How do you deal w/ death ??

[Hamza123]

Just recently, a very very close cousin to me passed away. He lived in a place in North Africa called Morocco where my mother is from. Morocco is like the USA of Africa. Anyways, him and 15 other people all travelled to a different city for work and they all rented a 4 star, pretty nice hotel. The hotel is gas powered because it was going through renevations and some electrical stuff had occured, a lot of places like these are gas powered.

 

This is the hotel > http://www.agadir-info.com/logements/hotel-agadir-anezi.jpg

 

Anyways, they all took their showers (had to turn the gas on, and up), and my cousin was the last one. Little did they know, as they all took showers, there was a leak and they each went for a nap. They were all knocked out and my cousin and someone else who was concious ran to the door, passed out as they were running, and smashed into the door. They were all killed. My cousin was the only one bleeding for some reason because of the gas through his mouth. I am extemely upset, especially since we we're close. It's hard for me to conceal my emotions in this case. I am having trouble even believing this is true because I keep telling myself "How could this happen so soon"... He was so young, 23 or 24 I don't remember exactly. My question is, how do you deal with a death of a loved on?

[Lethalfind]

Just recently, a very very close cousin to me passed away. He lived in a place in North Africa called Morocco where my mother is from. Morocco is like the USA of Africa. Anyways, him and 15 other people all travelled to a different city for work and they all rented a 4 star, pretty nice hotel. The hotel is gas powered because it was going through renevations and some electrical stuff had occured, a lot of places like these are gas powered.

 

This is the hotel > http://www.agadir-info.com/logements/hotel-agadir-anezi.jpg

 

Anyways, they all took their showers (had to turn the gas on, and up), and my cousin was the last one. Little did they know, as they all took showers, there was a leak and they each went for a nap. They were all knocked out and my cousin and someone else who was concious ran to the door, passed out as they were running, and smashed into the door. They were all killed. My cousin was the only one bleeding for some reason because of the gas through his mouth. I am extemely upset, especially since we we're close. It's hard for me to conceal my emotions in this case. I am having trouble even believing this is true because I keep telling myself "How could this happen so soon"... He was so young, 23 or 24 I don't remember exactly. My question is, how do you deal with a death of a loved on?

 

I have to say I haven't had to deal with the death of someone so young, my Father and Grandmother died, while they were obviously older, I still wasn't prepared and didn't deal with it well at all.

I don't think there is an easy answer to your question, everyone is different. I can imagine it would be very hard to accept because he was so very far away and you probably won't be at his funeral. Seeing my Father lying in the casket made it real for me I have to say. I'm not sure I will every go to another funeral as long as I live after that. My Mom says she only wants a grave side ceremony with only family, with a Xanax and a few drinks afterward I might just be able to get through that.

[scout]

You remember him and the times you had togather. Ask yourself what his answer to your question would be.

[eisanbt]

Never had much trouble with death. I lost 2 good friends in a car accident a little less then a year back and lost my grandmother only a few weeks ago. With my grandmother I wasn't terribly concerned about her passing which is to say it didn't bother me, there was no need for it to. I just did my best to make her final days pleasent and reassured her that all those she cared about were going to be ok.

 

With my friends I was a kind of distressed at first but mainly it was anger surrounding how one of them in particular died (His seatbelt suffocated him after their car flipped, they didn't get it off him in time) But aside from that I only needed to worry about the folks who were still around and feeling bad. I'm the kind that makes jokes at a funeral :o

 

It kind of a hard sentiment to write out, but I guess its something like "No more suffering" but not that at all as it implys that life is suffering. I also don't believe in an afterlife I just feel that once they're gone then, well, thems is the breaks. A life ends just as the wind knocks over a cloths basket; the world continues. Take a shot in their honour and keep on enjoying life. Be there for those who are overwhelmed and enjoy that fact that tragedy brings you closer to the importent people in your life.

 

Death to me dosn't really need to by 'delt' with. Perhaps my comforting thought is the old line "Funerals are for the survivors, not the dead". If the dead aren't worried about it then there is no need for me.

[Gallytuck]

You get a big bottle of Jack Daniels (or whatever your flavor is) ...If you have the financial means travel to Panama or Thailand and go on a screwing, drinking bender to honor your departed relatives memory.

 

Isn't he Muslim?

[slip_knot]

Hamza,

do you believe in Allah ?

 

If so then that will help you get through the loss and grief.

 

Though I do not believe in any of your gods, I do believe in an afterlife. Your cousin is there Hamza, and you will see him again. That is what I believe.

