the hermits journal

[thehermit]

i normally stay pretty quite, but its time for change. today is monday 11/07/2005 my name is kerri im 25 tears old and female i live in a city that is almost as emotionless as my soul. i am not angry or bitter just kinda numb. i work 70 hours a week in a job that ive come to hate surrounded by people i dont really care for. for someone at a young age i have had alot of experiences in life some good some bad,very very bad. i dont claim to be anything other than me, i believe in honesty above all else, i may possibly have a drinking problem not in terms that i drink constantly ( my job makes me responsible for thousands of peoples lives and could not even contemplete taking that risk ) but in the sense that i use alcohol as a means of escape, to find a little 'oblivion'.yet despite my more negitive aspects i call myself a spiritualist. i believe in ghosts,life after death,reincarnation,dream analisis,tarot cards etc etc,,,,.am i boring you yet? sorry if this isnt particularly exciting but its me. i struggle to find a place in life, i always have, i dont 'belong' anywhere, i have always been and have even enjoyed being the outsider. leave the world to its own devices and eventually it will self destruct. this is the start of my journal, this is me. thankyou for taking the time to read this and blessed bexxx

[Shadowed Heart]

No one is emotionaless. Everyone eventually loves and hates. You said that you hate your job, that is an emotion. Sorry if your unhappy, most every one feels this some time or another. And you do belong, you belong here.

[killerfishy]

you seem to be going through a rough time. srry bout that

[stupidsoul1]

hey!!

 

wow...u sounded just like how i used to feel, but i dont drink alcohol i find it as an way to escape reality even though its not here kinda thing

 

 

take care, it will pass over just like how it usually does

[thehermit]

unknown.....

 

i cant wait to move outa here. im tired of living in a box room. just a few more months then itll be ok. one day im gonna find me a little cabin in the mountains of arizona and hide myself away from the outside world, no phones, no internet, no doorbell, just me and my cat and the outstanding views.im feeling kinda shitty today but then ive only just woken up so maybe it will pass. wish i didnt have to work tonight im so tempted to call in sick but that would be irresponsible wouldnt it?? god my life is so boring.............

[stupidsoul1]

wow that sounds like an awesome plan

 

mountains are really pretty =)

 

calling sick once wouldnt hurt anyone 0___o

[thehermit]

looking up?...

 

well its been a while but im back i have taken a week off work and although ive done absolutly nothing and have hardly spoken to anyone i kinda feel better for it, or at least i did untill this morning my fiance asked me to lend his sister 200 pounds i said no 1 because she doesnt like me and has relished proving that point everytime i see her 2 because shes constantly tapping me for cash and im tired of being her personnal atm machine 3 because she cant be trusted ( long story but trust me i know this ) so anyway i get a phonecall from my fiance saying that him and his mum had a blazing row about me because i wouldnt lend his sister 200 pound and apparently she was slagging me off which of coarse upset my fiance so they started arguing just as my fiance was working out the door she picked up his work bag and threw it in his face so now he has a nice lump above his eye long story short hes coming to stay with me for the rest of the week so much for my nice peacefull week at home.....and it was all going so well....

[Dark Angel]

Ugh... that sounds horrible. So sorry to hear that your weekend won't be so quiet anymore. I'm like that sometimes too, I just want to be by myself, but unfortunately being a 15 year old, I don't think that's really possible.

Uh, what does 200 pounds equal in US money? Sorry, I've never traveled out of the USA, but that sounds like a huge amount.

Hope everything gets better for you, and if you feel like talking, PM me!

[Mike Shinodas Gurl]

Awesome, you have a journal. ^__^

 

Aww, That sounds horrible. *hugs* I hope everything gets better. =)

[thehermit]

ah ha and you thought you had seen the last of me...

 

yes i have a jornal as boring and insiginificant it might be. right now im struggling to find people on my wave length that i can relate too so i figured what the hell..put myself out there and at least no-one can shot me down for not trying,, thanks for the hugz i could reallly use them right now

[LSUTiger]

*Honest criticism*

 

Okay, from reading this journal, a few things have become transparent that lead me to believe a few things about yourself.

