Crimes of your past.. Confession Booth time.

[ImWithStupid]

 

christ i miss peony park i was supposed to be a ride supervisor the next year!

 

 

You can always go get groceries there and remember what it was like to have an amusement park.

 

JK. I wish it was still around so I would have somewhere closer than KC or Des Moines to take my kids.

[skategreen]

I'm mainly guilty of imaginative crime plotting for fun and amusement. Idle conversation leading to how one would go about killing the president, robbing a bank, or defrauding one's insurance company.

 

I'm sure you all do this too.

 

Most of my law breaking was done as a bored teen in a drinkwater border town of no account. Creative dope smoking ("hey during assembly let's sneak into Principal's office and get stoned!") and terrorizing the neighborhoods. 1976 Bi-Centenntial Year Celebrations - summertime terror as our little stoner gang stole every flag hanging from every home or business that we could get our hands on. We then graduated to lawn ornaments and hanging flower baskets.

 

"Lawn Decoration Thieves Run Rampant, film at 11".

 

I did not de-rail the Great Northern Freight train. However, I am withholding information about the Wreck of the Great Northern.

 

Living on a border and being Bi...(or is it dual? oh..right, I'm dual) Our main crimes have been that of smuggling. Border etiquette teaches one that smuggling between Canada and US is not actually a crime. It's something you gotta do to get the good stuff up to Auntie's and Granny's, and to get good stuff home again.

 

From an early age we were taught how to lie to the border guards to get smokes and booze across the line and how to smuggle the rest of the stuff. We could have $10,000.00 worth of Christmas presents in the trunk...and when we get to the border:

 

Guard: "are you bringing anything across?"

 

Dad: "a few small gifts all under ten dollars"

 

By 1993 they would have thought he was simply the most awful liar or one cheap sum bitch.

 

I nearly got thrown right outta the car and out of our little smugglin crime family, when I spilled the beans and nearly got us jailed.... at age 4.

 

For some reason we were smugging rabbits that day. Don't ask me why, Hell I was 4 ... I wasn't privy to where this shit came from..it just did.

 

There were baby rabbits, they were put in a cardboard box and placed on the back seat floor, covered with a towel, I was instructed to rest my feet on the box and to not say a Goddamn Word.

 

Easily enough done - especially when one is familiar with back-hands and belts.

 

Except...when one is Four. One forgets. and besides. Rabbits beneath one's feet are exciting.

 

So we get to the border...Mum and Dad in the front seat, their glasses of rum and coke have been placed on the floor by their feet, just before pulling up to the guard...Big Sis is wedged between Mum and Dad...(she's the oldest, so she ALWAYS get's to sit up front, unless of course Sandy, the baby, is having her turn) I'm in the back with the younger two....

 

The guard leans in a bit and greets us ...and asks the old familar question...

 

"Bringing anything across?"

 

Dad's explaining how we've got all this duty-free booze and smokes, and how all this booty is for our own personal use and yes indeedy we're all spending the next 48 hours up across the line and so will have plenty of time to personally consume 4 cartons of cigs and 4 bottles of hard liquor .. and we've got the special suitcase with the extra nightgowns (which by now we've all outgrown) and toothbrushes and Mum's old robe thrown in... just in case the border guard decides to again ask "oh yeah, so then where's the nightclothes for all your little girls?"

 

Dad's telling the guard his fairy tale..and I'm bouncin in my seat, the back window is cracked open a bit and I'm just bursting! I'm bouncin and trying to get the guard's attention...

 

"We've got some bunnies in a box!"

 

"We've got some bunnies in a box!"

 

He DID ask if we had anything. And I was pretty excited to have something to declare. Hell, they were right under MY feet, so it must be my duty to report ....

 

The guard paid no attention to the yammerings of the kids in the back..and once again we made it safely across with booty intact.

 

I caught Hell. I do recall that part. I recall a lot of curse words and comments upon my general intelligence.

 

The end of this story has yet to be reached. It will never be reached in fact. Because for the rest of my life...at odd times...here and there...just out of the blue, ...Dad would come out with, "we got some bunnies in a box!", piping, mimicking my little 4 year old voice....and he'd throw back his head and laugh.

 

I never had a conventional wedding...Dad would have come out with this at the alter, you can be sure.

 

The story was told regularly and re-told at family gatherings. I was forever branded a snitch and stoolie from age 4.

 

Dad passed away, but the story did not. One day...driving away from the border, pleased to have successfully smuggled a delicious box of farm apples ..my daughter giggled and piped up...

 

"we got some bunnies in a box!".

 

 

 

If and when I ever decide to die....it might as well be inscribed upon my headstone.

[phreakwars]

"we got some bunnies in a box!".

 

 

 

If and when I ever decide to die....it might as well be inscribed upon my headstone.

Except, you can change BUNNIES into WORM FOOD instead.

 

"We got some worm food in this box !!"

.

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[hugo]

Never been charged with anything. I get questioned about once a year concerning the mysterious disappearances of my three ex-wives.

