The United States of America should go to the UN and ask to have itself declared a weirdo nation. France, marching to their own schizophrenic drum would probably veto the resolution, but the point would be made - America is weird. It would be official with a plaque and proclamation and fireworks.
Why would they do this? Simple actually - lowered expectations. Think about it. In every city there’s one weirdo in your neighbourhood, downtown is full of them. What do they all have in common? No expectations or obligations! No one pressures them to perform, to get along, to figure out indoor plumbing. They can fight, yell, pee in carparks, sleep in doorways, never return library books and no one cares. And, here’s the best part, no one asks them for money. See the advantages of being a weirdo?
Let’s face it, America is already there they just don’t know it. They’re too close to the situation, like the guy wearing the tin hat and pushing a shopping cart full of plastic bags (of what I hope to never know) they don’t think they’re weird at all. But we can see it. We’re close enough to hear the muttering, the shrieks in the night and what is that smell?
They just need to be sold on the benefits associated with weirdness accreditation. They can do all the things they do now - run news about Michael Jackson during an 8.7 earthquake, randomly invade surprised countries, launch lasers into space to defend against weapons they invented, and all that praying (praying, the weirdos downtown are always praying).
But no one would care! That’s the beauty of this whole idea. What does everyone do when they see a weirdo? They avert their eyes and walk around him. Overnight America would become an ex-issue of discussion. After all it’s not good form to poke fun at those less fortunate is it? And the best part of this whole thing is that if America did something that required a bit of skill, people would be so amazed. “Look at what America did today” they’d say. “America elected a President, all by itself” they’d coo.
Why would they do this? Simple actually - lowered expectations. Think about it. In every city there’s one weirdo in your neighbourhood, downtown is full of them. What do they all have in common? No expectations or obligations! No one pressures them to perform, to get along, to figure out indoor plumbing. They can fight, yell, pee in carparks, sleep in doorways, never return library books and no one cares. And, here’s the best part, no one asks them for money. See the advantages of being a weirdo?
Let’s face it, America is already there they just don’t know it. They’re too close to the situation, like the guy wearing the tin hat and pushing a shopping cart full of plastic bags (of what I hope to never know) they don’t think they’re weird at all. But we can see it. We’re close enough to hear the muttering, the shrieks in the night and what is that smell?
They just need to be sold on the benefits associated with weirdness accreditation. They can do all the things they do now - run news about Michael Jackson during an 8.7 earthquake, randomly invade surprised countries, launch lasers into space to defend against weapons they invented, and all that praying (praying, the weirdos downtown are always praying).
But no one would care! That’s the beauty of this whole idea. What does everyone do when they see a weirdo? They avert their eyes and walk around him. Overnight America would become an ex-issue of discussion. After all it’s not good form to poke fun at those less fortunate is it? And the best part of this whole thing is that if America did something that required a bit of skill, people would be so amazed. “Look at what America did today” they’d say. “America elected a President, all by itself” they’d coo.
