[Hybrid Heart's Journal]

[Friðbjörn]

lmao well it´s al goood for the girls

That's true

[Hybrid-Heart]

FINALLY! i can get on LPF,,

something was wrong.. or is still wrong with the forums..

anyway i'll update my journal quick..

 

lol Sammi and Becks.. SPO is all kinds of performances in one.. lol

like this really long theatre thing.. ehm with bands and cabaret.. and stuff

 

well vero i think you already heard about my lecturing thing,, i blew it..

but hey thnx anyway =)

and also thnx to you Twi

 

yeah good for the girl then lol..Fribby i don't think that you want to dream about them.. yeah only if you meet them,, or something lol

 

i don't go crazy when i dream about mike or chaz..'well maybe a little..

nice to see you shahfire =)

 

ow and i'll upload some pics of SPO

it was great.. specially Slashback ^^.. they're the best..

only there where these pink light that made them look gay lol

Jroen *vocals* didn't noticed the lights though lol

 

okay update: 19 May *is now official the worst day of my life*

Mood: depressive.. angry,, furious. and many more

today was hell day.. i'll skip the normal part of the day and will go straight on to the worst part..

well last class we had Dutch,.. and i had to do my lecturing engagement, *i think i told you that before* well.. i was soooo nervous..

when i began it already went wrong.. i started wrong and i got confused

well when i got the right line i started..

then my teacher interrupted me.. she told me to slow down.. *i talked to fast*

well i did.. then she asked me to stop and explain what i just said..

well i did that.. but i got so nervous of her... then i started to stutter real bad..

so i had to look on my papers before me.. to look what i had to tell next..

then that bitch told me to put that away..

i was like: NO WAY! i can't do it without it!

but she kept saying that i had to put it away,, i did that.. but i couldn''t get on because i didn't know what to tell about..

so i said that i couldn;t do it.. i was really angry at that moment

then she said that i could get my papers again..

so i went on.. and i got really nervous.. because she had interrupted me

but lateron i wasn;t that nervous anymore.. and i thought that the last part went pretty well..

after the lesson i had to go to my teacher.. she said that it was really bad..

i read to much in stead of speak.. and talked to dull..

i was like wtf! i got a 5 ...

i was so angry/sad/furious at the same time..

when i got home i couldn't stand it any longer and i burst out in tears..

my dad was worried about me..

i got upstairs and locked myself up in the badroom..

i cried and listend to LP music.. *i'm really emotinal.. that's why i cried*

and my teacher just said that it was crap.. and she only said negative things..

no positive things at all.. so i thought it was my fault..

and then i did something i wish i didn't do..

i cutted myself... i couldn't help myself..

i hate my teacher right now.. i'm feeling better now..

cause i went skating with my friends.. but i'm still angry about her,,

and also on myself.. because i blew it..

 

so i'm not at a to good mood at the moment..

well.. thnx you guys for reading this crap..

take care *hugs*

[twilightcrimson7]

aww..Maud *BIG hug* I'm SO sorry for what happened. I can't even imagine, but I know I get really emotional when I screw something up..and I know what it feels like to fail...we're all here for you Hybi... please don't cut yourself tho... I hope you're okay :(

love, Twi

[Friðbjörn]

yeah good for the girl then lol..Fribby i don't think that you want to dream about them.. yeah only if you meet them,, or something lol

 

okay update: 19 May *is now official the worst day of my life*

Mood: depressive.. angry,, furious. and many more

today was hell day.. i'll skip the normal part of the day and will go straight on to the worst part..

well last class we had Dutch,.. and i had to do my lecturing engagement, *i think i told you that before* well.. i was soooo nervous..

when i began it already went wrong.. i started wrong and i got confused

well when i got the right line i started..

then my teacher interrupted me.. she told me to slow down.. *i talked to fast*

well i did.. then she asked me to stop and explain what i just said..

well i did that.. but i got so nervous of her... then i started to stutter real bad..

so i had to look on my papers before me.. to look what i had to tell next..

then that bitch told me to put that away..

i was like: NO WAY! i can't do it without it!

but she kept saying that i had to put it away,, i did that.. but i couldn''t get on because i didn't know what to tell about..

so i said that i couldn;t do it.. i was really angry at that moment

then she said that i could get my papers again..

so i went on.. and i got really nervous.. because she had interrupted me

but lateron i wasn;t that nervous anymore.. and i thought that the last part went pretty well..

after the lesson i had to go to my teacher.. she said that it was really bad..

i read to much in stead of speak.. and talked to dull..

i was like wtf! i got a 5 ...

i was so angry/sad/furious at the same time..

when i got home i couldn't stand it any longer and i burst out in tears..

my dad was worried about me..

i got upstairs and locked myself up in the badroom..

i cried and listend to LP music.. *i'm really emotinal.. that's why i cried*

and my teacher just said that it was crap.. and she only said negative things..

no positive things at all.. so i thought it was my fault..

and then i did something i wish i didn't do..

i cutted myself... i couldn't help myself..

i hate my teacher right now.. i'm feeling better now..

cause i went skating with my friends.. but i'm still angry about her,,

and also on myself.. because i blew it..

