JammerG's Jornal

[Hybrid-Heart]

hey Jammer

since you stopped by in my journal.. i though i should return the favor..

if you don't mind

 

well i read your journal.. but i don't really get it..

are your husband and you divorced? i'm sorry to ask..

[JammerG]

hey Jammer

since you stopped by in my journal.. i though i should return the favor..

if you don't mind

 

well i read your journal.. but i don't really get it..

are your husband and you divorced? i'm sorry to ask..

 

hehehe, freaky huh?

 

We are separated.. he said that I needed my head read because I joined LPU and am a Linkin Park fan (at my age - Whoopdy Fucking Doo!!) I decided that i would get my head read, and that I would sort out my life... I am doing that now... Have put up with his shit for too many years... Freaky honey...

 

If ever I could give anyone advice it is this. NEVER ever be scared to say NO!

Ever!!! I wouldn't be where I am today if I had said no straight to his face many years ago.

 

A guy asks you to go out with him, and you think poor guy why not... DON'T!!! You aren't doing it out of love you are doing it our of pity... Don't be afraid to say no!!! Saying no makes you stronger and will help you when you are older. if something doesn't sit right then say so. Dont let shit build up...

 

Anyway I hope you aren't too freaked out about it...

 

Take Care of yourselfs'

[Hybrid-Heart]

okay i get it now

sorry to say this but: who is he to decide what you have to do..

well anyway.. i hope you're doing fine now

 

and thnx for the advice

[JammerG]

Anytime babe, take care...

 

Jammer sits at her workstation wondering where Ravynlee is

[Ravynlee]

Anytime babe, take care...

 

Jammer sits at her workstation wondering where Ravynlee is

I'm here... check my journal... U wanted your hallmark, rite? Sorry, been chattin with Wak all morning, she's not long left... hehehe

[JammerG]

I'm here... check my journal... U wanted your hallmark' date=' rite? Sorry, been chattin with Wak all morning, she's not long left... hehehe[/quote']

 

 

Kewl... Yeah want hallmark and if you feel up to it can you put the piercing stuff into a word document. I can't open the page on uni comps...

 

thanks lovee... checking your journal now send stuff to Yahoo

[Ravynlee]

Ok, gimmie 5 mins... am doing it all now for ya

[woodyloveslinkin]

wheres chocolate? i need it.

[JammerG]

Ok' date=' gimmie 5 mins... am doing it all now for ya[/quote']

 

Tahnks honey am puting you in my SuperStar club... BTW did you read my post in my journal last night... Please read... will catch the 4pm bus home today... see you around 4.30 - 5... jamie wants to pick us up and take us to his place for coffe later if you are interested, misses you too...

[Ravynlee]

That's okay. And yeah 2 catchin up with Cleo_Sparkles, isn't it? Hehehe. Will read post soon. Not long been on... and chattin wiff Woody havin' probs, poor lass. *sobs 4 Woody* Okay, cool, will see you then. Hope yall have a good arvo, see ya tonite.

[Ravynlee]

wheres chocolate? i need it.

I have chocolate... *shoves packet of mint slice bickies through A drive of computer* Hope you get that. Nothin picks a chick up like chocolate... well, if they're anythin like me that is *grins*

[twilightcrimson7]

hey!!!! ^_^ how are you jammer!!? missed yas, hope you're doing good, well, take care for now!

[Hybrid-Heart]

heey jammer

i stopped by just to say hi..

well.... HI

how are you doing?

[Friðbjörn]

Hey everyone am awake and posting so be careful coz I am on the prowl, Am posting a heap of new poetry that I have written early hours of Tuesday morning since I made the decision which will in effect change my life for the next eleven years.

 

News Flash News Flash News Flash

 

After what happened on Monday I had to work out what I thought would be best for me and best for my children and for their father. I believe he can care for them. Give them the love and understanding that they need. I love them but the situation I was being pulled into by my husband (wanting me to move back in the day they moved) is not why I came to Toowoomba.

 

When I first walked out I had grand plans of fighting for joint custody of the children so I could see them regularly, so I could give them all that I was able to. As well as work, continue my studies (so I get a better job than just cooking), do the things I have been wanting to do for so long, I wanted to sort out what I really want in my relationship with my husband.

