LPHybridSnax
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2006
- Location
- USA
Recently I've found that I'm kind of just drifting through every day, I pay almost no attention in school, I finished my work in chemistry today and put my head down and I happened to wake up right when the girl in front of me said "Oh my God, he sleeps in here like every day. He's probably failing." it pissed me off, but with the way I look I'm used to this sort of thing so I sat up, laughed and asked "are you talking about me?" she said she was and I just told her that I have a B in that class (which I do). It's really starting to get to me the "he's a dumbass", "he doesn't care" image people see me as. I'm pulling B's, C's, and one F (geometry) and I've paid no attention the whole year. I could easily have A's and high B's if I got motivated, but I just don't know how. It's really weird.. I want to be motivated so bad, but I just can't do it.
I've realized that I don't even think that much anymore, I rely, in reality, on about 75% subconscious anymore and I make mistakes all the time and just go "what the ****..." like I made a sandwich one day and went to put my trash in the fridge or like today I asked my mom where she was going like 5 times before she left, then when she asked if i wanted to go about 2 hours later I asked again, then I was going to ask how long she'd be gone I asked, yet again, "where are you going?". I've been clean for a few months now, so I know it isn't a drug related issue, but I know my family thinks it is, but deny it. I said something to my mom the other day about ADD, which I don't have, but would like to be checked for again and I told her that I just can't get motivated.
Originally, I picked up music to fill in the empty feeling inside, to keep me from being bored, I'm in 2 bands and still find myself getting bored with it. Since I was in elementary school I wanted to get into filmaking, so I'm taking video broadcast at my school, the last two days I've done no work, only 50 of the 200 students are chosen to go on to the advanced course next year, if I'm not chosen I won't be able to get into that specific career, or I'm sure I could find a way, but I won't be able to pursue it until AFTER high school... three years from now... either way it's a career that I've lost a significant amount of interest in. I have radio broadcast next semester, so maybe I could try to be an audio engineer.
advice? I still don't think therapy is an option... or if it would even help... just need some words to jolt me out of the state im in, which is basically like "I'm tired. I don't give a ****." Sorry about all the reading, but I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm worried I'm ganna fail classes if I don't do something. I already failed geometry first semester, so I'll have to pull a C or better in a subject I know nothing about to get my credit.
I've realized that I don't even think that much anymore, I rely, in reality, on about 75% subconscious anymore and I make mistakes all the time and just go "what the ****..." like I made a sandwich one day and went to put my trash in the fridge or like today I asked my mom where she was going like 5 times before she left, then when she asked if i wanted to go about 2 hours later I asked again, then I was going to ask how long she'd be gone I asked, yet again, "where are you going?". I've been clean for a few months now, so I know it isn't a drug related issue, but I know my family thinks it is, but deny it. I said something to my mom the other day about ADD, which I don't have, but would like to be checked for again and I told her that I just can't get motivated.
Originally, I picked up music to fill in the empty feeling inside, to keep me from being bored, I'm in 2 bands and still find myself getting bored with it. Since I was in elementary school I wanted to get into filmaking, so I'm taking video broadcast at my school, the last two days I've done no work, only 50 of the 200 students are chosen to go on to the advanced course next year, if I'm not chosen I won't be able to get into that specific career, or I'm sure I could find a way, but I won't be able to pursue it until AFTER high school... three years from now... either way it's a career that I've lost a significant amount of interest in. I have radio broadcast next semester, so maybe I could try to be an audio engineer.
advice? I still don't think therapy is an option... or if it would even help... just need some words to jolt me out of the state im in, which is basically like "I'm tired. I don't give a ****." Sorry about all the reading, but I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm worried I'm ganna fail classes if I don't do something. I already failed geometry first semester, so I'll have to pull a C or better in a subject I know nothing about to get my credit.