 

so i'm not at a to good mood at the moment..

well.. thnx you guys for reading this crap..

take care *hugs*

Yeah Hybs, that's what I meant, I don't really want it. I don't want to have to doubt my sexuality. Nothing wrong with being gay, but something like that would mess up my system of things

 

It's good that you're feeling better than when I talked to you earlier.

Come on, I know it's hard, but don't cut Maud! It might lead to something worse! Your friends are here for you, and I'm glad you feel better after skating with your friends.

Take care.

[twilightcrimson7]

yes...I wish i could go skating with my friends ^^; I've had the yearning to lately!

well at least you're better now <3

[misery]

Wow, not alot of people had a good day today, lol. Stupid May 19th. Glad you're feeling a little better now, though.

See you later, hope everything goes well

[Hybrid-Heart]

Sis Twi: ahhw thnx *hugs back*

i was really pissed on her and myself..but now i'm only pissed on her lol

i'm also sorry that i cutted myself.. wasn't supposed to do that...

wanted to quit with it.. but thnx Twi that you stopped by

it helped me *hugs again*

ow and btw. you should try to skate.. it's fun ^^

 

Fribby: it was really dumb of me to cut myself.. but at that moment my mind just goes blank... thnx fribby for the support.. *hugs*

 

Matt: yeah May 19th is officialy hell day.. *sigh*

i feel much better.. also bcause of you guys supporting me

thnx *hugs*

 

*hug mood at the moment*

thnx guys you really helped me out

i feel much better now

[Heart_LP]

hey hon, I´m sry I couldn´t reply earlier but I talked to you and know what happened...

I´m so sry about it. *hugs* and I so hope that you feel better now.

Your teacher was/ is just a bitch then why listen to what she has to say..

she ruined, you didn´t so it´s not your fault.

man I suk at cheering ppl up so I´m sry.

*hugs*

[Friðbjörn]

Fribby: it was really dumb of me to cut myself.. but at that moment my mind just goes blank... thnx fribby for the support.. *hugs*

No problem Hybs, that's what friends are for

[Hybrid-Heart]

Sis Sammi: that doesn't matter hon

i'm glad that you're here..

you know i maybe have to do it over.. i can't do that,, i'll be just as nervous has before..

i think i have a lecturing engagement trauma.. 0.o

 

Fribby: thnx very very much

 

well updat about today:

 

......::::20th of May::::......

Mood: little better than yesterday *also thnx to you guys *

well today went well i guess.. i had this dutch test.. from that horrible teacher.

it went pretty well

then i went to my teacher to ask her about my lecturing engagement..

i ask if i really didn;t do anything good.. she said that the chapters and stuff were good.. but not the talking..

she also said that i could do it over.. but i can't do it over..

then i would be as nervous as i was before..

i could do it infront of 5 people.. but that would be the same..

i still don;t know..

wednesday she'll make an appointment with me.. but i'm still wondering..

 

i got my report today 0.o.. well it's pretty good ectually

ow and i got my english grade back.. i got a 8.9 ^^ yaaay!

 

well the rest of the day was as normal..

and lateron i'll go to the market.. and after that horse-riding ^^

 

well thnx for reading.. it wasn;t as long as usual lol

*hugs* take care

[Heart_LP]

I think you should do it over...and dont give a shit about the teacher.

it´s gppd that you are getting a new chance and I´m sure you wont make any mistakes this time. well you didn´t do that the last time either but you know what I mean.

btw congrats on your english grade! that´s awsome.

*hugs*

have fun and I hope you can ride on costello

ttyl

[Friðbjörn]

Good job with the English test Hybs :thumbsup:

[Ravynlee]

Don't blame you about the presentation in front of others thing. Man, public speaking is right up there on my list of greatest phobias, along with snakes, spiders, lightening, vegetables, politicians, clowns, my computer crashing, LP calling it quits/disbanding, Rob coming out of the closet *gasp*, nuclear war and daytime t.v.... *chuckles*

Seriously though, hope you are well and other than the hiccup at school, things are going well for you. Enjoy horse riding. It's probably about as close to freedom as we mere mortals get, oh that, and riding on a Harley! Yeah-baby!

