Ahhhhhhhh!!

[LPHybridSnax]

anybody else just feel like screaming sometimes?

life is oh so fuckin stressful anymore, it's gotten to the point where i literally pull my hair out. the only reason i can get out of bed in the morning is the simple thought "things will get better" i never actually thought about that until the other day, ive just assumed it all my life. the reality is though, no, things are probably at their best right now until the day i retire, then i have even worse problems. im not going to college, geometry is making sure i stay far away from places like that. basically i just want to be wasted 24/7 anymore, it's the only way to not be depressed, but ive always said that's not the way to live. yesterday i overdosed on my migraine medicine and experienced 5 out of the 7 side affects saying to go to the hospital; shaking, cold sweat, low body temperature, chest pain, and a headache (imagine that). just so you guys get an idea how powerful this stuff is, they only give me 4 pills per refill. i was pretty content with it if i was going to die then, but no i woke up the next morning and went to school. it's not that im trying to kill myself or "want" to die necessarily, i mean i love my friends and my current life isn't all that bad despite problems at home, i just get so damn depressed when i think about where my life is going. i have anywhere between 1 and 3 years before im officially branded a "failure" by society's standards, which doesnt bother me that much as long as im on my own and happy. Now back to the drug thing, like i said the only time im really happy is when im either drunk, high, or whatever. Well, theres this girl that doesn't know the extent of what im going through, she just knows that i got kicked out a few weeks ago and i slept in a slide at the park for 4 days, and she gets really pissed when she finds out that ive been doing this stuff. the shitty part is, this is one of the only girls ive fallen for in god knows how long. ANOTHER problem, she doesn't want to be in a relationship at the moment. I figure this can end one of two ways. 1. I continue to do drugs, alcohol, and tobacco and she will ignore me until i finally say fuck it, im done with living 2. i stop doing drugs, alcohol, and tobacco and she rejects me anyway. im not trying to bitch like an emo kid and whine how pathetic my life is, im kind of just accepting things, but rejecting what they will be in the end. i could go on and on about my problems, the one person ive told ALL my problems to, word for word, said "God damn... maybe you should kill yourself." we both thought it was kinda funny i guess.

[diana]

Woah...ummm...*thinks*

I don't know how the whole situation stands, but eitherway you should never give up entirely...

I know, depressed moments are bitchy but the thought that it's gonna get better is the right way to cope with it (at least if you ask me)...you know why? Cuz it will get better...eventually...life is not always that fucked up as it may seems (or you just get used to it...probably...)...

I can say that you should try and find happiness in small things...it really can help no matter how pathetic you feel...just forget about that...

About future...well...things are certainly not just over cuz you maybe won't go to college...there are other ways...

Drugs...I know what you mean...but be careful...don't let them to carry you away...

Just try to keep your spirit up...

[allieking]

you need to go to your doctor and speak to him,you have severe depression and there are pills you can take for it. i have been suffering from panic attacks fo 10 years and thought nothing could be done about them, it got that bad that they were affecting my life and family. i went to the doctors and he put me on prozac, now my life is great, no more panic attacks. depression is similar, you think nothing can be done and you will feel like that forever, but anti-depressants do work and with counciling i'm sure you wil feel better.

 

 

oh and btw, alcohol and drugs don't help when your depressed, they make it worse.

[Friðbjörn]

I think his depression comes from the social situation, so I'm sorry but the happy pills aren't gonna fix that one two three bang...

 

now

with problems at home...there's not much realistically you can do about it. I mean would you wanna move into a foster home or something? or I mean, I'm guessing the home problems aren't your fault, so...fixing them is then up to someone else. but if possible try to make way for change...and always hang in there.

 

and there's always the old saying...find something to get excited about. the search can be hard though. but I mean, you make remixes right, and beats?

[allieking]

i know they wont fix it instantly but they do help, then you can get into some kind of counciling to help you with your issues.

[LPHybridSnax]

last night i was in a really... bad.. mood.

things could always be worse, when im with my friends im usually pretty happy, but whenever i look at the clock and see i have to come back to this place i just get that "aww fuck" cold chill feeling.

