors experimented if alcohol really makes them feel better. So the doc gave real alcohol to one of them and water juice to another. well they both drank it and the one who had juice got drunk too. Juice....drunk,. that is not possible! it´s the same with cutting. You think it makes you feel better cause you are so sure about it, so the same I was. but it´s not true. It´s all just a hallucination.

Isn´t taht weird? but it´s still true so I found out that cutting was really not the answers to my problems and that´s the way it so to everyone too.

I know exactly what you mean with the braceltes. I used topull my arm back but I dont anymore cause I´m not so ashamed it anymore...things happen and well this happened too so if someone asks me about my cuts, I just give them the same old "aggresive cat" history.

but good luck and remember, dont stop trying to quit! :thumbsup:

[Katey]

Thanks, I reall am gonna try to stop now, this is just pathetic.