Take care,

-Rav

[Friðbjörn]

Don't blame you about the presentation in front of others thing. Man, public speaking is right up there on my list of greatest phobias, along with snakes, spiders, lightening, vegetables, politicians, clowns, my computer crashing, LP calling it quits/disbanding, Rob coming out of the closet *gasp*, nuclear war and daytime t.v.... *chuckles*

Seriously though, hope you are well and other than the hiccup at school, things are going well for you. Enjoy horse riding. It's probably about as close to freedom as we mere mortals get, oh that, and riding on a Harley! Yeah-baby!

Take care,

-Rav

That's the way you spell hiccup? I've always kinda been wondering, on the side tho, of course

 

And geez Rav, that's a lot of phobias!

[misery]

Yea, public speaking blows. I'm getting more outgoing, and now that fear is going away.. still get a little nervous talking in front of big groups though. It's the same with alot of people, so don't sweat it

See you later!

[shahfire]

taling in front of pple is nerve-wrecking. i will know coz i debate, representing my school, but the nervousness(sp??) is going away little by little. so u can do it!!

"you can do anything u set your mind to man"-- eminem.

 

ps: chaz in yr sig looks a little like justin timberlake.

[Hybrid-Heart]

Sis: i don't know if i should do it over..

i mean what if i blow it again.. i mean then i would be more nervous for the next time i have to do a lecturing engagement..

but on the other hand.. if it goes well i won't be as nervous as i was before..

aaaargg! i can't decide!

and thnx.. and yeah horse-riding was fun.. but i didn't rode on costello this time..

 

Fribby: thnx firbby i was really happy with it =D

 

Rav: Public speaking is on top of my phobias list.. *sigh* why am i so god damn shy!?.. ah well.

Lmao Rob coming out of your closet? i thought you would like that lol

you really made me laugh Rav thnx.. i feel much better now =)

btw, clowns also scare me.. as a little child i saw the film 'It' and from that time i'm scared of clowns =_='

thnx for stopping by

 

Matt: i wish i could be a little more outgoing.. then i won't be nervous..

*sigh* but that is never going to happen..

thnx for stopping by =)

 

Shah: i hope you're right.. thnx..

chaz looks like Justin? AAAH! that can't be o.0'

 

 

update of yesterday afternoon/evening

......:::21 May:::......

Mood: Happy =)

well yesterday afternoon i went to the market with my friends

it was fun as usual =).. i got myself a slush and i bought some food for mikey..*hamster not real mike*

*cough* and i ate myself a pizza =) *little one*

so when i got home i didn't had much space left in my tummy..

and we were eating chips =_=... so i got a little sick lol

then nick came to pick me up.. for horse-riding ^^

Mnoe and I switched from horsies.. i went on Goa and Mnoe "supposed" to go on Costello but Ivon *instuctror* said that she wanted to go on costello no matter what.. so Mnoe went on Quinette..

we went riding out doors

in the woods yay =D.. but Goa was reallly quick o.0'

one time when we had to gallop she went REALLY fast.. so i almost ran into the but of nick's horse.. and Raisa *nick's horse* didn't liked that so she made a buckjump.. and goa almost started to prance 0.o'

then we went to the gallophill..and he galloped so fast o.0

i had to stand in the stirrup.. it was so much fun

Mnoe was jealous because she had never galloped on Goa on the gallophill before.. lol

after horse-riding we had some fun on the riding school..

when i got home i took a shower and watched the movie national treasure..

good movie =)

 

well that was yesterday..

today i have to clean the canteen againn..

and after that i'll go to the city to do some shopping with friends

and in the evening i'll go to nick to watch a movie lol

so my day is already full of things..

 

well thnx for reading

i g2g now.. take care *hugs*

[Friðbjörn]

update of yesterday afternoon/evening

......:::21 May:::......

