acdcrules04 journal

[stupidsoul1]

LMAO how shameful

 

 

foundation is good =)

 

i want to get the soad cd so bad but im not going shopping anytime soon ahhhhhhhhh

[acdcrules04]

oh god. my sister killed herself yesterday. she shot herself in the head in our bathtub. i was the one who found her. it was horrible, there was blood everywhere. i don't know why she did it. i wish she wouldnt' have. in her note she was talking about me and she said that she knew that i didnt' like her. nothing could be further than the truth. she was my best friend. i don't know what i am going to do with out her. i feel so lost. its like losing a part of yourself. my feelings are so numb right now. i dont' know what it will be like without her. she was my big sister, she was 17. she didnt' even have her drivers licence yet. she was home by herself. i was at a pizza party and award thing for track after school. my dad was at work. he picked me up at 4:00, we went to napa and a hardware store. we came home. i could hear her music outside. she was playing stone temple pilots. i walk past the bathroom, the door was open i thought she was cleaning or dying her hair, it smelled so funny in there, unless you've been in that situation, you have no idea. i put my backpack in my room, and i walked into the bathroom. thats when i saw the blood. i ran out in the hallway, my dad was right there. he asked me what was wrong, i couldnt' speak so i just pointed to the bathroom, then i ran into his room, collapsed on the floor and started screaming. i cried so much. i got barely any sleep last night. i feel so numb right now

[acdcrules04]

the service it tomorrow, i think i'm going to cry. but then again not, i don't think that i am possible of crying anymore. my friends have been really great to me, there was a candle light vigil thing last night (i didnt' go) and appearently adele made a very nice speech thing, i just don't know what i'm going to do

[lpp]

Zello

 

i am just saying hi

[acdcrules04]

*waves hand* zello back lpp,

 

omfg i just got of of a 8 hour car trip, my ass feel to sleep, not joking, yeah, cuz i live in washington and we also wanted to have a service for my sister (r.i.p.) in idaho, yeah, i'm staying at my cousins house, tomorrow we are going to hooters and the boise zoo, cuz we are cool like that, lmfao, i wish

[acdcrules04]

i feel unloved, no ones commenting in my journal , lol, idc (i don' care)

 

yeah i'm up its like 12:40 tho, i'm not tired at all!!!!!!!

[Vash_the_Stampede]

I am sorry to hear about your sister. If you need to talk, hit me up on AIM or MSN.

Vash

 

P.s. Don't feel unloved, many people love you. ^^

[acdcrules04]

thank you vash ^_^, i'll talk to ya soon or sumthing!

[stupidsoul1]

ROOOOAAAADDDDDD TRRRIPPPPP!!!!!!!!!! how exciting =)

[acdcrules04]

i'm back from idaho, now don't you all feel soooo special... ok fine, be that way! lol anywayz yeah i had a funny time in idaho, exspet (sp?) at the service, see i was brought up mormon (i'm not anymore!!!!) so we had the service at a mormon church (the service was mainly for my mom, its kinda complicated) and in the mormon religon suicide is a sin, so this guy had been asked to make a talk, and in it he pointed out that suicide in his eyes was a sin. i walked out and started crying. then i went back in when he was done, and then it was the time to make personal remarks. my mom went then my dad went. then i got up, now remember i'm still very pissed about what the guy said, i dont' remember exactly what i said, but it was along the lines of (now this was pretty much directed at the speaker) how dare you judge her. you dont' know what her situation was. sucide is not a sin. and if you would have really and i mean really knew her like very few people did, you would have seen that this was her only way to escape her pain. now i said more than that much that is pretty much what it was about. apearently everyone was pissed at that guy because everyone came up to me afterwards and pretty much said that i was brave for saying what everyone else wanted to say.

 

on a lighter note, i finally got a hooters shrit, i've wanted one forever, but i've never had money when we go, its just a black t-shirt that has the logo on it, and it says Boise, ID below, yay for me! o i also saw madagascar, it was cute it made me laugh a whole bunch

[ROCKSLIDE]

sup, dude? just wanted 2 pop n and say sup. c ya.

[shahfire]

whoa, u must have really been pissed at the speaker to tell him how u feel. great! im gonna watch madagascar tomorrow. since u said u laughed alot, i suppose its a good movie. *hugs* cyaz!!!

