MS - Rav's newest story

[Ravynlee]

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Groaning against the pillow Mel sat up and shoved the covers away. The bedside light came on with a snap. Shimmying over to sit over her legs on the edge of the bed she sat nursing her head in her hands. She sniffled. Hearing the mattress groan she quickly swept her face as the other bedside light snapped on. A soothing hand caressed her back.

“Hey,” Schwag uttered sleepily, “what’s up? More nightmares?”

Brushing her hair back from her face she huffed out a falsetto smile and glimpsed back over her shoulder to face him.

“No, it’s nothing. Go back to sleep. I’ll be fine.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah.”

Reaching around she grasped his bare arm and caressed his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. With his face half buried amid the pillows her boyfriend smiled back at her with his eyes closed once more. Before she had even prised herself from the bed she could already hear his deep even breaths signalling his unconsciousness. Shutting off the lights she snorted with an envious pout before shuffling from the room.

After rinsing her face in the sink Mel held a towel to her face and groaned into it. Sensing something amiss around her she slowly blinked up. There in the mirror saw the face of the first man whose life she had taken; the molester, the pusher, the fat bastard that had christened her beloved kunai. Mel froze. She frowned. Was she still asleep here or-?

“Why did you kill me?” another voice behind her asked.

Out of the corner of her eye Mel could just make out slight movement. Something inside of her plummeted. In the mirror the same small face of that child she had killed peered up into her eyes with an innocent wondering. Mel closed her eyes and expelled a hard breath against the towel. She counted to three. When she looked up again both of them were gone. There was nothing but the shower stall and the worn faded off green curtain moving slightly in the late night breeze behind her. Her shoulders rose and fell with a loud heavy nasal sigh.

“Jesus Christ- what is wrong with me?”

Sudden movement around her ankle made Mel flinch and step back quickly.

 

The black tomcat wrapping itself around her ankle with a vociferous cry peered up at her with its glowing green eyes. It purred as Mel scratched its head.

“Jesus fur ball,” she smiled. “You scared the shit out of me. You’re not a figment of my imagination too are you? I feel like I must be losing my mind or something…”

The cat continued to pur as ita waited more affection before Mel stooped down to heft it up into her arms. The memory of that little girl continued to haunt her waking thoughts now and Mel’s nerves were coming undone because of it, she could feel it as she had every day since. Nothing seemed to work. Logic was suppressing the fears but not quashing them completely. In some ways she felt like a kid afraid of monsters she knew weren’t in her closet but couldn’t shake the notion something malevolent was there regardless. Huffing out a sigh of self-derision Mel snapped off the bathroom light and paddle out into the kitchen to fetch herself a drink. The virtually empty refrigerator made her stomach growl in protest. Setting the cat down Mel dropped a handful of dry food for it to nibble on. The sound of the cat crunching away too loud on it’s biscuits perpetuated her headache. Mel groaned again. Settling before the television set she let out a loud sound of exhaustion.

MTV. Noise. Excellent. Just what she needed.

Sinking back into the cushions Mel stared at the screen trying to let go of her thoughts that were spinning sickeningly fast out of control in front of her eyes. The last few weeks had been an education she hadn’t seen coming, blindsiding her dreams at making an average normal otherwise run-of-the-mill normal life for herself. She scoffed as she thought of all the time she had wasted on studies only to get to this point in her life. If she was smart she would pick those books up again right now and try and play catch up for her exams. That’s if the college would even have her back by now. All this time had passed as if in the blink of an eye and she had by all scholarly reports simply dropped off the face of the planet. They hadn’t been able to contact her, and in part Mel was relieved for it. They had probably written her off as another statistic by now anyway, a drop out, the kind they frowned upon disparagingly that would never get anywhere in life and never be anyone or amount to anything. Who in their right mind would believe her if she were to explain the life she found herself in now, even to her own sense of rational thought the words ‘hit man’ and ‘murderer’ only applied to those other personalities she saw on TV. She wasn’t one of those types, she wasn’t blood thirsty or savage or without regard for the human element that surrounded her, she was just doing what she’d been told to do, what she’d been recruited to do, what her lifetime of martial arts had trained her to do. She hadn’t dreamed that one day she would be approached to be at the right hand of a man like Mike Shinoda, a man who by all outward accounts had enough tenacity in his own right to take care of himself if not chose another path.

So why hadn’t he? For that matter why the hell hadn’t she?

Because I didn’t that’s why. Sure was funny how life worked out sometimes wasn’t it?She thought to herself wearily.

[Ravynlee]

Blinking her eyes up from the screen she looked to the photograph of her mother posing beside the car that was to become her tomb. Mel’s lips pinched up with an impulsive pout. Then, just like a flash she saw another figure reflecting back against the glass.

Mel froze and spun around.

The little girl with her dead eyes and lifeless face had disappeared from Mel’s sight again - but had left in her wake an eerie sense of foreboding that the young woman seemed unable to shake.

“Jesus Christ,” she murmured, sweeping a shaking hand across her face. “I really am looing my mind here… God help me.”

“He won’t help you. He only helps those who help themselves.”

Hearing a familiar voice Mel slowly turned her head to see Giovanni Ribisi sitting on the edge of her sofa smiling at her. Mel blinked over the screeching coming from the television set.

“G… I thought you were dead.”

“I am,” he said quietly.

The trademark traumatised look to his eyes didn’t waver at all with the small look of contentment that had settled upon his face. With her eyes narrowing Mel sniffed at the air. She could smell the faintest whiffs of smoke but couldn’t tell where it was coming from.

Ribisi seemed to chuckle at her clasping his hands together.

“Then… what are you doing here? I watched you die… in that car, back at the club-”

“They wont go away you know. The ghosts. They’re… locked in your subconscious. They’ll drive you crazy if you let them. Don’t worry about it, it’s natural. We all went through it at the beginning, even M. You get over it. It gets easier eventually. Or it’ll drive you completely nuts and you’ll end up driving your car into the Hudson at some point,” he laughed.

Mel smiled back weakly. Some part of her brain seemed to have shut down completely, choosing to ignore the lack of reflection her friend should have been casting against the flickering television screen rather than struggle with the ramifications of what she was already fearing.

“You know what will happen to you if you stay with him, Mel. One way or another you’re going to end up just like me. You can’t trust him to save you. He can’t even save himself. Get out now while you still have the chance. Don’t leave it until it’s too late. You saw what happened to me. Don’t let it happen to you.”

“But-”

“Mel?” Schawg croaked from the doorway.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes he stifled a yawn behind the back of his hand. Against the guitars screaming in the background Mel could hear his joints pop and creak in protest as he scuffed up his wild bedraggled hair. Squinting through a sleep haze he slowly surveyed the room.

“Who the hell are you talking to?” he asked worriedly.

Blinking back to the couch she stopped with her lips pursed ready to introduce Giovanni’s name. The vacant sofa beside her affronted her eyes with a breathless gasp. Mel’s finger raised towards it then lowered again dubiously. Kneading her eyes with her fists she let out a small manic s******.

“No one,” she uttered as she grinned back at him.

It was pained and scared and defiant all at once as her boyfriend continued to frown back at her.

“Myself I guess. Me and all my… invisible friends.”

She s******ed then and tried to disguise it behind her palm unable to quell his concern as slowly Schawg turned around with a grunt and staggered back to bed. Behind his back Mel’s juvenile expression slowly faded away. As the song ended and the next took too long in following Mel sat in the eerie silence with nothing but the wildly spinning thoughts and fresh fears dominating her mind. She snorted to herself against the cushions squeezing one between her fists that were beginning to quake with unease.

