Open Relationship. Is it the answer?

[Tracker]

Face it, for anyone over 40 or whatever, our parents married and put up with hell to stay married. Is it really the right thing to do? How happy are/were your parents? We are now in a selfish society. We want - we get! So lets face it - we can't change the world, perhaps we need to change the way we look at relationships. God knows the stat's are bad, divorce is common place, kids living with both biological parents is more and more rare. So what should we do? See the poll - let's find out....

 

[angie]

I don't share.

 

[builder]

Tracker said:

We are now in a selfish society. We want - we get!

This is the crux of the problem, in my book. I have five sisters, and not one of them is truly happy. One is married to a millionaire who she, and the family despises, but she hangs in there simply for the prestige and contacts that the relationship creates.

She's given up bitchin' to me about it, because I tell it like it is.

My eldest sister is simply putting up with a situation she has long despised, because her pom hubby places his own arse in debt to take her on a European tour once a year, provides her with palatial dwellings and a steady income, and is so busy paying off his debts that he is working 80-plus hours a week.

I also consider that the proliferation of magazines showing life in an unrealistic format, (think vogue, cosomopolitan, etc.) give many females an incorrect concept of how their own lives should be, and how ****ed up their lives are in comparison.

My two cents.

 

[ToriAllen]

Where is the:
No, I respect myself and believe that I should be enough, and if I'm not enough you shouldn't have married me in the first place you lousy, lying, sack of ****.

Marriage is not a requirement. It is not as if you reach a certain age and you must marry. If you can't be a man/lady and control yourself then don't get married. Instead you should go to the sleaziest parts of town and sleep with as many people as you can until, after a few years, your penis rots off or you vagina swells shut with infection. I have a low tolerance for those who refuse to think about how their actions will affect other, be it wives, husbands, or children, especially children.
A new study released by the government now shows that there are more single parent households than married. That is just sad. This is a selfish society, and STD, abortion, and divorce rates are just a few of the side effects of the please-self-at-any-cost attitude.

 

[tizz]

I have been in both both open and exclusive relationships and all I can say is that it depends on what you want and teh people involved. If you want the love of one man/woman and to share in everything and have a family, then an open relationship is SOOOOO wrong. If you are young, experimental and perhaps travel seperately from your main squeeze than the only way to "go back" to eachother is to keep it open, but keep in mind not everyone can handle it. If either person is even remotely a jealous type you are done for, and you also have to be willing to accept any consequence for your actions, (and ALWAYS carry protection at ALL TIMES)

 

[ToriAllen]

I have been in both both open and exclusive relationships and all I can say is that it depends on what you want and teh people involved. If you want the love of one man/woman and to share in everything and have a family, then an open relationship is SOOOOO wrong. If you are young, experimental and perhaps travel seperately from your main squeeze than the only way to "go back" to eachother is to keep it open, but keep in mind not everyone can handle it. If either person is even remotely a jealous type you are done for, and you also have to be willing to accept any consequence for your actions, (and ALWAYS carry protection at ALL TIMES)

Nice title.

 

[tizz]

Nice title.

Title what now?

 

[8_BALL]

Well when the divorce is on the table, so is her life. She leaves me she doesnt want to live. Plain and simple. IM CRAZY!
lol.... i dont have to worry about that **** though. She aint leavin' and neither am I.

 

[Vortex]

Couldnt vote on this one as every relationship is different. Each has their own rules, their own beliefs, and their own way of showing love....

I myself wouldnt be totaly against having an open relationships so long as i knew EVERYTHING and there were no secrets. Now its not my first choice to have an open relationship, but seeing as how marriages and the like are now adays perhpas loosning the ball and chain a few links may not be that bad....

There wouldnt be any disspointment.

On the other hand tho, people rush into things, and for straights get pregnent and then get into a marriage before they are ready...and it spells disaster for all parties involved. If everyone just slowed down a bit. Got to know eachother on a more intellectual, rather than just physical, level .......You would know what you are getting yourself into before its too late

Sigh....i just started seeing someone (well kinda) and been on 4 dates....and have uncovered enough emotional baggage to last a lifetime. And it really stinks because he shares my ideals....wants to go slow, and is extremely nice...i just dont know if i can take on or deal with the background noise...

grumble.....guess im getting wasted tonight....figures

 

[ToriAllen]

Title what now?

Come on girl. You don't know what your title is? You chose it. Look under your name...

 

[Gray~Gal]

People who have "open relationships" arent in real relationships...Its like friends with benefits....thats what it should be called.
Cause doing that **** causes too many problems...even if details ARENT discussed!

 

[tizz]

People who have "open relationships" arent in real relationships...Its like friends with benefits....thats what it should be called.
Cause doing that **** causes too many problems...even if details ARENT discussed!

Ya but I can tell ya that friends that CAN handle this kind of relationship are friends for life! Details or not (THough discussing detail in a creative fashion can lead to one hell of a fun night!!!) WAHOOOOOO!

 

[Tracker]

Sigh....i just started seeing someone (well kinda) and been on 4 dates....and have uncovered enough emotional baggage to last a lifetime. And it really stinks because he shares my ideals....wants to go slow, and is extremely nice...i just dont know if i can take on or deal with the background noise...

Everyone has baggage, the older we get the more baggage we carry. It's life experiences. Hopefully your friend has learned from the experiences. If not and the talk is always going backwards - probably not a good sign. If the talk was a way of opening up to where that person has been and its not constant - that's good. It means you will have a better understanding. Don't be too quick to turn it off - give it a chance. Good luck!

