geeko's journal
- Thread starter geeko
- Start date
geeko
New member
where's my home?
who among you live with your parents?i guess most of us do.
did you ever feel smothered?
everytime i try to do something i get shouted at.its hard to move....'every step that i take is another mistake'.........i try to suggest things just to make conversations,but if they're not happy with it ill get a slap.sometimes i dont talk anymore to avoid starting a fight,but in doing so they're labeling me a snob,which is not really a good comment,so ill talk again.i dont reason out to not show disrespect,but they keep on insisting that i should so bitterness inside will not get bottled up.so ill reason out to express what i feel.....then ill get another slap........because 'i was disrespecting them'.they said they should know my every move,and i should move only when they say so,when they've allowed me to.inside i want one of us to die........for all of these to stop.
my bitchy mum also said that no one really ever wanted to make friends with me.she said they only did because they pity me.i feel like a freak.i know im not supposed to let her affect me,but said words are so powerful they almost ripped me.even i already pity myself.it started to dawn on me that maybe i never really did anything right.i started to become more and more paranoid.i started to think 'what if what she said is true?'.i cant even look into anyone's eyes anymore.
im so tired.ive lost interest in everything.the only thing i see thats left to do is to commit suicide.even praying doesnt work anymore.i cant figure out if what im doing is right or wrong........and my emotions just stopped 'working'.
who among you can feel even just a tiny bit of what i feel?
who among you live with your parents?i guess most of us do.
did you ever feel smothered?
everytime i try to do something i get shouted at.its hard to move....'every step that i take is another mistake'.........i try to suggest things just to make conversations,but if they're not happy with it ill get a slap.sometimes i dont talk anymore to avoid starting a fight,but in doing so they're labeling me a snob,which is not really a good comment,so ill talk again.i dont reason out to not show disrespect,but they keep on insisting that i should so bitterness inside will not get bottled up.so ill reason out to express what i feel.....then ill get another slap........because 'i was disrespecting them'.they said they should know my every move,and i should move only when they say so,when they've allowed me to.inside i want one of us to die........for all of these to stop.
my bitchy mum also said that no one really ever wanted to make friends with me.she said they only did because they pity me.i feel like a freak.i know im not supposed to let her affect me,but said words are so powerful they almost ripped me.even i already pity myself.it started to dawn on me that maybe i never really did anything right.i started to become more and more paranoid.i started to think 'what if what she said is true?'.i cant even look into anyone's eyes anymore.
im so tired.ive lost interest in everything.the only thing i see thats left to do is to commit suicide.even praying doesnt work anymore.i cant figure out if what im doing is right or wrong........and my emotions just stopped 'working'.
who among you can feel even just a tiny bit of what i feel?
geeko
New member
'the birthday'
my birthday was a few days ago............well....they remembered,but of course the sermons didnt stop.its their hobby.jeeez........what am i supposed to do,listen to all of that??.......its mind blowing.........
i dont go to church anymore.its not that ive become an atheist.........i just...stopped 'asking for help'.im so tired.theres really nothing else left to do.i feel guilty that i dont even take my music seriously anymore.i dont even know if im still interested in finishing the album that im doing.it pains me so much but ****,i cant move.i go to school only to hang out and nothing else.i dont pass hws.pretty normal for a teen...........except for the burden.
but again thanx all for the greetings.
my birthday was a few days ago............well....they remembered,but of course the sermons didnt stop.its their hobby.jeeez........what am i supposed to do,listen to all of that??.......its mind blowing.........
i dont go to church anymore.its not that ive become an atheist.........i just...stopped 'asking for help'.im so tired.theres really nothing else left to do.i feel guilty that i dont even take my music seriously anymore.i dont even know if im still interested in finishing the album that im doing.it pains me so much but ****,i cant move.i go to school only to hang out and nothing else.i dont pass hws.pretty normal for a teen...........except for the burden.
but again thanx all for the greetings.
LÎnkinPärkExtreme
New member
Yeah well I'll greet you again mate! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 
geeko
New member
quite bored......
question: do women buy more things than guys?
my conscience attacks me so hard todya......and i noticed that im spending......or rather wasting too much money these past few days though im not eating and im sober......
i need to continue playing my guitar......
i really feel so lonely......
question: do women buy more things than guys?
my conscience attacks me so hard todya......and i noticed that im spending......or rather wasting too much money these past few days though im not eating and im sober......
i need to continue playing my guitar......
i really feel so lonely......
MrsBennington-Delson
New member
i dont think women spend more then men... it depends on ones personality... *shrugs*
oh here some cookies *gives you cookies* so you don't feel so alone ^^
oh here some cookies *gives you cookies*
so you don't feel so alone ^^
geeko
New member
hehe thanks......just posted a nu blog in myspace......you guys can check it out......
http://blog.myspace.com/ch3z_zy
i still feel alone though......i still cant add linkin park......
http://blog.myspace.com/ch3z_zy
i still feel alone though......i still cant add linkin park......