 

---

[Ravynlee]

---

 

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Huh? Are you deliberately fucking docile? Jesus Christ, if I didn’t know any better Bourdon I would swear to God you deliberately went out of your goddamned way to let this son-of-a-bitch walk free. Is that what happened? Tell me! Jesus Christ you’re so- look at me, I’m getting a fucking migraine here-”

As the sound of Goren’s voice echoed out through the precinct Frib stared at the windows, at the securely drawn blinds, frowning as if he would be able to see what was going on inside if he concentrated hard enough. It was late and most of the other officers and secretaries had gone home for the day leaving behind a skeleton staff that seemed at that moment to be avoiding the outburst. Not that Frib could blame them. Stirring against the edge of the desk he expelled a weary sigh as he blinked at his wristwatch, counting down another hour that had just passed. Feeling a clap on his shoulder the young officer almost leapt out of his skin as he swung around. It was the rest of the crew all milling behind him with the same concerned looks etched on all of their faces.

“Relax little dude,” Benji smirked, sinking down on the edge of the desk directly beside him. “How you holding up?”

Frib shrugged as Joel, Karl and Oded nodded back at him. They remained standing with their arms folded or with fists in pockets, all exchanging solemn greetings in the brief moment of silence to come from their captain’s office.

“We heard. Joel told us. Wanted to give the big guy some breathing space. So it’s true?”

Folding his arms across his chest too Frib nodded towards the door.

Someone behind him cursed disparagingly under his breath.

“Is she okay?”

“I don’t know I haven’t seen her. From what I’ve heard she’s better, as well as can be expected though. SVU dropped by a while back to get a statement but… she couldn’t tell them anything. Can’t speak. Perp crushed some bone in her neck or something. I don’t know.”

“Animal,” Karl snarled.

“Poor woman’s lucky enough to be alive,” Oded muttered.

The others nodded back in agreement.

“How’s he holding up? The big guy.”

Letting his eyes fall to the floor beneath his crossed ankles the youngest member of the team raised his shoulders in response. Though he looked troubled no one seemed to pay much mind to it. The fact any member of their squad’s family had almost been murdered said enough in itself upon each one of the men’s brooding faces.

“So what’s the captain throwing a mental over this time?” Joel wondered. “I haven’t heard him cut loose like that since bro here flipped that squad car.”

“Hey, that was a long time ago,” Benji smirked over his shoulder. “And I’ll have you know I’m all grown up now. But in my own defence that car had it coming. Ran worse than you do, bro, and even that’s on a good day.”

Pursing his lips at his twin Joel shook his head as his brother pulled a face, causing a light spatter of laughter to taint the tense atmosphere. Though it was of some small relief it passed quickly as the group reverted back to their sombre silence, listening intently for the captain to resume yelling again. It didn’t come. But the murmurs that followed were still gruff enough for the rest of the team to comprehend their fellow teammate was still being grilled for deeds that were so far just rumour. Frowning now in curious consternation Karl was the first to ask aloud what the looks on the other’s faces were all thinking.

“What happened?”

Frib shrugged and huffed out a breath through his nose in place of speaking.

“I don’t get it. Why would Rob go jumping the gun like that? When Joel told us I didn’t think it made sense. Doesn’t sound like Bourdie. I mean, I don’t know him that well, I just…”

“Man, that’s his wife this happened to. Sorry, ex-wife. Say what you want but if this shit ever happened to Sophie, god forbid, I’d be going out of my brain looking for the son-of-a-bitch responsible too. I don’t blame him one bit for trying.”

“But no one ever said this guy he arrested, this Mike Shinoda was involved though right?”

“I still can’t believe it. MS was in our interrogation room and we still have nothing to pin him on. This is the man we’ve been chasing our tails trying to get to for months. What he knows on the underground drug cells alone is worth a fortune. Are you telling me he was sitting right there and we still have to let him walk free?”

“You spoke with her sister earlier right?” Benji asked his brother who looked, for a split second, almost uneasy beneath their collective stares. “Did she say anything to you?”

“She didn’t drop any names. Uh but she did mention his name once. His moniker, that MS thing, but I’m not sure. I didn’t get the full story though.”

“Rob mentioned something the other day about someone he knew followed on the subway. I don’t even know how it came up; he’s not one for talking about much anyway. He didn’t drop any names then either-”

“Maybe it’s the same guy?”

“What, guy like that drives all the way over the bridge from midtown just to stalk a cop’s ex-wife? Seems a little dramatic doesn’t it? Guy doesn’t even have so much as a parking record let alone something like this. Besides this guy, he’s got a hard on for busting crack heads right? Is there any chance maybe she knew something he didn’t?”

“What, you think Rob’s ex was a crack whore? Nice.”

“I’m just asking. Anyway, where did he get his intel?”

“Come on. We’ve all heard the rumours. King Pin. Mafia, all that shit,” Benji snorted, adding an obscene hand gesture with his cupped palm that had the others all s****** back in amusement. “Seems like everything that happens on the street these days has this guy’s name attached to it somehow, only thing is the man’s harder than God to get to. No one out there on the street is willing to roll on him much less testify. He’s made too many what do they call that ‘influential friends’ to go down for something like this.”

“Kiss ass.”

[Ravynlee]

“Hey it happens, but no one said it was him anyway. From what I heard Bourdie just flipped out or something. Can’t blame the guy. He’s had a rough year with his last partner turning dirty on him and all.”

Clearing his throat uncomfortably Frib stirred against the edge of the desk again. Discreetly he slipped his hand back into his jacket pocket and squeezed the cell phone between his fingers as if reaffirming it was still there. He pushed out an uneasy breath; not liking the way it seemed to feel like some live grenade that would go off the second someone noticed it was there. A moment later he delicately pulled his hand away.

“I guess.”

“Anyway if it was her why didn’t she report it?”

Benji looked back at Karl with a wry frown to extenuate his point regardless.

“Come on, in a city like this? How many stalking cases did we handle a day when we were back on the beat? Who had the time to process them? And would you have believed her? Man’s got more support out there than we do, he’s making us look like first-graders. Asshole.”

Benji spat aside disdainfully as he rubbed at his bald head with plain irritation.

“Look Rob was just doing what he thought was right. You’ve got to give him that. Dude’s got balls. Went straight over there and called the guy out in front of his neighbours, everybody. Wasn’t waiting around for the cavalry. That’s what you call guts.”

“But he still didn’t have any proof to go over there in the first place, isn’t that a bit… I don’t know, cavalier?”

“Karl’s right,” Oded said, as if his opinion still pained him regardless. “We’re officers of the law before anything else. We spend our lives upholding it. As much as I’d hate to admit it, Rob should have known better. He jeopardised the entire situation because he didn’t think before he acted.”

“Come on man, if this was you in there do you really think we’d be all Johnny-super-cop waiting to bring this guy down? Fuck no.”

“There wouldn’t be a stone left for that rat-bastard to hide under. We’d hunt him down and obliterate the poor fucker into the next millennia. Fuck the rules of conduct.”

“It’s nice to be loved,” Oded smirked as he mutually bumped his team-leader’s fist.

“What’s not to love, big guy?”

“Ironic, that’s what your mother told me just last night.”

“If you want my old lady you can have her,” Joel dismissed with a wave of his hand, “just don’t expect me to start calling you dad or some shit. I’m drawing the line.”

The s******s of amusement were cut short prematurely by the sound of the office door opening and a tall brooding figure stepped out.

“Hey, Bourdie, what happened man?”

“You alright?”

Looking washed out, pissed off and embattled all at once, Rob struggled to look up at the rest of his team before, with a huff, he turned his back and strode out of the precinct with a heavy skulking stride. As the others called out and made to follow the captain, still standing in the doorway, barked a sound to summon their attentions.

“Hey Cap, what happened?”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“Your partner… has been forced to drop out of active duty for a while,” Goren told them.

To the sudden sounds of protest the captain raised his hands, whether expecting the backlash or in some small way equally as unhappy about the decision as they were.

