[Am I The Bad Guy?]

[FireHawk]

So me and my best friend (and ex girl friend) have been through some difficult times lately, but now we are talking again. She has a boyfriend so I don't ever really hit on her unless she starts up the flirting. Which she has ALOT lately. The other day she said she would rather have sex with me than her boyfriend for various reasons. And said if she could have sex with anyone it would be me or Orlando Bloom (lol). Then she went into a deep description of me and her having sex while camping which was odd but at the same time kinda hot. Then she called me and told me to come over so we could have some "fun" but it was like midnight and I had a friend over so I had to say no and the next day she was telling me she wanted me bad. Now she has been talking to me on MSN everynight with webcam and she is wearing less and less every night (bra and panties last night). Right now she is saying she was gonna call me this morning to come over but her mom made her go to the big city with her. I feel guilty though. Usually I wouldn't but its her. I don't want to help her cheatm but at the same time I want her so bad. And when she starts I kinda enourage it.

 

Am I the bad guy for not resisting?

[untitled]

it's her choice if she wants you, not your fault if she chooses you over her bf

she's more like the bad girl cause she wants to cheat

imo she should be honest with you and her bf and decides who she really wants

[ugur90]

if she chooses u over her bf and u know her bf isnt treating her well and is a bad guy i say go for it

[MrsBennington-Delson]

I agree with untiteld

I would tell her that if she wants me that she should leave her bf... bc imo if she does it you really can be sure that she wants you (just for fun or fo real you'll know later) but if shes like "well dunno I dont wanna leave him" and its pretty much sure that she just wants fun with you and nothin else... and of course its hard to resist for you but I'd say if it hurts you in any way then you should try to resist if she's not serious with you but if you just want it bc you find her extremly attractive and if it doesnt have any emotive connection to you than you can go ahead and well... have fun

[Linkin_lp_park]

I can see how you feel

But if she chooses to want to sleep with you, you're not cheating, I mean, you're single

It could be a tough choice, but if you want it, it isn't wrong imo

[ShinodaBear]

Tell her to read this:: http://www.aolhealth.com/healthy-living/relationships/reasons-for-your-affair?icid=200100397x1204590387x1200207921

 

And then have her figure out what she really wants. And, no, you're not the bad guy.

[FireHawk]

well i know she doesnt want a relationship with me and if this was any other person in the world i would be like sure lets fuck but idk this just seems different

[woodyloveslinkin]

I reckon you're worth more than that.

[FireHawk]

i don't know she is like my best friend so eve3rything is fucked up

[woodyloveslinkin]

I'm not saying break off the friendship but if she's doing what she is doing, and I know because I've seen you through this saga. And I just have a bad feeling that getting back into that more than friends relationship is like stepping on hot coals. And that's the last thing you need on top of your musical pressures with going solo and all. I reckon she's toying with you even by her abusing her sexuality as mentioned in your intro to this thread. I fear it sounds like she's going to manipulate you and wrap you around her little finger. Is that what you want? To be played like a puppet?

[FireHawk]

maybe your right but at the same time i like having sex with her lol i know it sounds like a pig and we are just friends...we just do more than friends usually do...but i feel bad for her boyfriend...i know me and Jess have feelings for each other but they don't compare to the feelings they share...

[woodyloveslinkin]

Stop thinking with your dick and start thinking with your brain, Justin.

[FireHawk]

I don't really ever intend having a relationship with her though...I don't think I could trust her now...should I tell him or let it be?

[Ravynlee]

Without knowing any of you on a more personal level I have to say I agree with most of the opinions here. She seems to be in the driver's seat here, manipulating you because let's face it, we all know men are visual creatures and easily swayed with the right 'tools' (for want of a better word)

Seriously it sounds like she is just f**king you, not physically (yet) but she's definately getting a kick out of toying with you in other ways and while you don't object she's arguing in her mind she's free to keep doing it and see how far she can go with you or how far you will let her. Realistically what do YOU want out of the relationship? Do you want to stay friends or throw caution to the wind and think 'why not? It's just sex, right?'

 

Problem is someone is going to get hurt no matter how you look at it, who suffers for it after the fact is entirely up to you. If you tell her to stop and she gets the message she's likely to feel rejected, and may even take up issues between her boyfriend and you as a way of getting back at you for rejecting her. We women can be cruel some times (not advocating it, just saying it like it is).

If you do nothing and just cave in and so sleep with her your friend/her bf will get hurt. You'll more than likely lose a friendship over it unless you think he's the kind to get it out in the open and then get on with life like it never happened?

 

If you see him about what she's been doing he's more than likely going to get mad at you for dissing her, if he's dumb enough to believe she's innocent in all of this then his friendship you don't need anyway. It might be easier to walk away WITHOUT giving in to her and let him sort himself out with her. Let's face it, something HAS to be wrong in that relationship if she feels that unfulfilled she feels inclined to get it somewhere else. If you give in you're not a solution to her problems you're just adding to it. She'll drag you in and use you as the scapegoat to getting out of whatever it is she's stuck in with her current bf.

