What would you do if your teenager came home married one day?

[Lethalfind]

I am curious about peoples reactions to this situation. I'm talking about any age old enough to be legally married, in some states I know that can be 17.

I for one would want my child to stay in school and would let them both live with me so they didn't have to work. I would continue to pay for my childs schooling and if I had the money I would pay for her husbands as well.

Of course as you get older (and divorced) you learn how hard marriage is and that young people shouldn't be in a rush but at that point do you really compound the problems by making them row their own boat (pay their own bills etc)? At some point parents have to let their children do what their going to do. I remember my parents drove me away in their attempts to shove what they thought was right down my throat.

The divorce rate is over %50 now, thats frightening so I look at just about anyone getting married and think they are incredible optomists, not just really young people.

 

[babiebec3]

Ok, here's my honest opinion as I see it now. It could very well change some day seeing as how my two boys are only 8 and 10.

If I haven't raised them to be smart enough not to throw away their life by doing something stupid like that, then they deserve to be out on their own. Let them see just how stupid they were and how momma was right and they was wrong.

They think they're old enough to be married? Let em be old enough to take care of themselves.

 

[manicmonday]

Ok, here's my honest opinion as I see it now. It could very well change some day seeing as how my two boys are only 8 and 10.

If I haven't raised them to be smart enough not to throw away their life by doing something stupid like that, then they deserve to be out on their own. Let them see just how stupid they were and how momma was right and they was wrong.

They think they're old enough to be married? Let em be old enough to take care of themselves.

I don't see why getting married at 17 is throwing your life away. My parents did it and they are going on 48 years. Some people are mature beyond their years early and some will never grow up no matter what the age. Momma isn't always right about life decisions.

Lethal, are you wanting to get married or what? I know you say your down on marriage, but every thread you make is about marriage. It's on your mind. Tell us what's up.

 

[babiebec3]

Well, you're right. It doesn't always mean you are throwing your life away. I guess I'm just looking at how kids are today. It's a whole new generation. Kids these days just aren't as mature as they used to be. I mean, come on. You know that's true in most cases.

 

[Lethalfind]

I don't see why getting married at 17 is throwing your life away. My parents did it and they are going on 48 years. Some people are mature beyond their years early and some will never grow up no matter what the age. Momma isn't always right about life decisions.

Lethal, are you wanting to get married or what? I know you say your down on marriage, but every thread you make is about marriage. It's on your mind. Tell us what's up.

Actually there was a story line on something I was watching on TV that made me think about these two threads about marriage. Personally I don't think I'm meant to be married, I'm not down on it in general, I know some people are very happy that way.

The parents in this story line pushed these kids until they ran off and got married...probably not the best choice but I'm thinking they are just compounding things by making the kids get out on their own. Whether the marriage makes it or not the kids both need to complete their education, I have seen firsthand how hard it is to get and keep a job without a degree...

I am not in a hurry to get married personally but alot of what we talk about on here makes me think about my daughter when she is that age, people on here have children who are older then Diane and I have been lead to think about things in a different light with their in put.

 

[Lethalfind]

Well, you're right. It doesn't always mean you are throwing your life away. I guess I'm just looking at how kids are today. It's a whole new generation. Kids these days just aren't as mature as they used to be. I mean, come on. You know that's true in most cases.

By making them get out on their own aren't you just compounding what might be a mistake? Not too mention posibly causing permanent damage to your relationship with the child. If and when the marriage breaks up, at least if they were allowed to stay at home and go to school they would have their education. Kicking them out just seems kind of spiteful to me, like saying "well if your not going to do things my way then you can get out". I just don't think I could do that to my daughter.

 

[snafu]

Ok, here's my honest opinion as I see it now. It could very well change some day seeing as how my two boys are only 8 and 10.

If I haven't raised them to be smart enough not to throw away their life by doing something stupid like that, then they deserve to be out on their own. Let them see just how stupid they were and how momma was right and they was wrong.

They think they're old enough to be married? Let em be old enough to take care of themselves.

