The 'How You Feelin'' thread v6.0

[speedthief]

very desperate to wait for my new PS3

[woodyloveslinkin]

Am happier Ranted to my (real) mummy about everything under the sun and got closer to getting a new piercing with my (real) brother. Enlightened with my brother's antics as usual. I knew we had to be related.

[speedthief]

yay i got my new PS3 now all i want is just a Need For Speed Prostreet game for PS3 that's all

[LPNailz]

I just had a good laugh. I saw my godfather this morning, and just being around him makes me happy. This is actually...been a really good day. Huh.

[Sponge]

Feel bad. I was at work and I saw a friend but she said hi to all my other friends but not me. IDK. Made me wonder if friends now will ever be friends in the future. I felt bad every since that happened. Never did say bye to anyone when i left work. Just left without a word.

[speedthief]

going out with a group of friends, all girls a few hours ago

[Ravynlee]

congrats on the house Rav. And also thanks for the hug.

*hugs back* No probs

 

I was cranky (previous argument) but jokin' with mum now has cheered me up

[woodyloveslinkin]

Really down at the moment. Tensions between me and my (then) best friend have halted to the point where I have to trick Marie into inviting him over when I'm there despite the fact that he's sworn to never talk to me again. We've known each other and been best friends since kindy and this is how he treats me? *sigh*

[Sponge]

*hugs back* No probs

 

I was cranky (previous argument) but jokin' with mum now has cheered me up

 

Oh are you ok from the arguement? I'm sorry you got into an arguement.

 

Now I feel very sh!ty cuz i feel like everytime I'm at work i get slugish and i don't work the same as i used to. I hate this crap that I'm feeling. I always thinking negative of myself. I need to stop this.

 

I'm sorry to hear that Woody.

[Ravynlee]

I'm okay Sponge, thanks

 

On that note, I am annoyed. After an argument with my brother then my mother, two nights in a row, I got online to chill and got attitude from another. I was majorly pissed; seemed like everyone around me was in a bad mood and looking to vent and I hate going to bed like that - never let the sun go down on an argument my mum says, but still...

 

I'm pissed that my biological dad has come back on the scene after 10 + years acting as always the eternal victim of his own bad choices.

 

I'm pissed at my brother for forcing said person into my life even when I told him not to, then after I confronted him with why he felt the need to do it, apologizes with the infuriating response; 'I don't know.'

 

I'm pissed at my mum for getting drunk two nights in a row (I mean rolling drunk) then ringing me up because she needs to vent after arguing with my brother (and I have to start work at 4:30 in teh morning). I'm also pissed she's gone back to being blase about her previous heart attack like it'll never happen again and keeps talking about her will and provisions about when she dies...

 

I'm pissed at my sister-in-law (only a little) for taking my brother back (as much as I love him) after he's walked out on her and the kids three times - and really pissed at her for falling for my biological dad's 'poor me' act (he walked out on both his families many times, apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it?)

 

And pissed at someone else for reasons they know. As much as I love this person's friendship (and they know who they are) after 5 odd years of depressive states, mood swings, emotional ups and downs and suicide attempts etc, I'm sick of the immature attitude. I've said all I can say and am going to say regarding your health too. You know not to go off your meds etc and you know the side effects. Don't dare bitch to me and hide behind the 'I don't know why I'm so angry line' - enough is enough. You remind me of someone else at the moment, and part of me can't help but wonder if this has always been a cry for attention. If it is cry somewhere else. I've simply had enough.

 

I was pissed at my boss for going off at me this morning over someone else not doing their job properly when I was supervising them (but she calmed down eventually which was good, and it ended up being a good day at least

 

And after all that you know what, I'm pissed at myself too. I hate letting other people's shit get to me like this. I'm usually extremely good at keeping everything at a safe distance but lately I'm feeling snowballed, and I hate this sense of vulnerability. With working, packing, getting the paperwork finalised, struggling with money paying rent in two places at once, paying bills and groceries and so on all on one wage, and hanging out to see if I've even been approved a government bond loan to finalise this new place, and now my family's crap, I really don't need anything else to tip me over the edge right now. My fuse has always been short but lately it's being severly tested. As for tolerance...

