Dead End

[Marizka]

Dead End*kinda long*

This girl

She is dead to the world

Dead to her family

Dead to me

 

She is floating above her body.

Her soul assumed she was dead.

And left her while she was in bed.

Still asleep.

Dreaming of what life can be.

But she had not died.

It wasn’t her time.

Now she lost her soul.

She is no longer whole.

Now there is nothing left

But an empty shell.

She’s stuck inside her head,

Her personal hell.

The place where she is

Fighting herself.

She is her own worst enemy.

Which she every time tries to defeat.

But either way,

The person who loses is she.

 

She is empty and alone.

Always hiding in her room.

Avoiding eyes that might see

That she is no longer

Who she used to be.

She’s been over-used,

Spit on and abused.

Her life left it’s scars.

But she tries to hide them

Forget them.

Oppress that they are.

She won’t accept herself

The way she is.

In the wrong places

She searches bliss.

She wants them back,

The things that used to

Keep her from feeling like this.

She never stops searching

For this long-lost happiness

She used to know.

And helped her live her life careless,

Without these troubles.

 

But when will she wake up,

And see

That that is not meant to be.

That she has a history,

But if she lives on like this

Her future will never be.

She needs to find

A new road, a new path.

Because this one she now walks,

It has a dead end.

She needs to find help,

She needs to find a friend.

Caus’ now all she’s still stuck with is

Distrust and disgust

Of everything in her world.

She needs to turn around,

This girl.

And find a road that is meant for her.

The way she is now hurting herself

Is cruel.

She can go wherever she wants to,

But she can’t stay here.

This place has cost her too much tears,

And holds her worst memories.

She needs to start with a clean slate,

In a place far away from here.

 

Now I hate to admit,

And I hate to reveal it,

But I will tell you the truth.

Because now I see,

This girl about whom I’m telling you,

Yes, I think she is me

 

let me know what you think about it, i can take critics..

[Heart_LP]

it´s so sad yet greatly discribed!

Good job hon :thumbsup:

[uwantme2b]

That's very good.

Very honest, very heartfelt.

I like the way the rhythm (can never spell that, lol) is sort of quite broken, sometimes rhyming, sometimes not. Whether that's intentional or not, I like it because it seems to reflect the confusion of the person we are reading about.

[gaia89]

i like this idea a lot..and its well written!

[gaia89]

and i can totally relate to it

[Xblackwidow20X]

I really like that. you described things very well. well written. good job. :thumbsup:

[keza]

as always mari uv totally outdone urself!!!

yey ur so amazing!!!!

*claps*

lol, well done!!!

[Marizka]

ow, thanx everyone, i really, really appreaciate it!

uwant2bme: yeah its not always perfectly rhymey(?) but its what i wanted to say, and if it wouldnt rhyme, then i just put it down in a diff. way.

[christal1414]

that is fuc*in sweet dude loved it

[Friðbjörn]

yeah *cough* this is two years old...marizka doesn't even come here anymore

[Holy War]

There are a few grammar mistakes (using the wrong adjective, tense, etc.) the writing is a little drawn out as in you repeat the same thoughts repeatedly which gives the piece it's length (personaly choice of whether you want that or not, either way it works out well). You have a very strong piece but it's not entirely drawn out on paper as I think you may of intended, I'm new here don't know you so that is why this doesn't strike me as such, but to some that do know you this could be something familiar to them. This comes down to when people read your work they're not always going to know who you are, so instead of length maybe a few lines could have been used to explain why, how, or even where.

[userone]

good..................