[Living Hell]

[FireHawk]

[Chapter 1]
​

Everything is blurry. The black object sways in my hand, pointed at my face, I can barely keep from shaking. My eyes are half open, as the light in my cold, lonely apartment room hurts. "**** it", I say to myself. I grip the cold black, metal object that will end it all. My head whips to the left and I almost fall off my chair, "Is someone there? Hello?" It's starting to get bad now. I can barely keep my head still. What makes it worse is the whole room is spinning. A rainbow is starting to outline what I see through my eyes. Something moved again, I am sure. "Who the **** is there?", my words slurred. I put my hand on the arm of the chair to get up. As I turn, my body goes limp and I fall. The gun falls out of my hand. I stumble getting up, "I gotta gun!" I pick up the 9mm Pistol I bought from a guy at the factory two years ago. I look into my bedroom there is no one there. As I scan the room I see her picture. Paige. My exgirlfriend. The wild girl, who made me become a drug and sex addict. I grab her picture and roll it into a ball. If it wasn't for her I would still be at college earning a degree, so I could make a living. I make my way, stumbling, back to the chair. My head is starting to feel worse and I am sweating. The odd thing I love the feeling and don't want it to end. The only thing that bothers me is I have taken many pills before and this is the first time my stomach feels like it is about to blow up. Other than that I am loving the feeling, but hate everything and everyone. I look directly at the tip of the gun, its loaded and ready. Everythings starting to go black, I start breathing heavy. "****!" I am about to pass out. I point the gun between my eyes. I put the finger on the trigger and take one last breath. I pull. *click* "****, empty..." I pass out and fall to the floor.

 

[woodyloveslinkin]

More Justin....?

See now does it feel better after putting it up on LPF? It's always nice to see new writers in the writers corner and I hope you continue this story.

 

[FireHawk]

[Chapter 2]

It all started two weeks ago...
I popped a pill while shutting the door from my apartment. Life was starting to turn around. It had been three months since Paige and I ended it. Two years down the drain and forty thousand dollars of tuition gone. I finally had kicked crack and heroin. All that stood between me and soberity were the pills and pot. How this punk kid met me at Ball State University I will never remember. All I know is I was full of alcohol when she approached.

I locked my apartment door and turned to head down to the bar. Lucky's Bar was about two blocks away. I was never a fan of drinking and driving, so I usually just walk to and from the bar. It was cold. About eight Degrees Fahrenheit outside. The white powder snow brought me back to a time when I was in High School, and we had a huge snowball fight at my house with like fifteen or so friends. I kept my hands in my pocket. I hated cold weather, but was to poor to afford to move.

BAM

I heard something hit the ground and turned and a book with papers fell all over fell out of this girls bag. I bent over and picked them up and turned to give them to her. She was bent over. I couldn't help to admire her nice body. Immediately I started to get sexual thoughts. Quickly I thought of a clever line for when she said thank you.

I spoke up to start conversation, "Excuse me, I got some of the papers you dropped."
"Oh thank you", said a familiar voice.

I couldn't fit the voice with the name or face. She then turned. My heart jumped when I saw her face. We just looked at each other for a second. Jodi. My high school sweet heart. The innocent girl who I had a long distance relationship until I was high and met up with her. I couldn't believe it was her. She dumped me when she came to surprise me at college, and when she walked into my dorm room I was lining up a line of coke for Paige to snort. She never answered my calls, or ever talked to me no matter how hard I tried to communicate. She must be on Winter Break from school.

"J.T. is that you?", she asked sounding excited.

I couldn't say anything, I didn't know what to say, I was shocked.

"Justin? You okay?", she said starting to sound worried.

She had gained a little weight, but it made her look better.

"Sorry, I'm okay, Jodi, you look great, how are you?"

She giggled.

"Thanks, I am great. You know I am so sorry for never answering your calls", she said with a disappointed face.

"Its nothing," I lied, " I was never good enough for you anyway", I insisted.

"Don't say that you were greatest thing that happened to me. So you and Paige still together?"

"No, thankfully."

"Oh, that good she was to wild for you."

