misery's Journal v2.0

[misery]

Tuesday, June 20th

Entry #1

Mood - Pretty alright

 

Okay, I figured I'd make a new journal rather than reviving my old one, which would just get confusing.

 

Since there's alot of new members, I'll start over and tell everyone a little bit about myself.

 

My name is Matt, I'm 16 years old (17 near the end of October) and I live in Alberta, Canada. I'm somewhere between 6 foot 2 and 6 foot 3, with brownish hair. I enjoy just hanging out with my friends, nothing special. Kind of a normal, boring guy.

 

Alright, now that I'm done with that. Today was the second last day of classes at school. It was really slack.. you can tell all of the teachers are really tired of teaching, and all of the kids are really tired of learning. In math we were supposed to be doing our review, but our teachers was out of the classroom over half the time, so we just kinda sat around and bullshitted.

 

Chem was pretty fun though We got kicked out of our classroom because the grads were writing their diploma exams, so we got put into the computer lab. Since we're a little bit behind, we finished up the course today, and we had to do a couple of worksheets, nothing to big. My friend/crush Emily and helped each other out on that.

 

Alright, let's stop a minute, so I can describe Emily to you. She's one of the most gorgeous girls you will ever meet. Average height, medium length blonde hair, blue eyes, and a pretty decent body if I do say so myself. Not to mention the fact that she's really cool, I love being around her and talking to her, she's always fun to have a conversation with. But anyways..

 

We got let out of class about a half hour early (told you it was slack) to go clean out our lockers. Well, I found my putter and a golf ball that had been in my locker since the beginning of last semester, so Emily, Chad, Titrault (his name is justin, but Titrault, or anything really with 'tit' in it is his nickname because of his last name.. long story) and I set up a little minigolf hole, lol. We set a chem textbook on the floor, set a hat under it to hold it up so it was pointing up (like this: /\) and set a shoe behind it, so that you would putt the ball and ramp it off the book and into the shoe. It's alot harder than it sounds, lol. We had some good times though.. like 5 teachers walked by us in the hall and they didn't even care. Like I said, nobody gives a shit anymore, haha.

 

Third period I had mechanics, so I skipped it like I always do. Titrod and Chad skipped too, so we went out to the parking lot and cranked my subs from my car into an open window (haha, good times) then we went off and played pool.

 

Fourth period was English. Our teacher basically told us to skip, as long as we stayed in the school. Chad and I walked around the school for a bit (I was actually looking for Emily, I didn't tell Chad that though. Em has English 4th as well, but I figured she was probably just skipping.) So we went into the gym to join the maybe 6 kids who were actually attending class. I strapped on the goalie pads and we played a little hockey, it was pretty fun. I quit with about 20 minutes left in class because I was dead tired, and walked by the library to find Emily sitting at a computer by herself. So I decided to pay her a visit, and it turns out she had sent me a text message asking where our class was, since she showed up late. Well, we just chatted for the last 20 or 25 minutes left in class. After the bell went, I drove her home and we went on our ways, lol.

 

Well, I was going to bring up a dilemma I have, but I'll save that for later, this thing is already long enough as it is. So thanks for reading if you did

[Vash_the_Stampede]

Aww, Matteh Matteh Matteh...

Lawl. Sounds like an exciting day.

Emily sounds nice. Good luck. ^_^

[Victim]

Good to see you are back, I didn't know you well, or really not at all when you were active ealier.. But it is always good to see old members back...

 

By the sounds of it your day was exciting..

 

Well just thought I leaved you a comment and say welcome back.. So thats it..

[stupidsoul1]

LMAO awesome, i sure did miss you.

[twilightcrimson7]

Daaaaaaaaaaamn [/end long exaggerated sylable]

 

Your school sounds so.... "meh"

if we were walking around in the middle of class, they'd skin us alive. and if we attempted minigolf, we'd prolly get shot, possibly twice.

 

Yeah, so enjoy this man, cause it's like a prison at my school.

 

anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, looks like you're day was good, I wish you luck with life.

 

btw, nice journal.

[misery]

Sunday, July 2nd

Entry #2

Mood - Deep in thought.. err.. yea.

 

It's amazing how complicated things can get.