 

1) You are 25 years old and your grammar is terrible. I know you might think this is an insignificant thing, and it is for the really young teen crowd, and kids, but you are NOT a kid. Your writing comes off as very spacey, with little fluidity in your thoughts. This tells me you either are not very educated, or just plain lazy. Since you are smart enough to get a job, and raise yourself properly(which I commend you for), my guess is you are just lazy when it comes to typing. In case you missed it, all we have to go on when it comes to these message boards is your writing, and when you use fragments, spelling errors, grammar mistakes, and capatalization errors at the age of 25 to express yourself, well it's hard to draw many positive conclusions. Clean up your writing, and start typing like you're 25 years old. That would be my first suggestion.

 

2) You have a horrible attitude about life! Seriously, some of your statements are extremely depressing. I also can't follow how you love being by yourself, but yet you have a fiance, and yet you're weekend is ruined because your fiance is going to spending time with you?!?! Call me old fashioned, but marital partners are supposed to be someone you have all your faith, time, and happiness invested in, not somebody who "ruins a perfectly good weekend." If all you want is to be alone, fine, you can have a great attitude and be alone(I'm living proof). But sweetheart, your life ain't that bad. You canstantly draw negatives from every situation you have, and that's not a good thing.

 

So to recap; you've only got one life, stop living it in a hole by yourself with a bunch of spelling mistakes.

[stupidsoul1]

*hugs* why doesnt his mum lend her the 200 pounds if she is so concerned?

[thehermit]

dont make me laugh..

 

his mum is broke as well her spare cash goes on vodka and if she needs anything else she gets the money from my fiance who in turn gets it from me cause he takes after his mum and cant hold on cash despite the fact he earns the same amount of money a fortnight that i take home in a month!!!

i know im a fool right.......

[LSUTiger]

It's only money.

 

And, atleast I tried

[thehermit]

LSUtiger...

 

well thankyou for your amazingly witty and intellectual response heres a few things i picked up on while checking your profile ;-)

 

1-clearly your a self demonising pervert who spends all his time masterbating and critizising other people

 

2-your about as intellectual as paris hilton on a bad hair day and just because you own a dictionary does not make you a self confessed genius.

 

2-your a diva-styled frustrated male chauvenist who seems to think that he is the only spokesperson representing his country with all the glory and the glamour that it entails and you would jump of the roof of the empire state building if bush told you too.

 

4-shock me, shock me, with your oh so deviant behaviour and highly controversial statements whats the matter sweety, is no-one giving you the attention you feel you so rightfully deserve.

 

btw for you attention if my grammer is so offensive then dont read my journal.

go supersize your ego somewhere else.

 

have a nice day ;-)

[Dark Angel]

Education is not just about being smart, LSUTiger. As Martin Luther King Jr. said: "Intelligence is not enough. Intelligence plus character -- that is the true goal of education."

And if you don't want to look that up, character is made up of your manners, and you're not being exactly nice.

And this is not communism! thehermit can feel any way she can about life, so stop telling people how they should feel! Good-Bye!

[LSUTiger]

 

1-clearly your a self demonising pervert who spends all his time masterbating and critizising other people

 

I'd like to welcome you to the land of "a joke." Due to the fact that you missed it the first time like a G, how 'bout soaking in a little humor once in a while instead of "my life sucks, i need to kill myself."

 

2-your about as intellectual as paris hilton on a bad hair day and just because you own a dictionary does not make you a self confessed genius.

Take me up on that, seriously!

 

2-your a diva-styled frustrated male chauvenist who seems to think that he is the only spokesperson representing his country with all the glory and the glamour that it entails and you would jump of the roof of the empire state building if bush told you too.

 

Ugh, guess what, I actually enjoy my life, and the country I live in. I wake up with a big 'ol smile on my face, happy as your fiance when he gets another 20 pounds off you.

