please help!!!

[allieking]

this is weird because i don't usually ask you guys for advice as i'm older then you all and have been there and done it, but i really need your advice.

 

as you all know i have 3 daughters, eden who is 13, coral who is 12 and chloe is 9. coral has just gone up to high school, shes took to it well as she has her big sister in the year above her. coral has been the model child all her life, i never had to shout ayt her and she never spoke back to me, she has only been naughty a handfull of times wich were not that bad. lately she has been being so disrespectful, she constantly speaks back to me and has a bad attitude towards me and her sisters. i'm not hard on them, all i expect is that if they go out they take their phones with them and answer them when i call, they have to do chores in the house but they get £20 a month for doing hem, they have friends staying every week and they pretty much get everything else done for them. i can't understand why shes being so disrespectful.

 

most of you guys are not much older than her and you have proberbly been through the same experiance, so i was wondering how i can handle the situation without losing my relationship with coral as i love her more than life itself.

 

thanks guys in advance.

[Sygy]

hmmm.

 

Well you could just sit her down and talk to her quitely but very firmly telling her that her behaviour is not acceptable. And then maybe try and nogiate some type of system for example if shes rude more the 5 times she cant have her friends over or doesnt recieve her 20 pounds.

 

Or if shes doing this infront of her friends to seem cool bc she beinf rude to her mum and thats oh so cool *sarcasm* you could just tell her off infront of her friends. BC by being rude to you shes humiliating you so just do the same back to her!

[allieking]

i shouted at her 2 nights ago and sent her to bed, she told me she was sorry an hour later, she also promised she would stop. yesterday she did it again and today also. its so frustrating and i feel like i'm failing as a mother.

 

i will try telling her off infront of her frends sygy, thank you hunny xxxx

[MrsBennington-Delson]

well... I honestly don't know but I guess the puberty starts... =S

[Black_Angel]

Yeah she's at that difficult age, I remember being like that.. what stopped me was, as Sygy said, taking away privilages like money or computer time or something like that.. it should work if you keep at it.... I'm not very good at advice!

[MayaTheVampire]

hmm..i don't think that telling her off infront of her friends will help.....at least it didn't work for me.....i didn't talk with my mother for like...2 weeks......so i think it's better to talk with her when she's alone.

 

but ..don't think you're a bad mother....you're not!! it's just the age.... i remember me when i was 12 .... i was constantly arguing with my mother...and my father... and i still am ( i'm 18 now) ...but...i have a bigger brother.... and he was like me...but now my brother doesn't argue with my parents anymore

 

ok..all i wanted to say is..just be patient and it will pass..

[Acezorz]

I wouldn't be harsh on yourself, allie. You're super allie!

 

Yeah, I agree with the others, start taking away privaleges, that should give her the message!

[By_My-elf]

Well what my parents done to get me on track was,

They treated me the same way and backed off gave me my space.

I was bad I look back at that and think like "whoa, I had everyhtign but I was an A-hole to everyone"

but what my parents done was let me do things "The hard way" as they call it.

 

I had to find out life decisions on my own, I had to get help on my own I had to do everyhting on my own.

and it helped me alot.

[GraDoN]

i would say a nice spank would do the job but alot of parents are against it so idk... helped me in my youth though

[Linkin_lp_park]

Yeah as said before, take some of the things away she likes to do when se acts like that

It's just the puberty..I had that time to, like say No at everything, just do stuff like that and it will pass:)

[Sygy]

i would say a nice spank would do the job but alot of parents are against it so idk... helped me in my youth though

 

no way, spanking is bad. it just teaches that violence even on a small scale at home is acceptable.

[allieking]

i think i'm going to take the advice of most of you guys an take away the things she likes. andy and i talked about it last night and we decided that if she starts disrespecting either of us, she will go to her room for the rest of the night with no tv or pc.

 

i never spank my kids and i never will, thanks for the advice gradon but i prefer not to do it that way, not that its wrong but because its not the way i do things

 

i just hope that it ends soon because its not like her to do this and it breaks my heart to see her like this.

 

thanks for the advice guys, its really hepled, will let you all know how it goes

 

i gave rep to everyone that i could, some of you i couldn't because i've don it too much to you lol

[GraDoN]

no way, spanking is bad. it just teaches that violence even on a small scale at home is acceptable.

that is not true if you do it the right way, sure its a VERY bad thing if the parent hits the child in anger.

[Sygy]

that is not true if you do it the right way, sure its a VERY bad thing if the parent hits the child in anger.

sorry, but there isnt a 'right way' to inflict phyiscal pain on a child no matter how small amout of pain it is, its cowardly and a bad way to parent (not insulting ur parents) sure i'ld smack there hand way if they were about to play with some broken glass or touch fire or a dangerous animals but those are the only cases i would do it. anyways, its smacking banned here or is going to be banned?

[allieking]

lets not start an argument about this, people have diffrent methods fo diciplining children.

 

coral has been ok tonight, not answered me back yet. hope this is the start of the end of her attitude.

[Acezorz]

Good to hear!

 

I'm just glad you're dealing with this in the right way Especially when you take a look at kids these days..

[allieking]

comapred to most kids these days shes perfect, but if i stop being strict she will end up like that. i am very strict, i don't take any crap off my kids and they do as they are told first time or they are sent to bed, i guess shes just seeing how far she can push me, wich isn't far belive me.

[Linkin_lp_park]

comapred to most kids these days shes perfect, but if i stop being strict she will end up like that. i am very strict, i don't take any crap off my kids and they do as they are told first time or they are sent to bed, i guess shes just seeing how far she can push me, wich isn't far belive me.

 

Super Allie, Super Mom:)

[Acezorz]

Super Allie, Super Mom:)

 

Quoted for truth!

[HaziLPTonz]

we need more parents who are willing to not back down to their kids, good on you

 

while no doubt this is one of the harder times in life, kids all go through the rebellious phase in their life sometimes, its both good and bad, its bad in that theyre disrepecting your authority, but it can be good as it shows some form of indiviuality, its now a matter of pointing out when to speak back and when not, because yes, you want your kids to respect your authority, but you want your own kids to be able to point out when your wrong without being victimised and what not.

[allieking]

Quoted for truth!

 

Originally Posted by Linkin_lp_park http://www.linkinparkforums.com/styles/LPF4/buttons/viewpost.gif

Super Allie, Super Mom:)

 

thank you both, thats made me feel better.

 

i agree more parents need to be like me but i understand why some don't, its hard to keep kid in line, its a 24 hour job and you have to have a strong will.