“While this shit gets sorted Bourdon’s been placed on administrative duties. Don’t start, I don’t like it anymore than you do, but I have my orders too, understand?”

“Captain, just give us five minutes alone with this guy and we’ll get you a confession,” Benji promised.

The others nodded agreeably.

Huffing out a burdened sigh Goren rubbed his face and ran his fingers through his hair, the tight wavy curls seemed to be getting dramatically lighter and lighter with each passing day. He let out a groan.

“Come on guys, that’s not how we play it and you know that. While I would love nothing more than to get this bastard locked up til rapture there’s still procedures that have to be followed. Besides, this guy’s lawyer is a… anyway. Bourdon has to sit the rest of this one out. And the last thing I want to see is any of you weigh your beaks in to this all right? Leave it for the SVU. We have our own jobs to do. Let them do theirs. Now go home, it’s late. Frankly this day’s been going on far too long already. Best thing to do now is end it. Get out of here. See you back here in the morning. I mean it; get the hell out of here. Go. Now.”

Begrudgingly the rest of the team began to disband as the captain stood watching. Frib hesitated. He was squeezing the cell phone inside his jacket pocket again. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out.

“What is it junior?” Goren demanded.

Standing in the shadow of his commanding officer Frib was openly nervous. He began to withdraw it from his pocket then stopped.

“Nothing,” he lied.

Goren’s bull-like exterior softened, but only barely as he nodded at the younger, shorter, less than experienced man. With his huge paw he reached out and clapped Frib’s arm with a barely perceptible smile.

“Get out of here,” he said.

Frib nodded. Turning tail he too slowly, laboriously left the precinct.

 

---

[Ravynlee]

---

‘-Meanwhile, charges against prominent businessman and small-time music producer Mike Shinoda were dismissed early this morning due to a lack of physical evidence. Shinoda who was arrested early yesterday on a series of charges ranging from sexual assault to attempted murder, vehemently denied the claims, citing a recent spate of bad publicity and allegations of his involvement with so-called ‘mob activity’ as contributing factors behind these recent allegations. This of course comes after months of speculation of regarding his involvement with allegedly corrupt sectors within the New York City Police Department itself. While officials have yet to comment, Shinoda’s alleged victim, 31-year-old journalist for The New York Times Ravyn Harris is said to be in a serious yet stable condition in a Manhattan hospital. It’s unclear at this time whether the attack was related to an earlier explosion believed to have been a car bomb outside Shinoda’s club Fort Minor earlier that night that left one man dead and several with minor injuries, but a spokesman for Mr Shinoda is believed to have-’

“Turn it off.”

Wrestling her hand full of snacks beneath her arm Joanna stared at the nurse busily tending the machines on the other side of her sister’s room. With the door swinging to a close at her back Joanna strode in hotly as the sound of the newscast continued on from the ceiling-mounted screen above. With her attentions obviously more in tuned to her duties the nurse frowned back at the pregnant woman quizzically.

“I’m sorry?”

“You heard me. She doesn’t need to see this. Hasn’t she been through enough?”

‘“Yeah it’s regrettable, and I feel for the family and the woman that this happened to but, what can I say. I’m not guilty and I’m… relieved the justice system has finally-”’

“Jesus Christ!” Joanna snapped.

Shoving down the food and snacks that at this point with so little sleep and so much stress was her only source of fuel of late, she snatched up the remote control from the bedside table and jabbed it towards the television screen. The beaming face of Mike, his lawyer, and several dozen screaming photographers and screaming fans were obliterated with one push of a button. The haunting tenor of Mike’s voice, perhaps even more so than the news that had been delivered, caused a disquieting stillness to briefly captivate the room in his wake. The ECG no longer beeped, the bed before her lay empty, and the room was now blissfully and utterly silent.

Looking down at the crumpled sheets Joanna felt her head and her heart swoon together in panic. Nursing her brow then her stomach she reached out and grappled for the edge of the bed to steady herself. The sound of the toilet cistern flushing at the other end of the room signalled another’s entrance a moment later.

“Oh my god, sis- don’t you ever do that to me again. I thought you were- aren’t you supposed to be resting?”

Joanna made to move to help but remained holding herself upright against the bed rail with relief flooding to a trickle throughout her veins. With a smile she watched the nurse attempt to help guide Ravyn back towards the bed with a steady arm. But Joanna’s happiness was brief and bittersweet. Though her sister was up and out of bed already she moved so slowly and stiffly like an old woman - it almost broke her heart to see it. While she still wore her neck brace she was free to breathe now without mechanical aid. Her esophagus had been crushed in the attack but not irreparably. She was however gasping short sharp breaths by the time she was sitting back up against the pillows and was in obvious physical pain. Joanna watched on nursing her stomach in one hand as she watched her sister get rewired to her ECG and a gas mask to reinflate her lungs again. She waited until the nurse was finally gone before Joanna stood beside her, nursing her sister’s hand thankfully in hers. Propped up against the pillows Ravyn just blinked back at her. Despite the hiss of the mask the bruises around her nose, mouth, chin and throat stood out like a discoloured rash. Silent tears oozed out. There was no life to her face at all but at least the whites of her eyes were slowly, painfully slowly, going back to normal.

“I brought you some chocolate,” Joanna said with forced pep to her voice. “I know how much you…”

She realised even as the words were spoken that there was no use in trying to attempt to cheer her sibling up with one of her old favourite candy bars as yet. Two days after her throat had been crushed and her body violated her sibling was physically mending as well as could be expected.

While it still hurt her to swallow, she was now mouthing words even though all that would come out were disjointed sounds, like whispers, not even coherent enough to formulate a single yet word let alone full sentences. Sounding more like a patient suffering emphysema she was vocally mute at least while her trachea healed - as though it mattered. Her old resilience, the fire, the stubborn determination to speak her peace had been left back there on the cold wet bathroom floor of her apartment. Joanna sniffled on tears she promised herself she wouldn’t shed. She was caught in a great fathomless void, unable to feel relief for her sister who physically sat here in front of her but was unable to mourn for the same sister that she had lost the night of the attack. The Ravyn she knew, that the world knew vicariously through her articles and her opinionated views on life in her small yet hard-hitting articles was gone and all that was left of her now was a cold empty shell of what she once was.

How could it not still be considered some form of murder?

[Ravynlee]

Reaching out Joanna swept strands of dark hair from her sister’s face. She forced a smile where she wanted to scream. The incessant beeping of the machines and the vacant stare she received back made Joanna’s throat physically ache in angst. The gentle knock at the door came as a welcome relief from her rage - but only for a brief moment.

“Hey,” Rob uttered as he quietly entered the room.

“Hi,” Joanna said.

She looked at the flowers in his fist and bowed her eyes feeling her insides boiling over with so much she wanted to say and just as much that she could not put into words. Ravyn slid her eyes aside at him but a second later they were back staring straight ahead just as they had been doing since she woke up. Her nightmares were far from over and the silence that suffocated them said it all succinctly.

“I can’t- can’t stay,” he was saying.

Joanna noted he wasn’t moving away from the door. He wasn’t even making eye contact let alone looking anywhere in Ravyn’s direction. Whether sensing his unease or needing to vent Joanna gave Ravyn’s hand a squeeze and a reassuring pat before she walked around the bed, took the flowers from him to lie on a chair nearby and led him back out into the corridor.

“What the hell is going on?” she demanded before the door had even closed to Ravyn’s suite. “What’s all this I just heard on the news? Oh god please tell me Rob, tell me he didn’t-… tell me that sick bastard didn’t just get away with this! Oh my god!”

Huffing into her hands Joanna was practically hyperventilating as Rob lingered nearby watching with his head bowed and his fists jammed in his jacket pockets. Neither one of them spoke for what seemed like forever as the nurses and orderlies and patients strode past offering them cursory glances.