 

Bottom line is, using gross generalisation, as a guy you're probably thinking one time with her won't matter, and no one needs to know about it so no one needs to end up getting hurt. If you stop and think about the likely repercussions to that way of thinking, you'll see it's not so black and white.

Cheating is cheating, period. You can't justify it.

 

Like others have said, if she REALLY wants to be with you encourage her to leave him and maybe you too can give it a shot. The boyfriend she now has might get miffed with you thinking you've stolen her away from him, likely, but it's better he be pissed at you for her leaving than the ego-crushing-blow it would be if he finds out she slept with you while she was supposed to be with him. What would you think if she was your girlfriend and acting this way towards him??

*shrugs*

May have it all screwed up just... that's what I got from reading the intro bit. Hope that makes sense.

And best of luck whatever you choose. I don't envy your position. Still not too late to do something about it though if you use your head not... you know

Good luck.

(Okay mother rant over)

[Linkin_lp_park]

I don't really ever intend having a relationship with her though...I don't think I could trust her now...should I tell him or let it be?

 

You shouldn´t tell him, she should

[FireHawk]

Ravynlee we have had sex before a few times and no one knows and I don't think anyone would find out...thanks a lot of what you said makes a lot of since but I can't ask her to be in a relationship cause now I wouldn't trust her (maybe I am paranoid?)

[littleblackstone]

ohh wait is she ur ex Jess?

hmm... i'm not sure bout that

 

i mean, like everyone here said before, u'r not the bad guy if u get to do it, she is the bad girl for cheating is bf.

 

if you feel like it, go for it. she's the b*tch, not you (sorry for that lol)

 

but idk... u already talked too much bout her, and u already had been suffering because of her..

won't you get hurt once again if u do it with her?

[FireHawk]

indeed it is Jess

 

no it wouldn't hurt me at all....a) her boyfriend in an ass and b)it wouldn't bother me cause i don't want a relationship and i know how to handle that

 

i would just feel kinda guilty...idk why either anyone else i wouldnt be bothered by...

[Ravynlee]

Ravynlee we have had sex before a few times and no one knows and I don't think anyone would find out...thanks a lot of what you said makes a lot of since but I can't ask her to be in a relationship cause now I wouldn't trust her (maybe I am paranoid?)

I don't think you're paranoid at all. Suspicious and rightly so. Know what they say, once a cheater always a cheater. Assuming of course she was still in a relationship at the time? I don't know and none of my business. Point is I think after all that past history you'd be smarter and better off within yourself if you called the shots and called it quits. You may have had your fun in the past but you don't want her thinking she's got you like a puppet on a string, you know?

And like LBS said, you've sort of been down this path in some ways already because of her. How many times are you willing to keep doing it? Surely if it's just a physical thing you can get another girl somewhere else, even for a little while. Don't give this 'Jess' anymore of you physically or on any other level than you already have, that'd be my advice anyway.

Be a bigger person for it and walk away with your head still head relatively high. Don't wait until she's decided she's had enough of toying with you and moves on to someone else. Makes you seem desperate. That's a bit sad really. But choice is yours.

*shrugs*

[FireHawk]

Thanks for the advice Ravynlee you make a LOT of sense, but its not a problem anymore we got in an argument with how she didn't want me to party with girls while in Ohio. She kept saying we had so much together. I told her there was no more "WE" when she broke up with me a few months ago. I wasn't her boyfriend. I also said that was her suggstion. She got all mad then she said she was sorry she was so jealous. I told her I loved her and she means the world to me and is stilll my best friend, but if we arn't gonna be more than friends I can't pause my life for her. She said she still loved me but loves her boyfriend more and I was right and she would text me later, and wished me well at work. So I don't know if this is the end of whats been going on or what. BUT I will not feel guilty about anything now cause she knows where I stand.

[Ravynlee]

Well though I am late in saying this am glad for you that it's finally resolved. And you sound stronger for it. Good to hear. At least if anything like this comes up down the track you'll have more insight on how best to deal with it if that's what you want. Good stuff. All the best for later, 'eh?

[Clogz]

Good job putting your foot down.

 

Here is how I see it.

 

She knows you love her, and would date her, and that you want her. She is trying to use those feelings to get you to have sex with her.

 

She doesn't know what she wants, and usually girls in the state are the most dangerous as they will do all kinds of crazy things.

 

Keep in mind, you may not be the only guy she is propisitioning. Not to say she is a whore, but if she has no problem being with two guys, what's a third? Honestly?

 

Keep your foot down. Make it clear that your relationship is over. As Woody said before, use your brain and make the right decision.