[Hawk's Journal]

[FireHawk]

I have attempted two of these but this one I will follow through because I have a feeling I am becoming something in life and want a way to remember it all. So here it is:

[May 11, 2008]

Today I am starting a journal because I find that a new page in my life is starting. I have been clean from pills for 6 days. Its not much of an accomplishment you may be thinking, but many of you don't know my past. I find it funny that the thing that drove me back to my addiction is now pulling me out of it. Music. Recording for my EP is scheduled to start June 7th. When I got back from Spring Break I was stressed and felt I was running out of time and the frustration drove me back to the painkillers. The sad thing is that the painkillers helped me write some of my best stuff. Now though I feel that the rush I am in now to finish the last two instrumentals and continue writing lyrics is keeping me to busy from finding time to get pills. I'm out and don't have any attention of buying more. Of course, right now I have no cravings unlike 2 days ago. But enough about that for right now.

Today I accomplished a bunch I have a rough idea of how to finish the song, "Feelings", I plan on releasing to the local radio station's program "Local Licks". I also found out that my friends wants me to be in a movie he plans on making and use my song "Feelings" as one of the songs on the sound track. Which is great cause the guy playing the singer was already scheduled to sing the song. I hope this is a sign of my life changing. I released all my anger on a new set of lyrics titled "Enemy", its the only song planned to have any cussing oddly, but still needs to be revised a lot. Well I guess that is my entry that was way long. Oh well.

 

[DarknessLover]

lol, I am glad you've been clean for 6 days, it's a start ya know? I've tried making journals, it just never worked for me. Any chance we could get to hear the song "feelings" or a rough demo of it?

Also that entry isn't that long

 

[FireHawk]

lol, I am glad you've been clean for 6 days, it's a start ya know? I've tried making journals, it just never worked for me. Any chance we could get to hear the song "feelings" or a rough demo of it?
Also that entry isn't that long

I want to clear up I am only writing and preforming the instrumentals on the EP I will have other people sing cause I suck at singing

I have an acapella of me singing "Feelings" so I could show singer how I wanted it sang but that is all recorded now...i might upload it...a live 4 track demo maybe recored this coming weekend.

A song called "Someday" will be demoed in studio Saturday night (assuming my engineer isn't sick again). It will be the opening track and was influenced by "The Morning After" actually.

 

[DarknessLover]

I love that song (the morning after), you should submit a **** load of these to LPF Sessions!

 

[FireHawk]

Final Versions won't be started till June 7th though...I thought about maybe submitting demo of "Someday" depends how it turns out. I usually on submit my like electronica instrumentals to LPF Sessions which kinda stinks cause its my weakest stuff. I did submit the instrumental "Session 3" to this version of LPF Sessions lol. I made it in 5 minutes...

 

[DarknessLover]

lol nice, still send some **** in

 

[FireHawk]

[May 12, 2008]

7 DAYS! Okay well yay I may finally be done with painkillers, but now some other stuff. I AM LOOKING FOR VOCALISTS. So far the instrumentals on my demo coming along great, but I am short on singers so if any one knows a good singer who can record in good quality have them e-mail me at jtstorie@hotmail.com. Today I came up with a great idea. I am gonna do a ballad its gonna be epic. Hip Hop sounds drums, some sampled strings, bass, guitar, and piano I talked to the guy who is engineering for me and he is gonna help me lay down a mad instrumental. I AM SO EXCITED. It will be great working with him again (I previously engineered some of the tracks on his last mixtape "Words Of Wisdom". He lays down some nice soulful hip hop lines and does some sick production (he has two instrumentals albums, they are the "Right Off The Frying Pan" series). Check him out DJ Santana Blues (http://www.myspace.com/djsantana). Well I gotta go eat so peace...

 

[DarknessLover]

Wow, it sounds like you are really getting somewhere, I am so glad to hear. If you get to the top, make sure you give LPF an honorable mention!

 

[FireHawk]

Yeah LPF will get a shout out if I ever get somewhere Surprisingly though this pre-recording process is going great. An early version of ballad instrumental will be up Sunday I am planning. Hopefully I can launch a MySpace as well Also I might put up a few things on here tomorrow

 

[FM2005]

Its cool that your gettin all this music stuff started! Haha its fun isnt it?

 

[FireHawk]

Its cool that your gettin all this music stuff started! Haha its fun isnt it?

