Vortex
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2005
Ugh what a load of garbage this movie is. House of Wax needs a new title and I have come up with two;
"Waste of 113 minutes"
or
"Stupid people in a House of Crap"
MAJOR Spoilers from here on out...Trust me you won't care.
Ok plot could have gone somewhere...im sure the writer had great things in mind, unfortunately that did'nt happen.
Lets walk through the killings first. Since I couldnt get into any of the characters to remember their names I'm using IMDB to help me out...
Wade, First guy to die. (Jared Padalecki plays Wade.): We first sympathize with his character because he is the most grounded and trying to do everything right. Till they enter a small town and start breaking into places when no one is there. Then when in the actual house of wax he thinks pulling out a lighter to melt a small statue is funny. (UH OHH he is doing bad things. we know whats comming next!) So nature calls and he needs to use the restroom and leaves the girl in the truck alone. He finishes and instead of being the decent human being he sneaks into an office to find creepy things. Instead of rushing out to the car to be with his girlfriend he snoops further. Lights go out and you know the rest. Now they cover him in wax still alive. blah blah blah.
Dalton, dead guy number 2 (played by Jon Abrahams (I) ): We learn little of this guy other than OOPS he isnt the goofy friend he is just a piece of **** another friend covers for and takes the "rap" for. He runs accross Wade (first dead guy) and guess what Wades eyes move...hes alive YEAAAAHH!!! He starts peeling wax off to reveal he has no skin left. Funny they didnt show any skin removal when he was getting waxersised. Now creepy and all it makes no sense because his eyes will turn into mushy goo after he finally dies. Do they replace them later with fake eyes like all the rest have? Just stupid... He should have just been dead. Anyhow he gets chased around and one of the only cool parts in the movie happens when the long haired killer stabs him with 2 knives. The knives were the cool part, a dragon upper half on one and a dragon lower half on the second. When he stabs him in the dudes throat it looked like a sea serpent...head falls off he becomes wax...
Blake, token black dead guy #3 played by Robert Ri'chard:
blah blah blah...getting naked with paris his stero shuts off he checks it...dead...oops
Paige, 4th corpse Played by paris hilton:
The scene where she gets stapped in the forehead by a broken pole should be played on a loop over and over again to remind us that she is a stupid media whore and has no business being famous. I hope her parents leave everything to charity for smearing their name. Anyhow she just gets chased then dead.....
no one else dies. Cept the 2 killers. But here is where things get really absurd. During the fight in the basement the wax melter thingamabob gets turned on high and the entire place starts to melt. Ok, toward the beginnning of the movie I was willing to overlook the fact that everything was made of wax on the inside....I was willing to give them a really kick ass air conditioning system. Unfortunately no. The entire place, including the outside, begins to melt. WHAT?!?!? OK so they live in a place that has summer and it doesnt get hot enough to even make a smudge on the exterior?! HORSEPUCKEY! Then as the entire place is melting away (floors included...yes roll your eyes there) the dumb bitch runs upstairs...not outside. THEN to escape they claw their way through a wall...but its kinda hard so they have a tough time doing it? HUH? Floors thick enough for people to stand on (and a working piano..sorry you cant convince me thats wax) are just melting away like butter and they have to fight to get through a wall? Not to mention its sooooo hot that its melting that fast wouldnt that be a bit painful for the people inside? Not to mention rolling around in liquid wax would be a bit uncomfortable. Backtracking a bit where the hell are they getting all the wax to work with?
Overall I give this movie a huuuuge F
In conclusion Paris Hilton's acting was more believable than the plot, continuity, and likability of the actors combined. For that she should be proud!
"Waste of 113 minutes"
or
"Stupid people in a House of Crap"
MAJOR Spoilers from here on out...Trust me you won't care.
Ok plot could have gone somewhere...im sure the writer had great things in mind, unfortunately that did'nt happen.
Lets walk through the killings first. Since I couldnt get into any of the characters to remember their names I'm using IMDB to help me out...
Wade, First guy to die. (Jared Padalecki plays Wade.): We first sympathize with his character because he is the most grounded and trying to do everything right. Till they enter a small town and start breaking into places when no one is there. Then when in the actual house of wax he thinks pulling out a lighter to melt a small statue is funny. (UH OHH he is doing bad things. we know whats comming next!) So nature calls and he needs to use the restroom and leaves the girl in the truck alone. He finishes and instead of being the decent human being he sneaks into an office to find creepy things. Instead of rushing out to the car to be with his girlfriend he snoops further. Lights go out and you know the rest. Now they cover him in wax still alive. blah blah blah.
Dalton, dead guy number 2 (played by Jon Abrahams (I) ): We learn little of this guy other than OOPS he isnt the goofy friend he is just a piece of **** another friend covers for and takes the "rap" for. He runs accross Wade (first dead guy) and guess what Wades eyes move...hes alive YEAAAAHH!!! He starts peeling wax off to reveal he has no skin left. Funny they didnt show any skin removal when he was getting waxersised. Now creepy and all it makes no sense because his eyes will turn into mushy goo after he finally dies. Do they replace them later with fake eyes like all the rest have? Just stupid... He should have just been dead. Anyhow he gets chased around and one of the only cool parts in the movie happens when the long haired killer stabs him with 2 knives. The knives were the cool part, a dragon upper half on one and a dragon lower half on the second. When he stabs him in the dudes throat it looked like a sea serpent...head falls off he becomes wax...
Blake, token black dead guy #3 played by Robert Ri'chard:
blah blah blah...getting naked with paris his stero shuts off he checks it...dead...oops
Paige, 4th corpse Played by paris hilton:
The scene where she gets stapped in the forehead by a broken pole should be played on a loop over and over again to remind us that she is a stupid media whore and has no business being famous. I hope her parents leave everything to charity for smearing their name. Anyhow she just gets chased then dead.....
no one else dies. Cept the 2 killers. But here is where things get really absurd. During the fight in the basement the wax melter thingamabob gets turned on high and the entire place starts to melt. Ok, toward the beginnning of the movie I was willing to overlook the fact that everything was made of wax on the inside....I was willing to give them a really kick ass air conditioning system. Unfortunately no. The entire place, including the outside, begins to melt. WHAT?!?!? OK so they live in a place that has summer and it doesnt get hot enough to even make a smudge on the exterior?! HORSEPUCKEY! Then as the entire place is melting away (floors included...yes roll your eyes there) the dumb bitch runs upstairs...not outside. THEN to escape they claw their way through a wall...but its kinda hard so they have a tough time doing it? HUH? Floors thick enough for people to stand on (and a working piano..sorry you cant convince me thats wax) are just melting away like butter and they have to fight to get through a wall? Not to mention its sooooo hot that its melting that fast wouldnt that be a bit painful for the people inside? Not to mention rolling around in liquid wax would be a bit uncomfortable. Backtracking a bit where the hell are they getting all the wax to work with?
Overall I give this movie a huuuuge F
In conclusion Paris Hilton's acting was more believable than the plot, continuity, and likability of the actors combined. For that she should be proud!
