Are parents dropping the ball more and more as the years go on?

[Stella]

Has anyone else noticed that over the past few years more and more parents are dropping the ball with their children? I sure have.

Now, I know this isn't something new to the world and there have always been parents like this, but I've been noticing this more and more.

For instance my cousin's wife and to an extent my cousin (he at least diciplins his son). They have a 3 year old son. A week ago I took their son over to my house and he was very good. No problems at all.

I bring him home and he is playing around, running around, just having a good time. He walks over to his mother, grabs her neck and says "I'm going to break your ****ing neck"...

Holy crap.

A THREE year old told his mother he was going to break her ****ing neck. Does he get told that you aren't suppose to say that? No, he doesn't. She picks him up, puts him on her lap and says "Say it again" through her fits of laughter.

So, he starts saying "I'm gonna break your neck. I'm gonna break your neck. I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR NECK!!" This went on for over 5 minutes.

There is NO where else he could have learned this than from his parents (he can't sit still long enouh to watch TV). I am sure that in passing his mother said to him "One of these days I'm going to break your ****ing neck" or something to that affect. OR, his father has said that to his mother. Who really knows.

There is a whole list of **** this kid hears, which when he starts pre-school and I am sure is going to get him booted out of that school.


Another example, my neighbor. She is 25, has 2 sons, a 4 year old and a 6 year old. They are allowed to watch R rated movies, she talks about sex, drugs, you name it in front of these children.

She is having some personal problems and is always having money woes. I am always helping her out with babysitting when she works at night (she is a waitress). I do this because if she doesn't work, she doesn't make money and they get kicked out of their house, leaving her children homeless.

One night, the youngest physically attacked his brother. I took him and put him into his room. He then started kicking me and attacking me, also with a straw that had it got me a half an inch closer to my eye, I would've been taking a ride to the hospital.

He stayed in his room the whole night. Did she ground him, or give him any kind of punishment for his actions the next day? No. The next day, he started to do the same thing when I had to put him in his room yet again, but my boyfriend had walked in and he quickly stopped.

Later in the week, the youngest and I were joking around and he said "You're a sex", I looked at him and said "You don't even know what that means" he went on to say he did and in the same breath said "It's when you get naked and touch boobies and pee pees."

I told him he was never to repeat that and it was bad. A 4 year old, knows the basics of sex.

I told his mother what he had said, but nothing was done about it. I was told that anytime he calls someone, anyone a name or talks dirty, to put him in his room for a time out. She did that for a week or so and no longer does it. I still do it, though. Even though it's not my job, someone needs to teach these kids something.

One day, he walked into school and told his teacher that she was a "poopie-head".

I understand that children come up with names like that on their own, but it's up the parent to teach them that it's not okay to say these things. It's not like he's never said it before. From the day I met them he was always calling someone a name. She should have tried to put a stop to it long ago.

My boyfriend use to be a school teacher (he got out of it for a number of reasons) but the main reason was how direspectful the children were, and I am talking about kinds from kindergarden to 5th grade, and the parent's themselves.

When he told the parents what the children did or said, the parents would go off on him. Cussing him out and even going to the administration.

I also watched a few episodes of 'Super Nanny' and was shocked at how those children acted and treated their parents.

I would never ever even think about saying or doing some of the things I've seen when I was growing up. That would have been the end of me.

I have so many more examples of parents and their children that I have mentioned, but it would make this post a hell of a lot longer than it already is.

Thank the lord for the parents and kids who are not like the ones I have mentioned. If it weren't for them, I'd have no hope for the future. Or, very little.

 

[eddo]

Whats that old saying? any dipshit can create a life, but it takes someone special to be a parent. I'm sure I botched it, but you get the point.


That is insane.

 

[Stella]

Yeah, it very much is insane.

 

[Ruse]

I was raised under "Children should be seen, and not heard." I lived under that rule for twelve years, and I still fully agree with it. Perhaps that may be taking it too far, and perhaps it should be (in public) or some such, but I think it's effective and gets the point across. One of the reasons I dislike kids so much is because of what parents have let them become. My dad (whom I used to despise and fear within an inch of my life, but I am becoming more and more alike every day), had the philospphy that he wouldn't let his kids be the brats kids are today. I have the same thoughts.

