allies advice.

[allieking]

i just had this idea....

i have had alot of life experiance and been through alot in my 31 long years, so i was thinking of starting this thread to give advice to anyone who needs it. not many young people have an adult that understands what they are going through, i know i didn't when i was younger.

so if anyone needs advice about anything, you can ask me, i wont judge you or lecture you (believe me i know thats not what you want) i will just try to give you the best advice i can.

if anyone thinks this isn't a good idea just say so and i will ask for the thread to be closed (i wont be upset)

 

[Linkin_lp_park]

Well..I had a girlfriend for 2 years, and we broke up almost a month ago..

And we still like eachother, but she doesn't have 'the feeling' for me

And she dates with some guys and all, and I really can't date with girls at the moment, and I don't get it how easily she does it..I mean i know i have to move on, but if i know she still likes me, it's harder, and it's even harder to find another girl, so what's the best advice for this?

Thanks

 

[GraDoN]

nice thread allie

^ well either go talk to her and sort it out once and for all or you need to stop thinking about her and girls in general for a while. till you feel you can move on.

 

[Sygy]

Right i have a serious one, and you have to promise not to laugh or something.

I think im going mad. An example is that i hate the way i look so much that i generally avoid mirrors, like im the bathroom every morning i do a whole ducking thing so that i dont see my reflection and when i have a shower or a bath i close my eyes so that i cant see myself naked because i actually feel physically sick. Even when i see photos of myelsf i actually feel really dizzy. I cry about it the whole time. And if i tell people who i feel all they tell me is that i am pretty, Jeezy especially continually tells me that he thinks im very pretty but the problem is that these people are lying thought there teeth at me and i end up just crying anyways. And its been getting really serious lately, my mum told me that ugly in on of our arguements last night so i went upstairs and lay in my bed and i actually started getting all these sharp pains in my chest and find it hard to breath.

Another thing is that im a slef harmer but my mum tells me that if she sees a cut on me that she going to kick me out and make me live with my father, so ive been cutting in places she cant see like my thighs and my *******. sigh. i dont know what this is or if its the remains of my dads abuse on me. But its scaring me when i having my 'saner' moments.

in addition my friends have left me alone and dont want to visit e up here or wont meet up half way and i live too far away now to see them. So i feel alone and not liking people here, that guy i met yesterday didnt help 'your awefully pretty for a black person' (when i say black person im using it as a substute for a another word which we all know but i dont want to type it).

sigh,. i dont know what im getting here, i just know that you suffered lower self-esteme before you met Andy so i know the best person to talk to!

 

[allieking]

Well..I had a girlfriend for 2 years, and we broke up almost a month ago..And we still like eachother, but she doesn't have 'the feeling' for me

And she dates with some guys and all, and I really can't date with girls at the moment, and I don't get it how easily she does it..I mean i know i have to move on, but if i know she still likes me, it's harder, and it's even harder to find another girl, so what's the best advice for this?

Thanks

maybe shes dating other guys to get over you. i have done this many times, its a way of taking her mind off how much she misses you. maybe she will move on with someone else or she will realise that she really does wanna be with you.

as for you dating other girls, take your time and don't rush into anything, do it when you feel ready.

hope that helps.

 

[allieking]

Right i have a serious one, and you have to promise not to laugh or something.
I think im going mad. An example is that i hate the way i look so much that i generally avoid mirrors, like im the bathroom every morning i do a whole ducking thing so that i dont see my reflection and when i have a shower or a bath i close my eyes so that i cant see myself naked because i actually feel physically sick. Even when i see photos of myelsf i actually feel really dizzy. I cry about it the whole time. And if i tell people who i feel all they tell me is that i am pretty, Jeezy especially continually tells me that he thinks im very pretty but the problem is that these people are lying thought there teeth at me and i end up just crying anyways. And its been getting really serious lately, my mum told me that ugly in on of our arguements last night so i went upstairs and lay in my bed and i actually started getting all these sharp pains in my chest and find it hard to breath.