 

[Tracker]

People who have "open relationships" arent in real relationships...Its like friends with benefits....thats what it should be called.
Cause doing that **** causes too many problems...even if details ARENT discussed!

Well what happens in most marriages. Secrets and lies, jealousy, anger - everyone suffers, especially if kids are involved. That's alot of ****! I know a couple who have an open relationship - no questions are asked, no details given. Every Friday night is their night to be separate and do whatever they wish - no questions asked. For 2 weeks in the summertime they also separate and go their own ways. This couple has been together for 17 years and have 2 children. They made the rules about 10 years into their marriage when they were considering separating. It saved their marriage! The funny thing is that they she more often than not just goes out with her girlfriends. You know the old rule - if you can't have it you want it. If you can have it - it's not so great. Especially when you have someone to come home to.

What's one night a week, 2 weeks in the summer if you can have happiness, confort, a lifetime friend?

Problem with all of us today is we want to be like our parents (us babyboomers) - well again I say were they as happy as you thought - think back. The way marriage is today - it just isn't working for most - time to look at other ways.

It worked for the couple I know - and I would love to have the love and life as they have.

OR - what if we got married and it had an expiry date? At that date you sit down and decide to re-marry for another period of time or separate. Perhaps that would take the stress off many that think they are trapped for the rest of their lifes! Uhmmmm - interesting.

 

[Vortex]

Everyone has baggage, the older we get the more baggage we carry. It's life experiences. Hopefully your friend has learned from the experiences. If not and the talk is always going backwards - probably not a good sign. If the talk was a way of opening up to where that person has been and its not constant - that's good. It means you will have a better understanding. Don't be too quick to turn it off - give it a chance. Good luck!

Oh no this is MEGA baggage.......Any airline wouldnt even allow them to board no matter how much extra they pay...



without going into mega details here is the baggage


A) molested as a child
B) raped by the quarterback of their college football team/fraternity member
C) questioning himself that he is gay because of A and B
D) Alchoholic and clearly not on the wagon because each date (including tonight) has ended with stumbling and falling and not being able to make clear sentences..

I think im far to level headed and secure in my life to deal with that combination. He is a great guy, loving caring........etc. And shares all of my core beliefs (and that is rare in the gay community).............

But im thinking this is far too much for me to deal with.

BUT i can handle A-C.....but D...i drink, alot, and often....but i NEVER get to the point of falling over, blacking out, and being the one at the party that people either laugh at, get embarrest about, or get pissed because they are being a drunken fool.

Im not ruling him out yet.....but so far the last 2 times we have seen eachother i have been very annoyed by D....

and for you people that think being gay is just about screwing all the time....

we havent even seen eachother naked, and slept in the same bed 3 times now

tonight i couldnt even deal....

 

[builder]

I think that if A-C is good, and you think he has potential, which you say you do, the last one is habitual drinking, rather than alcoholism. He's just in the habit of wiping out memories with grog.

He needs some new memories. Suggest a weekend away, maybe a camping trip, rafting, canoeing, hiking, whatever. Take some wine, by all means, but the experience of having a twosome without the outer influence of being able to buy a drink at the drop of some money is the ticket.

Do this a few times and see if he can function without the easy access to booze. A bottle of good wine between two is just enough to get the glow, without hitting that stage of hunting down more grog.

When I split with my ex, and all the **** that goes with that when kids, house, car, chattels are concerned happens, it's enough to lead you to drink. It doesn't make you an alcoholic.

Sounds like he has promise, Vorty. Give it a shot. How often does a chap like that enter your life, baggage or not?

 

[Vortex]

promise or no.....i cant see someone who i have to help walk every single day because they dont know how to gague their liquor.....or clearly doenst have a desire too. Today was day 5 that i have been around him...and each time has gotten worse.

It will drive me crazy. Besides he went from someone who i was excited to be around to annoyed....and that is in 5 days........


imagine a lifetime.....

shrug...i just need to figure things out, perhaps suggesting its time to get back on the wagon......or perhaps letting me help him and his booze intake.....

even that might be too much work...and unfair on his part.........

GROWL....im officially sober and should go to bed..........crap

 

[builder]

It's up to you whether he is worth a shot or not.

I fell in love at sixteen, and that girl was the same way as you describe your current squeeze. Every time we went out, it felt like I was her dad, steering her around as she drank herself stupid.

We are still best friends, and she is now the best mother (of five) that I have encountered in her age group. I've given up kicking myself in the arse over it, for giving up on her drunken habits. She is one of the best people, of either sex, that I now know. She will have a drink, but her family always comes first now.

Just a thought. Post mortems.

 

[cynthiaa89]

This is more an issue of respect. It depends on how much respect you have for yourself. Anyways, there are big risks when you get involved in stuff like that, and if you have kids...it's gotta mess them up.

 

[Gray~Gal]

My whole thing on having your little fun and games is that you might not truly know the person you are married to when they are doing their deeds. I mean whose to say they arent catching some disease or killing/molesting, etc.
You can have kids and seem to be the happiest couple ever but when there are secrets....eventually they will surface and most of the time people cant handle it! Having secrets from ones loved one isnt wise anyway, Trust and honesty....If thats not there even if you dont wanna know there is no....TRUE RELATIONSHIP