 

[Silver_dragon87]

First of all to Ruse since it's my shortest comment: I disagree. (And no, it's not because I dislike you; you'll always have another chance in my book. I like to think that I don't hold a grudge over something as trivial as your speech patterns. So I won't hold anything against you from thread to thread unless you want to start something ) Anyway, I, too, was raised as a 'should be seen and not heard' child until I was....hm. I don't remember when I was actually allowed to start talking, but for at least the first ten years--I'm ballparking since I really don't remember--I was basically not allowed to have an opinion. Not an out-loud one anyway.

So, what effect did that have? I think it's the WORST way to parent you could ever dream up--in a real effort to parent, that is. Obviously it's better than knocking your kid around. But I do NOT believe it is worse than a few swats here and there. And now I feel I have to elaborate that.

Side note! SD's views on spanking and the like: the very best teacher you can/could ever have is not a parent or relative, or a teacher, or experience. it's pain. You hurt yourself, you never forget it. Any kind of pain--though obviously physical will stick the most. Well, actually...............anyway. Pain sucks, so you remember it. Therefore, if you spank a kid, they're likely to remember it. We got a 'paddling' now and then, and it was good for us. (We being myself and my brother, not my imaginary friend or anything XD) I say, sometimes you need to put the fear of god into kids so they don't run wild like on Supernanny. Of course, there are other ways to keep kids in line but I say pain works. Shrug Obviously I'm not encouraging anyone to be cruel or malicious or anything; spanking's pretty much the line. Anywho, that's my two cents on that, and it sure took me a while to say it XD

SO. Children should be seen and not hurt. A concept that ****ed me up for life. You all know how opinionated I am, but I was kept silent for many years, and that really sucked. With the scarring and everything. Nothing pisses me off like being told to keep my mouth shut--except people pissing on my planet or hurting animals. (Heads roll.) Anyway, I'm not saying it well, but basically being told that what I had to say wasn't worth anything has more than likely resulted in me BEING as mouthy as I am. I had to save everything up, and now it's sort of exploding. Fun, ne?

However, there's always a silver lining. When your mouth is shut, your ears are open, and your only company is your own mind. I learned to think about everything I heard and saw, and I developed my imagination and.....well.....mind, in general, because I wasn't wasting any time talking. So I'm ****ed up, but I'm also better off. ****'s weird that way.

But in response to the real question: yes. Parents get shittier every year. Why is this? There are soooo many reasons I'm sure I won't be able to list all that I know, but here's a few.

Parents are getting younger. Like....a lot younger. Like, ridiculously young. They're shitty parents because they're still children themselves. They haven't DONE a lot of the things that build the sort of character you need to shape another life. It just doesn't compute, it's retarded, it has to stop but won't.

The world is getting shittier, and we all can see it. 'nuff said about that.

Parents aren't a team anymore. Way back when, it was......you had your mom, and you had your dad, and divorce just wasn't a thing. Now it's THE thing, and you can't....count on parents the way you used to be able to. The symbol that's supposed to be your foundation could dissolve at any moment. There's lying and cheating and screaming and all sorts of nasty ****, and it's just not a suitable place for a child. This is why some 'abnormal' households are BETTER for children than these WWE 'family units.' A devoted, loving single mother or, God forbid, two MEN more reliable/in love/what have you are far more capable of raising a child than two people who hate each other and 'are only staying together for the kids.' Do us all a favour and just get the damn divorce--it's traumatizing either way, so don't draw it out.

It doesn't take a village anymore. As I recall, there used to be a whole support network of family friends and teachers and the whole works. Now, with all the predators and nutjobs and general **** out there, you can't trust people. You can't assume that the teacher isn't going to try to molest your kid at school, or the favourite uncle isn't going to ****ing abduct them and cut them into tiny pieces and dump them in the goddamn river!! That, and the teachers don't care, or they don't have time, or they don't notice your kid because they have twenty-nine other brats in their class they have to keep control of. Families are scattered all around, friends just don't have a roll. You don't even KNOW your neighbours, let alone ask them to look after little Johnny for a few hours. The help just isn't there anymore. The school can't help, the daycare can only do so much.