 

I decided it Monday afternoon (Read the Monday post) and had sleepless nights thinking that only I could make the decision no one else could do it. So now this is what I have decided:

 

1. I am giving my husband full custody of the children to my husband until they turn 16. Until that time I will support them financially in anyway I possibly can.

 

WTF: The Psychological trauma we were all put through as individuals from my husband's antics on Monday cemented this decision (Read Monday's Post) I don't want to have them coming to me at my place and saying Daddy lets us do this or daddy got us that, or that's not fair Dad would let me go here by myself etc. I could not handle the trauma of seeing him after I saw such hatred in his eyes on Monday when I arrived. I could not handle the trauma of him ringing me up after the kids got home and making a big deal out of petty shit.

 

I don't ask for his anger, I went their positve and happy to see them all, including my husband but I was feeling intimidated and scared by the time I left.

 

2. At the age of 16 they can legally make up their mind where they want to live and what kind of life they wish to have.

 

At that age I no longer pay maitenance and neither will their father. If he hasn't fucked their brains completely by then they should be ok young adults. But the only way I would have my children now was if I was awarded full and total custody. We all know that would be virtually impossilbe, him being Mr Psychologist and all.

 

3, The only way I am ever going to get anywhere is to work and study really hard.

 

For that I can't be worried about other things happening. (albeit, if there was severe illness, accident etc, I would face him then and only then, just to be there for my child).

 

4. I now have independence and I don't have to answer to anybody bar myself!!!

So, that is what has been happening in my neck of the woods...

 

Oh I got psychiatrically Evaluated today, and I am proud to say I am normal!!!

 

My Psychiatrist is going to give me a certificate of sanity and stability... Just to show the courts that I am not the wacko that my husband paints me.

 

So JammerG is just your everyday human being... Who likes Linkin Park...

Pretty damn unique if you ask me...

Oh and a little more news... I had my last councelling session with my psychologist yesterday. He doesn't believe I need councelling any more...

 

So guys take care and be good to your good bad selves...

 

Hey Ravyn, Thanks you so much for your support and for being so nuetral through all that has been happening. Am crying coz I disappointed you and started smoking again. Sorry honey. bit of a loser after all I guess

 

Love you Jammer.

I wanted to say something, but I'm speechless.

[Ravynlee]

*Big Bearhugs for my Jam-Jam*

 

Hey honey, You aren't a disappointment as a person, but your lack of self esteem and self-worth is a disappointment. The act is bad, not the person, get what I'm tryin to say? I know it's been a hard slog, and frankly, we both know it's still only really early days, esp. if your ex decides (and frankly, he's probably inclined to for the sheer will of being able to do so) to stir as much shit for you as he can. He doesn't want u to be happy, he just wants u and he wants control and he wants everything back to the way it used to be, we know this. The fact you've started taking on his guilt again is a concern, and I've heard u mention the guilt thing several times in as many days, which leads me to believe you're not as 'over it' as your councellor seems to think you were. Maybe that's where this relapse into past bad habits has led you, ultimately, huh?? It kinda seems like a step back... but it doesn't have to push you back further. You have enough on your plate without making more problems for yourself in the guilt department. Deal with one issue at a time. You are 'sane' now *chuckles enviously* that's one hurdle over. Lets look to the next one, don't focus on the hurdle you've tripped on... (She's full of wild euphamisms tonight, huh boys and girls?? *cocks brow like Rob*)

 

As for the rest of it... I think the kids can be 12 years when the courts take their opinions into consideration, not 16. It may all change long before they're that age, though, so god only knows I suppose. The fact you're getting your life on track is great, but stop looking so-so-sooo far ahead. I kinda agree its a good thing, afterall, he told u basically you couldn't take the kids, and now he's actually discovered its not as easy as he thought he wants to relinquish responsibility back and forth at his own crazy whims. The kids will end up being ushered back and forth because he can't make up his mind what he wants and he's STILL trying to dictate to you despite the fact you aren't even together or in the same house anymore... He's got issues he needs to deal with on his own, and frankly, this may sound cold, but he made this bed for himself with threatening you not to take the kids so he should lie in it a while and get a taste of what you've been through over the last 11 years... He's such a devoted dad? Let him prove it... I could almost gaurantee (sp?) that before long the kids will get in the way of his lifestyle again and he'll all but hand them back... Time will tell on that score I guess.

