lp fear factor...ooooohhhhh

[lpevanstaind]

yes, I was laughing unusually hard in a few parts...

And is Chester really afraid of spiders in real life?? 0.0

 

actually, yes. i heard this one quote where chester's like "SPIDERS!! squish, kill, die EEEWWWW!!!!!", so there's the proof for ya...but i'm sure the spiderbite he got is also a stimulus as well....damn spiders...i hate them too....

[LP Lager]

can you change your story so it sounds better? Your story shows repeated usage of undescriptive words and countless redundancies. ill say that you've got a good concept going :thumbsup: but you lack skills in writing composition. You need to organize your ideas much better. Think before you write or else your just rambling in the form of writing, Im not "hating" on anything, just trying to let people know how they can improve. So, think then write.

 

Example 1: host guy: well, this challenge will wake you up. you and your partner will be standing on a tractor trailer truck and traversing it back and forth....

 

If your using the word "traverse", dont define the word as you write. You could say; "..."Standing on a tractor trailer truck while it was in a traversing motion"...

 

Be descriptive and using "Big Words" wont help you if you dont know how to use them. Ive been reading some of the stories and i think you can think of some good scenarios but you lack the skill of a writer.

 

Traverse has multiple meanings. In this particular situation, one of the defintions of this word would fit this particular situation. If you want just keep doing what your doing...but great job. :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

 

Bottom line: Great Ideas

Writing Skill: Needs Much improvement

 

 

If you want u can PM me with any questions or concerns. Let's keep everything positive.

[Dark Angel]

I also hate wolf spider...

I found one of those in my backyard when I was about 7. At first I thought it was a baby trantula... I ran from it. It disappeared though about 5 minutes later when I went to see if it was still there.

 

Then, about a year ago, my mom learned that some spiders could carry their sac on them. This is what happened, or what she told me:

She was walking behind our couch because there's a space between it and our bookshelves, and then she saw this huge spider sitting halfway down it. Well, my grandma was over for a few days as well and was about to come into the room when she saw it too. So my mom took a heavy magazine and dropped it onto the spider. Well, here's where I would have freaked out: all of a sudden little black dots started to come out from under the magazine. Hundreds of them, so my mom and grandma spent most of their night trying to kill the babies.

[linkinpark91393]

My friend got bit by a brown recluse on the leg.......it was disgusting! lol

[lpevanstaind]

can you change your story so it sounds better? Your story shows repeated usage of undescriptive words and countless redundancies. ill say that you've got a good concept going :thumbsup: but you lack skills in writing composition. You need to organize your ideas much better. Think before you write or else your just rambling in the form of writing, Im not "hating" on anything, just trying to let people know how they can improve. So, think then write.

 

Example 1: host guy: well, this challenge will wake you up. you and your partner will be standing on a tractor trailer truck and traversing it back and forth....

 

If your using the word "traverse", dont define the word as you write. You could say; "..."Standing on a tractor trailer truck while it was in a traversing motion"...

 

Be descriptive and using "Big Words" wont help you if you dont know how to use them. Ive been reading some of the stories and i think you can think of some good scenarios but you lack the skill of a writer.

 

Traverse has multiple meanings. In this particular situation, one of the defintions of this word would fit this particular situation. If you want just keep doing what your doing...but great job. :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

 

Bottom line: Great Ideas

Writing Skill: Needs Much improvement

 

 

If you want u can PM me with any questions or concerns. Let's keep everything positive.

 

thanks for your suggestions....i try to use better vocabulary, but sometimes it's hard to think of the right word...i know i need to improve my writing - comes from not finding good books to read lol....but practice makes perfect...this is actually the first really constructive criticism comment i've gotten to be honest....

[lpevanstaind]

 

Then, about a year ago, my mom learned that some spiders could carry their sac on them. This is what happened, or what she told me:

She was walking behind our couch because there's a space between it and our bookshelves, and then she saw this huge spider sitting halfway down it. Well, my grandma was over for a few days as well and was about to come into the room when she saw it too. So my mom took a heavy magazine and dropped it onto the spider. Well, here's where I would have freaked out: all of a sudden little black dots started to come out from under the magazine. Hundreds of them, so my mom and grandma spent most of their night trying to kill the babies.

eew!!!!! that's gross!!! it sounds like this one story i heard from one of my classmates whose mom's a nurse....she had a patient who had a huge lump in her neck...so one day, the orderly comes in and says "we need to operate on the lump"...so the mom comes in and makes an incision in the lump, and suddenly all these maggots come out of it!!!!!! i've never been able to watch the papercut video the same way again......

[Dark Angel]

eew!!!!! that's gross!!! it sounds like this one story i heard from one of my classmates whose mom's a nurse....she had a patient who had a huge lump in her neck...so one day' date=' the orderly comes in and says "we need to operate on the lump"...so the mom comes in and makes an incision in the lump, and suddenly all these maggots come out of it!!!!!! i've never been able to watch the papercut video the same way again......[/quote']

OMG! *runs and retches up in trashcan* That is so gross! You should read Scary Stories by this Alvin dude. Those are some strange stories and one was very similar to that. *shivers and checks for any lumps*

[Darkangel72518]

wow i really lik your fear factor story it'z great...first i was like dam i aint gonna read all of this...Then i started to read it & i was laughing alot becuase it was really funny & i love the spider part it was great.im afraid of spider's also... >.<

[Eminem]

Wonderful work! You showed a very high caliber of storywriting on this post despite meaningless criticism.

 

The skill of storywriting is not soley based on minor spelling or gramatical errors, but of unique content.

 

Whether anyone in this forum agrees with me or not, "my spot will be forever reserved".

 

I <3 (25-15-21)

 

LP Lager, to put it plain and simple I can spot something similar to what you mentioned, but who cares? Be sure you don't post anything or else you will be hearing countless attacks to your redundant choice of criticism.

[Eminem]

The comedic representation provided by both our posts promote similar concepts, but varying humor.

[LP Lager]

dammit u and ur big words and they way u put them together....become a writer and leev me alone....damn i get so frustrated when i am outworded by sum smart ass..ur lucky u got some cred on this forum.

 

Eminem....go make a record...

[Anceylee-134]

eh........... *runs into bathroom to puke* I haaaaaate..... spiders.... yuck.... *shivers*

 

I need to read more of this. hope you post more soon.

[cyrillezhane]

cool! keep doing more!!! ^__^

[psychobunnyyel-yor]

awesome fanficcerer!,

YAYAYAYAY!