"Yeah...I...I think she ruined a lot of stuff in my life, but how about you?"

"Oh, I am single," she smiled, "I haven't had much luck with guys lately."

Obviously my next line proved I didn't take the hint at first.

"That sucks, but I meant how was school going?", I asked.

"Oh, silly me," she said making the face I loved, "You know me good old 3.8 GPA, studying my little butt off. You?"

She had not changed a bit I thought. Still studied and never cussed.

"I had problems, and threw away my schooling. I work over at the factory on Byran Street," I said ashamed.

"Oh, I see." She was very unimpressed I could tell by her face. "You want a ride?"

"Sure," I said not realizing I was less than 300 feet away from my door way.

I sat down in her Red 1997 Dodge Stratus, the same car she had in high school. Only seemed way older now. She starting driving me towards my parents house. We kept talking and I didn't realize it.

"****, I forgot to tell you I have my own place now," I said.

"What? You actually grew up J.T.?", she laughed, "Your still forgetful though."

"On corner of Elm and Market."

"Okay", she laughed. And the conversation continued, until we finally arrived out side my house.

"So this it is?", she asked.

"Yeah I have done a little work on it. Its getting there," ashamed of the 4 room house. It had a nice bathroom, one bedroom, living room, and kitchen. One of the smallest house I have ever been in.

"Doesn't look to bad!"

"Yeah, its getting better...You know I was wondering if maybe we could hang out sometime...I know with stuff in the past...or whatever...you might not want to...but..."

"Sure call my cell, tomorrow!", she egerally interrupted. I was so surprised. We were then silent.

I decided to break the silence "All right I will call you around noon. Is that cool?"

"Yeah!"

I turned and smiled, as I opened my door and watched her drive off. I went in to my bedroom and layed on the bed recalling all the good times Jodi and I had in the past, until I fell asleep.

 

[FM2005]

Great so far, keep it up. I dont normally read but I actually have read through this one so far

 

[FireHawk]

Thanks for reading I am trying to become a better writer

 

[woodyloveslinkin]

Awesome. Keep up the good work.

 

[FireHawk]

[Chapter 3]​

My eyes bursted open. Its 11:56 AM. "Whew, that was close". I looked at her phone number and gulped. This can't be real. I dial without thinking of anything else. The phone rings. Rings again. Rings again. Rings again.

"Hi you've reached Jodi Bodkins. I'm sorry I can't answer now. Leave your name and number I will get back to you asap."

"Hey," I lengthen it thinking of what to say, "its Justin, just calling to see whats up. I don't know maybe do something tonight. Just throwing it out ," I start worrying and dragging out the message to see if she picks up, "You got my number now so just call me back, I guess. Talk to you later."

"****!", I scream. No she wouldn't blow me off I thought to my self. The next few hours killed me. I sat and wondered. Wondered if she would call back or if she only talked to me since we happened to fall into conversation. It started killing me. I popped two 750mg Vicodin pills. Two wouldn't really affect me. Maybe get me filling a little warm, but it was what helped end my nervousness.

The phone rang.

I jumped out of the chair. I had seen X-Men a million times on FX before anyway so I said **** the movie.

"Hello?," I said even though I read the called ID and knew it was her.

"Hey! Sorry my cousin was rushed to the hospital, I wasn't home."

"Thats fine, is he alright?" Although I didn't really care.

"Yeah, he just pulled a muscle. He is a big baby, we thought it was something else."

"I see," kinda confused why he would go to hospital and she would go to see him for that.

"So...er...you want to get some food and catch up then?"

"That would be great!" holding back my excitement.

"So where we gonna go?" she asked.

"Umm...you know me I make decisions on the go and don't think about it early. You want to go somewhere nice?"

"Don't have to I have actually be wanting Pizza Hut believe it or not!"

"Thats where we area going and it is good cause I am poor as ****."

"Your not the only one at least you have a job!"