 

And as much as I know you're afraid of the worst-case-scenario, but you know the odds are greater he'd do it to you before he did it to them... (You know what I'm referring to). Don't walk back blindfolded. Have faith that things will work themselves out in the end. They kinda have to. In the optimistic view, you've already been to hell, now you're coming back after an 11 year Sabatical there (personally, I'd rather go somewhere a little more picturesque... Ireland, maybe, America, for sure, but only if it is lurking outside Rob's bedroom window *evil smirk*) so things kinda can't get much worse than the had been like 2 months ago. If they do... well... *shrugs* What can we do? How do you stop a bullet let alone 3? Short answer, in all reality is, we can't, and I never wanna have to find out. We'll deal with that if it ever happens. Frankly, we've gotta stop thinking about that and start looking at the positives. After nearly 6 weeks you can do, think, dress, meet, stay out and say what you please without the tyrannical dictatorship of your (ex-)husband questioning, negating, and undermining everything you do. That's many positives right there. So looking at it like this... smoking is not really a biggie, at least not now. Sure, I'm upset at your regression, but I worry that the longer you divulge that crutch the harder itll be to get off yet again (and I've been around a few years and seen you struggle time and again with this addiction, let's face it, time and you're own feelings of guilt and inadiquacy are your own worst enemies right about now, and they don't need a helping hand to bring you down, right???)

 

Jammersin, I'll always love you, you are my best friend, and you are the closest thing I have to a sister, and on top of all that you are a special, unique and individual person in your own right. It shouldn't bother you what I think, you know for all my tough talk I'd never turn my back on you (except with the abandonment issue, that's my biggie) you're my muse, my homes, and I'm here for you as long as you need me... even if you do reek of cigarette smoke now and I don't wanna hug you when you smell worse than Chicken Fricasee BO from it... *smirks*

 

Well... take care. Talk to you when you wake up (if I let ever you back near computer with my furious downloading rampage taking place over at The Linkin Park Times!!! Frickin Fantastic!!!) Take care sista-girl, remember, Rave's got your back (well, if she were a few inches taller maybe it'd be a physical possibility, but *meh* you get the sentiment, huh?) Sweet dreams. Go ride a horse with BBB, cheer yourself up, like *BWG*

-Rav

[stupidsoul1]

*hugs* i am sorry to hear about that, you must realise it is for the best though...

*gives a pie and a really big hug*

[JammerG]

Hey Gods and Goddesses of Linkin Park Forums... Those who associate With the JammerG (Jammersin, Jeanne, Dyshaquia, Myrridgyn, Dusty, Goddess: Just my names and nicknames) Thanks for all of your support...

 

That means: Ravyn Lee (Ms), Viking, Twilight, Stupid Soul, Woody, Hybrid Heart, Misery and others too many to name. You guys are like a fortress of Support and help.

 

Never should any of you feel low or angry with yourselves. Just believe and you can achieve (fuck it I rhymed again!!!) Time to write some more poetry again I am thinking... Jammer s******s: Ravyn will never get the fanfic I am writing for her at this rate too many distractions...

 

I just want to say I am proud to have you guys as FRIENDS. And Thanks The poems in my journal this week are dedicated to friends, no matter where or who they are... As a little plaque that hangs on the fridge wall says "Friends are the Family we choose for ourselves."

 

Ravyn seems so much older and wiser. Though shit she is 8 years younger than I. If ever something happens and we all end up meeting. Man you will be utterly amazed by her, dazed by her, Hmmm here I go again...

 

Ravyn is a being of high potent love and full of grace and never would willingly go out to hurt anyone. Anamazing artist (Believe me even though she hides her head blushing) She is Neat!!! Unique, and absolutely my bestest friend in the world. I love her like a younger sister... hehehe. It's All Good!!

 

So yeah just my little bit for those who care, Just letting you know you are appreciated. I salute you.

 

Hey Ravyn Thanks Sister Girl. Just letting you know I am watching your six too... We know he is a vandictive bastard. So back to back we look around wondering what I ever found ---- That is it going to go write some poetry and get all these words out of my head bye!!!

[woodyloveslinkin]

thanks for talking to me on msn about certain someone on ravyns account.

[JammerG]

thanks for talking to me on msn about certain someone on ravyns account.

