Phranka/Franka's Journal

[Sygy]

i voiced my opinion on him to you before on msn and ill do it again. what a knob head!

[Phranka]

lol can't believe how optimistic you guys are actually thinking I actually had a chance..

but alright.. he's not a knob head. I'm a knobhead, asking him to do something I don't even know how to do myself.

 

if only I could be happy without a boy in my head this would be alot easier

[Jeezy]

lol can't believe how optimistic you guys are actually thinking I actually had a chance..

but alright.. he's not a knob head. I'm a knobhead, asking him to do something I don't even know how to do myself.

 

if only I could be happy without a boy in my head this would be alot easier

 

you are no knob head...

 

you should just be more positive about yourself.

[Black_Angel]

Franka don't you dare blame yourself!! You can't change who you are, soon you'll find a nice shy boy and you can sit in romantic silence and eat icecream together ^^

[Phranka]

Well thanks for being supportive.. even though those optimistic thoughts are giving me shivers right now.

 

he said he still sees potential in me, and that it will come out one day, but he's not gonna be the one who'll do it. I am. but I'm just too lost right now to focus on how to get rid of my shyness.

he also said he needed to sort some things out himself so I guess I did have a little impact on him.

 

though all of this I wanna hug him shitless >_>

actually I'd hug anyone right now.

I wish it'd lasted even a little longer.. cause I've always been CLOSE but not there ya know.

 

I wish I could get my mind off boys and just live my life but I've always craved to be loved, to be held etc. that's hard to lose I think.

[Jeezy]

It's not a negative thing that you want to be loved.

 

everyone want's to.

 

maybe you should just stop focusing about getting rid of your shyness...and just let it come naturally.

 

You just have to find the right guy that can accept you the way you are

[Phranka]

it won't come naturally.. believe me..

 

atm we're trying to come up with a plan to get more used to eachother..

yes, he's given me another chance and

it's kinda all up to me now. if I never open up then it's doomed.

but he's motivated me in a way, he's just an amazing guy.

 

so school has started today.. well actually it was an introduction..

traveled like 30 min to school.. sat at school for like 30 min...

traveled back home for 30 min.. so kinda useless..

my timetable is okay.. 2 long days, 1 half day and 2 free days (for now).

twas kinda cool to see my group of school friends

again at school even though I wouldn't admit it very often.

 

I was at therapy today and I was sitting in the hall and I see 3 of my old groupmembers coming in and they go like: FRANKAA! haha twas funny, sweet people.. though I got a little shy.

then another old groupmember came and we sat for a bit.

 

I'd like to get together with a few of my groupmembers

and go pay a visit to them sometime.. that would be nice..

as for k. haven't seen him on msn for ages. mayb he's blocked me or something

why I wouldn't know but I'm not gonna take initiative.

[Black_Angel]

Yay Franka has motivation!

 

Haha yeah I always get embarrassed when people run into a room screaming my name xD

[Phranka]

Hehe ya.. I'm going over tomorrow.. even though he wanted me to talk he suggested to lie down and be close again haha..

I also suggested him to turn off warcraft while I'm there hahah I'm wondering how long that will work out.

I really hope I open up tomorrow! dammit

anyone got any quick tips to boost my confidence xD

[Friðbjörn]

just be yourself and play it by ear?

[Phranka]

lol which self.. the shy one or the one deep down what do you mean play it by ear?

[Friðbjörn]

the one deep down, or the one you are with people close to you or on msn or whatever

by ear...just, don't go in with strategies, just play along, see how it goes. step by step

[Black_Angel]

I always find that if I make an effort to look pretty nice so I'm happy with my appearance then I become more confident!

 

I know it's shallow but hey.. lol.

[Phranka]

haha know what you mean.. on our first date I got ready in like 3 hours..

[Phranka]

Okayy today was interesting.. went over there about 3 pm..

we went upstairs and we started talking about some stuff.. I answered more and in longer sentances.

then we watched spiderman 3 on his bed on the laptop.. nice and close ofcourse..

haha him and his comments about it were just too funny xD

after it he had to go eat. when he came back we layed back again and relaxed a little.

My face in the crook of his neck. his hand on my hip/stomach.

and me making circles with my fingertips/nails on his chest and arms haha nipping at his neck once in a while. just felt like that xD. and it feels just great to lay in his arms.

I just kinda forget time when that happens haha.

 

after that he went on playing Warcraft 3 (lol he had it off like 5 hours before he started).

kinda sat on his lap while he was playing. then I went home, asked what he thought of today before I went out the door. and he said I talked more this time etc.

 

then when I got on msn he said he was proud of me, and there's still hope for me.

lol yay he's got his faith back ^.^

<3

Xxx Franka

[Black_Angel]

Aww yay that's fabulous! How cuteeee <3

[Jeezy]

Aww yay that's fabulous! How cuteeee <3

 

yeah sounds good...:thumbsup:

[Sygy]

all i can say is YAAAYYY

[Friðbjörn]

that's great to hear, I'm happy for you ^_^

[diana]

Sounds so sweet...^^

[Phranka]

Haha thanks for the replies.. but something that still bugs me is that we're in between a friendship and a relationship and there's not much secureness in there.

 

I feel like seeing Rem right now but he scares me a little sometimes cause he said I'm too short and young a little. well maybe he just did it to mock me but it doesn't help my confidence towards him

I guess I should get used to that.. makes me stronger in a way also.

and I'll mock him back xD.

[Black_Angel]

Who's Rem...? Am I missing something? lol xD

[Friðbjörn]

it's Franka's on and off bf? I dunno. should I say love interest?

[Phranka]

how bout the guy I been talking about for the last 3 pages..

his full name is Remco a regular dutch name

[Black_Angel]

Omgggg right yeah, of course! *slaps self*

I'm well stupid sometimes xD