Joke thread

[Greyfoxx]

another old M.J. joke

 

What does Michael Jackson and Macdonalds have in common?

 

They both put thier mean between 5 year old buns!

 

-_-' hehe,

[Pheonix791989]

god fox you are mental lol

[Greyfoxx]

You are just now realizing this fact?!?!?

[keza]

mj jkes are my brothers friends new obsessions so

 

Q: What do Michael Jackson and an xbox have in common?

A: Both get turned on by kids

 

Q: What is Michael Jackson's favorite holiday?

A: Christmas because he gives the well behaved kids a special gift...

 

Q: Where's Michael going on holiday?

A: He's off to Tampa with the kids.

 

 

yer ¬.¬

[Pheonix791989]

god, i think the michale jackson jokes are the best.

[LPpinkfreak821]

I love you people!

 

so I'm not racist, but I know some really good jokes that... the race themselves told me. I laughed my ass off.

 

are they banned from this thread?

[woodyloveslinkin]

What do you call a cow on 2 legs?

 

A wife.

[GraDoN]

well personally i dont care what jokes you tell because jokes are indeed jokes but there are a few people with problems :\

[o0SugaxNxSpice0o]

Love the MJ jokes LOL. They're brilliant =D

 

Hmm, yeah jokes are jokes. There are bound to be jokes making fun of anything really. You should really take them lightly with a pinch of salt! It's not meant to offend you personally!

 

Emo jokes are great lol. Even though apparantly I dress "emo" >.>

[UnhingedMouse0]

I love you people!

 

so I'm not racist, but I know some really good jokes that... the race themselves told me. I laughed my ass off.

 

are they banned from this thread?

Use your discression, I mean, if you REALLY think you shouldent post em, then dont, but if you found em funny and YOU think they are fine, then post em up. :thumbsup:

[LPpinkfreak821]

I dont think I'll post them... they are a little. . . we wont go there!

 

Want to hear a dirty Joke?

 

 

 

 

 

A white horse fell in the mudd

 

 

______________________________________

Jack be nimble, jack be quick, jack jacked off his candle stick

______________________________________

 

 

thats all I got for now...

[woodyloveslinkin]

How do you confuse a blonde?

 

Give her a pack of M&Ms and tell her to arrange them alphabetically.

 

How do you confuse a blonde?

 

Give her a box of Jaffas and tell her to leave the red ones until last.

[acdcrules04]

Ok.

 

So God is talking to Adam and Eve and he says, "Ok, I have 2 new improvements, you can each have one. The first one is being able to pee standing up."

Naturally Adam goes, "Oooooo! I want that one!"

God's like "Ok."

Then Eve is like, "Jeeze... What's the other one?"

"Multiple orgamsms."

 

XD

[woodyloveslinkin]

What do you call a blonde dying her hair brunnette?

 

Artificial Intelligence

[keza]

Ok.

 

So God is talking to Adam and Eve and he says, "Ok, I have 2 new improvements, you can each have one. The first one is being able to pee standing up."

Naturally Adam goes, "Oooooo! I want that one!"

God's like "Ok."

Then Eve is like, "Jeeze... What's the other one?"

"Multiple orgamsms."

 

XD

lmfao i liked that one haha

 

<333

gd one

[LPpinkfreak821]

how do you confuse a blonde?

 

put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner.

 

 

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?

 

because she kept throwing out the W's.

 

 

[this one is stupid! V ]

Why does it take a blonde 5 days to make cookies?

 

Because its hard to peel the shells off the M&M's

 

 

[this one is a bit racist, but not too bad]

a white guy, a black guy, and a mexican are standing on top of the building. they each jump off at the same time. Who lands first?

 

the white guy because the black guy stops to rob the mexican on the way down.

 

 

[the next two are racist, but funny. & I promise you this... all these jokes came from the race that their about... I PROMISE]

How do you start a parade in mexico?

 

throw a penny in the street.

[^ thats horrible!]

 

 

Person1: so did you hear about that four car pile up in Mexico

Person2: no

Person1: yea about 100 people died.