We laughed and talked for about a half hour. The greatest thing to happened to me in 3 months. I wasn't sure how nice to dress up. Or if it was even a date. I began to worry. I hadn't worried if it was a date or not like this since early high school. I threw up a plain grey shirt with a blue collar. This was always my "What to wear?" shirt. Some nice jeans matched up well. I was still skinny these pants had fit from senior year of high school. I looked in the mirror, "Good old Justin," I said out loud like a cowboy. Why I did this I have no idea.

I went outside and got into my beat up Chevy Cavalier. It was blue and looked like it just came back from Vietnam. I put int my Stone Temple Pilots: Thank You (The Greatest Hits) cd and cranked up "Vasoline" and drove down the road. I felt like a teenager again, only I could legally drink since I had just turned 21.

I arrived at Pizza Hut almost exact same time as her.

"Wow thats an interesting car," she smirked.

"Thanks, maybe if you didn't wreck my Camero I would still have a nice, fast car," I said half jokingly. After that my parents said they wouldn't buy me a car again. I was 18 at the time.

"Sorry...," she said with a kind of sad but embarrassed look, "you said go have fun in it."

"Yeah, but nothing about telephone poles. It doesn't matter lets just go eat."

We walked in and talked about all the great times we had in the past. Meet up at Taco Bell and going to street races, racing my Camero, hanging out at home, playing games, shopping, all the fun stuff we did as teenagers. We finished up. It was a nice cheap date it turns out.

As we walked to our cars I couldn't help but to marvel at the short, blond hair, blue eyed girl that was once my whole world.

"So want to go to my place and watch a movie?" I asked out of nowhere.

"That would be nice," she said with a very gleeful smile.

She followed me to my house and parked in my driveway in the back alley.

We started watching a movie. Then we started making out. Her lips pressed against mine. I loved every second. Her body and warmth. The feeling of her skin. I wanted to take it further.

"Wait," she stopped.

My happiness dropped, "What?"

"Mom locks at midnight me and you gonna be hear all night," she gave me a devilish smile.

"Hurry call and say you won't be home," I say hurrying her as she picks up the phone.

"Hey, Mom, I am just gonna stay at Josies' house tonight. 'kay. Love ya," she talked fast. It was so weird hearing that she was 20 almost 21. Then again she was on winter break from school, and didn't have a house here.

She turned and started undoing my shirt. After that the night got really good.

 

[littleblackstone]

that **** is awesome Justin

I'm loving it...


keep it up ok? ^^

 

[FireHawk]

thanks will do

 

[woodyloveslinkin]

that **** is awesome Justin

I'm loving it...


keep it up ok? ^^

Another thing we agree on Andreia.

 

[FireHawk]

[Chapter 4]​

I felt her lips on my mouth and opened my eyes. The way she use to always wake me up. She was laying on her side hand on her chin completely nude, but under the bed blankets. She looked so hott. The huge smile on her face was priceless. My eyes were bloodshot and felt heavy, because I did not think to take out my contacts the night before. Even with this annoyance she still looked beautiful. We kinda just smiled at each other. It felt like this was the time after I lost my virginity, which I had lost to her, we just looked at each other not saying anything. I decided to speak up.
"So...uh...money's on the table you can get it on the way to the door...Thanks for your service!", I said acting serious.
"OH...MY...GOD!!! JUSIN!", she said as she pushed me.
I got on top of her, our bodies as close as they were the night before and gave her a kiss. We laughed.
"VERY NICE JUSTIN! HOW MUCH?", she said in her bad Borat attempt.
I rested my forehead on hers and we laughed. We started kissing. I fell back down onto my soft pillow. We both got really close to each other other.
"I missed you," it was the only thing I could think to say.
"I did to, I'm sorry it ended how it did," she replied.
"I shouldn't have lied to you...I...I'm...I'm sorry," I struggled trying to get it out. I never really could say sorry in the past.
"Aww, its okay but I need to ask you one thing before we can have a real relationship."
"Go ahead...then..."
"Your clean right?", she was dead serious.
"Yeah...100%!" I lied.
"No...none at all, pot, coke, pills, etc.?" She asked.
"None! I swear!" Although I still did a couple joint occasionally and popped pills a lot.
"Good"
My eyes looked over at the clock. 9:30. I was suppose to be at work by 6:30. I only had until 10:30 to call in or I got two points. Six points meant you were fired. I already had three and didn't want five cause that would be a suspension.
"You have to be somewhere?", she asked noticing my eyes on clock.
"Work, but I have until 10:30 call in and say I am not coming."
"Oh why don't you just go in late."
"Its one point either way."
"Oh, I'm hungry" she said getting up, walking out of the room.
"Just grab whatever," I reached for the phone.
I talked to my supervisor and told him I was very sick. He said okay next point is a suspension. I didn't care another night last night was worth three days without pay. I walked into the kitchen after I got off the phone. Jodi was sitting at the table.
"Don't you ever eat? Is that how you stay as skinny as you were in high school?", she asked me.
"Yeah I eat a lot that is why there is no food here. You up for Bob Evans?" I knew she loved eating there.
"No I gotta get up I'll talk to you later."
"Alright"
We walked to her car. I was wondering why she had been so rushed off all of a sudden, I couldn't figure it out.
After she was long gone I headed down to the bar. As I walked into the old yellow building that had blue paint on the wooden wall that said "Lucky's" I noticed something. It was lively fora Monday afternoon. Still not that many people as compared to a Friday or Saturday night. Went over and sat at the bar. Before I could say what I wanted. I heard a voice I will never forget. A voice that had haunted me since I left Ball State University. I slowly reached my hand down into my pocket to see if I had my switchblade. No. I didn't.

