Off Topic Forum: The Movie

[RoyalOrleans]

Lights!

Camera!

Piss!

Who would play who in Hollywood's film adaptation of GF?

ToriAllen - The role of ToriAllen was given to Naomi Watts, however Gwynneth Paltrow expressed an interest in the playing GF's Queen Bee.

fullauto - Vin Diesel opted for the role of fullauto, but backed out at the last moment. Now the part of fullauto will be portrayed by Lemmy of Motorhead fame.

Outlaw2747 - Originally cast as a talking computer, voiced by Chris Rock, Outlaw's part has grown more significant. Cast as Outlaw in the film adaptation, Marlon Wayans hopes to bring the passion of the man alive.

phreakwars - The Rock will be playing the People's Mod in the GF movie.

Anna Perenna - The role of Anna will be played by the murderess Courtney Love.

tizz - Ahh.. GF's resident rabbit whore. Her role was widely contested, in that, the producers could not find anyone whorish enough. They settled on Cybil Shepherd.

TheJenn88 - Jenn's role is a complete digital image set to interact with the rest of the GF members. She will be voiced by Carol Kane and Pixar studios allowed us to use "Stitch" as Jenn's digital image.

Cogito Ergo Sum - For the role of CES, the producers looked for someone that exuded cool from every pore. Since Carrottop wasn't available, they settled on Dennis Hopper.

skategreen - The producers originally cast Rae Dawn Chong for the role of skategreen. Several other actresses opted for the role, but the producers canned Chong and with with Brenda Strong

Mohammed_Rots_In_Hell - To capture the fire within MRIH, the producers did not want to let the audience down. So for the role of GF's pot-smoking conservative they cast Gary Busey.

snafu - GF's relic and patriot will be played by Ned Beatty.

Jhony5 - Jason Lee auditioned for the role and nailed it.

RoyalOrleans - Everybody knows and loves RO, but no one really understands him. For RO's brooding intellect, the producers casted Samuel L Jackson. Then they realized RO is white so they auditioned several crackers until they ended up with Billy Bob Thornton.

builder - A red-bearded and slightly effeminate Paul Hogan showed up and was given the role.

Vortex - The proud gay mafia bitch's role was given to Mario Cantone for being Italian, well-dressed, and exorbitantly gay.

Hugh G. Rekshun - The role of the Part-time Mod/ Full-time Dick will be played by Viggo Mortensen. (I saw the History of Violence, that's why!)

angie - Several hot, young starlets fought for the role of the Ass-kicker. In the end, the part was given to Jamie Lynn DiScala of Soprano fame.

Komrade Vostok Hazard - The pissed, youthful commie ******* was not an easy roll fill. The producers went through many, many actors and settled on Ralph Fiennes.

ALLAH IS GREAT - Is crushed by a thunderbolt... oops! I said too much. However her role is played to a "t" by Edie Falco.

ParasiteGod - Plays a minor part in the movie. Played by Eva Mendez... RO nails her.

cool_dude - Is played by veteran loser, ****tard, idiot... Dave Coulier who has mullet with a flock of seagulls-do and wears dark glasses the whole movie.

tonon - The role of tonon was basically given to Neil Patrick Harris with a swedish accent.

Silver_dragon87 - The brooding, moody anti-everything but her own personal agendo, SD87 will be played by Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson to express SD's contradictory sides.

More?

 

[ImWithStupid]

That was some pretty damn good **** there. The narative was second only to the casting.

RO, I'm glad you showed up to entertain the troops it was getting kinda stale.

 

[builder]

And in the sequel, GF: The Bus Trip

ToriAllen - played to a crisp and curt T by Mia Farrow (with painful facelift), Tori is the events organiser, who eventually becomes besotted with Phreakwars, despite their endless jabbing matches.

fullauto - again difficult to cast. The producer settled on Waylon Jennings. I have no idea why. Fullauto gets run over by the bus while changing tyres. SD denied any knowledge of Bus driving to get off the wilful murder charge.

Outlaw2747 - No question on this one. Jan Michael Vincent, with a spray-on tan. Outlaw finally gets Anna into bed, only to find out she really is a 52 year old negro, with a massive ****. He wins again.

phreakwars - Only the Rock gets to play phreak. His conquest of Tori leaves him penniless and happy.

