skategreen
New member
Why We Leave You
We leave you because of the sox. Yes, it really does matter. Not just that you leave them laying about, but you also take them off wet or sweaty, inside out in a ball, and leave them crusting. You never do laundry, so we have to constantly pick up these Grody ***** of stink, turn them around, wash, dry and put them away. You think it's magic. It ain't. It's work.
We leave you because of the empty cracker boxes. You think a box of crackers is a late night snack. You eat the entire box the first day it's home from the grocery store and don't pause for one fricken minute to think that maybe someone else might want some. You then put the empty box back in the cupboard. You don't huck it out and add it to the grocery list, - Christ - you've never added anything to the grocery list. Do you even know what it is? It's not just the crackers either. It's also the chips, the cereal, anything with a gram of sugar in it or anything that might be nice to eat - it's all consumed in a gulp and if it has a box you can be **** sure it will be in the cupboard/fridge/freezer empty.
We leave you because you get fat. All those crackers and chips go to your *** and gut. It's not just that you look as appealing as a beached whale after 3 days of Florida Sun, we're also protesting the double standard that somehow your fat ugly gut hanging over your belt is more socially acceptable than the 4 pounds we put on. We ****** hate that.
We leave you because we're ****** sick and tired of hearing about football, baseball, basketball, golf, curling and anything else on TV that involves uniforms and mascots. If you played this **** it wouldn't be so bad because at least then you wouldn't be so ******* fat. You know the stats of 356 players and games for the last 45 years but you can't remember our birthday? Your precious sports figure will never make you breakfast. Your priorities are way off base. See? You even got me saying **** like "off base". Why the **** do I know what the infield fly rule is? How'd that happen?
We leave you because you're gross. Your crypt breath could be handled with a little brushing, your beard hairs from shaving don't add class to the bathroom sink. How do you think they disappear every day? It ain't the ****** bathroom fairy, I'll tell ya that much. You don't clean the toilet - ever. You are a ****** fraidy cat and can't even clean a toilet. You can only decorate it with your leavings. Putting a new roll of TP on the spindle is beyond your mechanical ability. You can barely manage to find a roll and leave it on the sink edge, wet from your splashings.
We leave you because you can't cook. Your idea of cooking is that "one special meal" you are so ******* proud of, and let me tell you, it ain't so special anyway. Frozen pizzas and nachos don't constitute cooking. You have no clue how to make gravy and what's more, you've eaten 18 gallons of it and haven't given a thought to even trying.
We leave you because you don't listen. You're not really interested in one ******* thing we say and we can tell by the way your eyes glaze over after 2 sentences. You never remember what we say because you didn't listen the first time - or the second time. This leads to you coming out with a question about something we just told you about 10 minutes earlier. We feel invisible and sometimes have to go look in the mirror to see if we still exist.
We leave you because you're a lousy lay. Your small **** is a disappointment in itself but couple that with the fact that it's a "hair trigger thimble" - why bother. Sometimes we like to get up with a rash between our should blades, picking hay outta our hair.
We leave you because you cheat. If we actually want to be stabbed in the back we'll find a crack head and **** him off really badly. It's less painful to be betrayed by someone you haven't nursed through the flu.
We leave you because we realize that all we need to do is start taking out the garbage and suddenly now we ARE doing everything, and ****, we can do that alone.
Now...
Sometimes we run into you and you don't cheat, you not only don't put empty boxes, back but you know how to buy groceries, and you're willing to learn to cook. You do quite well! You listen better than a lot of girlfriends, you take interest in us, and ****, you're pretty funny too! You're workin on that gut and really trying. You bring us gifts and small sweet treats. You leave sweet notes about. You truly want to get to know our family, and you're nice to them! You're true as true can be...
But you're a lousy lay
So we leave you.
Yep. We're *******!
We leave you because of the sox. Yes, it really does matter. Not just that you leave them laying about, but you also take them off wet or sweaty, inside out in a ball, and leave them crusting. You never do laundry, so we have to constantly pick up these Grody ***** of stink, turn them around, wash, dry and put them away. You think it's magic. It ain't. It's work.
We leave you because of the empty cracker boxes. You think a box of crackers is a late night snack. You eat the entire box the first day it's home from the grocery store and don't pause for one fricken minute to think that maybe someone else might want some. You then put the empty box back in the cupboard. You don't huck it out and add it to the grocery list, - Christ - you've never added anything to the grocery list. Do you even know what it is? It's not just the crackers either. It's also the chips, the cereal, anything with a gram of sugar in it or anything that might be nice to eat - it's all consumed in a gulp and if it has a box you can be **** sure it will be in the cupboard/fridge/freezer empty.
We leave you because you get fat. All those crackers and chips go to your *** and gut. It's not just that you look as appealing as a beached whale after 3 days of Florida Sun, we're also protesting the double standard that somehow your fat ugly gut hanging over your belt is more socially acceptable than the 4 pounds we put on. We ****** hate that.
We leave you because we're ****** sick and tired of hearing about football, baseball, basketball, golf, curling and anything else on TV that involves uniforms and mascots. If you played this **** it wouldn't be so bad because at least then you wouldn't be so ******* fat. You know the stats of 356 players and games for the last 45 years but you can't remember our birthday? Your precious sports figure will never make you breakfast. Your priorities are way off base. See? You even got me saying **** like "off base". Why the **** do I know what the infield fly rule is? How'd that happen?
We leave you because you're gross. Your crypt breath could be handled with a little brushing, your beard hairs from shaving don't add class to the bathroom sink. How do you think they disappear every day? It ain't the ****** bathroom fairy, I'll tell ya that much. You don't clean the toilet - ever. You are a ****** fraidy cat and can't even clean a toilet. You can only decorate it with your leavings. Putting a new roll of TP on the spindle is beyond your mechanical ability. You can barely manage to find a roll and leave it on the sink edge, wet from your splashings.
We leave you because you can't cook. Your idea of cooking is that "one special meal" you are so ******* proud of, and let me tell you, it ain't so special anyway. Frozen pizzas and nachos don't constitute cooking. You have no clue how to make gravy and what's more, you've eaten 18 gallons of it and haven't given a thought to even trying.
We leave you because you don't listen. You're not really interested in one ******* thing we say and we can tell by the way your eyes glaze over after 2 sentences. You never remember what we say because you didn't listen the first time - or the second time. This leads to you coming out with a question about something we just told you about 10 minutes earlier. We feel invisible and sometimes have to go look in the mirror to see if we still exist.
We leave you because you're a lousy lay. Your small **** is a disappointment in itself but couple that with the fact that it's a "hair trigger thimble" - why bother. Sometimes we like to get up with a rash between our should blades, picking hay outta our hair.
We leave you because you cheat. If we actually want to be stabbed in the back we'll find a crack head and **** him off really badly. It's less painful to be betrayed by someone you haven't nursed through the flu.
We leave you because we realize that all we need to do is start taking out the garbage and suddenly now we ARE doing everything, and ****, we can do that alone.
Now...
Sometimes we run into you and you don't cheat, you not only don't put empty boxes, back but you know how to buy groceries, and you're willing to learn to cook. You do quite well! You listen better than a lot of girlfriends, you take interest in us, and ****, you're pretty funny too! You're workin on that gut and really trying. You bring us gifts and small sweet treats. You leave sweet notes about. You truly want to get to know our family, and you're nice to them! You're true as true can be...
But you're a lousy lay
So we leave you.
Yep. We're *******!
there are many hot straighties out there