 

[woodyloveslinkin]

does this have nay connection to what's happening with Jess?

 

[FireHawk]

This whole story is fictional but is heavily influenced by a lot of things that happened in my life, and indeed some of it does include Jess(the drug addiction reason she broke up with me, doing stuff together after breaking up). A lot of it though (which comes into play later) though is internal problems I have. I have been really busy but hope to finish this next chapter over the weekend. I already haven idea and layed out a plot for a story that follows a band I think it is a lot better than this. Mainly cause I noticed some plot flaws with this story lol.

 

[woodyloveslinkin]

Yeah I wsa quick to pick it up but I didn't know for sure, so that's why I didn't ask sooner

 

[FireHawk]

[Chapter 5]​

I gulped. I knew exactly who it was and how much I owed them, and I never payed.
"You come here often?", said the enterjetic voice.
"...no...I...I don't have much money...so...I", I stumbled.
"Then maybe you shouldn't waste it here," he interrupted.
I was silent with no reply.
"Well, Justin, why haven't you called me? I thought we were buddies. Don't you remeber the good times? You selling for me. You had all that cash. You could buy what ever you wanted very very cheap. I took care of you, payed for your tutoring,...the list goes on...yet...one day with $3,271 of pot and coke...you come up missing...," he paused waiting for a responce and walked to other side of me. I was worried so I even broke into your apartment to find you. I didn't want you to get hurt. Then after looking and calling for you the admissions office told me you
withdrew from school. How could you do that?", his face got closer to mine on the side, but I stared directly ahead. "Worry your best friend."
"...I...I'm sorry", its all I could think to say.
"Why you so untalkative? Thats not like you. And where is my god damn money!"
"I don't have it, I got jumped before I left." I lied, but not very good.
"Bull ****ing **** you piece of ****! You stole that ****, my ****, from me. Your lucky I met you here!", he screamed
"I guess that is why its called "Lucky's"," I said sarcastically not thinking, and looking away.
"You ****ing *****!", he was pissed. Only 5'4" he was a mean man. "Who the **** are you Justin? You use to be proud and would say it to someones face! Who the **** are you man? Oh wait your the fagot ass school drug dealer who ditched everyone, gave up on school, left Paige, told everyone to **** off, and stole my drugs. MY ****ING DRUGS! WHAT THE ****!", he screamed starting to bring attention. He must have noticed cause he quited down. "You have ****ing until ****ing next week to get me all $3,271, or I will ****ing take your life." he whispered angrily in my ear.
"I don't ****ing have that kind of money Joe. Who the **** you think I am?" I was getting angry.
"Well do what you did to get money before."
"No, I am not going back to that life, I am just starting to get it all together.
"Just remember what happened to all them people I didn't get money from!", he yelled and stormed out. Everyone was looking at me. Diana the bartender look at me.
"You all right sugar?", she said in her southern Georgia accent.
"Yeah Diana, I better get going I'll cya later.", I replied not feeling so well and kinda embarrassed.
"Here I will get you your usually mix on the house."
"Its...its fine I'm okay."
"No, honey its not, talk to me" she said opening up the rum.
"I owe him money from **** in the past...I don't have the money...I am gonna get ****ed up...", I replied staring
straight down at the wooden counter that I never noticed was made of real wood. This place was a lot nicer than I had ever noticed.
"Money for what Justin?", she asked I could tell she was curious.