Parents don't have time. They want the very best for their child. What buys the best in this world? What, in your country, buys ****ing medicine for little Johnny? Not love. Sorry. You can't love your kid well if she's sick--you need cash. Especially in single parent homes, there's always a struggle for money. Even in rich families, it's all about the career. For the less fortunate, it's about the three jobs. There's never any time because parents think, pretty much rightly, that they need money to get their kid a head start. Trouble is, it's either money or love; it's really hard to balance both. Your kid's always going to want for one, and the problem is that kids are romantic and parents are pragmatic. The kid wants love, the parent wants money, no one gets enough. The whole thing stinks.

I'm not saying I advocate women as homemakers, but at least when women didn't have careers, it was easier to supply both love AND money. Now with both parents going after both, neither of them can give enough of either. So instead of feeling distant from Dad, who's always at work, kids feel distant from both parents and **** hits the fan.

Culture! Oh, can't forget to blame the media, right? It definitely isn't the root of all society's ills, but you have to admit that kids would have a better chance of NOT being ****ed up if they only saw happy bunnies and other cuddly **** on TV. That would lead to a whole new set of problems, yes, but all this 'gangsta' **** is revolting and...........diseased. Children are being encouraged by what the see, what they hear, what they read, but their friends and idols, to wear their pants halfway down their asses or their shirts above their navels and basically be a slut and carry a gun and do drugs and steal and cheat and basically be a little ****tard. It's demented, it's getting worse, and the problem is that free speech is conflicting with what's best for people. Some kids are so damn impressionable, but there's no reason why everyone should suffer for their stupidity, or the incompetence of their parents. It's a whole nasty debate, and I personally will always be on the side of free speech with prudence. Yes, you SHOULD be able to say or show whatever you want, but that doesn't mean you have to. No, you shouldn't be censored by some group of stuffed shirts--because you should be censoring yourself. Sometimes, things are just uncalled-for, and people need to smarten the **** up. There's no need for so much smut on TV--on basic cable anyway--even though it should, technically, be allowed.

Anyway, I think that'll do. Congrats to anyone who worked their way through this whole post; I know I probably wouldn't have read it myself. XD

 

[Gray~Gal]

I actually agree with SD on some points she made...Everyone watch for the sky to fall now.
Anyways, i think children should be spanked not abusive like bruising but enough to get your point across. I have 4 kids my own, 3 are old enough to get smacked for their poor judgements. For instance, my eldest goes to her "fathers" house for the weekend. Comes back with back talk and thinking she is king ****. OH NO...I give her a couple of chances with the corner and time out...remember grounded means nothing to a 3 yr old. Anyways, i give it time and finally i smack her bottom good. If it takes a couple of times, so be it. Also my 2 yr old getting into things gets his hand slapped to his mouth popped. NOT HARD enough for a sting. My 1 yr old gets his hand smacked for grabbing **** off counters and my coffee table. So....I have been nice...talk on "their level" before and nothing but a good 'ol ass beating does the job.
I dont allow my kids around the sex talk or movies...scary movies yes..but she likes them...other then that they hear me say **** and ass but if repeated they know ass will be spanked !!

 

[Silver_dragon87]

IMHO, there's nothing really wrong with that, especially if you give them a warning and obviously excessive force is well...excessive. XD But some people are entirely against it. Whatever, it's a personal choice. Or at least it used to be. I say children have to learn to respect their parents and other authority figures--at least enough not to act like those goblins on Supernanny--for them to have a well-rounded character/childhood/future. Otherwise they grow up as these 'antichrist' goth idiots who think they're evil and ****. They get twisted, is what I'm saying, if they don't learn that "fighting the man" doesn't make you cool.

PS: love the new avatar.

 

[Outlaw2747]

If stupid people would just stop giving birth, we wouldn't have this problem now would we?

 

[Cogito Ergo Sum]

NOTE: MY OPINION. NOT YOURS. NOT LAW. NOT TRYING TO CHANGE YOU. JUST MY OPINION. GOT IT? GOOD.

Now.

I came from a "traditional" family in that when we stepped so much as 1 inch out of line, I was smacked, spanked, whipped with a belt, had my hair pulled, shoved, etc. My parents were physical in their "discipline" with us kids. I will always view them as having been violent people, regardless that I love them.

