Sounds like someone else has matured a bit too over those three years (and no I'm not reffering to Anthea) while yes it's sad to hear about her predicament, you have to do what feels right for you. Don't push it. Your friendship with her as you knew it has ended. Now you've caught up again, and your paths have crossed, if she wants to catch up and hang out there's no reason not to. You will either ignite a new friendship from that or you will simply go your separate ways again, no harm either way. (BTW proud of you ^^)
As for going home, am not surprised. Again, do what you have to for you. Everyone else lives their lives for themselves, you're the only one who has to decide what's best for you regardless what anyone else thinks. If going home helps then go. At least you made the effort to see her for her b'day. Of nothing else she'd appreciate that, even if it is a flying visit, more than a week of tension.