"Stupid car he ****ed me over with..." I lied but it was convincing.
She handed me my drink. "Should I call the authorities to sort it out for you?"
"NO!...no...no!" I said fast. She looked at me and knew I was lieing.
"Well is there anything I can do?" she asked.
"Nah, you already bought me a drink I need to go home." I said getting up.
"Sit down my shift gets over in three minutes I will drive you home. I don't want you walking home on a nasty day like this, hun". She said with a big smile. This whole situation was so weird for me, but I didn't realise it at the time. I had hit on her everyday she worked for today. Now I could actually make a move if I wanted.
We walked out the doors together. I looked to make sure I didn't see Joe's car anywhere. That black 2002 Honda Civic SI, I had done so many lines of coke in that thing I probally shouldn't be alive. She unlocked a red Ford Mustang GT. Mine dream car a Mustang GT. I got in and didn't know what to say.
"So whats really up with him?" she asked starting the car.
"I made some bad decisions in the past I don't want to go into." I blew off the question, but it didn't matter.
"He has been coming around a lot lately, he must have new you lived here. I had be..."
"He was my really good friend." I interupted.
It was silent until we pulled up outside my apartment. I looked up at the apartment. I remeber when I took her home here one time. It kinda made the situation akwarad especially after last night with Jodi. I reached for the door handle.
"Hey, I just have a question for you Justin!" She said real quick.
I looked over at her. She smiled and looked at me. With her pretty face she was barely 21 and only been working at Lucky's for a month. She was so hot, any other day I would love to be in this car and be this close to my bed with her. She leaned in and we kissed, she was the best kisser ever. She took control. We started making out, I got lost in the moment. It started getting really hot. My hand went up her shirt and I felt her beautiful breasts. I pulled my hand back. I backed off.
"Whats wrong, sugar?" She said with a confused face.
"I'm so sorry, I...I'm just not feeling good and I am not really into it." I said although the truth was I wanted Jodi and no one else. I had not had a feeling like this in years. I use to have sex with anyone during college after Jodi and I broke up. It didn't help that Paige encouraged it when we dated each other either. She started undoing my pants.
"Don't worry, hun, I can take car of you", she said as she pulled my pants and boxers down and grabbed my penis.
"Stop...I'm sorry, maybe we can do this some other time." She gave me a weird look and let go. I pulled my pants up.
"Whats wrong with you? You hit on me all the time. We had a great night a few weeks ago! And now you want nothing?!"
"I do its just...everything is complicated now....I'm sorry I got to go." I opened the door. "Cya soon."
"Yeah cya..." she didn't sound to pleased.
I shut the door and turned to my apartment. I was so confused, usually that would have been a dream to me. I opened up the door and walked straight into the kitchen. The answering machine flashing a big zero. She didn't call. I proceeded to my bedroom and put layed on my bed with hands on my head wondering what the **** was wrong with me. I turned and set the alarm. I layed back on my back and let my thoughts consuming until I fell asleep.

 

[woodyloveslinkin]

oohh i wonder what's going to happen next?? Yeah she didn't sound too please >.<

 

[FireHawk]

Pleased* lol

And I don't know this story its kinda going downhill and not what I wanted it...I might abandon and go for a much more detailed and colorful story about a band trying to make it...I'm not sure...