 

Oh, and my president would never ask me to jump off the Empire State Building.

 

4-shock me' date=' shock me, with your oh so deviant behaviour and highly controversial statements whats the matter sweety, is no-one giving you the attention you feel you so rightfully deserve.[/quote']

 

The sad thing is you actually dumped your life and feelings on this board yourself. You are crying out for attention, crying out for some outlet in your depressed little hole you call your life. I think its *you* the one not getting the attention you feel you deserve. Shit, look at your name, it's got "look at me, nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess i'll go swallow another pill" SCREAMING at everybody here.

 

 

 

btw for you attention if my grammer is so offensive then dont read my journal.

go supersize your ego somewhere else.

 

have a nice day ;-)

 

Did it ever occur to you, or even cross your warped little mind for a mo that I might of actually been trying to *gasp* HELP you? Where in my "what you type is a reflection of you" explanation did you flip out and fill your mind full of negativity(shocker)?

 

Look, believe it or not, I did something that it seems like not many people in your life do very often. That is took time and listened to your situation. Go tell the people you work with, or better yet, your family your problems and see if anybody cares. All you've gotten so far here is just random member after random member saying things like "Oh thats too bad" or "I hope everything gets better." Maybe that's all you ever wanted to hear, but give me a fucking break. You obvioulsy hate your life, so why not do whatever you can to change it? Ever thought about that? There are people in this world that have way less than you and enjoy life way more than you. Why not change your attitude and your life around, that way you won't have to rely on some website to giveyou solice.

[LSUTiger]

And this is not communism! thehermit can feel any way she can about life, so stop telling people how they should feel! Good-Bye!

 

Seriously, I was only offering a suggestion. Do you really like seeing people go through life depressed? I don't, so why not offer an alternative?

[Dark Angel]

OK, here's how I see it *starts to try and cool down*

The way you put it, it sounds like a forcing thought. Like me saying 'I hate life!' If you want to make it sound like a bit of a nicer suggestion, you could have wrote 'You seem to have a horrible attitude about life' and not 'You have a horrible attitude about life!'. You see my point?

Oh, and I don't think she's writing it here for attention. If you have nobody to tell, either because they'll get scared of your thoughts or whatnot or you just don't want to tell anyone real close to you, then you like to write it somewhere so it's off of your shoulders. How do I know this? Because I'm going through a similar situation. The only way I can cope with it is to write it down somewhere.

And sometimes, even social people, need to get away from other people for awhile. Just to relax and do whatever they please by themselves.

Unfortunately, the only thing I see that'd be good for trying to get out of depression is a new, more exciting hobby or a trip to some rollercoaster place.

[thehermit]

lsutiger

 

really quite bored of you now....

[LSUTiger]

really quite bored of you now....

 

Is that the alcohol talking?

 

 

Okay maybe that was harsh, but I don't care, you've come across as nothing more than a dead end. Enjoy your life sweetheart, it'll still be waiting for you when you decide to take it.

[thehermit]

start over....

 

well ignoring lsutiggers (sorry tigers) attempt to get me to kill myself today i am moving on. i have a backpack a wallett and a few items of sentmental value but everything else i am leaving behind.it occurred to me the reason i have been so depressed for so long is because ive been in the same place for so long, so i figured what the hell i mean its not like i have anything to lose here if my fiance loves me then he will understand and if he doesnt well then i guess i found the answer i was looking for.dark angel if your there hun reading this, i just wanna say thanks for everything and i wish you all the best and to everyone else who has taken the time to speak to me ahehee.

im off to find my roots

 

blessed be x

[Dark Angel]

Hope you get better and have fun!

[LSUTiger]

well ignoring lsutiggers (sorry tigers) attempt to get me to kill myself today i am moving on.

 

You gotta be kidding me!!!

 

Anyways, good luck with your move. It's good for you to try and change your current situation, you obviously weren't happy where you were. I hope all goes well for you(which I always have since post number 1).

[stupidsoul1]

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

i hope you enjoy yourself *hugs and gives you some cookies*