You can do everything right and the kid can be an A student, but when the hormones kick in all that **** goes out the window. My daughter was 18 when she hooked up with her boyfriend and got pregnant. They went to live with his dad and it only lasted a month. We took them both in but we told them they would have to get a job or it was out the door. You have to give them stipulations or their just gonna walk all over you. And it benefits them. They get to save money. Now they’ve both been working and have their own place. They got tired of our rules. You know, no parting. I don't want to hear the bed banging. That kind of ****.

 

[babiebec3]

By making them get out on their own aren't you just compounding what might be a mistake? Not too mention posibly causing permanent damage to your relationship with the child. If and when the marriage breaks up, at least if they were allowed to stay at home and go to school they would have their education. Kicking them out just seems kind of spiteful to me, like saying "well if your not going to do things my way then you can get out". I just don't think I could do that to my daughter.

So let's coddle them instead?

That's what's wrong with kids today. They aren't expected to own up to their mistakes/responsibilities. Yep, let's just keep letting mommy and daddy enable them to be irresponsible and make excuses for them.

 

[builder]

So let's coddle them instead?

That's what's wrong with kids today. They aren't expected to own up to their mistakes/responsibilities. Yep, let's just keep letting mommy and daddy enable them to be irresponsible and make excuses for them.

Right on the mark. Love it.

 

[Komrade Vostok Hazard]

Here's what I'd do

I'd pack all of his/her ****, put it outside the door and tell them to hit the road. If they want to do adult **** like marriage, then go be an adult. They can start by finding their own damn home.

 

[Lethalfind]

So let's coddle them instead?

That's what's wrong with kids today. They aren't expected to own up to their mistakes/responsibilities. Yep, let's just keep letting mommy and daddy enable them to be irresponsible and make excuses for them.

I don't think that helping your child finish school should be considered coddling them...I for one think its imperative to get an education, you will get nowhere in life without it. As far as being responsible, my help would obviously come with huge responsibilities on her part, maybe too big for her to accept...Hopefully I will never find out.

One thing I couldn't do is bail out on my child, I definetly couldn't do what Nazz is saying he is doing, I couldn't let my child be beaten no matter how old she is. There is a difference in making a child be responsible and letting them be assaulted, it would be ashamed if one day Nazz got a call that Juan had finally killed his daughter, I wonder if he would think it was worth it then?

 

[babiebec3]

I don't think that helping your child finish school should be considered coddling them...I for one think its imperative to get an education, you will get nowhere in life without it. As far as being responsible, my help would obviously come with huge responsibilities on her part, maybe too big for her to accept...Hopefully I will never find out.

One thing I couldn't do is bail out on my child, I definetly couldn't do what Nazz is saying he is doing, I couldn't let my child be beaten no matter how old she is. There is a difference in making a child be responsible and letting them be assaulted, it would be ashamed if one day Nazz got a call that Juan had finally killed his daughter, I wonder if he would think it was worth it then?

Sometimes, the only way for a child to find their way and mature into a responsible human being is to bail on them. If you feel like making excuses for them, then that's your deal. I just know that I've watched too many "adults" run to mommy and daddy ever single time they get into trouble. I'm simply not going to enable my kids to take advantage of me forever. There comes a time when every human being needs to step on to the plate and take their turn at bat. You can't play tee ball forever.

 

[Lethalfind]

Sometimes, the only way for a child to find their way and mature into a responsible human being is to bail on them. If you feel like making excuses for them, then that's your deal. I just know that I've watched too many "adults" run to mommy and daddy ever single time they get into trouble. I'm simply not going to enable my kids to take advantage of me forever. There comes a time when every human being needs to step on to the plate and take their turn at bat. You can't play tee ball forever.

I agree, tough love teaches this, however not all children are chronic...and that was not part of my scenario either. I have spoken to people who have children who are ALWAYS in trouble and coming home to get help. So far my daughter is more responsible and has more common sense then some adults I know, hopefully this will continue but I assure you, if she starts one of those bullshit slides where she thinks she can drag every peice of scum home to Mommy and I wil fix it all up, she will have a rude awakening for herself. BUT if as a teenager she is in love and for the most part everything else is going well, then I will help her out. I don't think that getting married that young is a good idea but I don't think it will ruin your life...so when the marriage falls apart, you get a divorce, it takes about 3 months in Florida, thats not the end of the world.