My jaw and stomach muscles however are getting an awesome workout from keeping both clenched in anger all the time. I guess when you stop and think about it there really is a silver lining to every dark cloud or so they say

[speedthief]

no way i failed my favourite Science Test dude that sucks

[woodyloveslinkin]

*hugs @ Rav* :friends: <3 you still.

 

 

Warning: Rant ahead.

 

Me? Somewhat relieved but peeved off. I confronted Josh for the first time today in ages, and my God, that boy had the guts to turn his back on me and the guts to lie to my face over certain subjects. I was really ready to lose it over him, but I said to myself "he's not worth it, and the last thing you need right now is to deal with fucks like him. Dealt with it with daniel for a while not gonna put up with it again. Just turn your back to him and walk away." Wait...I controlled my anger for once by doing that.

 

So I backed off, until he left a nasty message on my facebook under his little sister's user account. Cos he's just that little bit lucky that if no one was at Marie's place today I would've lost it with him, I still have self-control issues on or off the meds. Which I'm back on them now. Kinda got sick of lectures and do and don'ts from a number of people, so I demanded to my doctor today that he gives me those stronger meds, and yes, I told him I was off them, and fucking boy, never seen Dr Sandra so damn pissed at me in my life. Sorry but the lecture of 'you need this for not only yourself but the people who care about you as well' went one ear and out the other, I'm a stubborn little shit at times when I want things go my way (damn, it's a woody family trait). I told him that I didn't need them and that I'm okay at the moment, didn't convince him too well. Well, maybe it would fucking help if the doctor's psychologist got her fucking act together and booked me an appointment and stop stuffing me around. Of course my sister had something to say about my medication, knowing her.

 

I don't know what's more frustrating to hear - my friend bugging me to get back on my medication or my sister complaining that I'm on too much medication and I'm happier off them for the time being. Fuck's sakes. I hate the inability to think for myself at times when I have so many people telling me to do the opposite to what everyone tells me to do. My sister's paranoid that's all, now that Mum has told me (a bit fucking late, woman) about anyone in the family being on anti-psychotics and is really skeptical of them (pfft hypocrite) and that every word should go through one ear and the other (again, a bit fucking late woman since sis had me convinced that I was fine and to get all my demons out I just needed to talk to someone, again, do I have to mention the psychologist?). I don't feel like I've done it for myself, and I know I haven't done it for myself, which is probs something I need to work on and I'll be treated like a child in the psychologist room, sorry, I spent most of my teen years in the councillor's office and I've got something against psychologists I don't know, Josh my bro in law is an exception, I DO trust that man with a lot of secrets and why the fuck do I need to wait and pay for a psychologist when I go to Josh for free? Pfft. He came in uber drunk from a Buck's night the other night and he stopped and laughed at me saying "you stoned? you're on crack or something?" me "no..why? could you give me drug money to spend on smokes?"" josh "don't fucking lie..." as much as my best friend doesn't drink, well, Tabitha, I sure feel sorry for her when she has to be around anyone of our family, even sober, we're a bunch of loons.

 

Where was I again? Oh yeah.... And now I have found out the reason why Josh isn't talking to me - Matt. I was like wtf? Do you realise where he lives right now? A little town in England.....(we're both country people). He told me that he was angry that I hadn't told him. Which is a completely different reason what he gave Marie, so wtf am I supposed to think about him right now?

 

I basically said to him that my personal life was none of his business and that I didn't need to answer to him. I tell people who I want to tell about Matt and I and he wasn't one of them, because I felt like I didn't need to answer to his demands.

 

I'm not his sister nor am I family, and there are things that I don't tell Tabitha or Heather (oh on the subject of her, ran into her mother today, at the shops which was nice. By the way that she treated me today, i think heather had hinted to Carol that something had gone drastrically wrong with me and daniel and i was the one forced to leave wagga not the other way around, like she reckons it should've been that way...which now I'm hearing reports from Heather, that Daniel's giving crap atm cos she was there the night that I snapped for good).

