Sygy's Journal

[Phranka]

Haha I didn't mean you as you either.. I meant it hypothetical haha.. misunderstandings..

 

but yea.. each of us has their own problems

[Sygy]

i know, we shoud probably get them sorted out before we get older and into more serious relanships so that they dont end up mucked up!

[Phranka]

well I've been in therapy for almost 3 years now.. I've been admitted internally for almost 9 months.. I'm still fucked up.. *sigh* I do think though that being in a relationship can give me more confidence, and a better social life even if it doesn't work out. and it helps that he's pretty spontaneous so I hope something rubs off on me ya know

[Sygy]

ahh, ive been away 'inside' but for like a week! But honestly you'ld be surprised what a relanship can do or a strong friendship, just as long as its constructive, i was a very shy girl when i was younger and trust me once you meet some one who is generally kind and thinks highly of you u blossom.

[Phranka]

mmyea that's one thing in life that I've never really lived.. sure someone has liked me, I have liked someone, but I've never had the closeness with it.

also I adore my friends and they give me confidence too.

 

what I do to myself is weird though.. I badmouth myself in my head, I warn him about me ALOT, I tell him all of my bad sides.. maybe I do that to scare him away and see if he's worth it or so? I dunno what it is.

but it's not doing my self esteem any good

[Sygy]

i think what your doing is very brave, if i get in a serious thing with some one i do warn them about my issues. But atleast your honest, some people arnt that frank. Also in a weird way its good bc ig you tell from the start them you dont have the heart ache of them trying to break up with you later when they find out.

 

sigh, i wish i had friends liek you, mine have recently deserted me.

[Phranka]

ahw really? the ones I thought I had about 3 years ago did that to me too.. that's why I got this way.. but the friends I have now are just amazing.. lol I can't believe that people put up with me sometimes.

 

and mm if I went at the the easy way just going into it really confident I'd be broken up afterwards yea.. now I'm unstable before and between it and I can't concentrate when I'm actually with him.. so it's not all good.

[Sygy]

O.o you cant concentrate? care to establish.

 

we true friends have amazing power to stick by even when people are being emos and knob heads to them! so your really lucky!

[Phranka]

yea all I'm thinking about what I'm doing or if what I say is right and I'm afraid I'll make a fool out of myself in front of him. so I barely say anything :/

[Sygy]

ahh, i dont think you shoud get to hung up about that, everyone gets that when there on a 'date' its completely natural!

[Phranka]

haha I know but it takes very long for me cause of my problem.. that's why i'm so afraid he'll give up on me.

lol I wish I could be like I am on the internet for just ONE day!

[Sygy]

ha! i heard you say that before! Well i think on the internet people are who they are on the inside bc they cant see one person, this means that they cant be judged on looks or dress style, so theyre themselves without pretense. well of course not the pervos but you know what i mean. So i think you just need to pluck up the courage one day and realse the inner franka.

[Phranka]

I know the inner franka is possible irl.. I'm like this with my close family, I'm like this with my close friends, as long as you can get me to trust you after a little while the inner franka comes bursting out..

people at the group said: "the first day Franka didn't say a word, now she talks our heads off of our neck!"

I dunno if it's my pushing-away-personality or that people don't have enough patience to dig into me like that. well I guess it's a combination.. cause now I've found like a magnet who likes a challenge

 

lol.. me and my weird metaphores

[Sygy]

haha! no keep the metaphors comming, theyre good! not meaning to get personal and you dont have to answer, but, why do u have trust issues? where you badly bullied, i have issues bc my dads abused me my whole life.

[Phranka]

no my friends in highschool shunned me.. it stung me.

didn't think I had or even deserved friends the next 2 years..

but a few years ago I realised which people were there for me all this time.

[Sygy]

yesh! that would have hurt, teenage girls can be ah so cruel sometimes. they really cause more damage than they realize. i hate bullying so much!

[Phranka]

yea in a way they've done something to me I'll have for most of my life.

but yea I moved on, not mad at them or something.

now whenever I'm at school I don't get too close to people.

I just stay in a group whenever I'm needed.

don't stick too much or get too attached.

cause that was the reason they shunned me.

 

the weird thing is.. I left my now-best friend for those friends.. and when they dumped me.

she was there for me. till this day I feel bad about leaving her for them

and am amazed she still likes me. I guess I'm lucky.

[Sygy]

again, true friend. but why did i stun you. i just they were jealous, all bulling steams from jealously!!

[Phranka]

nah I don't think they were jealous.. I think I just wasn't cool enough for them I guess.

one of them fakers said one day: "how could I ever be mad at you?" the next she said: "Franka is making me totally crazy!"

[Sygy]

what a little twot-bitch! i hate that, the hypocrasy of it all and the 'third person invisable' shite. god. i ahte school!

[Friðbjörn]

people just suck in general

[Phranka]

yes.. people like that.. they make me shudder

I'm glad on the school I'm on now it's more about business than social life.. and people aren't AS childish.. everyone is over 16 years old so. and if there are people that I can't stand I stay away from them.

 

 

Heeeyy fribs dear!! and you're right..

[Sygy]

yeah fribbers, ur right, i hate mind games ppl try to play with one another to freak them out or belittle themsleves.

[Phranka]

Yea I like to stay out of it, bit in the background... trying not to be like everyone else but to have my own interests. being unique is one of the most valuable things barely left on this planet

[Friðbjörn]

Yea I like to stay out of it, bit in the background... trying not to be like everyone else but to have my own interests. being unique is one of the most valuable things barely left on this planet

amen to that.

trying to be cool is so pretentious and lame