Problems with english

[Vash_the_Stampede]

Don't worry about it, I don't mind helping a friend.

[4everLP_Shinoda]

Thanx again,I also consider u as my friend^^.

[o0SugaxNxSpice0o]

These are just my suggestions Vash:

 

Have you ever asked yourself if you could live without chocolate? I have, **** This next bit isn't really relevant to not living without chocolate. Maybe add something in between this part to link the seasons with the not living with chocolate together***because I think that summer is the season when the least amount of people eat it.

 

During the winter season, people tend to eat as much chocolate as they can, because it makes them feel good about themselves, even though they may feel guilty about eating it afterwards .

 

In my case, I would have to admit that I am a chocoholic, owing to the fact that when I was a child, I remember tasting chocolate for the first time and becoming addicted to it.

 

I´ll never forget the time I visited a chocolate factory called Fenoglio. The people who worked in there were constantly offering us chocolate and every time they did, I accepted. After eating all of the chocolates, I started to feel sick. My mother was angry with me because of what I did.

 

Although I´m a person who likes chocolate, I´m allergic to them, so I try to eat as little as possible. On the other hand, eating lots of chocolate is not a good thing because it is very high in fat and sugar, so the more chocolate you eat, the higher the possibilities ofacquiring heart diseases or other problems such as tooth decay and obesity.

 

In conclusion, although chocolate makes people feel good, it is my advice to eat as little as possible each day.

 

 

I'm not 100% sure that my corrections are correct, but I tried my best lol. I felt that you were repeating "because" a couple of times. And some of the commas were put in the wrong place. I refer to chocolate without an S but I'm not neccaserily sure it's true. E.g. Today, I ate a lot of chocolate! No s at the end. I don't know lol. I also got rid of some words that didn't seem neccessary and changed the tense for some of it. It seems a bit... What's the word I'm looking for...I don't know lol. Can't think right now. But maybe add a few more personal touches to it. It sounds a bit straight, like... I don't know lol. Give it a bit more feeling to it! Like you truely can't live without chocolate!

 

E.g. I remember the first time I had the pleasure of tasting the gorgeous, rich, creamy chunk of deliciously scented milk chocolate. It'll stay with me for the rest of my life.

 

Etc =) O.k. that was a bit over the top, but you get what I mean right lol? Just my suggestions. But then again you are limited to only 180 words so yeah. Hope I helped even the slightest =)

[4everLP_Shinoda]

Thanx o0SugaxNxSpice0o,now I will have 2 rewrite it again,probably u are right about repeating 2 many times the word because.

Thanx again.

[Vash_the_Stampede]

Good job, I agree with o0SugaxNxSpice0o, that look's much better.

[4everLP_Shinoda]

o0SugaxNxSpice0o and Vash thanx for the helping me both of u,I have already did my article about chocolates lol sorry for bugging both of u tho,btw SugarNxSpice thanx for the advice u gave me about the adiction of chocolates^^.

Once again,thanx 2 both of u:thumbsup:

[o0SugaxNxSpice0o]

Sorry. For some strange reason, I thought Vash posted the article and I thought it was his lmfao. It was 1am so that's why lol. Wasn't think straight at all =)

 

Well no problem Vero =) Always happy to help ^.^

[Klaudia]

hey, good work, you've helped 4everLP Shinoda a lot!

[o0SugaxNxSpice0o]

Thanks lol! I don't think I did much. I was happy to check over it.

[4everLP_Shinoda]

Thanx u guys!!I apreaciate the help^^.

[melunia]

well why do you sometimes say, like in movies for example they say it: 'you and I' and not 'you and me' ? is it the same and when you say what? (gosh, so stupid question,sry...^^)

[happy with my pain]

hähähähäähähähäää my homework:

 

I'd like to write about my friend Samuel.

 

We met 8 years ago on holiday at the Mediterranean.

Since this vacation we have been good friends. Samuel is 18 years old and has lived in Berlin for 6 years. Some people call him "ducky" because he walks like a duck and furthermore he is a big Donald Duck fan. He has another hobby, music. He likes indie rock and is in a small band which is called "Bluessucker".

Samuels appearance is slack and cool. He has got an oval face, big bright blue eyes and short, jet black hair. He nearly always wears jeans and a t-shirt which are too big for him, but it doesn't matter to him. He is comfortable with wearing big clothes and thats the main thing.

 

many people admire him because/due to his tolerance, openess and helpfulness. If he is confronted with a problem, he never loses controll about it. He takes it easy and solves the problem. Even if he can't solve it.. he hasn't got a problem with asking fellow people for help.

 

The only negative characteristic about him is his tardiness and forgetful. He always fails to recall (forgets) dates.

Alll in all he's a real friend, who is always there for me.

 

 

mistakes? (: