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A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While in route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband and...

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb...

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN THEY'RE PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS

Effective Immediately : 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see you wearing and carrying a Gucci bag and wearing Prada shoes , we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. 3) If you dress poorly, you need to...

An old fella was celebrating 92 years on this earth. He spoke to his toes. "Hello toes.", he said. "How are you? You know, you are 92 today. Oh the times we've had! Remember how we walked on the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon. The times we waltzed on the dance floor...

TEN REASONS WHY MEN PREFER GUNS OVER WOMEN (I think this came from Letterman's Show) #10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22. #9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road. #8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he...

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night to...

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. 'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several...

Happy Birthday, Rae.

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden but it was very difficult work because the ground was so hard. His only son, Vincent, who use to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear...

- VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES --- How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It! What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of...

George Carlin George Carlin on taking shits There’s a lot of little phrases in the language that don’t say what they mean. Take a sh t is one. You don’t take a sh t, you leave a sh t. That’s the whole idea! To leave it! George Carlin on TV You can say wee-wee on television. If it...

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

ITS true,, I read it on the Internet and got it in an EMAIL,(Eziekiel's Means of Asking for Illegal Logins) Well, you might have thought that you knew how the Internet started, but here's the TRUE story .... In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did...

In Turkish it does. :D Spelling's the same, but pronunciation is different. :P

Etiquette for Rednecks: GENERAL: 1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you're certain that...

There should be a new rule: Limit all U.S. politicians to two terms: One in office One in prison. Illinois already does this.

A blond city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the...

Happy birthday old man. Take it easy today. And thanks for everything you do for us.

Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.