“How? How do I tell her? How do I-? what do we-? I don’t understand. I thought you arrested him! You called me and you told me you arrested him! What the hell’s happened?”

Beneath his wife’s vehement wild-eyed stare Rob bowed his head again and let his shoulders fall guiltily. He only braved a glimpse up after her silence became threatening. His lips moved like there was something on his mind he wanted to say but no words came out. Beneath his usual frown his dark eyes were miserable. He hadn’t slept in what seemed like days and nor had she. Tensions were palpable. The stresses of their private predicament had been far from pushed aside during this crisis but rode on the back of seemingly everything else, extenuating, worsening, exaggerating everything ten times more. Anxious, angry, petrified of the tidal wave she could feel coming Joanna could do nothing but stand there and stare at him, at this man she both loathed and loved expectantly.

“I screwed up,” he admitted in the softest of voices.

His chin was tucked so low against his chest his goatee was obscured against his collar.

“What? What do you mean? Where the hell have you been this whole time? I’ve been trying to call you for hours now! It’s not enough I’m worried sick about her I have to worry about you too? Could you be any more selfish right now?”

Tapping his pockets Rob tried to speak before he sunk down heavily into a nearby chair and sat nursing his head in his hands. His diminutive wife, who strode up to stand before him, quickly overpowered him in every other manner but physically. With her eyes and with her presence she bore down on him demanding answers and sense where there was none that could be given.

“She died okay? I know you’re in shock but you’re not the only one in this! The least you could do was try and be here for her, for me, for your daughter! I’ve seen you what once since this happened! What the fuck else could be that important you can’t even stand to be-?”

“Because I can’t alright!” Rob barked back.

It wasn’t even sarcasm anymore - the rage on his face struck a chord of fear in Joanna that she hadn’t felt before. Though it was gone again in a heartbeat she puffed out her breaths, reeling against the invisible forces that threatened to pull her down onto the blindingly white linoleum floor. Between his long palms and elongated fingers Rob was shaking his head again ruefully.

“Because I can’t! Because every time… every time I look at her I see him.”

“Him who? Mike?”

Rob s******ed and shook his head swinging it deftly in the opposite direction.

“I can’t do this.”

“What, Nicky? Are you talking about-?”

Suddenly Joanna had lost all her venom. She gasped to regulate her breathing. The sound of Rob’s breaths blasting through his nose hotly made her reach out, tentatively and lay a hand against his forearm. The feel of his body beneath her hand made something deep within her rise with longing. But the sadness of the moment, of their environment, the horror of all they had endured the last few days pressed too heavily upon them. The tenderness was gone in all but a heartbeat. Rob laughed again and it sounded so humourless it made chills run the length of Joanna’s spine.

“I made a deal with the devil and I can’t get out of it… It’s all because of me… all of it. It’s all my fault-”

“Baby you’re not making any sense. You’re tired, we both are, why don’t we just-”

“Don’t you fuckin’ listen?” Rob snapped.

He glared up at her with a snarl. His dark eyes were slitted; his long face haggard with growth and worry was seething. Instinctively Joanna recoiled backwards. It was the same side of him she saw during the night of the Halloween party when he’d argued with Ravyn before throwing her out onto the street, before she went home to get attacked, before any of this happened. Dipping her eyes with a knock to her throat Joanna conceded defeat. In her mind’s eye the look of tender trepidation she had seen on Joel’s face made her eyes mist with guilt and longing. Despite the pain, the absolute terror of the moment, all she wanted was to feel as safe and as secure as she had before they were married. Somewhere along the way she had lost him, this man sitting in front of her she didn’t know at all - or like. But as Rob dipped his head to sit staring at the floor again Joanna recognised pain when she saw it, she just wasn’t used to seeing it in him. As much as she had been swept off her feet by his strong silent persona once it had come back on her now with terrible consequences. She had waited so long for him to open up to her and now just when it seemed like he was attempting to she either didn’t understand or was scared by what he was he was likely to tell her.

Torn between her duties, between what she wanted to do and what was right, between her joy and sorrow and the sheer force of her frustration and anger at a situation she was in no position to change, Joanna tentatively reached out to lay her hand on her husband’s broad shoulder. A moment later she bowed to cuddle against him. This much-needed contact made the tears spring up again without much prompting. As traumatised as she was over the horrors inflicted upon her sister all Joanna could feel at the moment was trapped - feeling his arms around her and wishing in part that they belonged to another.

 

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[Pheonix791989]

hey guess what mum im getting married. haha. brilliant story. you really got shwag, lazy bum haha. more pease?

[Greyfoxx]

Wow. I've caused quite an uprising havent i!? Bravo mum, i'm all caught up now. I'll check in from time to time (Illegally til i get my computer privilages back). Awesome story though...f-ing brilliant!

[andrea]

The story is so addictive. It's getting ready hard to review it because it's good. I really loved the scene between Mike and Rashell. It was really sweet.

 

“Oh save me the textbook cliché okay? I’m frigging married to one.”

That line crack me up.

 

I'll review the newest update later.

[Ravynlee]

Thanks guys! Haha

Mel - couldn't be happier for you! Wish you all the best in the world! :clap:

Fox - thrilled to see you back (albeit temporarily). We miss you. Come back soon. :'(

Andrea - sincere thank you. It's always a joy to hear a good critique from a fellow writer. 8P

 

Today's submission as follows (hopefully it makes sense, don't have time to proofread before work. Pull me up if you see something amiss. It happens believe me ) Thanks for those that read and review as always.

 

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Smoothing down the black material against her hip Mel looked up at the faces that surrounded her feeling painfully self-conscious and out of her depths. She didn’t like being here any more than she liked the dress that he had picked out for her but the proud smile he wore whenever their eyes met made her relax a little more each time. Beneath Mike’s arm cordially draped around her back Mel was ushered off in many directions at many times throughout the night, meeting more faces and more people than she knew existed in this upper stratosphere of high-class society. The glowing chandeliers above seemed too pompous, the crystal ware too haughty, even the chamber music warbling from another room made her skin ripple with disgust. The whole thing just reeked of arrogance and lies but beside her Mike looked the very picture of acceptance. He nodded cordially at those that passed with a slight introspective smirk as he sipped at his champagne and kept his words like his thoughts to a discreet minimum. Though he had suited up and still carried himself with as much authority as he usually did Mel was in awe of the way he seemed to adapt himself to his new surroundings despite the fact that less than two weeks ago he had been sitting in a jail cell in handcuffs looking like any other thug and societal deadbeat that wore orange coveralls. Scoffing to herself Mel cast her eyes around the self-indulgent benefit and the senators and officials and semi-famous socialites that this city had to offer and thought with acerbic cynicism almost all of them belonged in a jail cell for something. Mike however was not one of them.

“Relax,” he whispered into her ear on more than one occasion.

Mel nodded and tried to smile. Her anxieties seemed to smother her like a second skin but she tried for what it was worth to do as he was asking her. She didn’t want to disappoint him. In his expensive suit and with his dark eyes dancing Mike Shinoda was the perfect social chameleon in a room overflowing with people just like him - but guilty he was not, Mel was almost certain of it. She had gone into a state of shock when she heard what had happened but she believed it less now than she had hearing it coming from an early 3 a.m. phone call from Bam.

She should have known better than to listen to the media anyway, assholes, she snorted to herself derisively. When did they ever get anything right?

Since arriving they had mingled inconspicuously but Mel had been feeling eyes both curious and tentative on her all night. The under-the-breath talking ebbed like a flowing tide around them but seemed to quieten when they approached anyone. People were talking but not to them. There was an air of apprehension almost in being seen with the embattled businessman, but after enough wine had flowed and tongues had been loosened by it, curiosities far superseded anything else. People were all dying for answers to questions they weren’t forthright in asking.