Anna Perenna - Courtney Love was in rehab, again, so this charming role was filled by Anna Nicole Smith. How does this bitch get what she wants all the time? Oh, that's right. She's clever and all.

tizz - Only one choice for the casting staff; Lucy Arnez. No one else auditioned. Tizz managed to screw the whole cast and crew, and the Bus driver. Champion.

TheJenn88 - Violetta Salek tit-****ed her way up the ladder to win this heart-wrenching role. The Jenn, always interested in RO, ends up in three-way split with MRIH and Angie. Wicked stuff.

Cogito Ergo Sum - was killed off in the opening credits. Played by "King of the Hill" star Hank. His ride-on mower tipped over, and trimmed his arse. Bled to death while the credits were still rolling. Poor old bugger.

skategreen - Played by Cybil Shepherd, Skater tried to save CES from a painful death, and managed to wrench the mower off his arse, only to find herself short four toes. She spent the entire movie in hospital recovering.

Mohammed_Rots_In_Hell - Played somewhat convincingly by a resuscitated Yul Brynner, who never missed an opportunity to say "Whatever you do, don't smoke".

snafu - Mike Meyers was a shoe-in for this role. His fight scene with Komrade will go down in history as the funniest bitch-slapping contest ever.

Jhony5 - Jim Carey landed this one, and spent the entire movie at the back of the Bus, packing cones.

RoyalOrleans - Clint Eastwood lashed out some botox injections to land this one. His one-liners were pertinent. His timing was up the ****. As usual.

builder - An aging Hugo Weaving reprised this important role. Builder spent the entire trip convincing the girls that screwing in a Bus toilet puts them in the "MILE HIGH" club. Somehow, they all believed him.

Vortex - Priscilla Presley's new face-lift landed her this one. No one was convinced she was a man. As usual, she missed out on the sex.

Hugh G. Rekshun - Played by Charles Bronson, he went for a piss at a Mexican roadhouse, and never reappeared.

angie - Played by a heavily pregnant Linda Evangalista, Angie was the mother hen, making sure all the pissheads and druggies at least had one cooked meal a day.

Komrade Vostok Hazard - Played woodenly by Dolf Lundgren, in drag, Komrade failed to **** anyone, again. His bitch-slap with Snafu was the highlight. The lowlight was finding him comatose, with his lips wrapped around the generator's fuel cap.

ALLAH IS GREAT - Played convincingly by Thandie Newton, AIG haunted Builder like the good girl she is. Spent most of the trip talking **** with MRIH, giving Builder the opportunity to rejoin the Mile High club.

ParasiteGod - Jennifer Garner loved this role. The evil was just oooooozing out of this one. She showed RO a couple of things he didn't know about his body.

cool_dude - Played by Piwi Herman, coolio was our mascot, so we tied him to the Bus bull-bar. Not sure what happened to him after that.

Silver_dragon87 - Played herself, as the Bus Driver from hell. She still denies any knowledge of operations of heavy machinery. She will probably get ten years to life for running over Fullauto in a fit of pique (unscripted)

 

[jokersarewild]

Dude, you totally left me out.

 

[builder]

Dude, you totally left me out.

Oh, you were an extra, played by Danny Devito. You just washed the bus and did the dishes.

 

[ImWithStupid]

Pretty damn good for a sequel. Now who's gonna do "GF Part III: Assignment Miami Beach?

 

[skategreen]

And in the sequel, GF: The Bus Trip
skategreen - Played by Cybil Shepherd, Skater tried to save CES from a painful death, and managed to wrench the mower off his arse, only to find herself short four toes. She spent the entire movie in hospital recovering.

You cut my ****ing toes off? How the Hell am I supposed to SKATE??

"and in a miracle in modern times, her toes grew back. She went on to build her own parking lot to skate on"

sigh. there. Gotta have the Hollywood ending.

 

[builder]

You cut my ****ing toes off? How the Hell am I supposed to SKATE??

"and in a miracle in modern times, her toes grew back. She went on to build her own parking lot to skate on"

sigh. there. Gotta have the Hollywood ending.

You've just gotta wait for the sequel, Skater.

 

[RoyalOrleans]

Dude, you totally left me out.

In the first GF movie, your role was written out. In the second, you were portrayed by Danny DeVito (see Builder's post). In the third, the producers are trying to get Tim Allen. Or at least that's what my sources at IMDB are telling me.

 

[RoyalOrleans]

Pretty damn good for a sequel. Now who's gonna do "GF Part III: Assignment Miami Beach?

