Am a bit speechless at the end there - what the **** was Fox thinking?! I understand her motives but seriously... hope they'll be okay. For that matter what the **** was Bella / Ravyn thinking too? I understand about having to plant the virus but they could have just as easily been shot (or at least Bella could, Ravyn has some ties with Joanna there to barter with, Bella has none) but still that's a fine line they all tread knowing regardless what Joanna wants Sarah is still the boss and Sarah wants Ravyn's head on a platter for what happened to her mother. Risque indeed.
What surprises me is despite the horrendous conditions the Old Worlders still have it relatively easy. In the context of the story, knowing of course its not historical fact but still, the old worlders still have too much fighting spirit and still speak with too much sarcasm for my likings, or would, if I were a supreme ruler. Their spirits haven't been broken enough, that's the idea of the camps? What about FORCED mind control? Forced experiments? The Narcissi Extraction program or w/e would be a great place to start, utilizing the failures of the past to improve it now on living subjects - now THAT would be evil. Sarah is losing her lustre here and slipping back when she should be out there ruling with an utter iron fist. You don't stand along side her anymore, you bow or you die, period. Having Joanna exert 'control' in such an arena to me was a really dumb move on Sarah's part. True she has to groom her protege but not at the risk of losing control herself. People without fear are impossible to control. If she needed to groom Joanna in the ways of New World Order (haha awesome) then surely she should generally take Jonnna aside to the experimentation chambers or torture chambers to be more specific (lets face it, Hitler and Gehring and Mengler etc were well reknown for it - Mengler or however it was written is the expert in wartime torture historically, maybe Sarah should be looking him up in Spyro's database) and literally force Joanna's hand away from the sceptical eyes of the mob. Just my two cents anyway.
As for just how Ravyn got the chip in I shudder to think. When I read the bit about the glass I almost expected someone to start hacking into themselves with it. Thank heavens I was wrong. But again somewhat surprised. Am not telling you how to write it by any means, but again, to be true to the real horrors of war and genocide, especially when drawing reference from the past, it can't be shied away from.
My advice - Sarah needs to find her back bone. She just lost her dearest friend. The people she needs to control are rising up against her. She's got people snapping at her heels (the likes of Draven) to take her place. She also has her father's lofty reputation to live up to. The world is looking to her to lead, at the moment she's not giving them rage or power or tyranny that she's supposedly famous for, instead she's giving them... Joanna. See my point?
Again just thinking aloud is all.
Aside from that am loving the description. Especially the squallid conditions inside the 'barracks'. My heart went out to Fox especially in this update. Poor kid has been shoved around by everyone and everything her entire life. If anyone's going to show their true potential in this war I reckon it's going to be her
Very good. As always. And considering you were ill when you penned it, not bad at all. Keep it up.