Eventually they found themselves face to face with a couple perhaps middle aged swathed in their finest Armani and Louis Vuitton that was in vogue at the moment.

“Well if it isn’t The Godfather himself,” the man joked with a goading grin. “No, I’m just kidding. Great to see you, Mike.”

“Likewise, congressman Willis,” Mike said unflinchingly. “Mrs Willis.”

The four of them shook hands with false smiles and forced cordialities exchanged all around.

“So,” the congressman began with a s******, “I hear you had a little car trouble the other week? How’d that work out for you?”

Sliding her eyes across to meet Mike’s cautious stare Mel frowned back defensively. The gentle hand against her back told her wordlessly to ignore it as Mike forced a smile around his glass and continued to play along.

“Good, good. You know how overzealous these fans can get - Oh that’s right you don’t. Sorry, I forgot, you’re a man for the people now, not one of them. I keep forgetting that… distinction. It’s too bad your legislator on increasing immigration numbers didn’t pass the senate. I was rooting for you. No, seriously. Maybe the rest of the country doesn’t get it. Must be because I’m half Japanese or something. What, with a name like Shinoda I’m only two jumps away from being just another face in one of those government-sanctioned sweatshops you call a tax shelter, right?”

After a cautious silence the congressman laughed again. The woman beside him laughed too. The sound was so plastic and too loud it was like nails down a chalkboard as Mel skulled her drink in hopes to drown it all out. At least the proverbial ice had been broken - if just barely.

“So,” the congressman said after a nervous clearing of his throat. “I take it this fine specimen beside you is the lucky Mrs Shinoda?”

“We’ve all been most anxious to meet you-” the woman cut-in, her eyes conflicting with the saccharinely sweet sound of her voice.

Mel almost choked as Mike chuckled back incorrigibly. Her face was red and she didn’t like the way it seemed like everyone’s eyes in the room were staring at her and had been all night. She sipped at her glass with her fingers quaking, fighting the urge to break the glass and shove the shattered edge into the condescending look the taller man was giving her. Clearing her throat Mel dipped her eyes feeling Mike’s hand hovering just against her lower back considerately.

“No,” he laughed. “No. Actually this is my… business associate.”

“Does she have a name?” the congressman teased.

Mike blinked aside before he smiled with his dark eyes dancing in the soft lights.

“She does - but she’s not keen to share it. You know how the government is, you give them one piece of information and they make a case out of it. Best at times just to say nothing.”

The beurocrat balked. He laughed. It screamed nervousness.

“Come on now Mike, surely you don’t think I’ve had anything to do with those allegations against you do you? Mike, we’re all friends here. Trust me if I knew anything I would-”

Half way through pleading his case the man in the crisp suit was suddenly silenced by the grip his wife now held on his arm.

[Ravynlee]

The same forced smile infected all their faces. Clearing his throat the congressman sipped at his drink, struggling to regain composure beneath the other man’s stare.

“Believe me congressman,” Mike said matter-of-factly. “The only person I’d trust with my life in this room is standing right here beside me. I know the value of keeping things discreet in this business. That’s more than I can say for the young girl you had looking after your children last summer. Sweet kid. She’s in college now right? Yeah, it’s a good thing for her what you did, paying for her tuition and all. Though I guess it’s the least you could do after that mishap that almost made the papers. Lucky break, though I hear abortions are relatively cheap these days. Ah, no matter, good to see our tax dollars hard at work.”

To the affronted stare the congressman was now getting from his wife Mike bowed at them both with his malevolently intelligent smirk fixed in place.

“Congressman, Mrs Willis, it was great seeing you again,” he said.

Taking Mel by the arm he casually lead her away.

As they came to a stop near a buffet of wine Mel watched Mike set his empty glass down and take up another. He was still smiling as he sipped it as the crowd watched the congressman’s wife storm from the room with barely a moment’s lull in the revelry and conversation.

“How did you do that?”

“Do what?”

“That,” she said thumbing towards the now flustered looking congressman behind them.

The champagne still flowed and the conversations picked up to the ceaseless beat of the music around them. As she frowned back at her employer Mike winked at her playfully. He took the empty glass from her hand to give to a passing waiter.

“How did you know he was-?”

“Having an affair? Please. Show me one person in this room that isn’t, or hasn’t, or isn’t thinking about it right now,” Mike said flippantly.

He stood beside her facing the other direction casting his eyes around the room like a captain manning a lonely sea. He cleared his throat and smiled at her before his eyes shifted away again in a moment of introspection.

“But how did you know about the-? How do you…?”

Her words were stalled feeling his eyes on her again, in her, reaching into her soul to read her thoughts trapped there within. Mel felt her breaths wrench out as he stood there sipping from his glass again and let his teeth show in a brief yet genuine smile.

“I watch,” he said with grave sincerity. “I look, I listen, I observe. There’s not one person on this planet that hasn’t made a mistake or a bad choice or screwed up and wanted things differently. What did they say in that movie? When you understand the nature of the beast, know what it’s capable of.”

Mel blinked back, the frown on her face buckled pensively.

With a s****** Mike reached out and swept up a fresh glass of wine to hold towards her. Mel hesitated before she took it. She watched him watching her sip at the drink, watching the way his lips arced up into a smirk as she swallowed it down and licked the taste from her lips. He continued to sip at his too rather than say anything more. Poised in the moment with the music all around them and the bubbles seeping into her brain Mel found herself staring longer than was comfortable into her employer’s eyes. She felt her heart kick up and her breaths suddenly get ragged but for the life of her she couldn’t turn away. That same feeling of anxiousness came over her anew but for the life of her she couldn’t explain how or why. Her field of vision was clear, if only a tad hazy around the edges from the wine in her system. He looked ready to say something then stopped. Looking towards a man standing amid small gathering a few feet away Mike nodded and raised his glass in greeting. Seeing them the man returned the gesture in kind.

“There’s someone very important here I want you to meet,” he directed, his tanned cheeks tinged with colour now that was as much from the wine as the moment that had just passed by. “Actually, he works at the college you used to attend if I remember correctly, you might remember him, his name is-”

“Professor Delson?” Mel spluttered.

Though she hadn’t laid eyes on the reed thin man with the bushy brows and wild untamed Afro in what seemed at that precise moment to have been lifetimes, she immediately recognised those distinctive features of his anywhere. She was speechless as their eyes met again across the room. It was like stepping back in time seeing him wandering across the quad in her memories with his headphones on as always, lost to his thoughts and his music like some bohemian prophet of past generations. It had been the last face she expected to see here now moseying amongst the social hierarchy that he too clearly stood apart from. In her shock she coughed on her mouthful of wine and patted at her chest discreetly. Turning her around Mike s******ed and slung his arm around her shoulders.

“Go easy on that stuff,” he murmured against her temple. “We wouldn’t want you choking to death now would we?”

He chuckled as Mel frowned back at him. She couldn’t tell whether he was being playful and wasn’t sure anymore if she truly wanted to know otherwise. As with everything else about Mike Shinoda the questions were sometimes more challenging than the answers. It was safer she was learning instead to say nothing. Nothing was what he gave her aside from his usual introspective smirk and a proprietary hand as always fixed upon her back as he led her to walk alongside him - not quite an equal but far from subservient. The night had already been full of developments but there was one before her she hadn’t seen coming as Mike and the man in the Afro reached out embraced in hearty backslapping hugs. Parting with laughter that danced on their faces Mel knew without so much as a word passing between them that they were acquaintances of the highest regard. In the weeks she had known him and in the circumstances and people she had been introduced to she had never seen her employer as carefree and as open as he was now with this man, not even with his good friends Tak and Ryu.

“Brad, you know Melissa,” he intoned as Brad swept his hand out to clasp around hers.