[tiredofwhiners]

When my best friend got killed i was 20 from a one car accident, that if not for a broken well 2 hours earlier i would have been right beside him. With him i would hang out at the spot he got killed and drink and drink, till one day i just did'nt feel the need to go there any more. I still visit his grave once a year.

 

My grandfather who was like a dad, i did pretty good in public for my grandma, but in private i was a wreck. Did pretty good at the funeral until the did the military salute, then i lost it just stood by the casket for about 15 min after everybody left. Then the next day i was all right.

 

Second grandpa my dip shit uncle talked gram into not having a funeral, he would just take the ashes, and sprinkle them in the lake or some shit. That sucked and i still get a little fucked in the head, because of the no closure that you get from a funeral.

[Hamza123]

Well thank you all. I would have to say it's rather comforting when you share your stories with me, it gives me a sense of "not being alone"...

 

Hamza,

do you believe in Allah ?

 

If so then that will help you get through the loss and grief.

 

Though I do not believe in any of your gods, I do believe in an afterlife. Your cousin is there Hamza, and you will see him again. That is what I believe.

 

Thanks dude, I hope (Inshallah (God's Will)).

[TheJenn88]

Remember the good times

Whatever pain, grief, bitterness, denial - whatever it is that you're feeling - it will come to pass. Everyone is different, but most people just find a way to move on. It's part of the human condition to have strength to carry ourselves on.

[hopeUslide]

Move on, as cold as it sounds, it is the best. People die, it is just the way of things. Dwelling will not bring them back. Honor the dead with a picture on the wall, a shot poured on the grave,and a flower. Cry,get mad, get drunk, but move on.

[sixes]

Remember the good times

Whatever pain, grief, bitterness, denial - whatever it is that you're feeling - it will come to pass. Everyone is different, but most people just find a way to move on. It's part of the human condition to have strength to carry ourselves on.

I get the oven warmed up! What a fucking drama queen!

[Hamza123]

Mah, well I am not the uber party type... I'm more lounge party but thats besides the point.

 

Ill have to agree with you Jenn, a lot of my family members told me that. I can't stand to see my uncle cry. And the weird thing is, is that he was always the manly one, the one w/ the beard, the one who enforced the rules, I always did see a bit of his gentle side I guess.

[RoyalOrleans]

What you dont think Muslims party? go to embasy row in Daka, whores cheep by the dozen..sweet

 

Nothing like hirsutes, jacked up teeth, and those wild chants.

[slip_knot]

Mah, well I am not the uber party type... I'm more lounge party but thats besides the point.

 

Ill have to agree with you Jenn, a lot of my family members told me that. I can't stand to see my uncle cry. And the weird thing is, is that he was always the manly one, the one w/ the beard, the one who enforced the rules, I always did see a bit of his gentle side I guess.

 

He still is the manly one Hamza. There is nothing wrong with a man crying. Everyone has been there. Comfort him as best you can. No one should live to see their children die.

[oldschool]

I think the best wat to come to terms of death is to just accept it. I have heard stories of what it can do to you if you pretend it does not effect you when you know in fact it is.

[Lethalfind]

When people in my life pass away, I have dreams that they are still alive and we are just doing normal things and then in the first few seconds of when I wake up I have forgotten they are dead and then it all comes rushing back too me. That went on for at least a year after my Father died. When I was out running errands or whatever in the town where we lived, I would often think I saw him or his car (you know someone who looked like him) and I would think "oh theres Dad" and then realize it couldn't be him because he was dead. The town we lived in was small and it was not unusual for me to see him when I was out.

There have been times that I thought I heard his voice or saw him out of the corner of my eye. Some people say that your mind fills in what it expects to see, some say that our loved ones visit us after they have passed away...

[Hamza123]

Damn, lethal, thats been happening to me a lot lately. When my cousin came down here to visit, he'd always go swimming for play some baskeball with us. Everytime I pass the court and I see someone playing I always think it's him...

[Lethalfind]

Damn, lethal, thats been happening to me a lot lately. When my cousin came down here to visit, he'd always go swimming for play some baskeball with us. Everytime I pass the court and I see someone playing I always think it's him...

 

Some people think its the person's spirit visiting their loved ones, of course others think its your subconscience working through the fact your loved one is dead. What do you think it is?

[atlantic]

When people in my life pass away, I have dreams that they are still alive and we are just doing normal things and then in the first few seconds of when I wake up I have forgotten they are dead and then it all comes rushing back too me. That went on for at least a year after my Father died. When I was out running errands or whatever in the town where we lived, I would often think I saw him or his car (you know someone who looked like him) and I would think "oh theres Dad" and then realize it couldn't be him because he was dead. The town we lived in was small and it was not unusual for me to see him when I was out.