Though these reports are unconfirmed, but my contact at IMDB tells me that Jason Bloom of Bio-Dome fame could direct.

 

[Vortex]

Pretty damn good for a sequel. Now who's gonna do "GF Part III: Assignment Miami Beach?

I heard in star magazine that Assignment Miami Beach is going straight to video so they arent hyping it. Something about lawsuits and attention whores wanting their account revoked....



But the 4th one....That one i saw the trailer and had to comment


WYPO 4: Grande Rojo Culo

"WYPO The Movie, Grande Rojo Culo, is a grand caper in the fashion of Rat Race and It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World. Several groups go looking for the Culo to extract the Ring of Domination which is hidden inside. This grand caper is going to be next summers big budget hit of the year. A must See!"
-New York Times

The ring of domination gives the power to the wearer power over others. Weather to smite them, shut them up, or simply spy on their online antics. Obviously everyone wants it and has their own ideas in mind.

This is the cast i found listed...not sure of its accuracy..but here is what i dug up I have divided them into teams

The Girls: The girls want the ring to stop the male ego on WYPO and turn them into the perfect men. Eventually to turn WYPO into the next lava lounge only for real love and not sex...

ToriAllen - Arguably the leader of this group of gals. They cast Christina Applegate. Her character struggles to keep the girls focused and out of the bars for tequila tuesdays.

skategreen - The role of Skategreen is played by Sela Ward. She typically wears her skates and dresses like rollergirl from boogie nights. her character is sarcastic and kinda bitchy. Till she goes in for tequila tuesdays and shows the young girls how its done.

tizz - Cybill got tired of the roll because she hated changing her appearence between martha stewart and tizz. And she cracked so she was replaced by Nev Campbell. Unfortunately they got in a car wreck trying to paralell park in the movie and tizz was hospitalized. But the hospital had Wi-Fi so she could still be with the girls..

angie - The muscle of the group, she got in many bar fights along the way, was played by Uma Therman. Her straight out of Kill Bill barfights arguablly steal the scenes. But the ultimate is the square off between SD and her. Her role is very soft and kind...but unlike Skate she gets mean on her tequilla binges....

The Mod Squad The mods are the rest of the mods all searching so the legacy members cant get any more power than was given to them. This group desperately wants it...unfortunately each individual wants it and they do not want to share. But go as a team to show the rest their unity...even if they dont get along.

WYPO - All you see of this character is his arm stroking a black cat. You never see his face but his voice was done by James Earl Jones. His part is minimal but scary when he shocks CES from his button panel for speaking out of turn. He is the one who sends them on the quest but accidently posts the plot to find it on the main boards and not in the hidden forum. So this is what starts everyone off to find it...

Outlaw2747 - LL Cool J actually called and begged for this part. So it was given to him. Outlaw is the cool laied back sniper of the group. Usually the one to calm the group down when they want to kill eachother. He doesnt say much but is usually profound. he almost picks one member from each group...but all of them live...somehow...His main goal is to get the ring to manipulate the ladies mind that he is taller...

phreakwars - Once again the rock plays phreak. Phreak wants the ring to smite childmolesters where they sit. His online chainsmoking chatrooms to catch the goons will be much easier. It will also work when trolling other boards...and come in handy so he doesnt get screwed on any pot dealings. Obviously phreak is hungry for this item! Check out the scene where tori almost seduces phreak out of his purple spandex when she drugges his ****tail. Needless to say the girls have to come in save her....

RoyalOrleans - Antonio Banderas snatched the role from Billy Bob when producers discovered he actually can speak hillbilly. RO's one liners about the other castmates make his character a favorite. Unfortunately he was hungover through most of the movie and couldnt do the fightscenes. In a bar brawl with the girls he just grabbed a bottle...hunkered down and sneered..It was a scene stealer...and sure to find its way on home computers everywhere! RO actually internally doesnt want the ring...his linguistics seem to work just as effectively and he even states "i dont need no stinking magic"..but he went along for the ride anyhow..

Cogito Ergo Sum - This time they got William Defoe to play the role of CES. This character buts heads often with the other mods on his renegade style. Defoe seems to nail his loose cannon attitude perfectly! The fight scene in the Hidden tomb between him and Anna is astounding. I wont say who, or if, there is a winner to that fight....but word has it it took 18 days to film because the actors wouldnt hold back the punches and makeup and hospital visits took up alot of the time..