Mel froze. The look on the other man’s face made her blood run cold in her veins. Something about it set off warning bells in her head that she couldn’t immediately place. Then she heard the men laughing again. It was low, discreet and secretive. Sliding her eyes aside she studied them. She was beginning to get the feeling she was being assessed like some prized masterpiece at an auction - or a side of meat dressed up for sale in the butcher’s window.

“I told you she was the one didn’t I?” Mike asked with his smile beaming.

Brad nodded, his eyes tracing her every which way but internal.

“Yeah you did like. I have to admit like, I’m impressed.”

“Just wait til you see what our little girl here can do, professor. She’s perfect.”

Mel frowned back darkly feeling herself beginning to shake with a rage she couldn’t contain. Feeling Mike’s arm snake around her she glared up at him as Brad continued to s****** back proudly.

“I know what she can do like,” Brad agreed, “I’m the one who like picked her out for you, remember?”

“Ah my girl,” Mike said, breathing down into her face as he leered at her. “If there was such a thing as fate this would be it, the three of us together like this; the master, the student and the apprentice. It’s all finally coming together.”

“But I don’t… understand.”

“You will,” Mike declared solemnly.

[Ravynlee]

Reaching out he clasped her face in his hands and kissed her brow. His breath tickled her as he s******ed against her but too lost in confusion Mel could do nothing to resist him.

“With you beside me we’re going to make them all pay for what they did to him,” he murmured conspiratorially.

Against the music, against the backdrop of conversation, of chiming glasses, of fake laughter and the city beneath it, his voice was like something straight out of a dream. But with each uttered the word his tone lowered again, it was dark and dangerous, just like the look now infesting his eyes.

“And for what they keep doing, and for everyone else they’ve made suffer along the way. Jason didn’t deserve to die like that but these… these fucks do. His death, no his life, is worth more than that. It has to serve a purpose. It has to mean something. I’m going to do what I have to, to ensure it does. That’s where you come in to it Mel; My little Phoenix rising from the ashes, my little… revenge. You’re going to help me. That redheaded bitch and her boyfriend are right there at the top of my list. You and me, we’re going to take them down Melissa. Are you hearing me? And God help anyone else that gets in our way because I’m not going to stop until one of us are dead, him or me, do you understand?”

“Like come on,” Brad intoned, intervening between them with his bright cordial smile. His long arms were around both their shoulders, the casual embrace of a friend with too much to drink or too much to lose as Mel looked at them both, struggling to process the information he was giving her. Clearing his throat with a conceding nod Mike gave her some breathing space and stepped back.

“This is supposed to be like a party so let’s celebrate,” Brad said. He sipped at his drink. “Like lighten up a little, relax. Tomorrow’s another day. They’re not like going anywhere tonight. Like he’s not. We know where he is. We’ve got time.”

“He doesn’t,” Mike snorted defensively

“He?”

Mike’s eyes were by now flaming as he turned to look at her over his shoulder as if at the Devil Incarnate. His expression was lethal. It made Mel’s throat tighten with angst at the memory she suddenly had of him hacking off Joe Hahn’s finger. But even that with his maniacal laughter didn’t come close to matching this. Standing there with such opulence and finery all around her Mel felt like she were trapped in some kind of bubble where even the air she breathed was separate and different to those that stood meandering around her ignorantly enjoying their party. Mel almost felt sorry for them, these poor unenlightened souls who would never transcend their ignorant and meaningless lives with their false smiles and glazed-over expressions, blind to everything going on around them like they were living a patented Hallmark moment with each empty and borrowed breath. But Mike’s eyes drilling into her kept Mel frozen and rigid in servitude as he snarled at her, into her face, his breath caressing her face like steam from the pits of hellfire itself.

“Chester Bennington,” he said with his teeth gnashed and scowling contemptuously. “That drug-fucked bastard rotting away in a prison cell, still drawing breaths that my brother can’t take, that fuck that shot Jason, that’s who. He’s going to get what he deserves and we’re going to give it to him. You and me, got it? End of fucking story.”

 

---

 

(8P @ Brad :rofl:)

[Ravynlee]

---

 

Squinting beneath her raised palm Joanna grinned in recognition.

“Oh my god, look at you,” the woman said approaching with her arms out. “Oh don’t get up, don’t get up. What are you carrying there an entire football team?”

“Some days it feels like it,” she quipped.

Hefting herself up she chuckled regardless, stepping into the other woman’s open armed embrace. They expelled sounds of sincerity and relief as they hugged beneath the midday sun.

“Oh my god I’m so glad you called.”

“I know it’s been ages. I feel terrible we haven’t spoken in what has it been months? Look at you. You’re almost ready to drop here.”

“Please don’t wish that on me,” Joanna scoffed as they gently parted. “There’s been enough drama going on lately. I don’t need to add to it.”

“I know,” Jos sighed, wrestling to keep her smile upon her face. “I heard what happened to your sister. Is she okay?”

Joanna shrugged. She swept her fingers through her hair. She began to speak only to be intersected by Jos barking over her shoulder.

“Ava!” she cried. Turning back around to face her friend Jos apologized.

“I’m sorry; four-year-old’s. She’s been driving me crazy since her uncle showed up the other week. Grown into a real little miss independence here. Ava, come say hello to my good friend Jo.”

Together the two women stood watching the small child scampering up a slippery slide and give them a cursory glance before continuing on her way. Joanna chuckled amusedly.

“Oh it’s okay, let her play. Wow, I can’t believe she’s four already.”

“They grow up fast Jojo.”

“Not fast enough,” Joanna said nursing her stomach as they returned to the bench she had been sitting at previously and sunk down onto it.

“Time goes by so quickly now. Seems like only yesterday I started this job. She was practically a newborn then. Look at her now. Pretty soon she’ll be off to college and hopefully by then I’ll be finished with mine.”

“Hopefully you wont be sitting in the same classes then huh?” Joanna teased.

Jos s******ed. There was humour and hopelessness in the one distinct sound.

“So how are your studies going anyway?” Joanna asked.

Jos shrugged. She scuffed her shoes against the cement, sharing her attentions across the playground where her small charge now sat swinging and elsewhere off into the tree-lined distance. Though it was sunny out a chill breeze nipped at the air. It tussled about her long dark hair, whipping it about her glasses before she tucked it securely behind her ears again. She sighed.

“Okay,” she pouted. The sound of traffic and noise and people that underpinned city life seemed a cruel mockery to the emptiness trapped in her tone. “I don’t know. Just feels like I’ve had too much on my mind lately and I can’t concentrate.”

Joanna made a sound to signify it was a statement she could well identify with.

“There’s work at all hours of the night and it’s hard to concentrate with a sick kid crying all the time. Then there’s the loan always hanging over my head like some dark cloud. Doesn’t matter what I do I feel like I’m just not getting anywhere you know and-”

“Hon, I wish I could help you, but with everything that’s been going on with Rave and Rob and then this baby and-”

“Oh no,” Jos clarified with raised hands and a guilty smile. “I wasn’t getting at that, I just meant… I don’t know… It’s just hard. I mean I thought by now things would be different you know? That I’d be settled or at least maybe out working a real job not stuck playing Super Nanny to some… stubborn four year old and her workaholic mother.”

“I thought you liked working for that, what is she again, doctor? I thought you two got along?”

“We do it’s just…” Jos sighed miserably through her nose. Sitting hunched over her legs she sat nursing her temples in her hands as Joanna reached out to pat her back in consolation. “It’s Pete,” she confessed at last, her voice low, drawn and burdened with emotion. “I’m worried about him.”

“What, that… movie producer guy? I thought you two broke it off, you couldn’t handle his mood swings, remember?”

Jos scoffed at a memory.

“I couldn’t handle him running hot and cold. One minute he wants me the next we may as well not even be in the same area code. I don’t get it.”

