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RoyalOrleans
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Apr 20, 2005
ImWithStupid said:
Do you want to know why chicks don't like the Three Stooges?
They aren't funny.
Funny can be subjective, but I laugh all the way through American Beauty.
ImWithStupid
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2005
RoyalOrleans said:
I thought that movie was ****ing funny too.
I about pissed myself when he was all drunk in the living room and this dialogue happened...
American Beauty, although labled a drama had a lot of "dry humor" which is a different type of humor then the "slapstick" humor of Benny Hill or The Three Stooges.
It's funny but a different type of funny.
builder
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2005
I believe Benny died a lonely old bachelor, living with his mother. But he could pen a few funny songs. Like this one.
ERNIE (THE FASTEST MILKMAN IN THE WEST)
(Benny Hill)
Benny Hill - 1971
You could hear the hoof beats pound as they raced across the ground,
And the clatter of the wheels as they spun 'round and 'round.
And he galloped into market street, his badge upon his chest,
His name was Ernie, and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.
Now Ernie loved a widow, a lady known as Sue,
She lived all alone in Liddley Lane at number 22.
They said she was too good for him, she was haughty, proud and chic,
But Ernie got his cocoa there three times every week.
They called him Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeeee)
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.
She said she'd like to bathe in milk, he said, "All right, sweetheart,"
And when he'd finished work one night he loaded up his cart.
He said, "D'you want it pasturize? 'Cause pasturize is best,"
She says, "Ernie, I'll be happy if it comes up to my chest."
That tickled old Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeeee)
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.
Now Ernie had a rival, an evil-looking man,
Called Two-Ton Ted from Teddington and he drove the baker's van.
He tempted her with his treacle tarts and his tasty wholemeal bread,
And when she seen the size of his hot meat pies it very near turned her head.
She nearly swooned at his macaroon and he said, "If you treat me right,
You'll have hot rolls every morning and crumpets every night."
He knew once she sampled his layer cake he'd have his wicked way,
And all Ernie had to offer was a pint of milk a day.
Poor Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeeee)
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.
One lunch time Ted saw Ernie's horse and cart outside her door,
It drove him mad to find it was still there at half past four.
And as he lept down from his van hot blood through his veins did course,
And he went across to Ernie's cart and didn't half kick his 'orse.
Whose name was Trigger, (Triggerrrrrrrr)
And he pulled the fastest milk cart in the west.
Now Ernie rushed out into the street, his gold top in his hand,
He said, "If you wanna marry Susie you'll fight for her like a man."
"Oh why don't we play cards for her?" he sneeringly replied,
"And just to make it interesting we'll have a shilling on the side."
Now Ernie dragged him from his van and beneath the blazing sun,
They stood there face to face, and Ted went for his bun.
But Ernie was too quick, things didn't go the way Ted planned,
And a strawberry-flavoured yogurt sent it spinning from his hand.
Now Susie ran between them and tried to keep them apart,
And Ernie, he pushed her aside and a rock cake caught him underneath his heart.
And he looked up in pained surprise and the concrete hardened crust,
Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye and Ernie bit the dust.
Poor Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeeee)
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.
Ernie was only 52, he didn't wanna die,
And now he's gone to make deliveries in that milk round in the sky.
Where the customers are angels and ferocious dogs are banned,
And the milkman's life is full of fun in that fairy, dairy land.
But a woman's needs are many fold and soon she married Ted,
But strange things happened on their wedding night as they lay in their bed.
Was that the trees a-rustling? Or the hinges of the gate?
Or Ernie's ghostly gold tops a-rattling in their crate?
They won't forget Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeee)
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.
ERNIE (THE FASTEST MILKMAN IN THE WEST)
(Benny Hill)
Benny Hill - 1971
You could hear the hoof beats pound as they raced across the ground,
And the clatter of the wheels as they spun 'round and 'round.
And he galloped into market street, his badge upon his chest,
His name was Ernie, and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.
Now Ernie loved a widow, a lady known as Sue,
She lived all alone in Liddley Lane at number 22.
They said she was too good for him, she was haughty, proud and chic,
But Ernie got his cocoa there three times every week.
They called him Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeeee)
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.
She said she'd like to bathe in milk, he said, "All right, sweetheart,"
And when he'd finished work one night he loaded up his cart.
He said, "D'you want it pasturize? 'Cause pasturize is best,"
She says, "Ernie, I'll be happy if it comes up to my chest."
That tickled old Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeeee)
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.
Now Ernie had a rival, an evil-looking man,
Called Two-Ton Ted from Teddington and he drove the baker's van.
He tempted her with his treacle tarts and his tasty wholemeal bread,
And when she seen the size of his hot meat pies it very near turned her head.
