{Wood'z Journal Act 2}

[woodyloveslinkin]

Well I've decided to write a short story. Haven't named it yet, but I saw a flash animation of these series on fat-pie.com where this guy was on a bad trip and was imagining that the whole world was overrun by beetles.

 

I am also really shitty at Daniel for a number of things. I mainly feel like he has to hide me away from his family when I've been forced to do the opposite given current events. I just don't know right now. I think I like him but in the end of the day I end up hating him. He's a good friend, I've even admitted he's one of my best friends, but I don't know, I just don't see anything between us even as friends. I see potential between me and Iain, but I think I'm only finding ways to avoid my true feelings with other people including Daniel. I mean, I liked Carl for a number of weeks, then I realised he was a complete douche bag and a real stoner....I think I'm just confusing myself too much. Then he called me lazy for me being sick all day and doing nothing...I mean I'm here battling a migraine and a tummy bug. For fuck's sake leave me alone.

[woodyloveslinkin]

so nervous ................. I feel a panic attack coming on. I missed my meds dose last night and I paid the price for it. I was an emotional wreck who was torn between being so upset she couldn't talk to anyone and so angry at herself for letting her get this tied up in emotions. Okay this sounds cliche coming from a woman BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WEAR ! Ugh, it's frustrating. And I didn't get a good night's sleep either....I couldn't sleep on my normal mattress of the couch cos Katie took it and her bf Carl took the other couch so I had to sleep in Daniel's crappy bed where he takes the covers and blames it on me for taking them....I wanna play Sims 2 now but I know I can't. I have to go to Centrelink still and get some phone credit because I'm probs gonna get to my interview via taxi.

[Jeezy]

you got to relax a little

[woodyloveslinkin]

I can't :X Everyone on LPA is telling me to calm down but I think I really need to take my meds now. See this is what happens when I don't take my anti-depressants, I have panick attacks. Actually my psychologist says my stress levels are low but my anxiety levels are pretty high while my depression is pretty mild. Well I better hit the shower and scour the house for some close. All I have to do now is tell myself think of Jack White naked think on sexy thoughts. I remembered a piece of advice my friend gave me once, wear low cut tops. I did so in my Austar job interview and I got it. Haha.

[woodyloveslinkin]

http://photos-f.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-snc1/v347/174/15/906285354/n906285354_4412173_9519.jpg

I blow kisses. XD

http://photos-e.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-snc1/v347/174/15/906285354/n906285354_4412172_8804.jpg

I <3 that top of mine

 

 

Curse my eyes for being so bright.

[Ravynlee]

Congrats on the job my girl, had full faith in you that you'd get it. Doesn't matter what it is, it's a job, and let's face it it's better than a few others I need not mention (and more 'honest' too ) Sorry I couldn't talk earlier but was at work. Will have to catch up again soon.

 

As for the guy thing, sounds weird, but look at the guys you 'like' as if you were shopping - do you just buy any thing cause it's available, or do you take a closer look, is it too loud, too flat, do you think it compliments you, fits in with everything else around you in your life, do you think it'd look good on you...? No wait that's not where I was heading *lmfao* but in all seriousness you get the idea.

It's a monopoly out there. Look for guys who bring something besides availability to the table (relationship) - if he's there to serve himself and treat you like crap and give you nothing but grief in return, move the hell on to someone else. The world isn't short of guys, don't settle for the dregs of society when you know you deserve someting more. And if you don't know what you deserve by now you deserve what you end up with

My two cents. Listen or don't.

Talk later

*hugs*

[woodyloveslinkin]

Yeah I know *grumbles* Guess what I had for dinner to celebrate? McDonalds. Again.

 

For some odd reason I've had the Placebo line stuck in me head all day Come on darling, come on Angel, that's exchange the experience (Running Up That Hill). I was stuck in Centrelink for about two hours today and I wanted to hurt someone for making them make me wait a long time. Ugh. I rang up mummy and she said she was proud of me, rang up Ra, he thought I was stoned cos I was trying to keep my voice down in the Centrelink waiting room. I've got more confusing forms to fill out and I start next week at my new job!!!

[woodyloveslinkin]

Cruel to be Kind

Letters to Cleo

 

Oh I can't take another heartache

Though you say you're my friend

I'm at my wits end

You say your love is bonna fide

But that don't coincide

With the things that you're doing

 

When I ask you to be nice

You say you gotta be

Cruel to be kind, in the right measure

Cruel to be kind, it's a very good sign

Cruel to be kind, means that I love you

Baby, you gotta be cruel to be kind

 

Well I do my best to understand dear

But you still mystify, and I wanna know why

I pick myself up off the ground

And have you knock me back down

Again and again

 

And when I ask you to explain

You say you gotta be

Cruel to be kind, in the right measure

Cruel to be kind, it's a very good sign

Cruel to be kind, means that I love you

Baby, you gotta be cruel to be kind

 

Well I do my best to understand dear

But you still mystify, and I wanna know why

I pick myself up off the ground

And have you knock me back down

Again and again

 

And when I ask you to explain

You say you gotta be

Cruel to be kind, in the right measure

Cruel to be kind, it's a very good sign

Cruel to be kind, means that I love you

Baby, you gotta be cruel to be kind

 

 

Man, I've been listening to this band too much for the past 24 hours. They are off the soundtrack of 10 Things I Hate About You. Well, nothing has happened exciting so far. I got a bit tetchy with Daniel's little sister because now she has a rat and its a case of Daniel-has-a-rat-now-I-want-a-rat and there's talk of breeding already. I've clearly shown my opposition to breeding Pixie when she's not old enough yet. I went to bed this morning at 4 am...playing Sims 2 lol.