There have been times that I thought I heard his voice or saw him out of the corner of my eye. Some people say that your mind fills in what it expects to see, some say that our loved ones visit us after they have passed away...

No, that's him coming to visit you! After my father died, he came to me all the time with messages that always came true; til my son was born; I haven't seen him since; although before my son was born my father came to me in a dream and told me he was coming back, and gave me specific instructions about my pregnancy that if I had not followed them my son wouldn't have made it which came true. Also, I saw an old boyfriend who died of cancer once when I was in a car wreck, he was sitting in the passenger's seat and smiling at me; I thought I had died for sure! It was a good distraction from the truck I was about to crash into!

[Lethalfind]

No, that's him coming to visit you! After my father died, he came to me all the time with messages that always came true; til my son was born; I haven't seen him since; although before my son was born my father came to me in a dream and told me he was coming back, and gave me specific instructions about my pregnancy that if I had not followed them my son wouldn't have made it which came true. Also, I saw an old boyfriend who died of cancer once when I was in a car wreck, he was sitting in the passenger's seat and smiling at me; I thought I had died for sure! It was a good distraction from the truck I was about to crash into!

 

I would like to believe what you say, that my loved ones can reach out from the great beyond but I am a skeptic I'm affraid. Its not that I think its imposible, I just need more proof its not my mind playing tricks on me.

One thing that tends to be on the side of it really being our loved ones is how many people tell you the same has happened to them. I have mentioned this to a few people, people who had never heard of it before and not shared what they saw for fear of being labeled crazy...you should see the look on their faces when I tell them of my experiences...

I had one yesterday. My neighbors cat died in January, I helped her take it to the vets office as she was dying, I held her the whole way there and comforting her owner at the same time. My neighbor has been out of town and I have been going over to water her lawn and plants etc. I have been there everyday...yesterday out of the corner of my eye I saw Tiffany. Its not like I spend much time at her house so I would be expecting to see her, but there she was. I was surprised and turned quickly thinking another animal had gotten in the house when I was on the back porch watering plants but she was gone when I looked straight at the spot.

[hugo]

I had one yesterday. My neighbors cat died in January, I helped her take it to the vets office as she was dying, I held her the whole way there and comforting her owner at the same time. My neighbor has been out of town and I have been going over to water her lawn and plants etc. I have been there everyday...yesterday out of the corner of my eye I saw Tiffany. Its not like I spend much time at her house so I would be expecting to see her, but there she was. I was surprised and turned quickly thinking another animal had gotten in the house when I was on the back porch watering plants but she was gone when I looked straight at the spot.

 

That just proves you're fuckin' nuts. That is no surprise.

[sixes]

That just proves you're fuckin' nuts. That is no surprise.

 

People are swelling up with pride for the house of hugo the sane I'm sure.

[ImWithStupid]

I guess that since I was exposed to the idea of death at a young age, and fairly regularly after that, I just accept it as a part of life. My father died, in a work related accident, when I was 5. I had some great aunts and uncles die over the next 6 years and my grandfather, who I cared for more than about any other family member after my mother, died when I was 12. I had a friend of mine commit suicide when we were 15 years old, another friend died when I was 16 from pneumonia because his immune system was low because he had just overcome a battle with leukemia (this one really made me question my faith. I mean the kid just beat cancer and dies of pneumonia. Didn't seem right). I then had another friend die just before his 18th birthday from an undiagnosed heart condition that was aggravated by an infection.

 

I supposed it's like anything else, the more exposure you have to death and at an early age, the less it bothers you.

[Feckless Wench]

You allow yourself to go through all of the emotions that losing a loved one brings....and then gradually, you move on. Time will ease the sadness.

[slip_knot]

When people in my life pass away, I have dreams that they are still alive and we are just doing normal things and then in the first few seconds of when I wake up I have forgotten they are dead and then it all comes rushing back too me. That went on for at least a year after my Father died. When I was out running errands or whatever in the town where we lived, I would often think I saw him or his car (you know someone who looked like him) and I would think "oh theres Dad" and then realize it couldn't be him because he was dead. The town we lived in was small and it was not unusual for me to see him when I was out.

There have been times that I thought I heard his voice or saw him out of the corner of my eye. Some people say that your mind fills in what it expects to see, some say that our loved ones visit us after they have passed away...

 

I have experienced all of the above. It seems to me that the loved one is in your thoughts. Then you forget the nasty bit - they are dead. Then you see someone who looks a little bit like them and instantly, you think its them out for a walk. Then you are hit with the numbing gnawing knowledge that it cannot be them because they are dead.