I should just be able to phone Emily up and ask her if she wants to catch a movie. Pretty simple, right? WRONG.

 

I decided to wait until exams were over to ask Emily out. My last one was on Tuesday, so I had planned on 'making my move' this weekend. I had actually planned on asking her on Thursday, but I hadn't talked to her all day so I figured she was out doing something with her friends, and that probably wouldn't be a good idea to ask her out while she's doing something with her friends. Well, I talked to her the next day, and I was right, she had been out with a friend. I was disappointed to find out that she's been grounded because she didn't tell her mum where she had been and came home at 1:30, and she can't do anything until her mum tells her that she can. Really unlucky that it happened now, since my friends are all away camping (I couldn't go :/ ) so I had absolutely NOTHING to do this weekend, since I don't start my new job until Tuesday. However, it is lucky that I didn't ask her out before Friday when I found about this, or else I probably would've figured that she was making it all up and blowing me off. So now I have to wait, and hope my stupid friends don't get in the way.

 

Part of me doesn't want to ask her out, because if she says no, I'll end up getting over her. And I don't want to be over her. Part of me wants to hang on to the hope of being more than just her friend. It's tough.. all of this is stressing me out so much, but it's like I love the misery because it keeps her with me in a way. I don't know if that made much sense.. but yea..

 

Whoa. That's some deep stuff. Didn't know I could express anything more meaningful than "I'm tired," or "I'm hungry."

 

Glad I could get that off my chest, and thanks for reading if you did Until next time..

[Brkng_Th_Hbt]

Hmm, seems like you're not having the best of luck lately. This seems pretty complicated, haha. I've never been in a sitution like this. Compared to you, I'm a stone; not sure if I'm capable of feelings like that and getting so involved. Meh, maybe I haven't met anyone amazing yet. Lol.

 

Is she completely oblivious of your intentions, or is there a chance she might know where this could be going?

 

Well good luck with Emily and your new job on Tuesday. :thumbsup:

[misery]

Saturday, July 8th

Entry #3

Mood - Alright

 

Ryan: Yea, I think she probably knows that I like her. I mean, most of my moron friends figured it out, and they aren't even around for half the time, so yea.

 

As for the update:

 

I started my new job at Staples on Tuesday. Ehh, it's alright. Get's kind of boring. I'm a stockboy, lol, so all I do is pretty much.. well, you guessed it, stock shelves. Some of that shit is pretty heavy though. It's tough lifting some of those huge-ass printers up a big flight of portable stairs, lifting it over your head and setting on top of even more printers, lol. At least most of the stuff is nice, light and easy, like pens and things like that. I'm fitting in pretty well there, I've made a few friends already.

 

Haven't really done much besides work since I last updated. Everyone came back from camping. I'm kind of pissed that I couldn't go, everyone had some good, drunken times. I'll sum it up as good as I can..

 

Highlights:

- Kirk took a shit on a teeter-totter.

- Luc cried. Alot. Apparently he's a crying drunk.

- Ashley told everyone that her boyfriend has a 3-inch penis.

- Chad stepped in the fire.

- Chad went around to every campsite asking for smokes because some drunk guy came to the campsite and asked if he had any. He then passed out at someone elses campsite. They were pretty shocked to find him in the morning.

- And a bunch of less important, but still funny, stuff.

 

Dammit I wish I could've gone. I never like to miss a chance to make an ass of myself.

 

Yesterday a few of us went over to Ashley's just to hang out and have a fire. Only me and Brenden were drinking, and it wasn't even that much, just got a little tipsy. It was alot of fun, just talking, remembering the good ol' days, lol. We're planning on doing our little coulee party on Saturday, that's always alot of fun. Mostly because everyone get's really hammered, but hey.

 

As for what's going on with Emily.. well, nothing. We've been talking like usual, but this weekend she's gone for soccer. Her team made it to Provincials, so that's pretty awesome. I was talking to her today and her team won silver, so that's great.

 

I've decided to stop trying to figure out what kind of signs she's throwing me. Women drive me nuts, so I just gave up on that aspect. No more trying to figure out what everything 'means'. I'm just going to take the 'she likes me' mentality and go for it. I mean, why not, really.. I think our friendship is strong enough that even if she said no, we'd still be friends. It'd probably just be akward for a couple of days. If she says yes, then there we go, I got exactly what I wanted.