When my sons were little, I spanked them once or twice and have regretted it ever since. I will never do it again.

I cannot teach my children about law, order, respect, manners, or any other socially acceptable behavior through the use of VIOLENCE. Any violence

 

[Outlaw2747]

NOTE: MY OPINION. NOT YOURS. NOT LAW. NOT TRYING TO CHANGE YOU. JUST MY OPINION. GOT IT? GOOD.

Now.

I came from a "traditional" family in that when we stepped so much as 1 inch out of line, I was smacked, spanked, whipped with a belt, had my hair pulled, shoved, etc. My parents were physical in their "discipline" with us kids. I will always view them as having been violent people, regardless that I love them.

When my sons were little, I spanked them once or twice and have regretted it ever since. I will never do it again.

I cannot teach my children about law, order, respect, manners, or any other socially acceptable behavior through the use of VIOLENCE. Any violence

 

[builder]

Hmmm, nice list, CES.

I'd like to add one of my own.

Expect nothing from your offspring, and nothing is what you'll get. Inspire their imagination, and open the door to possibilities available to them, and they have no excuse for achieving nothing.

 

[Cogito Ergo Sum]

Hmmm, nice list, CES.

I'd like to add one of my own.

Expect nothing from your offspring, and nothing is what you'll get. Inspire their imagination, and open the door to possibilities available to them, and they have no excuse for achieving nothing.

Beautiful and Eloquent-From one Dad to another...

 

[Silver_dragon87]

While I do see that we don't quite agree on everything--I believe that used reasonably and responsibly, pain can be an excellent tool for a parent--I do agree with most of what you said. However, I do NOT...condone, shall we say, the revoking of privilges system. While it can be useful some times, I think it's a terrible way to parent. Taking away something a child loves will only breed resentment. That's not to say that if they're being a little ***** they deserve to watch TV, but well...let me see if I can explain it.

Let's draw from my own life here. Me, I'm borderline suicidal much of the time. There are a few things that keep me happy--basically, keep me alive. I don't, by the way, say any of this in a search for pity or to complain about my life or any of that. I'm just stating the facts to show you how this system can affect a child. I have these few things that make me happy, and my mother recognizes this. Therefore, if I do something she doesn't like, or try to speak for myself instead of being a yes-child, she takes them away. This has brought me within a hair's breadth of actually killing myself. Of course she doesn't know this because I don't have the heart to tell her that she's the one who makes me want to kill myself because, all love etc. aside, that's just a horrible thing to say to someone. She may make me miserable sometimes, but she's certainly not resonsible for the underlying problems that cause this....condition in the first place. (That is to say, she may sometimes light the fuse but she didn't put the powder keg there.)

At any rate, when she does this, every time I get the overwhelming feeling that she doesn't love me, isn't listening to me, could care less about what I think. I realize that few children, especially young ones, are in the same boat as I am, I believe it raises a valid point. Taking something away from the child--a privilege, a toy, whatever--only says "because I'm the parent and I said so." It does not foster communication, understanding, or fairness.

On the other hand, if you give the child an explanation and a fair warning, then punsh them swiftly and reasonably--a time out in the corner or a smack on the butt--you've resolved the issue immediately. After the sting fades, there isn't anything left for the child to resent. They aren't sitting in their room hating you because it's already over and done with. I believe making a child suffer for a long time for a brief violation of whatever rules you have--eg. taking away their TV when they scream at the supermarket--is unhealthy. Also, there is no association.

That's why you can ground a child a hundred times and they never learn anything except how to hate you. If, at the store, you had given them reason and warning, then a swift smack on the rear, they would know that what they had just done was wrong and they paid their price for it. Not the issue is completely resolved, and as a bonus, they now associate that behaviour with pain.

Of course, the whole damn thing falls apart when people lose their tempers and, as CES mentioned, use other "methods" or start screaming or otherwise **** things up for the rest of us responsible folks.

Anyway, my continuing two cents.

 

[Jhony5]

SD, don't bite the hand that feeds you!!! That is the lesson taught when spoiled little ****s get their t.v. taken away.
You seem to have hinted that you have contimplated suicide because your tv priviledges had been taken away. I seriously doubt you have any idea what its like to actualy want to die. You sound to me like a spoiled, sexualy confused, little **** head that has no god damn idea how hard life can be.