[RegisteredAndEducated]

Like most everyone, I've been pulled over a couple of times... some of which resulted in tickets... I was arrested for being stupid a few years back. I had plenty of money in my pockets, but I decided I should steal something instead of paying for it... Just a misdemeanor, but Trust me, I payed for it...

 

now, as for not getting caught... Not too much, just the standard... Drinking underage... I think I've smoked pot a total of 6 times in my life... And alot of severe speeding... but that's about it. I've gone pretty straight arrow over the last few years.

[eddo]

I was arrested for being stupid a few years back.

 

Good thing for me that isn't actually a crime...

[KathyA]

I have never been arrested. And I really don't recall ever breaking the law. Minus speeding violations, I am a pretty upstanding member of society..

 

Now, with that being said. I have been a victim of identity theft.

 

Fifteen or so years ago. A close friend of mine and my husband was arrested. It was his 3rd offence, driving without a license. The courts deemed him an habitual offender, and sentenced him to 2 1/2 to 5 years to serve in state prison..

 

Anyhow, he puts the hubby and me on his visiting list.. About 1 week later he is notified by a correctional officer, that I am not allowed to visit.. Due to an extensive criminal history in Nevada.. When he called us to let us know. I thought for sure there was a mistake made some where. Either a digit off on my license number, or an incorrect birthdate.. I have never been anywhere besides the the east coast at this point, let alone Nevada.. Later, that very same evening 3 cops showed up at my home.. Apparently, there is no mistake.. It's me and Nevada wants me now. After being finger printed, searched, and degraded for 3 hours. The finger prints did not match.. And I was released, and sent on my way with these suspicious condensending words, "If this is you, we'll be back." Well holy shit. I thought for sure that this just had to be some horrible mistake or a nightmare that I would soon wake up from.

 

5 years later.. Yup 5 years.. I get a letter from the Nevada state police. Its seems as though, a very good friend of mine from high school, had gotten into some trouble and used my name, my birthdate.. She had obtained a license with all MY information and her picture.. Her and her boyfriend had caused all the mayhem. Not I, as originally thought..

 

The bitch served 3 years in jail. And has now moved back home. I would say, within 10 minutes of me. I haven't seen her yet. I think she even shops far away from these parts, for fear of actually running into me..

 

It truly was one of the scariest things I have ever been through. But it has since been rectified and all is good now. All except my revenge..lol

[Mack the Knife]

I once fed popcorn to pigeons while next to a sign that said "do not feed the birds". I am such a bastard.

[Jhony5]

I often marvel at how I've never gone to jail. I've smoked pot since I was 15. Which in and of itself involves alot of legal dodge ball. Used to do a lot of dirt back in the day. Nothing serious. Just your typical punk kid vandalizing petty theft bullshit. Its like I get a furlough from some undisclosed divine being every time I fucked up enough to think I had been caught.

When I was 17 me and a friend got stopped by some cops while walking around the streets of stringtown Indy at 2AM. The same two cops that had arrested the same guy I was with 6 months earlier for driving his '79 Cutlass Supreme in reverse through a school playground during school hours. We had been thieving and vandalizing all night and had been high on various street drugs since early in the previous day. In my front pocket lied the remains of some of these drugs. Seven roachs from fat ass primo joints. 'Primo", for those of you who aren't junkies, means each joint had powdered cocaine in them.

Well I had the roachs ever so cleverly concealed in-between the cellophane and my pack of Marlboros. The pack of smokes was in my front pocket producing a large bulge which inevitably led to the cop asking the question "So whats in your front pocket". "My cigarettes sir" I answered. Of course he asked me to take them out. In my drug sizzled brain I cooked up a clever scheme. A maneuver so simple, so easy to pull off yet so genius I would be heralded as a hero among my druggy brethren. I would reach into my front pocket with my right hand and grab the pack of smokes with my index finger by the inside opening while pushing down on the cellophane with my middle finger. Simultaneously I would use my left hand to nonchalantly pinch the cellophane with my left hand from the outside of my pocket. Thus separating the cellophane, and more importantly the roachs, from my ciggs.

I tried my best and felt a momentary wave of relief when I looked down and thought I had successfully removed the cellophane wrapper. I extended my hand towards the officer and pointed the pack of smokes at him, expecting him to take them from my hand. As he was reaching forward to take them I noticed the cellophane wrapper was still on the ciggs. I had failed. In my hand lay the key to a short jail sentence. The officer expressed to me his exceptional level of "street knowledge" he had gained over all his years on the force as he never even took the pack from my hands. Only flipping the lid of my box pack of ciggs open, riffling briefly while he said "I know you kids like to hide your drugs in packs of cigarettes". I put the smokes (and the roachs) back in my pocket and we proceeded with the interrogation. Nothing came of it. He had the contraband literally in his hand and he didn't know it.

 

Many many times in my life I have had similar incidents like this. Whereas I get away with shit through a combination of luck, skill and stupid cops.

 

I should write a book called "Stories from the loser years". It would make for good reading, yes?