 

Well, that's about all I have to say. Thanks for reading if you did

[geeko]

cool...parties... and i'm sure you can understand women better,just try hard. and good luck to emily.

[misery]

Friday, July 14th

Entry #4

Mood - My head is cluttered.

 

Thanks for commenting

 

Played some poker last night with a few friends. Won $3.24 It was alot of fun. Austin and I also played around with my subs in my car. Unfortunately, now they sound worse instead of better, and I'm not sure what Austin changed. So I'm going to have to get him to let me know so I can change it back, lol. Still sounds great though

 

As for work.. well, it's going great, making alot of friends. Everyone there seems to like me, well, except for the managers for some reason. Here's a good example of why I think this. The day before yesterday, Joey and I were working stock and, naturally, we were talking while doing our work. Well, for some reason, the managers don't think anyone can do work while talking at the same time, so they were getting pretty pissed off at us. The funny thing is, we pushed out 11 pallets of stock, which is a ton. If we're getting our work done, then why can't we socialize? Meh.

 

Sounds like everything is peachy right? Well, what would an entry be without a downer?

 

It turns out Austin and Emily still talk to each other. Alot. Like, as much as Emily and I talk. This worries me a little bit.

 

Now you're probably thinking, so what? Well, besides the fact that I would feel a little threatened if it were any other guy, but Emily and Austin used to go out. Their relationship was very off-and-on, so I'm a little worried that mayhaps it's switching from off to on again. Scary stuff.

 

And now that I know that they are still pretty close, I have put the pieces together and found out a little bit of information. Emily definately knows how I feel about her, and she's talked to Austin about it. Whether or not it's good things, I don't know. I'm thinking about subtly talking to Austin and seeing if I have a shot with Em. Even if he says I don't, I'm still going to go for it. So, I'll probably talk to Austin about it at work tomorrow, if not I'll talk to him tomorrow night, since I'm going to be crashing at his place, since I might be drinking at our little party down in the coulee. If all goes as planned, I'm going to ask Emily out to a movie or something on either Sunday or Monday. Hope everything works out, lol..

[misery]

Sunday, July 16th

Entry #5

Mood - Angry, semi-depressed.

 

Dark times for Matt. I wrote out the whole entry, and it was FREAKING HUGE, so I'm just going to make a small summary of all the important stuff in point form.

 

-Went to a small party, got drunk.

 

-Brenden and Austin felt the need to make fun of my feelings for Emily. (Emily wasn't there at the time.)

 

-Austin, knowing how I feel about her, decided to hit on her right in front of me.

 

-On the way back to Austin's where I was crashing, Austin felt the need to make fun of my little crush on Emily again. He said "Matt.. I'm disappointed, she was drinking tonight and you didn't take advantage."

 

-Austin talked to Emily on MSN, some of it was about me, I didn't see what he was saying except for Emily asking if I was staying at his place and later on Austin saying 'Stupid kid'. Lovely.

 

-When saying goodbye, he said "l8a babe" which brings up a ton of questions of whether or not I have a shot with Em, etc.

 

-Now sober, I've decided that Austin is going to have to put up with a hell of a fight from me if he thinks he's going to just walk away with Emily. She's way to important for me to just give up on. After all, I think she likes me as well. So I'm going to put off asking her out for a little while.

 

This is bullshit. Austin had his fucking shot with her, like.. three times. He blew it each time. He had his chance.

 

Whatever. If she chooses him and is happy, then that's fine.. as long as she's happy. But I really doubt she'll be happy with him.. Austin is one of those people who kind of 'use' women.. he's always joking about how many girlfriends he's had and how he dumped them after he got what he wanted. How can she be happy with someone like that?

[Vash_the_Stampede]

Wow...

I'm sorry bro.. I hope this turns around for you..

[Phranka]

dude who's this Austin guy

doesn't sound to great..

anywaaays I hope it'll turn out right :o

 

see you Matt.. hmm I think I remembered your name since I got on this forum for the first time. I've seen a pic of you too.. but that was a long time ago :0

[misery]

He's one of my friends. But friends don't usually hit on girls who they know their friends are interested in. So right now he's mostly just an asshole.

