Problems with english

4

4everLP_Shinoda

New member
So I was talking 2 Hybi on msn,and I told her about my h/w that I decided 2 post it in here cuz I wanna know what u think of it besides I would like any1 to correct me the grammar if possible.

Here it is:

These were the titles

*My idea of heaven

*Confessions of a chocoholic (I chosed this one)

*Chocolate: Society´s acceptable addiction

*Could you live without it?

Confessions of a chocoholic

Have you ever asked yourself if you can live without chocolates? I have, because I think that Summer is the least season when people eats them.

During Winter season, people tends to eat as many chocolates as they can, besides it makes them feel good with themselves even though they feel guilty after eating them.

In my case I would have to admit that I´m a chocoholic person because when I was a child I remember I tasted chocolate for the first time and then I became addicted to it.

I´ll never forget the time I visited a chocolate factory called Fenoglio, because the people who worked in there,they were constantly offering us chocolates and every time they did I accepted them so after eating to many chocolates I started to feel sick. My mother was angry with me because of what I did.

Although I´m a person who likes chocolates, I´m allergic to them so I try not to eat as many chocolates as I can.

In the other hand, eating lots of chocolates is not a good thing because they are very high in fat and sugar, so the more chocolates you eat,you will be able to have a heart disease or other problems such as tooth decay and obesity.

In order to conclude with this article, chocolates always makes people feel good but my advice is that they should eat one bar a day

Note:It had 2 be between 120-180 words but I did a lil more than 180,cuz I never can´t do less than 180 words.Btw should I change something?or if u guys have any ideas plz let me know.

Thanx in advance:thumbsup:

 
Klaudia

Klaudia

New member
Legal Tender:Money that can be legally used to pay for things in a particular country.
That what it said on my dictionary,I hope I have helped ya^^

:thumbsup:
Click to expand...
oh thanks *a big hug!*

 
V

Vash_the_Stampede

New member
So I was talking 2 Hybi on msn,and I told her about my h/w that I decided 2 post it in here cuz I wanna know what u think of it besides I would like any1 to correct me the grammar if possible.

Here it is:

These were the titles

*My idea of heaven

*Confessions of a chocoholic (I chosed this one)

*Chocolate: Society´s acceptable addiction

*Could you live without it?

Confessions of a chocoholic

Have you ever asked yourself if you can live without chocolate(no 'S') ? I have, because I think that summer is the least season when people eats them.

During the winter season, people tend to eat as much chocolate as they can, because it makes them feel good with themselves even though they might feel guilty after eating them.

In my case I would have to admit that I´m a chocoholic, because, when I was a child I remember I tasted chocolate for the first time and then I became addicted to it.

I´ll never forget the time I visited a chocolate factory called Fenoglio, because the people who worked in there were constantly offering us chocolates and every time they did I accepted them. After eating all chocolates I started to feel sick. My mother was angry with me because of what I did.

Although I´m a person who likes chocolate, I´m allergic to them so I try to eat as little chocolate as possible. On the other hand, eating lots of chocolate is not a good thing because they are very high in fat and sugar, so, the more chocolate you eat, the bigger possibility you will have to aquire a heart disease or other problems such as tooth decay and obesity.

In conclusion, although chocolate makes people feel good It is my advice to eat as little as possible a day.

Note:It had 2 be between 120-180 words but I did a lil more than 180,cuz I never can´t do less than 180 words.Btw should I change something?or if u guys have any ideas plz let me know.

Thanx in advance:thumbsup:

There you go, you might wanna have someone else look at it as well, in case I missed anything. Vash

 
o0SugaxNxSpice0o

o0SugaxNxSpice0o

New member
These are just my suggestions Vash:

Have you ever asked yourself if you could live without chocolate? I have, **** This next bit isn't really relevant to not living without chocolate. Maybe add something in between this part to link the seasons with the not living with chocolate together***because I think that summer is the season when the least amount of people eat it.
During the winter season, people tend to eat as much chocolate as they can, because it makes them feel good about themselves, even though they may feel guilty about eating it afterwards .

In my case, I would have to admit that I am a chocoholic, owing to the fact that when I was a child, I remember tasting chocolate for the first time and becoming addicted to it.

I´ll never forget the time I visited a chocolate factory called Fenoglio. The people who worked in there were constantly offering us chocolate and every time they did, I accepted. After eating all of the chocolates, I started to feel sick. My mother was angry with me because of what I did.

Although I´m a person who likes chocolate, I´m allergic to them, so I try to eat as little as possible. On the other hand, eating lots of chocolate is not a good thing because it is very high in fat and sugar, so the more chocolate you eat, the higher the possibilities ofacquiring heart diseases or other problems such as tooth decay and obesity.

In conclusion, although chocolate makes people feel good, it is my advice to eat as little as possible each day.
Click to expand...

I'm not 100% sure that my corrections are correct, but I tried my best lol. I felt that you were repeating "because" a couple of times. And some of the commas were put in the wrong place. I refer to chocolate without an S but I'm not neccaserily sure it's true. E.g. Today, I ate a lot of chocolate! No s at the end. I don't know lol. I also got rid of some words that didn't seem neccessary and changed the tense for some of it. It seems a bit... What's the word I'm looking for...I don't know lol. Can't think right now. But maybe add a few more personal touches to it. It sounds a bit straight, like... I don't know lol. Give it a bit more feeling to it! Like you truely can't live without chocolate!

E.g. I remember the first time I had the pleasure of tasting the gorgeous, rich, creamy chunk of deliciously scented milk chocolate. It'll stay with me for the rest of my life.

Etc =) O.k. that was a bit over the top, but you get what I mean right lol? Just my suggestions. But then again you are limited to only 180 words so yeah. Hope I helped even the slightest =)

 
4

4everLP_Shinoda

New member
Thanx o0SugaxNxSpice0o,now I will have 2 rewrite it again,probably u are right about repeating 2 many times the word because.

Thanx again.

 
4

4everLP_Shinoda

New member
o0SugaxNxSpice0o and Vash thanx for the helping me both of u,I have already did my article about chocolates lol sorry for bugging both of u tho,btw SugarNxSpice thanx for the advice u gave me about the adiction of chocolates^^.

Once again,thanx 2 both of u:thumbsup:

 
o0SugaxNxSpice0o

o0SugaxNxSpice0o

New member
Sorry. For some strange reason, I thought Vash posted the article and I thought it was his *****. It was 1am so that's why lol. Wasn't think straight at all =)

Well no problem Vero =) Always happy to help ^.^

 
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