[acdcrules04]

well i went back to school today. i just feel like i dont' have anyone to talk to, i wish nick where here. i can always talk to him about anything. i feel a void in my life not having my sister or him to talk to. they are the only people i feel truly at ease with, dont' get me wrong i have great people to talk to. but with them i feel so relaxed. knowing that they wouldnt' judge me at all. knowing that they have had the same thoughts as me. but with my sister gone, and nick on the east coast. i feel so alone. nicks getting married, i hope he doesn't change. i know things will never be the same between us, because i have a secret he will never know of. i feel so drained emotionally, and phsicaly. i find myself taking naps in the day. i used to hate to take naps. and sense i take naps, i cant' sleep at night. i just lay there for hours on end, my mind going a million miles a minute, and not stoping. i feel so judged, so mis-inderstood. i dont' know who to talk to. i can't share anything with my friends. i don't want to burden them with the images of my mind. i can't share the image of my sister with anyone. i desperatly want to. but i find myself at a loss of words. i dont' know how to bring it up with anyone. i need to see my counselor. he doesn't work till tuesday. i can't function right now. i feel so lost

[acdcrules04]

awweeee.... we picked up my kittie from the vet, he had an absess on his shoulder... they put a drain tube in it, he has to wear a head cone, he looks so pathetic... lol, his front left leg is shaved, he looks funny, poor dude <- thats his name, lmao

[acdcrules04]

nothing new... i just wonder y a lot a people dont' reply to my journal. everyone else gets a lot of comments, w/e

[Vash_the_Stampede]

Awww, I reply to your journal!

My cat had to wear a cone for a while, & I said if I had to wear one of those, & would kill myself, rather than go through the humiliation of it, lol.

ANYWHO....What's up???

[acdcrules04]

thank you vash ^_^, yeah i'm an attention whore lol, jk. yeah my cat looks pretty pathitic but funny at the same time. the cone is messing with his vison or sumthing, cuz he keeps running into crap, its actully quite amusing, god that was mean, PETA is gunna come and get me now, lol

[acdcrules04]

i just go tth enew SOAD cd, it totally kicks ass, and i finally get some of your sigs, with the lyrics and all. yeah IT'S AWESOME, if you don't have it GET IT!!!!!!!

[shahfire]

cool that you have the new cd!!!!!! i dont listen to them much so yeah...

*hugs* cya later.

[acdcrules04]

meh, i don't know if i will be on that much for the next 2 weeks, i'm going to oregon then cali, so yeah. i dont' know if i will havfe interent acess. school gets out nex thursday, but i got out today!, cuz i'm special like that bleh, i dont' feel good. i totally wanted to kiss derek today, but we arent' going out so that would be akward, and my dad showed up, so i just hugged him , bleh

[acdcrules04]

cali was sooooo fun!!!!!!!! i didnt' get a tan tho , oh well, omg last night my aunt put my hair in cornrows, its awesome, but it looks dorky kinda cuz i'm just this pale little white chick!! haha, it makes me laugh, i'm gunna have to take 'em out sooner that i wanted tho cuz my dread stuff is gunna come pretty soon and i wanna do 'em before i go to Idaho they are gunna be awesome, i want 'em thick liek jonathon davis and the dude for P.O.D. i think his name is sonny, correct me if i'm wrong ^_^

[stupidsoul1]

0o0o awesome!!!! it sounds like a plan ^_______^ glad u had fun in cali!!

[acdcrules04]

i spent the night at Casey and Ryans house last night, it was fun. we saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith, it was really good. After the movie we had to pick up Sean (their older brother) from his gf's house ( i kind o fhave a secret crush on him) then we went to their house and we made a fire in their fire pit in the backyard, we made smores they were really yummy ^_^lol, then me casey and sean just sat outside talking for a couple of hours, it was really cool. i think we went' to bed round 2 ish, i'm not sure tho, haha, then i got up at noon and i ate breakfast, then we watched some really good movies that they had (princess moonenoke (or whatever) and some of My neighbor Totoro, that one was really weird) then me and casey went swiming in their pool, but they had the roofers there so they could hear everything we were saying, it was kinda embarresing, cuz we were both really hyper and we just kept saying these random things >.< it was funny tho, OMG i found out that derek went to football camp (he didn't even tell me!!!) and won't be back till friday, on thursday i'm going to Idaho, so i wont' see him for like a month!!! that makes me mad!

[acdcrules04]

omg you know what i want to see? War of the Worlds, it looks pretty awesome!, omg yea!!!!!!! i'm getting contacts soon!!!!!!!1 pretty flipin sweet, and also i'm finally geting a cell phone, i'm probly gunna get the motorola razor or w/e or the new smartphone, yeah, it'll be awesome, btw Josh ilove ur sig!

[Vash_the_Stampede]

WotW looks hot! I can't wait to see that. Contacts are cool, congrats on them & the new phone, I personally would get the Razr, or whoever they spell it, lol, because, it's a hot phone. Thanks, btw, I appercaite it, although, because I am such a damn sig whore, Jasmin is going to make me a new one, lol. Well, I'll talk to you later my friend.

Love & Peace,

Vash