Another thing is that im a slef harmer but my mum tells me that if she sees a cut on me that she going to kick me out and make me live with my father, so ive been cutting in places she cant see like my thighs and my *******. sigh. i dont know what this is or if its the remains of my dads abuse on me. But its scaring me when i having my 'saner' moments.

in addition my friends have left me alone and dont want to visit e up here or wont meet up half way and i live too far away now to see them. So i feel alone and not liking people here, that guy i met yesterday didnt help 'your awefully pretty for a black person' (when i say black person im using it as a substute for a another word which we all know but i dont want to type it).

sigh,. i dont know what im getting here, i just know that you suffered lower self-esteme before you met Andy so i know the best person to talk to!

i know excactly what your going through hun because i feel the very same way even now. when i'm out shopping and i see myself in a shop window i feel sick, i hate photos of myself and i can't get undressed infont of andy atall.

there is a name for this its body dismorphic disorder. your a pretty girl but because of your past (your dads abuse) you feel ugly, you have been made to feel like your insignificant and that everyone thinks your unattractive, when infact its not true. when jeezy and other people say your pretty they are not lying hun, its true, but like me you don't belive it because in the mirror you see ugly.

its a hard habit to break and one i'm still fighting. the way i do it is by forcing myself to look in the mirror and tell myself that i am pretty. another way i help myself is by once a week having a pampering session, i have a long hot bath, exfoliate my skin, do a face mask and just generally go all girlie. that makes me feel so much better.

your mum was wrong to call you ugly and i'm sure if she knew how you feel she wouldn't have said it. the feeling you experianced when you said you got pains in your chest was proberbly a mild panic attack, wich are associated with body dismorphic disorder too. i have them because when i go out i think people are staring at me in disgust at how ugly i am.

if you want i can work with you to build your confidence but you have to start by beleiving it when people say your pretty, have confidence in yourself because i think your a very pretty girl and i don't lie.

 

[Sygy]

Well Allie, thanks for telling me about this, im going to keep on reading about it, i probably do have it bc i have a whole other load of mental issues anyways. thanks again.

 

[Person]

=O I guess I'll give it a go lol

(Kinda funny how most of these are going to be relationship-wise XD)

About a year and a half ago, I went out with this chick. Everything was going well until her family sorta got in the way of everything. They basically told her they didn't want her having a boyfriend until she was older (16 at the time). After that, she told me it was best that we didn't talk anymore. I'm guessing to get over me easier or something. So about a year passed, and her best friend made us talk again. We started talking again before this summer began and she's been a real sweetheart. She made a cake for me on my birthday and brought it to school. We end up talking the whole night practically everyday. At this moment, we're just friends, but it seems like it could rekindle.

Now, the problem with this is that she's a very shy person, and before me, she hadn't had a boyfriend. Currently, she is dating a guy who's at boot camp. He's going to end up going to the Navy by September, so I'm guessing a break up is soon to come.

My problem is asking myself whether to tell her that I like her again or not. I want to know that I at least have a slim chance if I'm going to tell her. Everything she does though, can't be a basis for her liking me since she's really like that to all her good friends. With your magical power (experience lol), I want to know what you see in this. What do you think can happen, and what you would suggest me doing.

-Person

 

[allieking]

i'm a great beliver in truth, so i think you should tell her or you will wonder forever what would have happend. tell her when your alone and relaxed in eachothers company, tell her you still have feelings for her and you would like to know how she feels about you. if she says she feels the same suggest that you should both go and explain how you feel to her parents (this will get the respect of her parents) then take it slow. do the whole dating thing, going to movies etc...

if she says she doesn't want to have a relationship with you then ask her if you can still be friends, i know this is hard but i always think its better to gain a friend than lose someone altogether.

good luck!!!

 

[Person]

Thanks for the advice!

I am contemplating on telling her. I mean, I have to. I just want to wait for the right moment, you know? I kinda don't wanna ruin our relationship with this though. We're really REALLY good friends (at a point, it seemed I was her best friend o.o). It's a huge risk telling her my feelings since she's pretty complicated when it comes to these things. Yup yup. lol

 

[allieking]

i once told my best friend i liked him, he told me he didn't want that kind of relationship with me but he did want me to be his best friend. we carried on as friends and it got easier to bearound him and we ended up being so close that we told eachother everything. that was when i was 13 and i've not seen him in 15 years but i'm glad it turned out like it did.

