lmao what a joke

Crawling

Crawling

New member
A girl asks her boyfriend, to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announced to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had *** before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and ***. At the counter, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy: a 3-pack, 10-pack, or a family pack. "I'm really going to give it to this girl," the boy tells the pharmacist. "I intend to go for hours and hours." The pharmacist, with a laugh, suggests the family pack, saying the boy will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meet his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer with his head down. 10 minutes passes and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious. " The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!!"

 
Crawling

Crawling

New member
Another one :

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors:green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

The old man just stared.

Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring.

The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had *** with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

 
M

Mike Shinodas Gurl

New member
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had *** with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."
Click to expand...

haha

that ones funny too....hheh peacocks are awesome....but not to have *** with though :p

 
L

lpp

New member
Another one :
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors:green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

The old man just stared.

Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring.

The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had *** with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."
Click to expand...
its funny took me a few seconds to get it but funny

 
LPGotLinkinPark

LPGotLinkinPark

New member
LMAO at the peacock one. ^_^ Here's one my friend made up. It's not really funny, but it still is:

Why did the koala bear fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead!

 
M

Mike Shinodas Gurl

New member
GotLinkinPark?']LMAO at the peacock one. ^_^ Here's one my friend made up. It's not really funny, but it still is:
Why did the koala bear fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead!
Click to expand...

lmao...thats really really funny!!!!!!!! :p :p :p Stoopid koala

lol

 
M

Mike Shinodas Gurl

New member
hahha

ok heres one

One time a blond and her friend were going to Disney land. Well they were driving and on the side of the road they saw a sign that said "Disney Land Left". So they went home.

haha (no offense to blonds)lol

 
Crawling

Crawling

New member
A driver is pulled over by a policeman:

Man: Is there a problem Officer?

Officer: Sir, you were speeding.

Man: Oh I see.

Officer: Can I see your licence please?

Man: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Man: Lost it 4 times for drink driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Man: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Man: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Man: Yes, and I killed the owner.

Officer: You what?

Man: She's in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer2: Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please! The man steps out of his vehicle.

Man: Is there a problem sir?

Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Man: Murdered the owner?

Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please.

The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer2: Is this your car sir?

Man: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence.

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer2: Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car and murdered the owner.

Man: Bet you the lying Ba****** told you I was speeding, too!

 
MISS_JUSTYNA

MISS_JUSTYNA

New member
here we go...

There's this little boy and he was brought up to say 'whistle' instead of 'pee'. One day he slept over his grandfathers house. His grandfather didn't know the magical importance of the word 'whistle'. So, it's in the middle of the night and the little boy hadda take a freak-a-leek, but he was scared to go by himself so he ran to the grandfathers bedroom and said "Grandpa, I gotta whistle." "Not now, you'll wake everyone up."the grandfather replied. "But I really really really have to whistle." the little boy said. "Okay fine, whistle in my ear..."

The ending is self explanatory :)

its kinda cheesy but i thought it was pretty funny

 
S

SNiPeRViRuS

New member
lol

Ive got one.

Some guy got pulled over. This is what happened.

"Son do you know why i'm stoppin' you for?"

Cause i'm young and i'm black and my hats real low

Do i look like a mind reader sir, i don't know

Am i under arrest or should i guess some mo'?

"Well you was doin fifty-five in a fifty-four"

"Liscense and registration and step out of the car"

"Are you carryin' a weapon on you i know alot of you are"

I ain't steppin out of **** all my papers legit

"Well, do you mind if i look round the car a little bit?"

Well my glove compartment is locked so is the trunk and the back

And i know my rights so you gon' need a warrant for that

"Aren't you sharp as a tack, you some type of lawyer or something'?"

"Or somebody important or somethin'?"

Tah i ain't pass the bar but i know a little bit

Enough that you won't illegally search my ****

"We'll see how smart you are when the K-9 come"

HEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHE

 
S

SNiPeRViRuS

New member
Yeah lol. Cuz its dead. hehe, but it can teach you something. The lesson? If you are lazy, people only notice you when you die!
 
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