 

as for the alcohol, i dont do it on regular basis, like every couple weeks ill just get straight up hammered with either my friends or my other side of the family i only see once or twice a month.

weed, on the other hand, is available to me daily, but i still try to limit it severely

im making a lot of progress with my drug habits, despite im on adderal right now and over dosed on imitrex the other day.

 

for the most part i found that i just need to get away for a while, so usually i leave as soon as i get home from school, i shouldve had a car a LONG time ago, but i couldnt get a job

 

for the ones that suggest counciling, parental thing, my parents dont think anything is wrong with me, they think it's "teenage drama", which i know a large percent of it might be. im not completely oblivious to the fact most teenagers go through depression at one point and time... ONE point and time though, not constantly for almost 4 years, but again, I know there have been FAR worse scenarios.

One of the things that my parents don't know, and i would be disowned by my mom, grandma, probably the majority of my mom's side if they did know is that ive been practicing buddhism for about a year now and plan on converting from catholicism after i move out. im not saying i plan to become a monk, but i think the concept of inner peace and acceptance isn't that bad of an idea, especially in my situation. My friends are all for it, they think it's great. i was talking to one about the basic ideas of buddhism (not preaching, he asked out of curiosity i guess) and he really got into it, i thought it was kinda cool that just from telling him some things opened his eyes or something, but he plans to convert to buddhism sometime in the future, he used to claim to be agnostic. Glad i could help him obtain some faith. We think it's kind of cool that we live in the middle of Indiana and our group consists of an agnostic, jew, christan, and two buddhists.

 

friobjor - i used to, when i didnt know shit about how to do it lol, i still do little tiny things off and on, like 5 minute projects (like the WID orchestra thing), but im working like 5 different instruments in a band called "Momma's Boy" (i suggested the name out of irony for me, with the horrible relationship i have with my mom, and the great relationships the lead guitar and bassist have with theirs) right now, our album is set to release late 2008, early 2009, it's a lot of fun and keeps me busy. I got my, by far, favorite underground rapper to contribute, which keeps me really motivated. That on top of the primary band im part of "Short Tryp". So yeah... it keeps me stressed and active at the same time.

*I play backing guitar, drums, turntables, keyboards, and samples (just for "studio" tracks). I also do programming, effects, and mix all our tracks. (that's for "Momma's Boy", I don't do guitar or drums in "Short Tryp")

[Friðbjörn]

ahh cool loads of things going on musically...

number one thing that's helped me feel better a lot of the time it exactly that, getting busy in music. I hope that continues to help you as well

 

I suggest keeping the buddhism under wraps until you move out, if they seriously will disown you...

but I also think you should go for it, if it helps you find yourself. and if your family can't handle that, they obviously don't deserve your company...

[Jeezy]

therapy could help

[LPHybridSnax]

therapy could help

 

already discussed that

it's not an option

[LPHybridSnax]

update

 

i still have good days and bad days, for the first time i went into one a really depressed state when i was hanging out with some friends, which was really weird especially because we were hanging out with a guy thats in filmmaking, something ive always wanted to, and am working on, get into. one of my friends was really bothered by it because it was partially because i told her that i just had a headache and was tired. she's like a mom to me (age wise she could be my mom) and she didnt buy it i guess and kept asking if i was just thinkin about a girl or upset my friend that i was initially hanging out left to go hang with a girl, which neither was the case. i honesty dont know what it was, but i asked that girl out (...still unrelated to why i was all depressive) friday and she's still thinking about it, we talked today and she's having problems with that fact my best friend is her ex and he treated her like shit apparently and that me and the guy hang out like 3 - 5 days a week. then last year i did her wrong because of a huge mess and i straight up told her today that if i was just another one of her friends i would be saying "fuck that guy, he missed his chance" referring to myself. she said she'd call tomorrow and tell me, even if we do get together i dunno how long it'll last.

[UnhingedMouse0]

Spam = Lock