 

Anytime honey... Thank you

[woodyloveslinkin]

**gets u and ravyn and gives u a bug hug***

ok now im suffocationg u.

lets go.

[stupidsoul1]

thank you for the mention

 

im glad you are happier now =)

[Hybrid-Heart]

goddesses? lol thnx

well you call us goddesses and gods.. but you're a goddess of LPF yourself Jammer :thumbsup: lol

 

well hope you have a fine weekend

ttyl.. byeby!

[Heart_LP]

Hey JammerG

long time no talk so well how are you?

I hoep you are doing ok.

ttyl

*hugs*

[Friðbjörn]

Hey Gods and Goddesses of Linkin Park Forums... Those who associate With the JammerG (Jammersin, Jeanne, Dyshaquia, Myrridgyn, Dusty, Goddess: Just my names and nicknames) Thanks for all of your support...

 

That means: Ravyn Lee (Ms), Viking, Twilight, Stupid Soul, Woody, Hybrid Heart, Misery and others too many to name. You guys are like a fortress of Support and help.

 

Never should any of you feel low or angry with yourselves. Just believe and you can achieve (fuck it I rhymed again!!!) Time to write some more poetry again I am thinking... Jammer s******s: Ravyn will never get the fanfic I am writing for her at this rate too many distractions...

 

I just want to say I am proud to have you guys as FRIENDS. And Thanks The poems in my journal this week are dedicated to friends, no matter where or who they are... As a little plaque that hangs on the fridge wall says "Friends are the Family we choose for ourselves."

 

Ravyn seems so much older and wiser. Though shit she is 8 years younger than I. If ever something happens and we all end up meeting. Man you will be utterly amazed by her, dazed by her, Hmmm here I go again...

 

Ravyn is a being of high potent love and full of grace and never would willingly go out to hurt anyone. Anamazing artist (Believe me even though she hides her head blushing) She is Neat!!! Unique, and absolutely my bestest friend in the world. I love her like a younger sister... hehehe. It's All Good!!

 

So yeah just my little bit for those who care, Just letting you know you are appreciated. I salute you.

 

Hey Ravyn Thanks Sister Girl. Just letting you know I am watching your six too... We know he is a vandictive bastard. So back to back we look around wondering what I ever found ---- That is it going to go write some poetry and get all these words out of my head bye!!!

That's what friends are for

And good rhyme BTW :thumbsup:

[JammerG]

Hey Everyone in forums... I am changing my Allegiance...

 

Ohhhhh...

 

Soon you will see a new sig. It is time to say good bye to Mr Hahn and to introduce finally the most prestigeous band member...

 

Drumroll Mr Ravyn Lee (I think you all know who I mean)

 

Mr Bradford Delson.

 

What The!!!? you ask me. Well let me explain...

 

You all know Ravyn and I share a place together. To Homey's hanging out together. Well we watch alot of what we like to call our Linkin Park vision. We will watch or just leave running one of the many DVD's we have of Linkin Park and listen to the music and have a laugh. Well one day I sat down to watch and I saw something that threw me for a loop. I rewound and replayed and rewound and replayed and so forth. I saw the biggest part of Big Bad Brad. Do you wnder why they call him big... I will leave it up to your imagination...

 

Anyway after falling for his obvious charms, I really started to listen to his guitar work and realised this one major point.

 

If you took Brad and his guitar out of Linkin Park, There wouldn't be much sound. Think about it. How hollow would Points of Authority, Easier to Run, Numb just to name a few, sound without him and his axe.

 

Freaky huh???

 

So yeah, you could say that I am now a BBB fan majorly... and just to prove it I have written an ODE to Big Bad BRAD...

 

Hey, all you fans in LP land

Know Brad's the guitar king.

Take away the sound that's Brad

And you haven't got a thing.

 

Don't be down on Jammer G

She isn't being savage.

Jammer was just blown away

When in a clip she saw his package

 

So all you funky LP fans,

Look behind the great guitar.

Look at the Big Bad Brad,

Coz People He's the star...

 

I wrote that in under 15 minutes around 1.30 this morning...

 

Anyway going to do some more writing I hope you are all having fun...

Thank you all for your comments, YOU'RE ETERNALS EVERYONE!!!

 

Take Care Y'all