Funny Quotes

[CaNeR]

hahaha i like it man

 

[Hyper]

it's a joke, but whatever.


The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.
The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to
your community through the United Way?"
The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh... no, I didn't know that."
"Secondly," says the lawyer, "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children."
The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.
"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a huge mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm sorry, I had no idea."
And the lawyer says, "So... if I didn't give any money to them, what in the hell makes you think I'd ever give any to you?"

 

[misspiggy]

thats funny......i kinda had a blonde moment but then i got it.

ok here is my qoute.

NICK: *buys red slushee*
RIQUE: Dude the red slushees are the best
ERICK: NO the blue ones are the best.
NICK: No red is better than blue soooo majority rules!
ERICK: NA-UH melissa didn't vote yet
*everyone turns and looks at me* *im staring at the slushee*
ME: The slushee looks like frozen period blood. Im sorry but it does
EVERYONE: EWWWWWWWWWW.............
*couple seconds later*
NICK: the red ones are still the best.

this happened in the lunch line one day.....it was a lot funnier then.

 

[brokenangel]

Omg Wtf?! ^ Lmao

 

[brokenangel]

 

[Dark Angel]

Here's one I saw on the back of a Tee at the state fair, it went something like this:
Sometimes the 'majority' only means all the fools are on the same side.

I'm looking for ther person who said that. I'm thinking of using it for my senior pic.

 

[twilightcrimson7]

"Why did the dinosaurs die out?"
-"Because you touch yourself at night"

 

[misspiggy]

JOE: okay...mike goes over there, puts a cd in, sits down on the table and stares at the tv and breaks the table in half.

MIKE:[laughs] [walks over to broken table] oh man im so bummed...i put my fat ass...my fat ass on the table and broke it....

MIKE: we were going to wichita but ended up in ditchita....

MIKE: [looks into camera] these are my new britpop superstar glasses....

At chinese buffet

ME:Roger do you want your straw?
ROGER: Nah...i dont like straws...
ME:[picks up straw and waves it in his face]
ROGER:I had a traumatic experience when i was young.....my eye!!!

LATER​

ROGER:im gonna scare my kids not to be scared.
ME:[laughs]
ROGER: Just like a surprise attack just like be sitting next to him and WHAM!! [moves hand in smacking motion] SHUT UP! and then they'll be like what was that for...you were about to talk ya dumbass.

and a brad moment

Brad: Welcome to Stuck in a Ditch Linkin Park Tour 2000

the proceeding images are in courtesy of www.penny-arcade.com

 

[psychobunnyyel-yor]

these are quotes between friends:
I go to vet college and it always smells of poopie cos of horitculure!

*kelly takes deep breath*
Sarah: go on kelly say it, you always do!
Kelly: say what? *sly smirk*
Sarah: you know what!
*kelly deep breath*
Kelly: I LOVE THE SMELL OF HORSE **** IN THE MORNING!
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