Help, my parents might split!

[Dark Angel]

Right now I can't think clearly because my mom just informed me that she and my dad might separate. The main reason I'm so stunned by this is because they've been married almost 17 years now, and me being the only child, would have to choose between them if they did separate.

My dad, he was telling my mom that he was really unhappy and that he felt they were going down completely different paths. Then he tried to make her guilty and leave first, by saying that she's always out with friends etc. Which she's not, my parents go out about 3 times a week, and she usually goes out with them once a week. Then my mom says how she let's him have the option, but he never does anything with his friends from work, etc. He walks alone (when he exercises), he fishes alone, he does golf alone. My mom thinks it may be my dad's midlife crisis, because he is getting closer to 40, but we can't tell.

And I feel bad, because I don't know what to do to keep them together and plus the fact that if they do get a divorce, I'll have to choose one of them, which I can't do. I feel so upset and confused now.

 

[allieking]

if your parents are not happy together it would be best if they split because soon it will affect you. i split with my husband 5 years ago because all we did was argue, my kids saw and heard things no kids should and i'm glad we split because it made their lives so much better. it might seem like the end of your world right now but this might be a good thing. think about it, if your mum and dad do split there will be no more arguing, you can spend time with both of them alone wich means you get the attention you need without feeling that they might argue.

you don't need to chose between them you can split your time equally, spend weekends with your dad and in the week with your mum.

wouldn't you rather live in a house with no arguments than live your life waiting for them to start shouting at eachother? it is possible to share your time, my kids do it with me and their dad and they get double christmas and birthday presents too!!!!!!

 

[By_My-$elf]

Well the only advice I could give B-A is
that if your parents split don't think of it as a bad thing
That yes theirs a big chance you'll blame your-self in the end but don't it can't be you
just somthing they have to fix...and if you have to choose just keep goin back and forth.
theirs no advice I could give to savin it...but you could
try theirs a chance it might help.you could try and talk to them about it.

 

[allieking]

yeah shaun is right DONT!!! blame yourself, its not your fault.

 

[Stenners]

The first few months will be rough but u will eventually get used to it as time is the best healer however u will have times of awkwardness and feeling like ur in the middle of it all but it will pass.

 

[Mad4lp]

U should ask them if they could think this over, i mean, maybe get away from each other for a week or two... That mainly helps.

 

[keza]

theres no way yoo can ghet them back together =[
if theyre unhappy its most probableh nothing to do with yoo so dont worry about that respect...theyre splitting up because theyre unhappy as a couple so they may ghet on better when theyre not together...
when my dad ran off my mum became a totalleh different person and we have a better relationship than we did before...so maybe when they split yoo'll have that

the chosing who to live with is hard...but maybe yoor dad may chose to live close and the desicion wont be so hard?
but good luck with it sweetie
these things are realleh hard to deal with
*huggles*

 

[Mad4lp]

I kinda agree with keza, you know its their insode feelings that nobody can change...

 

[Dark Angel]

Thanks for all the advice guys, I really appreciate it. I just wish they weren't thinking about it. At least, not until I was out of high school, that way I wouldn't have to move between the 2...

 

[acdcrules04]

I'm really sorry. If they do end up seperating, remember that it's not your fault at all, and try to not end up as their messenger to each other. That is not fair to anyone, if it does happen then sit them down seperatly and lay down the law. Tell them that you will not play messenger and that they should be mature adults. Hopefully they won't split though. Maybe your father is having a mid-life crisis and is wondering what more there is out there.

 

[twilightcrimson7]

Luckily, my parents divorced when I was around.... 8 or 9 and they never made me choose. I got to see them both, and they still liked each other, but could never live together. It made my life complicated, but I never had to choose. I think it's terrible that they burdoned you with that. If they really cared, they would work something out for you, and wouldn't be so focused on themselves. But there's not much you can do about that I suppose. But hey, you're almost an adult. If you want to see them both, who says you can't? You should be getting a car soon right? If they still live close by, you could still visit which ever one you don't choose to stay at.
I know it's hard to think rationally of options like that, or to think that you'd ever need to make plans like this, but put you're emotions to the side if you can. Try and make the best of the situation and realize that it wont be too long until you can run your own life, see who you want to see, live where you want to live. Realize that it could be worse, and that whatever tragedy comes your way is never permanent.

Hope I helped
-<3 Twi

 

[stupidsoul1]

Don't think about who you will live with, sort that out at the time.

Try to talk to both of them about it..see what is pissing them off.
Usually it is just a little misunderstanding that can be easily fixed..maybe they dont see what the real problem is and just turn the blame to first thing that comes to mind.

 

[LPHybridSnax]

my parents divorced when I was 2 or 3, just tell your parents that remember what first attracted them to eachother in the first place. Basic. Tell your dad to look at you mom and look into her eyes and say that he no longer loves her, remember all the memories over the last 17+ years, does he really want to throw that all away? Does he really think that he has wasted 17+ years on the wrong woman? They need to spend a little more time together. My mom and step dad just do simple things (ha... coincidence today is their 13th annaversary) like watch tv together, eat dinner together every night, go on walks together, get out of the house and go on dates from time to time, and they should go to a hotel for the weekend just the two of them so they can get to be alone, people dont realize how much a kid changes bonding with a relationship, espically after like 15 years or so. I don't know much about your family, but I think they can work it out, if they got into the marrage they can stay in it.

 

[lpfanjesse]

Hey I know it's hard, I really understand my parents are in the middle of their divorce and they have been married for 20 years it suck!!! It also feels like I'm the only child because my sister moved out a year ago cuz of my mom. Sadly U cannot do anything to keep them together, just let it flow. My mom isn't a good person cuz she cheats, lies, and just does so much more things that broke up my entire family. My sister moved out because of her. This does sound odd but I decided to live with my mom because it would be harder for my dad to care for me and I love him soooo much compare to my mom, but I might move out soon and I'm 13 years old. If you can't decide who to live wit just think of who u get along wit better, who can support u better, and which parent would u make it easy to be wit. Just to give u a hint, if your parents argue a lot over the 17 years about little things, they are most likely to stay together. If they kept it all in then they are most likely to split ( I know it's weird).

 

[Breakingthehabit_197]

Some people just grow apart. That's what happened with my parents, they used to constantly fight and they became different people. They were married for 16 years but were separated for 4 years.I am sorry you have to go through this but some people just can't make a marriage work no matter how hard they try.My mom was very unhappy and was tired of my dads bullshit. I mean their marriage was rocky from the start but didn't get bad til after I was born. I am glad they divorced cause I was sick of the yelling and arguing.Plus my dad was not being a good husband anyways, I mean I never saw him hug my mom or tell her he loved her. So why stay with someone who doesn't love you like your supposed to be loved.Things happen for a reason, nothing me or you can do about it. I hope you get through it ok and always be there for you parents no matter which one you live with. Just b/c they are getting a divorce doesn't mean that they don't love you, it just things just didn't work out between them and they just couldn't let the marriage go on any longer knowing they were both going to be miserable.I am here if you need to talk. Cause I know what you are going through. *hugs*