I would killed myself last night if I would have had access to a gun or my pills (I got rid of).
What's going on, man? Talk to someone, talk to me, ****... anybody... suicide is a last resort, surely whatever it is driving you to contemplate this can't be worth your life... open up... you're in the right place and no one will judge you here...
Just talk to us, please...
As for my confession, last night I had a bit too much to drink. Again. Started off okay but I started blacking out before I even left the house. It was my stupid idea to go to this guy's place, met him once before, but don't really know him that well. I don't remember going there just being there and then I blacked out again and woke up on their front lawn. I had a panic attack. Most likely due to my pnuemonia (and the three bottles of wine and 6 bourbons etc) I was having a hard time breathing. My friend shipped me off via taxi to the hospital. I remember I collapsed on the trauma ward floor. The nurse was abusing me, I remember her saying something about 'you know everytime you do this you're killing so many braincells, you won't get them back, you know that don't you?' - I just kept throwing up. They did these tests and asked me all these questions. Freaked me out. Kept asking me 'Could you have been raped?' and I kept going 'no, no way' and they were like 'you wouldn't know now would you' - obviously I hadn't been otherwise they would have done the kit on me or something... but that really freaked me out. It's cold here, near winter, and I kept telling them I was sick. I was so drunk I could barely walk in a straight line but after their tests they eventually let me go. I remember laying on the bench at the busstop outside the hospital just shivering, I was so sick and so cold, I had no money, I was still extremely drunk, but I had no other choice but to walk home. Seemed to take forever. Slept almost all day. My chest is still so sore I feel like I've been beaten up but it's just the pnuemonia. I couldn't even go to work today... the worst thing is I feel so ashamed and so embarrassed. I literally have no idea what happened in those hours I was out of it. Though I'm pretty sure nothing did I can't help but feel scared. Stupid and scared. My own dumbass fault. Old enough to know better... Why the **** was I such an idiot??