Hugh G. Rekshun - Viggo Mortensen stayed on for this sequal, he refused to do the 3rd movie because his agents advised him not to. Hugh got them into trouble with the girls at a local bar when Tizz decided that she could outwit him with the "stranger" who held one of the keys to the anchient tomb where the mysterious "married man" guarded his treasure. So hugh had to kick some ass....Keep an eye out for his gadgets he has up his sleeve. His character seems to be a non mask wearing batman...

The Jihad's. This group is tired of hearing the islam is crap threads and wants it to convert others or at least get them on thier side for a change. Their leader is unknown and is only a speaker in their rusted out hummer. That voice was played by and unknown actor who refused to have his name in the credits....

ALLAH IS GREAT - as we all know she survived the thunderbolt...and came out of the cave, the similarity to the bibles Jesus is uncanny, and emerged by the strikingly beautiful Vivica A Fox. Her character is tough, cool, collected, and calculating. she has one goal in mind for the ring. to Smite MRIH if he starts one more thread about islam. She almost gets hypnotized by Fullauto early on in the movie...and reports are it succeeds for a short time...till the mystery man saves her..

The Mystery Man Is tough...smart, and very level headed. His goal is similiar to AIG's reasons to get the ring...but he wants it more for good than bad. If people dont read his posts and agree...hell force it out of them. for a more peacefull WYPO. The Mystery man is played by Ving Rhames and you never see his full face behind the arab gear and dark sunglasses. But in a twist toward the end in a fight between MRIH and himself (after AIG falls unconscious to a blow to the head) he looses his glasses and turban and we realize that it is Jaffer all along!

Mohammed_Rots_In_Hell - I know what your thinking...why is he in this group? Its an abomination! But no...early on he intercepts a cellphone communication and decides to infultrate this group and do what he can to foil their plans from inside. He is played by bruce willis and has trouble keeping his guise througout the movie. But the love scene with him and AIG is very touching as he gets feelings for him he actually helps the group out...for a short time....because after the rough sex scene between the 2 he decides to have a smoke and opens the drawer to get them when he finds the motels holy bible...and the revenge sets in for a nasty twist...

 

[Vortex]

Ooops got a little long here are the rest



The Dark Devils This group got together because they were tired of being put down as the ones that are hated for one reason or another...so they cast aside their differences and head off together....

builder - Paul Hogan picked up the role again because the producers couldnt find anyone else....The opening scene where a crocodile steals his laptop and him shrieking like a girl is incredible....untill he finds his shot gun and kills the crock like a pro (hogan wouldnt wrestle it in fear it might make him look like crocodile dundee again). The chemistry between him and anna is electrifying and the sexual tension is quite thick. watch for the subtlety...

Anna Perenna - Courtney was in jail and couldnt do the part..so they got someone more stable...and better and delivering her witty lines.. Fairuza Balk picked up the part. Anna is looking for the ring for world domination. Her current stab at it isnt working as planned and needed a higher power. The bitch slap fight between her and tizz is hilarious because they fight and chat at the same time. Just when she had tizz to submission the director, against the producers wishes, made the two kiss. They felt they needed something lesbian and decided that would do. But thats when tizz got her second wind and kicked her right in the baby maker. Anna however prevailed as the winner when she lit her hair on fire with a fosters molitov ****tail.

cool_dude - Dave Coulier again picks up the role. They couldnt find anyone else who would want the part. Couldnt even get an unknown to play it as it would be career suicide. CoolDude doesnt even know where they are going and why. Anna decided best to have some cannon fodder to use as a human shield along......and to be kept in the dark at all times. His whining "look at me" attitude comes abruptly to an end when Outlaw missed his target from the belltower and hit cool dude. The way the other teamates kept talking and casually walked over him like he wasnt even there was a great scene!

tonon - Neil Patrick Harris stayed on for this role knowing he wouldnt have to be on set very long. His caracter gets hit by a bus on his local protesting spree. He never even got to go along with. If you look closely at the driver...it is believed to be SD in a cameo role. But it is unclear...it may have been cut...but if you can spot it its a great easter egg

Silver_dragon87 - This time was played by Gina Gershon. (she wore alot of makeup to make her look younger)...but she wanted the part. SD is the reluctent member of this group. She wanted to go off alone but being young she couldnt even rent a car for the trip...so she tagged along. The powerstruggle for domination of this group is clear early on with anna. And every time someone in the group pissed her off she would kick the ass of some poor stranger walking by. It seemed to be good theapy for her because she stayed with the group..no matter how many times she said "im outta here"