[woodyloveslinkin]

Blrgh. That's all for tonight. Katie and I got into some mischief

[MrsBennington-Delson]

Blrgh. That's all for tonight. Katie and I got into some mischief

???

[Ravynlee]

???

 

One of two things, both involve substance abuse I would reckon (be it liquid form or the other) - Just a wild guess...

[woodyloveslinkin]

Yeah I was kinda out of it. I was watching my friend use Rosetta Stone, a program that teaches you different languages and I was there just there thinking wtf. And then they decided to get me to get them some food and I came back and they were like "we didn't ask for food". I was very confused for about five minutes and then realised they were playing with me. We were getting stoned to Spice Girls and Christina Aguilera, haha. Then decided Pearl Jam was the right music to listen to. I can't believe it, we went through all the weed together and there was a shit load there....weed is a common appearance in the kitchen.

 

Beanie's gone crazy, Katie's cat. He went around attacking everyone in site for about ten minutes yesterday. Went downtown yesterday and paid rent, found out that I'm broke once again. Trying to figure out a way to get to Kooringal next Thursday, without catching a taxi - now I wish someone in the household had a car. Dan can legally drive, Katie can't at all, I can illegally drive, but none of us have a valid licence now. I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO NEXT THURSDAY!! I start work next Thursday!!

 

Been listening to way too much chick rock lately like Letters to Cleo and their songs that they did for the soundtrack of 10 Things I Hate About You. And of course, Spiderbait, with their songs like Calypso and Put It Down for the soundtrack of She's the Man.

 

I'm listening to Within Temptation now, What Have You Done? They are like Evanescence but less popularised and more catchy. I wouldn't say they were as heavy as Nightwish. In fact, I need to listen to more Nightwish, I haven't been having my White Stripes/Smashing Pumpkins/Nightwish dose but I have been having heaps of my Placebo dose.

 

Ugh, one of my friends grabbed my camera and took random photos of my house. Shall upload them later...they were so random lmao.

[woodyloveslinkin]

Well I did housewife duties today. Did the washing, cleaned up, and *sigh* I feel underappreciated. Katie's gone out to her parents place for the night and Dan's gone out with Al and Chris to the pub....home alone...listening to Within Temptation....

 

I now have a phobia of pubs. I don't know why, but I just don't like them now and I'm afraid of the atmosphere they create. I haven't drunken alcohol for over 3 months now....

[woodyloveslinkin]

Okay never ever make out with your ex's friend. I wasn't drunk or stoned, it happened all of a sudden, he was drunk though. So when Chris and I came into to check on Dan in his bedroom, because Al was so drunk that he was sleeping through Rage completely on the couch. Dan was on the floor unable to get up cos he was that smashed (man I hate taking care of drunk people) he couldn't get up. I knew something was up with him and I have a feeling that Daniel was really cracking the shits because of me and Chris. Then Dan kept persisiting to play a game of chess with Chris and finally they both agreed. Dan crawled to his bed and that's when I said goodnight to him and he was dead to the world when I come to sleep in his bed (Chris and Al had taken both the couches and I didn't really want to sleep with Katie) I swear his breathing pattern had lowered. I was worried that he would stop breathing to be honest.

 

So when Chris and I saw each other this morning before he left for Sydney it was kinda akward but it was all good we still talked and we both checked up Daniel. I have never seen a bunch of guys so drunk as I did last night, especially in Daniel's case.

[woodyloveslinkin]

There have been times in the past couple of times, where I've had major moodswings, with or without meds. Like for an example, I was about to get really violent with Daniel for constantly wanting to know what happened between me and Chris last night (barely anything) and times where I didn't want to be hugged and he kept pushing me. And another time I just broke down crying because I explained that I felt underappreciate for what I've been doing around the house. I think the meds aren't working now.

 

My best friend Heather came over today along with Wayne, another friend of mine from graphics, we sat there talking and laughing about various topics including anime, porn etc etc I was so happy that I got to catch up with Heather today.

[Ravynlee]

Meds take 6 - 8 weeks to work, depending. If you have taken anything else non prescribed (which I know you have) these will counteract the meds. The warning labels aren't a suggestion you know. Don't go off your meds suddenly. You'll pay for it in terrible ways, take it from one who knows. See your doc first. You may have to change meds to another dosage or another type altogether before you feel it 'working.'

Again, don't be stupid with it. You'll pay for it later. Trust me.

[woodyloveslinkin]

I've been on them for about six weeks now, well, just over it. Even before I did the weed I was having sudden and sharp mood changes. I'll be happy one moment and depressed the next. Like the other night were I just broke down completely and locked myself in the laundry. Ugh, I have to go to the doctors in the next couple of days anyway.