 

Oh, and quite the memory you've got there lol

[Phranka]

lol yea.. that's what I thought >.<

 

and lol some dude came online on msn after like 1,5 year and I asked

"So you still hate goths?"

and he was like.. whoa good memory..

[misery]

Wednesday, July 19th

Entry #6

Mood - Surprisingly good.

 

Well, things haven't changed all too much since my last post. There has been a few things though.

 

Probably the biggest change has been my outlook on this whole situation. Instead of sulking and being a little bitch like I normally would, I'm actually taking a positive look at this and trying to turn it around. How am I doing this you ask? Well, I have a 2-step plan. Well, it's not so much a plan as just.. regular stuff. The first thing I'm going to do is.. well, make Austin look like a total jerk. Part two is then asking Emily out the next day. Yea, you can tell that took a whole hell of a lot of thought, rofl. It's so simple, but that's all I really have to do. There's a couple of problems though. I feel a little bad about doing that.. the whole making Austin look like shit thing. It seems a little.. low, almost. I mean, it's not like I'd be lying.. I'd just be casually slipping in word of all the shit he's been doing and saying. Like all of the stuff he says about other girls, and how he hits on like every girl at work, and all the asshole-ish stuff he says to everyone. Just to kind of open her eyes to see what kind of person he really is. It just seems kind of wrong. Plus, what if she really likes him? It could break her heart. I don't know...

 

Another change, on a lighter note, is that Emily is going to be working at Staples with me (well, assuming her references check out) Although Austin works there too.. whatever, it should still be fun. I'm not sure how well she's going to like it though, if other people's reactions are any indication. For one, Christie, one of the 'aisles leads' (which is like a step up from the starting positon), was Em's boss at A&W a while ago. Apparently Christie didn't like her too much. That shouldn't be too much of a problem though, since Christie is always on the sales floor and Em is going to be a cashier. Another reason why I'm not sure how much she's going to like it is because.. well, Brayden. He's a pervert. When Emily dropped off her application, he came up to me. 'Hey Matt.. so, who's this Emily ______ chick? Because she just dropped off an application with your name as the referral.' I said, 'Oh, just one of my friends. Why?' 'Oh, I was just making sure she wasn't your girlfriend or anything.' What the fuck, lol. Horny bastard. So Emily came in today for her second interview, and Brayed comes up to me and says, 'THANK YOU' 'What?' 'You got her hired! I fucking love you!' He even shook my freakin' hand. He went on for a good 20 minutes like this.. Apparently he thinks she's hot, go figure. Well.. she did look really good today.. better than usual it seemed :S Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she knew she had an interview with a male manager today, lol. Who knows.

 

Well, thanks for reading if you did. Fuck, my entries are always too freakin' long.. meh.

[Phranka]

haha lol good thinking very good..

but hm this austin guy seems like a jerk but he's still your friend right?

but meh in this case I think you should just do it.. if it makes you feel better xD

if it feels right..

 

dunno honestly I'm very bad at this

 

oh that's cool.. I need a job.. >.<

hmm why wouldn't that christie chick like her then?

 

ugh that Brayden guy sounds annoying man.. like better keep him away from her XD

 

hehe okay I just felt like replying here.... typed this while reading

[chesterfreak143]

just stopping by to say hi!

 

so.....hi!

[Shadowed Heart]

Hay Matt hope ur feeling better (from what I read *which wasn't much*). ^_^

[Victim]

Well, I hope your new plan goes well for you.. Even if you feel bad sometimes, it may work out for the best.. Though, it might not always seem so.. And good luck at work.. You batter keep one eye on Emily and the other eye on this Brayden dude.. Good luck with everything.

[misery]

Wednesday, July 20th

Entry #7

Mood - Good.

 

Thanks alot for the comments and support guys I appreciate it.

Oh, and as for Brayden, I'm really not worried about it, lol. I found it actually really funny.

 

Okay, so I didn't quite go through with my little 'scheme.' Well, I did, just I didn't talk as much shit about Austin as I was planning, since I felt a little guilty about it.