“Hey at least you get hot,” Joanna returned with as much rejection. “The way Rob’s been acting lately I may as well have married some god damned ice chest or something. He’s unbelievable.”

“At least you are married. I can’t even get Pete to commit to dinner reservations. We were meant to go out the other week for another you know trial get together see how it works out type things? He doesn’t show up, he doesn’t even call. Tells me a few days after the fact that his studio apparently got broken into or something. I don’t know when he’s telling me stories or the truth anymore, I think he’s too far into the characters he makes up to even be Pete anymore, that’s what worries me. I feel like I don’t even know the guy I’m meant to be going out with.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Oh come on, I was at your wedding remember? You guys are adorable together,” Jos cooed.

“Huh. If by together you mean in the same picture frame sure - It’s like I’m living with a stranger most of the time. I mean, Rob was never big on talking anyway before we even got together it’s just now he’s… I don’t know. I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s like he’s there but he’s not… there. He’s somewhere else all the time, you know?”

“I’m hearing that,” Jos agreed. “Men. Why does everything have to be so damn complicated with them?”

[Ravynlee]

After calling out to the small child to stay where she could be seen, Jos slumped back against the bench and gave out a loud heartfelt sigh. The sun caught the lenses of her glasses and flashed beneath the dappled shadows cast by the evergreens nearby. Blinking aside at her friend she smiled as the two women touched hands as if to say they commiserated with each other’s pains as only good friends were able.

“Maybe he’s just going through the motions?” The younger woman eventually suggested. To Joanna’s quizzical stare she went on to elaborate. “I meant Rob. Well think about it, I mean, he’s probably stressed about the baby right? And you have to think he’s a cop too, I mean, who knows the kind of crap they have to deal with on a daily basis.”

“Like I don’t have issues of my own to deal with?”

“I didn’t mean to sound like I was taking sides here,” Jos defended with a smirk. “It’s just… well… remember he’s kind of… been here before hasn’t he? With his other kid, your nephew, I’m not even going to try and touch on that family dynamic anyway,” she teased.

She squeaked with mock protest as Joanna tapped her before both women s******ed over a lull in the heartfelt conversation.

“I’m not a psychologist. Yet. But you don’t need to be one to think maybe he’s just… scared a little-”

“By what? Me?”

“By the thought, maybe, in his mind, he’s afraid of getting too attached you know, to anyone, especially after losing his last kid as suddenly as he did. And I’m not saying you aren’t I’m just… well… it is coming close to Christmas right? Isn’t that a time of year traditionally for families and everything?”

Joanna sat gnawing on the inside of her cheek stewing her thoughts to a mild simmer. Distracted only by Jos barking orders to Ava who was running around in her own little universe as all young children are prone to, she looked up into the bright blue sky and the jagged faces of skyscrapers around her feeling the shadows they cast like a tight wall closing in around her. She huffed out an uneasy breath before meeting her friend’s comforting gaze. She shrugged.

“Maybe you’re right,” Joanna sighed. “But that doesn’t give him the right to act the way he has been when he has another family now in front of him. I still love him but sometimes… Listen to me… You would swear we’ve been married forever the way I talk about him sometimes Jos, really. Sometimes it feels like it. Then other times I almost wish…”

“What?”

“Never mind. I shouldn’t say it anyway. After everything that’s happened lately I don’t want to tempt fate any further than I already have. First Nick’s accident, then this with sis… If things happen in threes I don’t want to even think about what else could go wrong with this family, considering how close we almost came to-”

The words cut off and remained unfinished lingering beneath the mottled sunlight and carried off by the gentle cool breeze. Upon the backdrop of children squealing and laughing and rusty swings squeaking and the general ebb and flow of city life around them, the two women sat in a brooding silence lost to shared thoughts that would never transfer through into words beyond those of comfort. Watching a child scoot past on a skateboard Joanna sniffled into her sleeve and swept her eyes with an encouraging smile. Reaching out Jos stroked her friend’s shoulder soothingly. It was a long time again before either one of them said another word letting their eyes instead say it all for them.

“So how are you holding up?” The younger woman enquired.

“Okay, all things considered. Sis should be getting out soon. That will definitely make me feel a lot better, not having to travel in and out so much for one thing. And just… having her around again, even just physically for now, I think that will make all the difference. Things might start getting back to normal again then.”

“Is she going out there to stay with you?”

“Yeah. I hope so. I haven’t been back to her place since… I can’t even make myself drive past it let alone go in and clean it. I was kind of hoping once the baby’s born she might stay on a bit longer. Help me out a bit, you know, I mean, she’s been there for the most part in a lot of things… maybe…”

Jos shrugged noncommittally with her eyes trailing Ava’s brave endeavour off the jungle gym with a handful of other children all towering over her.

“I still can’t believe it happened you know. When I heard on the news I went into shock. You just never expect it to happen to someone you know right? Has to happen to someone I guess.”

“Yeah.”

Joanna sighed again sounding close to bursting into tears but Jos beside her was quick with a smile and a comforting word despite her distractions. Watching Joanna smooth out the material taut over her stomach she seemed almost envious.

“Did you ever stop to think,” she said with a skewed squint to the sky and considerate look in the other woman’s direction. “Maybe your problems with Rob… aren’t your problems. What I mean is he’s caught between a rock and a hard place between you isn’t he? He was married to her and had a family and now he’s married to you and having another one. Maybe this… what happened to Rave, maybe it’s just like his self-defence mechanism you know? He wants to be there, be the caring ex or brother in law or whatever now with her and all but doesn’t want to run the risk of upsetting you by getting too close or whatever.”

“Oh come on, that’s ridiculous. There’s nothing to get jealous over there. I know that. It’s been over for ages. We’ve dealt with that and moved on.”

“I know, and I’m not saying it’s true but we touched on this in class last semester, the whole how men and women see things differently aspect. You have to remember Jojo; with everything else he’s a cop as well. Trying to serve that balance between what is right and wrong, trying to balance his work with his personal life, with you, with the baby… now trying to balance things out with your sister, his ex-wife you know, the mother of his first kid… and then add to that everything else that’s been happening the last six months… I’m not saying any of its gospel it’s just what I see is all and I’ve been known to be wrong sometimes.”

“Just sometimes?”

“Except when it comes to Pete. Maybe men in general. I wish I knew sometimes.”

Joanna snorted into the collar of her jacket with her eyes downcast, watching her fingers contour around her stomach and the life within that seemed even now to be carrying such a burden.

“That makes two of us,” she sighed dismally.

[Ravynlee]

Feeling Jos’s arm around her shoulder Joanna smiled and thanked her with the most heartfelt smile she could muster.

It was a blessing to be free from the hospital smell and the crushing weight of emotions that that place seemed to harbour within it, but not even the brief periods of sunlight splashing against her shoulder or the top of her head seemed to soothe her now. She too had so much on her shoulders that it seemed to sap her strengths just sitting there keeping her head up when all she wanted to do between intermittent tears was scream at the world and sleep with a head full of memories that were of more comfort now than the future ahead of her. But through her drawn eyes Joanna forced a smile because she had to, because there was no one left to keep fighting for the sake of her family and her sanity what had become of her marriage. Watching her friend excuse herself to go chasing off after the offspring of another Joanna sunk down over her stomach and nursed it feeling like she held the whole weight of the world collectively in her womb. It was an apt analogy in almost every respect for without it she knew she would not have had the will to save her sister, save her marriage or save herself through any of this on her own but she had to for her daughter. There was simply no other option left for her to take. She had to be strong. It was her birthright, wasn’t it?