 

yea I have more racist jokes, but I wont bother putting them in here. The Mexican ones are bad enough. If you want to hear them tho... PM me

[Ravynlee]

I got a really lame one - here goes;

 

A man walked into a bar... you thought he would have seen it XD

[Tomer]

why did the turkey cross the road ... to prove he wasn't a chicken

[woodyloveslinkin]

Old guy jumps into his mercedes, roaring down a 100 km per hour down the highway. Sees coppas behind him, so he keeps on speeding. So finally, he pulls over.

The cop comes up to him and say

"Hey, Mr. My shift is over in 30 minutes and if you can give me one decent reason why I shouldn't book you, shoot ahead"

The man replies:

"My wife 25 years ago ranaway with a coppa. I thought you were bringing her back."

[Ryuku]

Racist? Yes.

Funny? Yes.

Taken straight from the movie Boondock Saints:

 

Yakavetta: I'm having a shitty day. I'm depressed. Tell me a funny joke.

Rocco: Uh, OK. There's these three guys walking on the beach, a spic, a white guy, and a black guy.

Yakavetta: Nigger.

Rocco: Yeah, right. So they find this pot, rub it, and a genie comes out. The genie says, "You can wish for whatever you want." So he asks the Mexican what he wants, and he says "I want all my people in America to be happy and free, and in Mexico." So the genie goes poof. It's done. Then he says to the black guy...

Vincenzo Lipazzi: Nigger.

Rocco: Yeah, right, he says to the ****** "What do you want?" and the ****** says, "I want all my ****** brothers to be back in Africa, and happy and free and everything." So the genie goes poof. And they're all back in Africa. So... I'm not funny today, really, this joke sucks, I know...

Yakavetta: Continue the joke.

Rocco: Uh, so he says to the white guy, "What's your one wish?" And the white guy says, "Wait, you mean to tell me that all the spics and ******s are out of America?" The genie goes yeah, and the white guy says, uh, "I'll have a Coke, then."

[Chris]

Racist? Yes.

Funny? Yes.

Taken straight from the movie Boondock Saints:

lmao :') nice one.

[ImTheOneThatFalls]

OKAY OKAY OKAY. Racist jokes...

 

What do you call a little mexican?

A paragraph, because he's not quite an essay. -Mike

 

What do you call a mexican getting baptised?

Bean Dip!

 

What do you call two mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan!

 

Why don't mexicans have barbecues?

The beans keep falling through the grill!

 

A mexican and a ****** are riding in car . . who's driving?

A cop!

 

I like black people . . .

. . I used to have some black friends 'till my dad sold them!

 

How do you blindfold a gook?

Dental floss!

 

What do you call a fat chinaman?

A Chunk!

 

How do you know if a chink robbed your house?

Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later the chink is still trying to back out of your driveway!

 

What is a Jews biggest dilemma?

Free pork

 

Whats the object of Jewish football?

To get the quarter back.

 

What do you call a pretty Paki?

Asif!

 

 

 

Sorry If I offended anyone. No flaming. I love everyone.

[Brkng_Th_Hbt]

Nice jokes everyone. Here's some I accumulated:

 

_______

So, a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says.... "Why the long face?!?"

_______

 

Whats pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.

 

Whats blue and fluffy? Pink fluff holding it's breath.

_______

 

So a guy walks into a bar and says "ow"

_______

 

Two muffins were sitting in an oven, one says "Man, it has to be like 350 degrees in here."

The other muffin says "Holy ****! A talking muffin."

_______

 

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

 

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

 

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

_______

 

why did hellen kellers dog commit suicide? you would too if your name was "shlkljslakjfklnas"!

_______

A man goes to the doctors to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says "I have good news and bad news", The man asks for the bad news. The doctor replies with "You have aids." Then man then screams "Then what the hell is the good news?!?!?!" To which the doctor says "The cancer is eating it."

_______

 

http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/0e999f4a7cd3c462caf8325a3bbd4c9e.jpg

 

I laughed a great while at that picture.

[woodyloveslinkin]

Dirty Joke

 

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

 

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

 

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

 

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

 

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

[ImTheOneThatFalls]

"Two muffins were sitting in an oven, one says "Man, it has to be like 350 degrees in here."

The other muffin says "Holy ****! A talking muffin."

 

 

that was great.