 

I'll post a piece of the conversation I had with Em last night on MSN.

 

Matt - says:

yea.. austins been pissing me off lately :S

-|°*éMîL¥*°| says:

y's that?

Matt - says:

just lately alot of the stuff he says and how he acts

Matt - says:

starting to realize that he can be kind of an asshole, lol

-|°*éMîL¥*°| says:

yup he sure can be

-|°*éMîL¥*°| says:

bet his sarcasm gets to be a pain in the ass to

Matt - says:

its not really so much the sarcasm as just the way he acts

Matt - says:

he can be all nice and normal and whatver, but whenever someone else is around he has to be 'on' and start being a prick

-|°*éMîL¥*°| says:

yeah i've noticed that from time to time

Matt - says:

ehh, whatever

-|°*éMîL¥*°| says:

i just kinda ignore him when he pisses me off

And then the conversation shifted.

 

So that's definately not a bad sign. It's not necessarily as great as I hope, but there's definately nothing negative from that

 

About.. um, 8 minutes ago I gave Emily a ring to see if she wanted to see a movie or something. Wait, I'm making this sound too simple. I paced around my garage for about an hour trying to perfect what I was going to say without making myself look stupid in ANY way. I think most of it had to do with the fact that I was procrastinating because I was nervous. I finally grew the balls to press the little green button on my phone, and waited as it rang. Emily picked up and answered with a big 'Hey Matt! What's up?!' I asked her what she was up to and it turns out she's out getting drunk :/. Shitty luck for me, lol. I told her I would just call her tomorrow, since she's a little under the influence. She said it was fine, she could talk now, but I'd rather not ask her on a 'date' while a. she's with her friends and most importantly b. a little drunk. So I said nah, and I'd call her tomorrow, and she went on about how she has to work at 4:00 (she'll have 2 jobs when she starts at Staples, by the way.). So I'm calling her tomorrow on my break at work. It'll be an even more akward phone call, just because of the situation, but at least now I'll have a good ice breaker.

 

So I'm kind of looking forward to work tomorrow, kind of not. Meh, hopefully all goes well

[diana]

Hey! I believe that we don't know eachother yet...sooo...I'm diana or, for friends, Di...

Right now I'm bored and have nothing to do so I read your journal...Emmm, about that asking Emily out...it's not such a big deal. Don't worry about it that much. I mean, you're friends, right? I don't understand why are you so nervous...heh...I don't know...

About the whole Emily thing...I think you should just simply tell her you like her more than just a friend -even though she already know that- and see what will happen. It's really not that hard...I've been there once so believe me...

But, anyway, I hope I helped you but...you should do what you think is the best, right? Good luck! :thumbsup:

[chesterfreak143]

Good luck, matt (you dont need it but w/e)

i hope everything turns out well....

 

[linkinpark-1]

Part of me doesn't want to ask her out, because if she says no, I'll end up getting over her. And I don't want to be over her. Part of me wants to hang on to the hope of being more than just her friend. It's tough.. all of this is stressing me out so much, but it's like I love the misery because it keeps her with me in a way. I don't know if that made much sense.. but yea..

 

 

I feel the exact same way about this one guy. He's gone to basic training for awhile...and I miss him a lot...but I'm sort of worried when he gets back, things won't be as good as they used to be...So yea...I totally understand what you said!

[misery]

Saturday, July 22nd

Entry #8

Mood - ...

 

Well, thanks alot for the comments and stuff everyone.

 

Unfortunately, things aren't going quite how I imagined it.

 

Yesterday I didn't get a chance to call Emily until after she was at work, so I left a message on her voicemail. It went something like this.

 

"Hey, sorry I didn't call earlier, I didn't get my break until late. Uhh, I'm at work right now, but I'm off at 9:30 so if you want to give me a call any time after that, that'd be great. Thanks, bye."

 

I don't think there's anything too wrong with that. The problem here is that she hasn't called back. I don't know what to think, lol. Should I call her again? How long should I wait? What am I supposed to say? Is she trying to give me a sign that she's not interested? Or does she just want me to phone her back and make the first move? All of these questions are running through my mind, and to be honest, it's kind of frustrating.

 

Sigh. Hopefully I'll think of something, lol.