Deciding to stroll through the open air to clear her head Joanna wandered over slowly to stand along side her friend, watching Jos tie up the loosened lace of the little girl’s shoe. As she stood squinting across the park she couldn’t help but wonder what kind of life she was bringing into the world with a mother’s determination and awe. What colour eyes would she have? Would she be tall or throw back as her sister had done? Would she be sweet or a tomboy? Would she be a thinker or an activist? Smirking to herself Joanna sighed letting the moment dissipate in due course. The child in Jos’ attentive arms was looking up at her with her face cocked to the side staring at the other woman’s stomach.

“Are you sick?” Ava asked quite innocently.

Both Jos and Joanna laughed in amusement. Clearing her throat Jos began a tentative explanation of pregnancy that would make some degree of sense to a sheltered four year old as Joanna watched on in amusement. Just as Jos mentioned something about a mummy and daddy that loved each other very much Ava’s dark eyes slitted as she frowned back in confusion.

“Then where’s my daddy?” she wondered. “Doesn’t he love me and mommy? Why isn’t he here at home with us?”

Joanna’s smile slipped instantly from her face. She closed her eyes and internalised her tears. Whether it was hormones or a memory or something far less comprehensive Joanna forced a smile behind her palm that was now beginning to tremble.

“I don’t know,” Jos explained, tugging the child’s collar closer around her little neck. “We’ll have to ask your mommy okay? Come on, we’d best be going home soon. You just got better we don’t want to risk you getting sick again do we?”

Ava pouted. Her narrow little shoulders fell. Squinting up at Joanna she stared at her curiously.

“Do you know my daddy? Mommy says he was bad and had to go away but I don’t member him. Uncle Matt says I look like him. Am I bad too?”

“No baby, now come up here,” Jos cooed and drew the child up into her arms comfortingly. “Don’t listen to what your uncle tells you, he’s a… never mind. Kids huh? Well you’ll know first hand soon enough. They’re little sponges, you take in everything, don’t you?” she asked, tickling the child to her squealing delight. Jos smirked aside at her friend but Joanna could only nod with her own smile saddened and a distant look upon her face.

“Things will work out for you Jojo, you’ll see,” Jos confided. “When this baby comes along everything will change. You wait and see how right I am.”

After exchanging hugs and utterances to catch up again soon, the two women parted and Joanna stood beneath the patchy sunlight and shade watching Jos carrying Ava away. She offloaded a heavy heartfelt sigh as she stroked at her stomach in comfort.

“I don’t know if I can,” she uttered miserably.

Then turning her back she made her way back towards her car to begin the long arduous commute back to her sister’s bedside.

 

---

More later :yes:

[crazy robster]

Professor Brad?? Hahaha excellent!! That was cool "like"...LOL My God Mike is really dangerous 0_o I still wonder how you find all this inspiration my sweet, writing about stuff of the underworld that is really something VERY hard to do. You write everything with so much detail and life...Hmmm sis have you been a member of the Mafia yourself?? Hahaha awww...*hugs* I loved the scene with me and Jos *hugs for lil sis* it was very us, very nice, very emotional!! And we've got Petie included as well!! Just one thing. When am I going to give birth my sweet? My tummy is supposed to have reached my chin (sorta) I have gone through hell and pain and I still haven't miscarried (yay for me!!) so isn't it about time I gave birth? Don't give me the pregnancy of a horse here sis you need to free me from the weight I'm carrying for so long so that i can move on with my life too...*grr at Rob* LMAO don't mind me I'm just joking and being impatient, just do what you have to do I know you think really hard before writing anything! You are DA BEST!! *squeeze hugs*

[Ravynlee]

My sweet I swear it's all fiction *lmao* haha. As for the scene between you and lil sis it was time to bring all the characters together in some form rather than have all these side stories. Now hopefully it should start coming together - not an easy feat for a story you write as it evolves not like real authors do with the benefit of hindsight But anyway... For those paying attention you'll start to see a commonality about time and place that almost everyone in this story evolves from/around. As for Pete well why not, he's family too isn't he? (hi lil brother!! *waves*) And as much as most people here aren't really real accounts (not based on you as the people I know) I have included a few things here and there that make you as characters a bit more... real - I hope.

But anyway, despite everything that's happened in this I still as an author I cant despise Mike. He's the 'token bad guy' here to some degree yes but his motives I almost empathize with. All of them, even Rob, I can't help but pity or sympathize with - Stockholm syndrome eat your heart out! :rofl:

But seriously, as pertains to the story line sis things had to evolve in set time. You will be a mom very shortly. I've been working on that already but I just had to set the scene in many respects. :yes: You'd be surprised to see what the human body can tolerate under incredible amounts of stress It's coming.

And thanks my sweet. I try where I can

Glad you enjoyed it.

[woodyloveslinkin]

I'm with Jojo..."Professor Brad"...lol...

Reading through the story, again, i have a child. It's become a trait in these stories. Oh well, what do I say? I like children...in these stories while that makes up for my intolerance of little children in real life.

Keep it going. NO SCHOOL FOREVER....sat the last exam yesterday...now I can read this story more frequently! Instead of trying to backtrack on updates.

Come it coming woman!

[MrsBennington-Delson]

I gotta admit that I haven't been reading your story *shame on me* for some random reasons *rolleyes* but I will def read it all and continue! bc its really awesome i totaly love your style and the way you put everything up :thumbsup:

oh and I totaly agree with Jojo bout that sis scene and stuff shveetness!! lol

 

oh and btw if I got it right I have a daughter who's name is Ava? O.o lol

[crazy robster]

oh and btw if I got it right I have a daughter who's name is Ava? O.o lol

No my sweet Ava is Sarah's daughter, you just look after her when her mum's at work...is that right sis?

[Ravynlee]

Aww thanks guys!

Sarah I actually borrowed the idea from you anyway AND your role in it, trust me your writing actually gave me you as a character, so blame yourself for that one

And while we're on the subject madam in all the stories I've been married, something that I never have been in real life, nor a mother. Some people are just cut out for it as characters I guess. I must be the divorcee type and you must be... a mother of sorts haha. Deal with it!

 

Yes Jos Ava is Sarah's daughter to previous bad-boy now currently inmate Chester Bennington haha - way to go Sarah! Jos you're the nanny, you look after Ava while Sarah works as you struggle to get through college. And Jos I don't mind that you haven't read it. I didn't expect many to. It's not everyone's taste for sure but it's where inspiration struck so at the risk of alienating myself creatively I went with it.

I'm flattered you like it. Makes me more than you know to see the view number go up - yay for ego-stroking haha.

 

As for Brad he actually reminds me of a few professors I had at Uni. Looks more like an art teacher but no matter - like everyone I needed a link between the central characters and the rest of us ^^ Hopefully it'll all make sense eventually.

 

And yeah thanks everyone for reading and reviewing! :boast:

[Pheonix791989]

awesome updates mum. my computer recently got a brain scan as in a department-0f-defense-you-sure-as-hell-aint-gettin-up-after-that-shit-CIA-area-51 type brain scan. haha. its all good. i cleaned out the hard drive and compleatly took off vista as the operating system, shwag was helpful enough to help me load up XP. n_n I r happy haha

[MrsBennington-Delson]

woooooooooooooops!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

haha ok then im takin care of teh lil Ava xD haha thats awesome!! *thinks to self: poor kid* lol!

[Friðbjörn]

entra Jos

 

 

its nice to see more familiar characters enter the spiel

and am I right in reading that Vince Vaughn is the editor? and Robert Goren the captain?

 

anyway, the story has been the most fun reading out of all the reading I've done lately...

and as of yet you haven't really given anything away so you keep us all tied to this waiting for more each time

keep it coming

[woodyloveslinkin]

And Rav..I stole Ava off a Smashing Pumpkins song "Ava Adore" lol I was watching the film clip at the time. Lol, bad boy chester..another link back to DS?

By coicedence or not, Tabs said something about how 'bad boy' chester looks in my poster of LP in my room.