She nearly swooned at his macaroon and he said, "If you treat me right,
You'll have hot rolls every morning and crumpets every night."
He knew once she sampled his layer cake he'd have his wicked way,
And all Ernie had to offer was a pint of milk a day.
Poor Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeeee)
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.
One lunch time Ted saw Ernie's horse and cart outside her door,
It drove him mad to find it was still there at half past four.
And as he lept down from his van hot blood through his veins did course,
And he went across to Ernie's cart and didn't half kick his 'orse.
Whose name was Trigger, (Triggerrrrrrrr)
And he pulled the fastest milk cart in the west.
Now Ernie rushed out into the street, his gold top in his hand,
He said, "If you wanna marry Susie you'll fight for her like a man."
"Oh why don't we play cards for her?" he sneeringly replied,
"And just to make it interesting we'll have a shilling on the side."
Now Ernie dragged him from his van and beneath the blazing sun,
They stood there face to face, and Ted went for his bun.
But Ernie was too quick, things didn't go the way Ted planned,
And a strawberry-flavoured yogurt sent it spinning from his hand.
Now Susie ran between them and tried to keep them apart,
And Ernie, he pushed her aside and a rock cake caught him underneath his heart.
And he looked up in pained surprise and the concrete hardened crust,
Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye and Ernie bit the dust.
Poor Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeeee)
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.
Ernie was only 52, he didn't wanna die,
And now he's gone to make deliveries in that milk round in the sky.
Where the customers are angels and ferocious dogs are banned,
And the milkman's life is full of fun in that fairy, dairy land.
But a woman's needs are many fold and soon she married Ted,
But strange things happened on their wedding night as they lay in their bed.
Was that the trees a-rustling? Or the hinges of the gate?
Or Ernie's ghostly gold tops a-rattling in their crate?
They won't forget Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeee)
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.
RoyalOrleans
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Apr 20, 2005
ImWithStupid said:
Well, dumbass, that is why I say funny is subjective.
Dark comedy is a better moniker for American Beauty. True to life circumstances concerning the human condition are a lot more entertaining.
ImWithStupid
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2005
RoyalOrleans said:
I know, dumbass. That is why I was agreeing with you on American Beauty being funny, but I also find Stooges and Hill funny in a different way.
I wasn't arguing, I was just quantifying my earlier statement.
RoyalOrleans
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Apr 20, 2005
ImWithStupid said:
And I am quatifying my statement that most **** ain't funny. Really.
ImWithStupid
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2005
RoyalOrleans said:
As you said, that's subjective to one's personality.
ImWithStupid
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2005
ToriAllen said:
Thank you, ToriAllen is it. I prepared a little link to a speach I thought I would right for my announcement as a new member. I hope you enjoy.
http://Off Topic Forum.com/showpost.php?p=401317&postcount=406
Again, thank you for the warm welcome, ToriAllen.
First of all is this place a debate or flame board because i all i see are flames.Second i take it Benny as boxed me for whatever pathetic reason he has because i cannot make new threads and it says i am banned, wow that was damn quick even for me.So Benny tell me why, yes i know it was you, what is the point of this if a select few sychophants have the power to do what they like with the rest, if that is how you get your kicks then it is very sad, **** it if you are that insecure that you have to play childish games with your mod board then that says more about you than about me eh Benny lad.
View attachment 144cowboys said:First of all is this place a debate or flame board because i all i see are flames.Second i take it Benny as boxed me for whatever pathetic reason he has because i cannot make new threads and it says i am banned, wow that was damn quick even for me.So Benny tell me why, yes i know it was you, what is the point of this if a select few sychophants have the power to do what they like with the rest, if that is how you get your kicks then it is very sad, **** it if you are that insecure that you have to play childish games with your mod board then that says more about you than about me eh Benny lad.
Attachments
View attachment 146cowboys said:
Attachments
Is that the best you got little pictures of a lesser known 80s actor, who cares who you idolise but don't you think that inviting ridicule is a tad silly, so the sign says you are a homo, i do not care what your sexuality is pal so why inform me are you so desperate for friends you jump on the first poster you see.
phreakwars
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2005
12 out of the 14 pathetic posts you have given us thus far are complaints about other members... oh you'll fit right in and last a long time, I can tell..
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phreakwars said:12 out of the 14 pathetic posts you have given us thus far are complaints about other members... oh you'll fit right in and last a long time, I can tell..
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Oh look Benny the coward is back from behind his mod board, typical cowardly behaviour though attack but cry when attacked back, well cry Benny because you make me cry with laughter reading your inane posts.So what else you going to ban me on next Mr Coward.
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