"I HATE"

[LpLuVaGuRl]

i hate
all those tears
all those fears
all those cries
all those tries
why cant u face truth
and watch all those lies

i disliked the way
u lied of me
all those backstabbing moments
wont get outside of me

u might not like me
i definitely dont like u
but do u know all the ways
u made me say "i hate"?

post some comments. i need to know how well it is because i need it for poetry class. thanx

 

[ForgottenKid]

Its really great but in the last part try...

You might not like me
I know I dont like you
But can you remeber all the ways
You made me say "I hate you"

Its just a suggestion...you dont have to use it.

 

[LPpinkfreak821]

yea i agree.. i mean it was like great and all but the last part... try something like

You may not like me much
but i cant even stand your touch
and now through everything you see
that you have driven me crazy

all this bullshit i took for you
you woudn't believe how much strength i used
to hold back from yelling at you too
you have no idea how much you've made me say "i hate you"


you know something like that.. but its a suggestion... i like it.. but yea.. its spiffy and all but the ending just didn't seem right... lol

 

[LpLuVaGuRl]

thanx ima use that. but i had a different ending it was just because i lost my paper and i had to do a different ending. . . .i must find it!

 

[twilightcrimson7]

its very nice...nicely done

 

[MrRandomGuy]

I agree, the last part is missing something. However it's impossible for me to change someone else's work.

it's pretty good though

 

[Fading Beauty]

honestly it's not my style but it's ok