Mood: Happy =)

well yesterday afternoon i went to the market with my friends

it was fun as usual =).. i got myself a slush and i bought some food for mikey..*hamster not real mike*

*cough* and i ate myself a pizza =) *little one*

so when i got home i didn't had much space left in my tummy..

and we were eating chips =_=... so i got a little sick lol

then nick came to pick me up.. for horse-riding ^^

Mnoe and I switched from horsies.. i went on Goa and Mnoe "supposed" to go on Costello but Ivon *instuctror* said that she wanted to go on costello no matter what.. so Mnoe went on Quinette..

we went riding out doors

in the woods yay =D.. but Goa was reallly quick o.0'

one time when we had to gallop she went REALLY fast.. so i almost ran into the but of nick's horse.. and Raisa *nick's horse* didn't liked that so she made a buckjump.. and goa almost started to prance 0.o'

then we went to the gallophill..and he galloped so fast o.0

i had to stand in the stirrup.. it was so much fun

Mnoe was jealous because she had never galloped on Goa on the gallophill before.. lol

after horse-riding we had some fun on the riding school..

when i got home i took a shower and watched the movie national treasure..

good movie =)

 

well that was yesterday..

today i have to clean the canteen againn..

and after that i'll go to the city to do some shopping with friends

and in the evening i'll go to nick to watch a movie lol

so my day is already full of things..

 

well thnx for reading

i g2g now.. take care *hugs*

I'm glad you're happy, Hybs

Don't know what to say, well, just a funny day lol

[Hybrid-Heart]

yeah it sure was..

well. i also thought about doing my lecturing blah blah over..

but i still don't know jet..

mheh,, i'll see

[Friðbjörn]

Well, if it makes you feel better I can almost promise you it'll go better next time :thumbsup:

[Hybrid-Heart]

my mom also says that lol..

well i think you're right.. i hope so..

 

i g2g now

i think i'm going to the city..do some shopping

getmy mind of things..

 

well take care

[Ravynlee]

Rav:

Lmao Rob coming out of your closet? i thought you would like that lol

Um... that's not exactly what I meant, but you're right, if he came out of my closet I'd definately enjoy that! *ROTFL* Of course, how he'd physically fit in there being so damn tall is a bit of a concern however... but hey, I'm sure I'd figure something out! *cackles evilly*

 

And as for clowns, yeah, I think that movie 'It' did it for me too. That and 'Gacy' (the John Wayne Gacy movie). In the 80's there was a great influx of B-grade horrors involving clowns so I was probably subliminally influenced. Plus, anything that tries that hard to be funny (painting on a happy face when generally, clowns aren't) can't be a good thing. Man *shudders* I still can't walk past those clown-faces games at the sideshow without freaking out! *laughs* Damn you Stephen King! ;D It's all good. A few more years of therapy and I'll be fine.

-Rav

[Hybrid-Heart]

lol.. yeah i'm sure you would figure something out to let rob fit in your closet..

he just has to fit lol

 

yeah It was so scary.. i hate that movie..

was so scary..

and yeah clowns try to hard.. i mean they are trying to be funny.

but they just arent.. they're scary with those to big shoes..red nose and to much lipstick =_='

mheh.. everyone his/her own thing to make a living

meh.. thnx for stopping by =)

 

little update of today...

...:::Saturday 21 May:::...

Mood: full of Joy and.. also happy,, and eh much more..

well this morning i woke up with the sun shining in my face..

hmmm sweet sun..

i heard that my mom and dad where already downstairs so i went downstairs too

ehm i ate something.. what was a sandwich with strawberries ^^ hmmmm

and sugar.. gotta love that ^^

well then i went online.. and after that off to 'work'

had to clean that damn canteen again.. which was dirty as hell =_=

the toilets were rather clean this time =_='

but the microwave 0.o"

EEEEEWW!! sorry sometimes i hate my 'job'

but there's also a bright side of my work.. and that's pay time ^^

this time i only got 6 euro's instaid of 8.. cause i got 10 last time..

ehm when i got home i changed my clothes..

then i ate a pizza ^^ ow and went online for a while..

then Jroen called me to ask me if i wanted to go to the city

to scroll a little through it.. so i went to the city with Jroen and Kim

and i bought me a cd ^^

from Spineshank .. the height of callousness.. it's an older cd of them

i love it ^^

mheh.. so now i'm home.. sitting behind this computer..listening to my new cd

and it rocks

 

so tonight i'm going to watch a movie together with Nick and Jroen and maybe Nienke..

so mheh.. i won't be online this evening

 

well i'll post the other half later,,

take care

[Heart_LP]

Hey sis!

I think you should do it again cause I´m sure that this time you´ll know how to do it and that´s why, will end up doing the lecture thing better lol

Trust me!

btw congrats on the new cd. I wanna buy new cds..hm...will do it in India

glad you´re happy...atleast someone is! well actually everyones is happy...almost anyways I´ll shut up now!

*whispers* have fun!

ttyl

*hugs*

[Hybrid-Heart]

i'm still wondering.. AAARGG i can't decide =_=

 

yeah i'm listening it right now and it rocks my socks

Spineshank is really good

 

what do you mean by almost everyone is happy?

aren't you??