 

[Linkin_lp_park]

maybe shes dating other guys to get over you. i have done this many times, its a way of taking her mind off how much she misses you. maybe she will move on with someone else or she will realise that she really does wanna be with you.
as for you dating other girls, take your time and don't rush into anything, do it when you feel ready.

hope that helps.

Yeah, thanks that helped ^^

She was talking to me 2day, about she quits with the dating for a while, and how she's jealous of a girl who 'may' like me (she's never jealous..) and she doesn't like the idea of me and another girl, and she told me she misses me..so who knows ^^

Just let it go how it goes, thanks

 

[Person]

Hmm... I didn't do anything at all, and she pops out with she has to tell me something over messenger. Here's the transcript:

Veronica: *clears throat*

Javier: >.>

Veronica: Kuristaru kinda killed me last night XD

Veronica: so... =.=

Javier:

Veronica: totally have something to tell you =x

Veronica: but

Veronica: *is scared*

Javier: ok... scared? lol

Veronica: >.>

Veronica: anyways

Veronica: *hides and leaves*

Veronica: have to get ready

Javier: geh...

Javier: man... now I'm curious! XD

Javier: *pokes*

Javier: well, go get ready =P

Veronica: I was kidding about leaving

Javier: =.=

Veronica: but, I do have to get ready in a little

Javier: Well uhh... don't be scared?

Javier: *shrugs*

Veronica: lol

Veronica: can't be helped

Veronica: bastards...both Anacaren and Kuristaru! =.=

Javier: lol Just say it =.=

Javier: It's just me anyways =P

Veronica: pff

Veronica: exactly

Javier: so this is about me, ehh? lol

Veronica: no =x

Veronica: yes...

Veronica: your mom

Javier: lol

Veronica: Kuristaru said I should get it off my chest, so I'll try

Veronica: =.=

Javier: lol... ok

Javier: Dunno what to say >.> Go ahead... little by little if it's too hard

Veronica: eh

Veronica: I'll have to call for this

Veronica: screw IM

Veronica: that's why I said I'll try

Javier: o.o

Veronica: well, I have to get ready soon

Veronica: I'll call five hundred minutes later

Veronica: uh

Javier: lol T.T

Veronica: going to a concert

Veronica: ahaha

Javier: o.o

Javier: Nickelback!

Javier: *******... lol

Javier: Well, call whenever. ok? ok =P

Veronica: I'll try XD

Veronica: *dies before dialing*

Javier: haha... later loser!

Veronica: *waves*

I dunno if I should be worried or not. =S Kuristaru and Anacaren are her best friends >.> bleh... lol

 

[allieking]

when she calls ask her to explain slowly, if its something bout you ask if you can meet up to alk about it.

 

[Person]

If we could meet up, we probably would, but her family impedes that from happening.

Kinda funny how things just set into place though... lol

I didn't have to say anything for her to tell me how she felt.

Apparently, she never got over me O.O

I was amazed... She told me that she never really did like the guy she's going out with (Navy guy). With him not being her, she realized it was all a lie or something.

Point is, we might end up together again hehe.

Thanks for all the help Allie! I really REALLY appreciate it!

 

[allieking]

you don't have to thank me hun, i just like helping people. hope you guys get together because it sounds like your made for eachother!!!

 

[Tomer]

I like the idea allie, if i need any advice.. i will definitely not hesitate to ask

 

[Acezorz]

allie is like an agony aunt

Dear Aunty Allie,

I've been confused lately, this girl at work i've become friends with i've started to fancy.

Only problem is, shes one of the really popular girls at her school, and i'm just nervous.

I'm quite popular at my school too, but I dunno. She doesn't like the same music as me and i'm not really bothered about that, since we get along really well.

The problem is I dunno if she likes me back. She came to my BBQ and I got pretty wasted and made a fool out of myself infront of her. She said she wasn't that bothered since she found me 'hilerious'. But I can't help thinking I put her off, shes been distant with me since, and we only really see each other at work.

Any ideas what to do? She isn't shy and got along well with my mates, all my mates say I should go for it but I dunno. >_<

 

[allieking]

i'd get her alone and ask her what she thnks of you, ask her if she could ever see you two as being more than just friends, that way your not actually asking her to be your girlfriend. if she says she couldn't see you as anything but friends then you have your answer, if she says she could then go for it and ask her!!!!