MrsBennington-Delson
New member
aaawww *gives you another cookie*
they're whole crew is busy with them on tour they'll add you dont worry i dont think they reject anyones friendship... besides of pornsides prolly lol
they're whole crew is busy with them on tour they'll add you dont worry i dont think they reject anyones friendship... besides of pornsides prolly lol
MrsBennington-Delson
New member
lol
well I did join the lpst too but since most of the missions are US only or lets say just US members can win/get something I stopped goin there...
well I did join the lpst too but since most of the missions are US only or lets say just US members can win/get something I stopped goin there...
MrsBennington-Delson
New member
well im in the underground so dont care bout lpst
UnhingedMouse0
New member
Sorry about blaze guys, someone stole his accout. Im taking care of it.
Posts have been deleted and I changed the password to the account.
Posts have been deleted and I changed the password to the account.
MrsBennington-Delson
New member
thanks Unhidged! I promise I'll be nice in future
Jeo
New member
I knew it!
The same thing happened on a different forum a year or two ago... But that guy actually did hilarious things... For those two hours he could.
Although I wasn´t in those forums at that time, but they have a section on the forums, where they collect junk threads and conversations.
geeko
New member
+ ..is there anything else left to do? +
my life has never been nice.
when someone is giving me someting,im thsnkful at the same time doubtful if i should accept it or let the giver give it someone alse who needs it more......anxiety problems.people might think im depemdng too much on them............well i tink they aleady do.cuz these days theyre already letting me know they dunt want to talk to me......or even see me.
i find someone whispering to another person while looking at me quite intimidating.ad those laughting whilr looking at me.******* paranoia.i always have to look back at them just to check if im really the one theyre laughing at.its tiring.
at our fucken house,im always the one blamed.did someting wrong again,i say to myself.i dunt even knuw what to think anymore.my 'friends' arent even there.nuw i dunt knuw what you call this.
a certain person is the only one i find who's always there for me.though i sometimes get annoyed at him cuz he doesnt knuw huw to give advices,he's just there to make me laugh and do anything to make me happy......even for just a litle while.i knuw when i dunt see him and he doesnt see me anymore i have returned to ****.im just thankful to *** he created someone like him.someone whos the only one who loved me and appreciated me for what i am.
and to linkin park......i continued to live becuz uf you......for you......you guys have been witness to all ive been through.thank you.
nuw i just need to resume in playing my giutar.i miss my music.
my life has never been nice.
when someone is giving me someting,im thsnkful at the same time doubtful if i should accept it or let the giver give it someone alse who needs it more......anxiety problems.people might think im depemdng too much on them............well i tink they aleady do.cuz these days theyre already letting me know they dunt want to talk to me......or even see me.
i find someone whispering to another person while looking at me quite intimidating.ad those laughting whilr looking at me.******* paranoia.i always have to look back at them just to check if im really the one theyre laughing at.its tiring.
at our fucken house,im always the one blamed.did someting wrong again,i say to myself.i dunt even knuw what to think anymore.my 'friends' arent even there.nuw i dunt knuw what you call this.
a certain person is the only one i find who's always there for me.though i sometimes get annoyed at him cuz he doesnt knuw huw to give advices,he's just there to make me laugh and do anything to make me happy......even for just a litle while.i knuw when i dunt see him and he doesnt see me anymore i have returned to ****.im just thankful to *** he created someone like him.someone whos the only one who loved me and appreciated me for what i am.
and to linkin park......i continued to live becuz uf you......for you......you guys have been witness to all ive been through.thank you.
nuw i just need to resume in playing my giutar.i miss my music.
geeko
New member
+ jeeez +
jeeeeeeezz......im so bored irritated shocked mad alone ****** up wasted haggard
just found out that 2 members uf one uf our local bands graduated from conservatory of music............my dream school......
added 5 lbs uf pain to my heart......
and the ******* parents say i wunt have future in conservatory.**** them.
i shouldnt have listened to them.
i need to find a job soon.im planning to move out uf this ********* house.im so tired uf being pushed around.i figured i want to look for some place where i can be free,where i can express myself more.well ive found it.all i have to do is find my way to it.by myself.i knuw i have to depend on myself now.
and i need to reconcile with my guitar soon.
jeeeeeeezz......im so bored irritated shocked mad alone ****** up wasted haggard
just found out that 2 members uf one uf our local bands graduated from conservatory of music............my dream school......
added 5 lbs uf pain to my heart......
and the ******* parents say i wunt have future in conservatory.**** them.
i shouldnt have listened to them.
i need to find a job soon.im planning to move out uf this ********* house.im so tired uf being pushed around.i figured i want to look for some place where i can be free,where i can express myself more.well ive found it.all i have to do is find my way to it.by myself.i knuw i have to depend on myself now.
and i need to reconcile with my guitar soon.