The Loners: This is not really a group as each one set off on their own. none ever officially joined a group and decided they didnt need anyone else to help (mostly)

fullauto - Vin Diesel decided with the success of the first movie he had better get in on the action. Fullauto awoke with a sweat (opening sequence of the movie) after a dream...vision more acturately of the ring. Fashioned by Eniki himself and hidden deep in its crevice to hide it from the world he spiritually learned of the others quest and went out to search for it. he was told in his vision if he found it...crushed it to a tiny powder and snorted it. he would gain the powers naturally and it could never be taken from him. Fullauto had a frustrating trip throughout because it was hard for him to hide his guns. His fight with the airport security, played by Mo'Nique Jackson is comedic jenious....


TheJenn88 - Played by Alicia Silvestone she never actually embarks on the quest. She was far to busy getting turned down by the gap, A&F, and other such stores as her way to the top! She does bump paths with the girls and they buy her beer for her help with distracting the gas station attendant.

snafu - Ned Beatty again plays snafu. His part in this movie is minimal but you get the feeling that the jungle scene they are making a parody of scenes from the movie predator. Him and fullauto play this scene to a T and could win either one of them an oscar!

Jhony5 - Played by the robots from the movie short circuit they decided to dust them off and he tagged along with the Devils for a while. But after needing an oil change they forgot him and he never was seen from again...

Vortex - Frustrated by never getting laid anymore he set off to find the ring to get laid by anyone he wanted . Played by Vince Vaughn for comedic intent Vortex joined most of the groups on the way...but was easily bored. He was one of the few loners who actually made it to the temple to witness the Rojo Culo... And i wont say...but he did get laid on this trip...and i wont say who...but it gave the movie its nc-17 rating!

Komrade Vostok Hazard - Jimmy Fallon steped up to play this role. He was the most determined adventurer in the entire cast at the start. But got lost somewhere in the midwest and rumors are that his character found a commie bunker and hunkered down for good! Lori Petty drove up in a tank and the two of them abandonded the quest for the ring...and started stockpiling weapons...short but good part!


ParasiteGod - Eva Mendez stepped up again in hopes of getting nailed by RO but it never happened. She gained a disfiguring disease in the bus trip movie and became more true to her name. She was actually the first to arrive at the temple and would have won...but everyone else (who made it) caught up to her and thought she was a temple guardian. She wasnt strong enough to fend everyone off but did manage to kill a user or two..


Thats all i heard...im sure there will be more. But I dont know the ending but i hear its not for the squeamish...and the one who actually reached in and grabbed the ring is unclear and a close guarded secret...but i have been told its not the obvious choice. And i have been told that because of who gets it...were all screwed!


NC-17 (this post not checked for spelling or grammar...i hope you read at your own risk)

 

[Ruse]

Hugh G. Rekshun - The role of the Part-time Mod/ Full-time Dick will be played by Viggo Mortensen. (I saw the History of Violence, that's why!)

Hugh... I will never, ever ask this of you again, but.. we need to bang.

 

[Ruse]

-Sob-
What happened to Ruse's part, huh? I mean, hello.... Hugh and I are banging.
XD.

 

[Outlaw2747]

Ummm...I must have missed something.

 

[RoyalOrleans]

-Sob-
What happened to Ruse's part, huh? I mean, hello.... Hugh and I are banging.
XD.

It depends on your measurements.

 

[Vortex]

-Sob-
What happened to Ruse's part, huh? I mean, hello.... Hugh and I are banging.
XD.

I thought you were in the zoo scene...

but you just paced back and forth and never got anywhere....

may have been cut...check the dvd extended scenes to be sure!

 

[fullauto]

Could I please be played by someone with a little more class? Daniel Craig maybe?

 

[builder]

Could I please be played by someone with a little more class? Daniel Craig maybe?

Dude, can you get any classier than Waylon?

fullauto - again difficult to cast. The producer settled on Waylon Jennings. I have no idea why. Fullauto gets run over by the bus while changing tyres. SD denied any knowledge of Bus driving to get off the wilful murder charge.

So you got run over. I didn't write the script. I just directed.

 

[RoyalOrleans]

My sources at IMDB tell me that Larry the Cable Guy will be playing ImWithStupid in the next theatrical release of the GF saga.