 

Beck told me not to lose it at Josh when I left her place this morning, but man, I was trying so hard to control myself and top of the lies and the deciet he's hurt other people that I care about with. The fight's getting rather stupid to be honest - he's come down to insulting me behind my back, cos he doesn't have the guts to face me and say it to my face. I prefer people say it to my face than behind my back.

 

Anyway, I'm getting blonde streaks in my hair tomorrow which is good I just can't remain one colour, lol, it's merely impossible for me to remain one colour. I think I'm getting paranoid or something, but I can feel like an open cut down my wrist/arm for some odd reason. And I hate having cuts on my arms/wrists. Reminds me of the ol' cutting ways of woody and I've tried to avoid getting any part of my arm cut or if it happens, I want to get rid of it immediately.

 

Tabitha's moving to Broken Hill soon, cos of stupid James....grr...

 

Amen to Jack and his Girl, You Have No Faith in Medicine and every other song I'm daydreaming about him performing....Well, a girl can dream can't she? Woo, Blue Orchid, my not so happy song....but still, woo!

 

Can I take a breath now? *breathes*

[Sponge]

@Rav and Woody:

 

Ummm.......I'm like soo sorry about that happening to you. I don't think you deserve to go through all of this (excuse my laungage) shit. It's not right for all of this to happen. I just was I can just take all the problems that everyone has and make them......dissappear. But i can't....i can't do that cuz it's not possible.......I'm sorry for all those things happening to you two.

 

Sorry.

 

Oh almost forgot. I feel better now that i had like.....13 hours of sleep

[Ravynlee]

Shit happens to everyone, period. But thanks Sponge, appreciated

Sarah; best of luck.

 

How am I feeling now? Had way too much coffee at work - strung out but... happy-ish?

[woodyloveslinkin]

I'm feeling a bit happier now but feel ripped off. My blonde streaks didn't turn out the way I wanted them too. I feel like I've ranted myself out for the week.

 

Rav & Sponge, thanks, yeah, with you there Rav, shit does happen, the sad and angsty side of life.

 

YAY! One of my favourite WS songs came on, Same Boy You've Always Known.

 

 

p.s. is it just my eyes or does jack have a streak of white in his hair in my sig? o.0

[speedthief]

gonna hang out with all my female classmates so exciting

[Sponge]

Im gonna sand the wood on the floor. Only gonna do the sides of the hallway. Might take a while but at least I'm doing something.

[Friðbjörn]

Im thinkin about how absolutely nothing interests me on this forum anymore...

[Sponge]

O.O......i hate to admit but your right....just alittle bit.

 

Feel better now that i just finished sanding the floor. It's gonna take weeks. Maybe months at least 2 i think.

[woodyloveslinkin]

Tired, but that's natural for someone who just woke up. Gonna do some more stuff on my blog today.

[Ravynlee]

Im thinkin about how absolutely nothing interests me on this forum anymore...

You know, I've been this way inclined for a while now and enthusiasm is hard to force if the will isn't there to back it up. First it was interest for the band, but as of recent years that's changed. So I told myself I'd stay for the writing, that too has slipped by the wayside, (not just mine but a general lack of enthusiasm in the WC altogether). Then I told myself I'll stay for the people, for the few friends I've come to know over the years and look forward to catching up with online, but real life either takes over or people just drift away. I had been telling myself that sooner or later the site owner here would finally do something constructive or worst case scenario LPF would just shut-down. I used to think that I'd really miss this place but now I've come to realise I already miss it, the way it used to be, and no amount of lamenting for the past glories will get that back. So lately my visits here are habitual, I come back because it's familiar, it's not as amusing or entertaining or even as enjoyable as it used to be, it's kind of routine (like going to a doctor's appointment) and even now as I type this I'm wondering how much longer this apathy is going to keep me here.

 

 

And that's how I'm feeling.

[woodyloveslinkin]

Feel like throwing up. I couldn't eat my dinner last night cos I felt sick eating it so I had my breakfast and I felt sick afterwards. Can barely get through this piece of bread to keep my energy levels up.

[KillMeImIrish]

completely frustrated. found out tonight that i have been learning a song on guitar completely wrong

[woodyloveslinkin]

^ what song?

 

I miss my guitar I learnt how to play the Denial Twist on it.

[speedthief]

completely wrong when i play in the end on the drums