 

Just so bored with my life right now. Want Thursday to come so I can start doing something productive.

[Ravynlee]

Boredom is the root of depression you know. Gotta keep active, be it physically and / or mentally. Go off the meds you will end up right where you started. They probably need changing or at the least adjusting. In the ten + years I was on them I was on at least 5 different tabs in that time and one anti-psychotic, not to mention seeing a handful of therapists. Don't for a second think a pill will solve anything. It's an aid, not a solution. Depression or mood disorders isn't something you simply 'snap out of.' It creeps up over time, like weight. And like weight you need to do more than sit on your ass and take a pill and hope you'll wake up one day looking like Elle MacPherson. Point is you're looking for a quick fix and if you didn't hear it from your doctor then at least hear it from me; There is no quick solution. Don't build yourself up with false hopes. You'll only get worse when you see it's not happening as fast as you think it should.

 

Edit: Oh and tell the doc about the weed. Trust me, you won't get in legal trouble but if he gave you a high dose antidepressant or anti-anxiety med and you took that with anything 'recreational' you can very well hurt yourself if not worse. It happens. And don't kid yourself by thinking naively it won't happen to you. Read the paper sometime, it has to happen to someone, why not you if you choose that path?

[woodyloveslinkin]

I don't even think my psychologist is doing any good to be honest. I know it's part of my treatment, but in my own humble opinion, I don't see cause in that area. Trust me, I stopped taking my meds for two days once and I was a complete wreck, never want to go back there again.

 

I cooked dinner tonight....

[Ravynlee]

I don't even think my psychologist is doing any good to be honest. I know it's part of my treatment, but in my own humble opinion, I don't see cause in that area. Trust me, I stopped taking my meds for two days once and I was a complete wreck, never want to go back there again.

 

I cooked dinner tonight....

Then request another therapist. You're allowed to

 

What did you cook?

[woodyloveslinkin]

Enchildas. Really crappy ones outta the box cos I missed a step but I still got a 8/10 from Daniel for them. Did everything myself I dunno...everytime I cook mexican food I always get a high rating for it.

[woodyloveslinkin]

Hmm...well I got up at 3 pm today finally. Daniel had to be called into work suddenly at midnight and didn't finish until 6 this morning and so he was pretty stuffed because he was battling a mega hangover. Watched another episode of Xena Warrior Princess because I was bored shitless and needed to be entertained. It was a tv show that I used to love when I was little and yeah, we were just laughing at the shit acting.

 

Went downtown briefly to get some Red Rooster and to get some milk that's about it.

 

Just listening to Within Temptation again, good band, a lot like Nightwish but more heavier/rockish. I love the song What Have You Done? By luck, in my iTunes LP's What I Have Done comes straight after the song.

 

Gonna go and watch either Dark Knight on DVD or Get Smart.

[MrsBennington-Delson]

 

Just listening to Within Temptation again, good band, a lot like Nightwish but more heavier/rockish. I love the song What Have You Done? By luck, in my iTunes LP's What I Have Done comes straight after the song.

 

Gonna go and watch either Dark Knight on DVD or Get Smart.

huge LOL at the what you've done/what i've done xD

 

and LMAO at the last sentence "watch dark knight or get smart" xD

 

damn sarah that cracked me up :lol:

[woodyloveslinkin]

Yeah I thought that was kinda ironic

 

Well I got up at about 2 pm today and I totally missed my psychologist appointment which was at 10 am. I was up to 3 am playing Guild Wars with my Guild Wars friend Mel Marn (that was her username and mine is Azaria Lee). We made an interesting noob team. She's a necromancer and a warrior and I am a ranger and an elemantalist, I get to fuck around with fire, ice, wind and lightening along with having an awesome long bow. While she pounds the crap outta our enemies and can raise the dead. We had an interesting play tactic last night, I fight while she hides behind a tree and heals me (cos I can't heal my other team mates). We gonna meet up tonight and tackle it again and the death score of one another is 3-4, I'm winning

 

It's Dan's 25th today so I had to message Katie when she gets off work to go and buy him a cake

[woodyloveslinkin]

What am I doing? Downloading episodes of goold old Xena Warrior Princess at 2 am.

 

Centrelink is going to be brutally murdered for what they have done to me. They've asked for Daniel's details (I made the mistake of telling them we were exs living together but somehow we treat each other like we're back together...odd that...will explain later) and Daniel read the form I asked him to fill out and basically explained to me that they're going to cut me off entirely because he's earning a big salary. Pfft. Assholes.

 

Anywho back to me and Daniel, wow, I don't know where we have erupted from but we treat each other like husband and wife at times! It's just odd >.<

 

Watched Chaser's War on Everything today, well, should I say yesterday, on DVD and pissed myself laughing. I think Daniel fell off the chair.

 

Hannah went missing a couple of days ago but its all good now, she was found 9 hours later about 5 kms away and looks like she'll be taken off her mum and given to either Daniel or his eldest sister Tania, cos yeah, welfare isn't liking Margaret at all. So that was an interesting development.