 

[Cogito Ergo Sum]

While I do see that we don't quite agree on everything...

You got that right. What was that dribble you wrote back there?

Well SD, I'd have to say you've finally pushed me over the edge too, although I am not going to rant and rave at you.

Instead, I'm going to make a solid observation.

I am now convinced that you are still a child in many ways and that this is just the way it is.

First off, anybody, and I don't care who it is, who says "I'm borderline suicidal much of the time." needs either

a) Professional psychiatric help

Or

b) A larger mirror to cater to their narcissistic views. Only a complete narcissist can commit suicide. The only feelings that matter to them are their own.

Or

c) A cheap, fast bullet. Get it over with why don't you.

 

[Jhony5]

SD reminds me of my ex-girlfriends 16 year old daughter. I had to bite my tongue so hard so many times i'm surprised I didn't bite it off. This daughter of hers would write in her diary that she was "suicidal". She was a god damn drama queen. It seemed like every day it was something new. She was one of those 'goth' kids always trying for attention through means of self pity. And boy did her mom buy into that ****, literaly. If she came home from school dragging her feet and acting all sad, it was off to the mall to buy her a new cd, and viola, all was good.
This kid was never grounded, ever, for any reason. She stayed in her room all day, all summer long. With her PC and her tv and massive DVD collection and her stereo and...and....and....

Sound familiar SD ?????

 

[Komrade Vostok Hazard]

The only time I would physically punish a kid is if they were bullying or physically assaulting other kids. If they think being a macho shithead is so cool, then it's literally time to prove how tough you are by eating a brick (yes that means exactly what it sounds like)

But still I wouldn't take any **** from any kid of mine. Yea sure I don't have any and I'll make DAMN sure I don't, but thats how it would be.

Other crimes that I won't tolerate and how they will be punished:

Come home with any skin besides your arms and head exposed? Found you were having sex? Expect to be dumped off on the sleaziest street corner I can find and then I forget the little piece **** even existed

Don't want to play nice and share your toys? I won't share the food I buy....until they take a hint.

Want me to spend all my money on some stupid fad just so you'll look cool? Well little materialist sack of ****, you can find any **** you do have in the trash. Not getting any more until you appreciate it and realize that my money is better spent keeping a roof over your stupid little head and filling your face with food.

Oh so you want to listen to some drivel that you call "music" that I can't stand? Ahem. I pay the rent. Not you. I don't want to hear your drivel. Throw that **** away or I'll throw ALL your **** away. Except for a loudspeaker that will blast white noise NON-STOP.

Now you want to go on the internet and download music and sit in a chatroom? He who plays on the net is he who PAYS for the net. Better start mowing lawns or picking up people's garbage. You're going to need about 40 dollars to pay the bill, 500 dollars to repair the ****ing viruses you downloaded with your crappy music, and about 5000 dollars for the shrink you'll be needing for therapy after I drop your ass off on the sleazy street corner where the REAL "Cute_Kitten12" and "Sk8rDuDe91" lurks.

 

[Komrade Vostok Hazard]

About taking away privileges.

after I was too old for the whack across the ass to work, this was how I was punished, and believe me it was NOT fun. It leads to kids living sheltered lives because they're not allowed to do anything except stare at the wall. I also had a way around this.

The parents were not around all the time, so I would go and do the things I couldn't when they weren't home.

This didn't make me learn ****, just made me more miserable.

 

[angie]

