Riss'z Journal

[Shadowed Heart]

I feel like I can't ask for anything, because people always get mad. Even i it's something I need.

I just asked my dad to get me contact solution because I'm out and I stole my brother's a few days ago. And he got PISSED that I need something...

 

Last night, we were playing the 'question game'.

Taylor: do I screw things up

Me: Like what?

Taylor: Everythin

Me: No

Taylor: Yeah

Me: I don't think so. Why do you ask?

Taylor: Cuz i screwed everythin up

Me: Hm... My turn?

 

Eh. I'm tired. I talked to him last night. So I didn't sleep. I need to go to bed soon. I'm going to shower in the morning. But the babies are here and I don't want to sleep before they leave.

I also need to do some reading in the morning. Hm... I also didn't do my key points today...

But I did take the test I missed. Yeay... Plus I got some extra credit, so I hope after she puts it in, I'm passing that class. I have about 59% right now. Ugh. I suck.

I'm going to bed I think...

[speedthief]

^ oh no you did lousily for your test.Better buck up!

[Shadowed Heart]

25/03/09. Wed.

 

Today was okay. I miss Taylor though. *sigh*

I'm not failing AP Euro. anymore though. I have a D-, but that's better than an F at least.

I need new contacts and glasses... My contacts sort of expired this month, and I've had the same glasses since 7th grade, and my eyes just keep getting worse.

I want to be skinny and pretty... Ugh.

[Shadowed Heart]

http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/025220da932e4f0a46cb57762cb346b2.jpg

 

My grade for Euro. should go up. I took that test and should have some extra credit. Woo.

[Sponge]

Good for you! You only have one D. It's way better mines when I was in high school!

[Shadowed Heart]

I feel like a loser. I'm JUST getting by. Why can't I have straight A's again?

I need to try harder.

[Sponge]

Your not a loser! No one is. Just feel glad that you got by Q3. What happens happens. All you can do is learn from your mistakes. You know, be prepared incase something happens. Manage your time better maybe. I wish I could help but there is a limit to what we all can do!

[Shadowed Heart]

Lol yeah. I'm going to do my notes in a second. I have an assignment in careers but about 2/3 of the class is 'boycotting' out teacher and not doing it. Hah! I guess it's our loss but w/e. I won't fail if I don't do it so I don't care. She was a real bitch last time I was in her class. Thank GOD I'll only have her one more class period, then I won't anymore.

 

Pictures:

http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v289/193/102/588741644/n588741644_591955_5834.jpg

My hair was AMAZINGLY straight that day.

 

http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v273/193/102/588741644/n588741644_789237_368.jpg

At work awhile ago...

 

http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v289/193/102/588741644/n588741644_591960_7425.jpg

Miniature golf course in Arizona. I <3 that place.

 

http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v289/193/102/588741644/n588741644_591959_7104.jpg

Rawwwr.

 

http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v2583/193/102/588741644/n588741644_1585374_6011872.jpg

In a Taylor jacket.

 

http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v648/193/102/588741644/n588741644_1348428_1053.jpg

Mah baby Damien and me.

 

http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v648/193/102/588741644/n588741644_1348431_4517.jpg

Me and my daddy.

 

http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v289/193/102/588741644/n588741644_655303_5636.jpg

Me and my friend Travis. Lol, look in the lenses.--> My arm, and Sadie. XD

 

http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v289/193/102/588741644/n588741644_655291_1676.jpg

Me and Joci. Boo I look like crap next to her. XD Oh well.

 

http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v289/193/102/588741644/n588741644_655293_2371.jpg

Me and Sadie. Tomorrow is her last day of school here. She's leaving Saturday. *cries*

 

http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v2583/193/102/588741644/n588741644_1629592_1852044.jpg

Agaiiiin.

 

http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v2583/193/102/588741644/n588741644_1629445_386451.jpg

The 'gang' at Stephany's party. (Joci, Steph, Mariah, Me, Mariah, Sadie.)

 

http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v2583/193/102/588741644/n588741644_1629449_1634500.jpg

Amber, Me, Mariah, Stephany, and Liz at Steph's party.

 

http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v2601/156/12/517711310/n517711310_2779618_6744360.jpg

Being cheerleaders. Yes. I'm aware of what I look like. XD

 

http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v2583/193/102/588741644/n588741644_1629593_6245325.jpg

Most recent picture. This is me and Joci, again.

[speedthief]

^ wow nice pictures of you Riss!!

[Sponge]

You look nice on those pictures of yours!!!

[Shadowed Heart]

Thanks.

 

So. I've decided that March 26 is usually the worst day of the year, and yesterday was the last time I'd get to just sit with Sadie for awhile.

She cried a little but I can suck it up because she's coming back for the summer.

Today after prom, Jocelyn is going to come get me and we're going to say goodbye to her. She's leaving tomorrow.

But, if Sadie leaving is the worst thing to happen this year... this year should be pretty good. XD

 

Also, I told Derek that I like him.

Well... What happened is this.

 

I was telling him that Taylor was horrible to me but for some reason I missed him.

He told me that I just need someone else, someone to whoe me.

So I asked if he was offering.

Then he told me that if I liked him (I have a feeling someone told him. Probably Dustin or Erin) he wouldn't mind getting to know me better.

I told him that I did kind of like him, but after that he stopped texting me.

Lol I think Taylor is the jealous type because when I told him I was 'talking to you and Derek' and he was like 'oh. I'll let you go, you're busy' XD

Anywho. This morning, Derek text me saying 'hey cutie' and a little while later said 'I do kinda like you too... So... Maybe we should hand out more.

 

I've only been around him a handful of times since i met him about two years ago. Once we were in the car with Jocelyn, Erin, and Dustin. I was in the middle of him and Joci, and he had his hand on my leg... Hm... That was awhile ago.

I saw him at Sadie's party too. But I normally don't see him for more than a couple minutes when I do.

 

I really like him though.

Not sure why.

[speedthief]

^ you like Derek and not Taylor??

[Shadowed Heart]

Well. I like them both, but I'm trying to get over Taylor. He uses me to feel loved.

I want him, but I want him to love me back and to show it, but he's simply not capable.

I fucking hate it.

I see him smiling and laughing and actually LOOKING at one of my friends when he talks to her and I want to just start bawling.

 

Anywho... I usually write here first... but I'm copying a post from another place:

 

I feel so aesthetically inferior to my friends. I was just at Jocelyn's house helping her and Erin get ready, and I feel so ugly. Even her sister that WASN'T going looked great. http://209.85.117.197/12403/71/0/e4035/e4035.gif

I'm so... ugly. I have a fat, droopy, round, notnaturallypretty face, I have short legs, and that doesn't help that I'm fat. It just makes it worse.

 

Also, I just experienced something kinda weird. Derek taking Joci to prom. Lol I could tell they were both pretty uncomfortable, but oh well. I hope things will work out with him... But it never does. It never really gets to a REAL relationship point, with people I like.

God why can't I be... pretty? Smart? Funny? Notirritating? :/

 

I know I can't be perfect but I know you can get pretty close... I want that.

[Shadowed Heart]

I 100% agree with this.

 

 

2. suicide 2477 up, 854 down http://www.urbandictionary.com/images/thumbsup.gifhttp://www.urbandictionary.com/images/thumbsdown.gif

People say suicide is selfish and cowardly. That's bullshit. It's more selfish to expect someone to go through life feeling like shit, just so you can keep them around because they make you happy or some shit. It is not they're duty to keep you happy whilst they go through hell, you fucking morons.

Someone decided their live was no longer living, so when they killed themselves, all the sensible people who loved them felt very sad, but realised that it would be selfish to expect them to go on living, just for their own pleasure.

[Sponge]

Riss are you ok? Plzz don't hurt yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Shadowed Heart]

No offense but... no.

 

Today... I found out the Derek is back with his ex.

I fucking hate not being good enough.

I'M SO TIRED OF IT.

[Shadowed Heart]

So. I found some pictures on my phone.

 

http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/def7a16e25d3f5f07bacd842d256bc90.jpg

My spiffy belt.

 

http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/465c24aecbea0f8f10fbab36819cf7a3.jpg

http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/b798d7b53d089215c1185ab638c59abc.jpg

My room.

 

http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/e599d6ae5ff9bac11b736a5cac03e551.jpg

My handwriting at it's best... Basically just number though.

 

http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/3b0a8c11075eb6f58480bd8e670ba160.jpg

Best picture on my phone!

 

http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/035682301b6a422402d85f5e37308040.jpg

Taylor fell asleep waiting for his brother....

 

http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/ee6415da65da54c2d52ade2972b722e9.jpg

Travis, Taylor, Dalton, Shayne, and Kev. As elves.

 

http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/9b4766927dbcd57a99344da94195ca7a.jpg

My pink pants. ^-^

 

http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/6346a02e30123b9ea192f5139c90e94f.jpg

http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/f044b9727a68364fadf73a5541340127.jpg

http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/80742d0efaa7b61d7581f84997480103.jpg

Playing hobo.

 

http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/953e3eda548f77172a81d3a4f534aeba.jpg

He's so freaking adorable. <3

 

http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/254cb4bd59fb4318d5554c4a40977ba3.jpg

http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/016bf0137d68cda0430095d10426642e.jpg

http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/63acb9ec667196868c3c43aab63d2e66.jpg

http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/bf1090a72b2cc5a24a8752f14019104d.jpg

My pictures from the night of my dance concert.

 

http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/a3c051a922b44da59bcd12541ba36235.jpg

My aunts engagement ring.

[speedthief]

Nice Pictures Riss

[Shadowed Heart]

Thanks. I actually love how I look in the ones for Dance Concert.

 

Anywho. Copy+Paste from another forum::

 

 

I made a kick ass birthday cake for Joey (Joelle) today. I make cakes for everyone's birthday in the Rindlesbach family (who's birthdays are all in the first 4 months of the year, hah). I made Jocelyn's and Erin's last year, and I made Mother's a couple months ago, and Joelle's today. Joci's and Erin's birthdays are coming up (April 30 and May 17). I don't make them for Asher and Papa though, because they don't live there, except when Asher is home, but he's in the military so he's not there often. And Papa and Mother are divorced so he isn't there. Well... He is... to visit sometimes. Eh.

 

Anywho. Jocelyn's dance concert is this weekend, and the Language Fair is coming up. We (Me, Tiffany, Evan, Dae, and two other guys I don't really know) finished writing the script for our skit and almost finished the translation (Spanish). I realized that I have one line, I think. Boo. Oh well, though. I get to miss a whole day of school and hang out with some awesome people. http://209.85.117.197/12403/71/0/e4025/e4025.gif

Since my school is block schedule, I can miss "A" days, but not "B" days, because I have Driver's Ed. now and if you miss that class at all, you fail. You can miss it once and make it up, but idk if I'll be sick or anything. I feel sad because I have the last class, so last pick for ranges (practicing stations like parallel parking, left turns, etc., at 5 mph for 3 hours, twice), so mine are at the end of May. AFTER I turn 16. http://209.85.117.197/12403/71/0/e4035/e4035.gif

May 29 at 14:30, and May 30 at 10:30. I'm taking a permit test in class within the next couple weeks, and I'll schedule my drives for, probably during the summer. I can get my license, I think, in October. I need to get a job over the summer, me thinks, because I'll need money for gas, and maybe insurance, Idk if my parents are paying that or me... They still have my phone. EVEN THOUGH yesterday my dad said several things that pointed out that I NEED my phone. It's irritating because I snapped ONCE and yelled at my mom. I apologized, but still, I'm grounded until May, and Idk when I'll get my phone back. I miss it. I don't exactly miss my freedom though. Lol. I didn't do a whole lot before.

My AP test in May 8. My mom is picking up a study book for me atm, with practice tests, essays, and flash cards. Yeayyy. I'm going to study things at my school Saturdays from ten to twelve, and on Sundays I'm studying with some other people. I really need to pass this test, or I'll feel like such a loser... *sigh*

Also, the whole block schedule thing. I can't be sick on A days, because I am missing one day to go to Disneyland for my birthday, and one for the Language Fair, I'm also going to miss two of my classes to take a test on Friday. We have a stupid "point" system at my school. If you get 24 (or is it 21? idr) you get no grade for the class, and you have to go to 'attendance school'... which I don't think sounds too bad. You just have to sit in a room and do whatever for an hour. Can anyone say "homework time!"? Anywho. Tardy= 3 points, More than 10 minutes late= 4 points, Absent= 5 points (excused or not. How stupid! What's the POINT of getting it excused then?), Sluff= 10 points.

So I'll already have 15 points in two of my classes and 10 in the other two. *shrugs* Which kinda sucks because my A days rock. My B days are kind of boring. I have Health (which was okay, but now that the student teacher for that class is gone I'm sure it won't be anymore), AP Euro (interesting, but boring... not allowed to do anything but listen), Driver's Ed., and Biology. Lol. I had to read Chpt. 1 and 2 of the manual, but I'm in Chpt. 7. Lol. XD

 

Wow. I didn't plan on writing that much.

[Sponge]

Coolz. I hope you go to Disney Land and pass those classes!!! Good Luck!!

[Shadowed Heart]

Me too.

 

My mommy got me the stuff I wanted for the test.

300 flash cards, two practice tests, and a time line. w00t.

[Sponge]

Coolz!!!!! Work!! Work like your life depends on IT!!!

[Shadowed Heart]

It does. Lol.

[Sponge]

lol ok. Hope you get betterz!!!!

[Shadowed Heart]

*head ache*

 

So you know what? I can't stop thinking about Taylor. Mostly the bad stuff too, but I still miss him... Ugh.