Indeed very fun... In late July we start a mini-tour around Indiana that is when real fun will happen

[May 13, 2008]

Today I stayed home sick and so far has been one of worse days of my life. For some reason I have been struck with grief. I don't know what it is, but some good things have happened from it. I have decided I am done with all drugs, and this current temporary break from them needs to be permanent. I have already ****** up one of the most important parts of my life. My ex-girlfriend/one of my ex-best friends has lost almost all interest. We had slowly stopped talking cause "I wasn't being myself". Well I texted her at school to give me a chance and to let us be friends again and I basically apologized for everything, and told her she was one of my best friends still and I would do anything for us to hang out together again just as friends and nothing more. She responded well saying she understood what I was going through and if I could be who I once was I was welcome to be around her and she said she still views me as a friend who is just going through a really ****** up part of life. Its so funny my life.

I was born with everything.

I had everything.

I threw it all away.

I got it all back.

I started going threw best part of my life.

I threw it all away.

I got the greatest chance in my life right now recording.

I am amending my past.

---

And and intro I was gonna have for the EP which would segue into "Feelings" but I cut out was these words spoken over the sound of someone writing on paper:

I am writing this because I was asked to compare winter and summer, and say which I am more alike. Well lets start with summer. Summer is the warm, happy, go make hamburgers and hang out at parties time of the year. Local bands getting up and playing in front of people at the park, and people moshing watching them. Then there is winter. Winter is the most depressing time of the year. Most suicides occur in the winter. The winter, though, is covered up with many holidays and celebrations to make everyone seem happy. I am like winter. My life is covered with counterfeit smilies and fake laughs. Everyone thinks I am happy, when in reality, I am really on the edge. You could say the only difference between me and winter is I am not covered with snow and I have nothing to celebrate. But unlike winter, when I end I will never come again

The above words I wrote for expository writing and my teacher picked it out of all of them to read out loud. Then commented it was real dark, one of the darkest timed writings she had ever read. One part even drew "AWW!" from all the girls. lol

 

[FireHawk]

[May 14, 2008]

I wrote a really hardcore song...I can't play it its to fast...360BPM tremolo picked....but was entertaining...and a waste of time...today sucked...

Yep boring day...

 

[LPShinodaFM]

FireHawk is too much for himself to handle. :O

But don't worry. Just remember the gnomes, they're rooting for you.


*Walks away* wtf did i just say

 

[FM2005]

^ Hahahaha...nice

Hardcore songs are the shiz tho man! I like gettin some crazy rock and hip hop goin on LP style haha, hmm I wish I could make an LP sounding song on the computer

 

[FireHawk]

LP style isn't that hard man just lay down a hip hopish drum line and go from there

[May 15, 2008]

Good News

I made a new track "Rhinestone" its the most technical song written so far, but I don't know something about it is just weird...maybe I can explain later, but my mind is somewhere else.

Bad News

I am losing it. I think staying off pills is getting to me. I am starting to regret so much. I called up my ex and let it all out. She is still only one I can talk to. Its the first time I have ever cried that much to one person. She said everything right some how. I need to get my life together. I can't even barely type right now. The wanting of these 750mg poison is making me eternally just want to collapse. This roller coaster I am on right now is just...I don't know...is just like a bad dream but reality. I'm done for the night...

 

[woodyloveslinkin]

Welcome to my land. Staying off the cigarettes is getting to me. Find a replacement like McDonalds like I'm currently in the process of doing.

 

[Friðbjörn]

wow 360 bpm tremolo picked? no wonder it cant be played lol

but what the teacher read out loud...really really dark, but really introspective as well

 

[FireHawk]

wow 360 bpm tremolo picked? no wonder it cant be played lol
but what the teacher read out loud...really really dark, but really introspective as well

Yeah it was a waste of time lol No one can play it...lol

[May 17th, 2008]

I have a HUGE day infront of me. This afternoon I am gonna go jam with a band that is looking for a new guitarist. They have been begging me for a while, but I have been so busy...I finally gave in cause I am weak. The singer and bass player are really cool guys I have known for a while, but I have not met the drummer. I think it will be fun but it sadly looks like solo album may be put on hold or slowed down a lot. **** it feels like I am pulling a Chester . Tonight is prom. I am not going, I hate that kinda stuff, I was asked but 2 different girls but I had to turn down saying I had stuff I had to do. Which isn't a lie actually, I am heading to the studio while everyone is at prom, much to the dislike of my friends. Dj Santana and I are goining to finish this epic instrumental (I hope), you guys have to hear it I am so proud of it and it is barely done. Then I am gonna head to post-prom since there are a bunch of prizes. I want to win the iPod or the flat screen T.V.

 

[woodyloveslinkin]

Oh I used to say that about prom/graduation (that's what we called) but when I finally got convinced to go I went and loved it. Just because it was a great excuse to dress up and talk to my friends. I would recommend rooting for the TV. iPods never last.

Hope you enjoy your day!

xxxx