I think the problem with children's behavior and lack of respect stems from many things.
We cannot blame divorce. Yes, it doesn make life more difficult. However, my parents divorced when I was 9. And I am VERY thankful they did. It is healthier for a child to grow up in a "broken" home than to develop a warped idea of what a marriage is supposed to be like because they didn't grow up with parents who love each other. My parents divorced, and yes it was hard, HOWEVER: I am grateful. No child should see their mother degraded that way. And when I was 12, my mother met the man who is now my stepfather. I call him my dad. And for my teen years, I got to see what a healthy, LOVING, GOOD MARRIAGE was supposed to be like. And now that is the standard that I have set for MY relationships. It took a few mistakes, but I finally found it. Who knows what kind of dick I would have ended up with if I didn't know there was something more out there.
On the lack of respect and behavior: I am noticing that more and more parents don't want to be "full time" parents.
I have parents at work who have days off several times a month. They will drop their child off at 7:30 a.m. and pick them up at 5:15 p.m. Now WHY have children if you DON'T want to spend time with them?
And these aren't even the single parents who would seemingly need more time to do things. They are married parents who had planned pregnancies.
Then you have those parents who 90% of the time, if they are home from work, will not bring their child to daycare. They actually WANT to spend time with them. And if they do, its for four hours so they can do a few things at home. Not ten. That is not how I was raised. My mother was a stay at home mom for the first 10 years of my life. She had to sacrifice alot, but was there to raise her kids. She didn't just hand us off on people so she could be alone. In my family, you don't hand off your kids so you can go out to lunch with your friends every day and get your pedicure and your manicure and your facial and go shopping....you get the picture. And if there ever WAS a need for childcare, it was family. And we grew up very close to my aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmother....the whole family was involved with each other. I think alot of it is cultural, in the "mother land" family was always number one. And I think alot of the problems today stem from that. Family isn't as much of a priority. Families don't eat meals together, they don't do things as a family-Junior is at soccer, football, piano, golf lessons while Jane is doing dance, gymastics, singing lessons, soccer.....we all need to slow down and get to know our families again.

 

[Cogito Ergo Sum]

I think the problem with children's behavior and lack of respect stems from many things.
We cannot blame divorce. Yes, it doesn make life more difficult. However, my parents divorced when I was 9. And I am VERY thankful they did. It is healthier for a child to grow up in a "broken" home than to develop a warped idea of what a marriage is supposed to be like because they didn't grow up with parents who love each other. My parents divorced, and yes it was hard, HOWEVER: I am grateful. No child should see their mother degraded that way. And when I was 12, my mother met the man who is now my stepfather. I call him my dad. And for my teen years, I got to see what a healthy, LOVING, GOOD MARRIAGE was supposed to be like. And now that is the standard that I have set for MY relationships. It took a few mistakes, but I finally found it. Who knows what kind of dick I would have ended up with if I didn't know there was something more out there.
On the lack of respect and behavior: I am noticing that more and more parents don't want to be "full time" parents.
I have parents at work who have days off several times a month. They will drop their child off at 7:30 a.m. and pick them up at 5:15 p.m. Now WHY have children if you DON'T want to spend time with them?
And these aren't even the single parents who would seemingly need more time to do things. They are married parents who had planned pregnancies.
Then you have those parents who 90% of the time, if they are home from work, will not bring their child to daycare. They actually WANT to spend time with them. And if they do, its for four hours so they can do a few things at home. Not ten. That is not how I was raised. My mother was a stay at home mom for the first 10 years of my life. She had to sacrifice alot, but was there to raise her kids. She didn't just hand us off on people so she could be alone. In my family, you don't hand off your kids so you can go out to lunch with your friends every day and get your pedicure and your manicure and your facial and go shopping....you get the picture. And if there ever WAS a need for childcare, it was family. And we grew up very close to my aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmother....the whole family was involved with each other. I think alot of it is cultural, in the "mother land" family was always number one. And I think alot of the problems today stem from that. Family isn't as much of a priority. Families don't eat meals together, they don't do things as a family-Junior is at soccer, football, piano, golf lessons while Jane is doing dance, gymastics, singing lessons, soccer.....we all need to slow down and get to know our families again.

Someday, if you choose it, I think you will be a great Mom.

This is EXACTLY why I am "Mr. Mom", the single parent wonder, and a damn good one too. People ask me all the time, "Don't you have a job?" and I say "Yes I do. The most important job in the world, but I don't get paid with something so trivial and fleeting as money!". This is when they usually drop their teeth on the ground...

In fact, I'm writing this after having had homemade tilapia fish dinner at 4:30, followed by cleaning the kitchen, ensuring the showers get done, helping with and supervising the homework (x 3), doing 3 loads of laundry, changing the washed sheets on the beds before bedtime, and squeezing in a few moments at the GF site....Tired? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely!