Old Salt
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2007
Date: Thu, 30 Jul 2009 08:47:10 -0400
Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States
of America will be outsourced to India as of September 1, 2009.
The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly
salary, and also a record $750 billion in deficit expenditures and related
overhead that his office has incurred during the last 3 months.
It is anticipated that $7 trillion can be saved to the end of the
President's term. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost
savings are huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot
remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash
outlay," Reynolds noted.
_____
Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency
Washington, DC -- July 27,2009
Obama was informed by email this morning of his termination (it is hoped it
did not end up in his junk folder). Preparations for the job move have been
underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh, a tele-technician for Indus Teleservices, Mumbai India,
will assume the office of President as of September 1, 2009. Mr. Singh was
born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at
Niagara Falls, NY, thus making him eligible for the position. He will
receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other
benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between
the US and India, he will be working primarily at night. "Working nights
will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center," stated
Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.
"I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President."
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not
be a problem as Obama had never been familiar with the issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can
address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at
all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson.
"Obama has used them successfully for years, with the result that some
people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."
Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day
of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for
$340 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. This, of course, will be taxable as
income and if he can't pay his rent or mortgage after taxes, that's too bad.
Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment
benefits will exceed the allowed limit. He is being notified of his COBRA
options, whereby he will have to pay what his employer paid. This will be
$870 a month, but it is unlikely he'll be able to afford it on his
unemployment pay, much like most others offered this option.
Obama has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to
help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Obama may have difficulties in securing a new
position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his lifetime
that is actually marketable in this economy. There are few openings for
Harvard lawyers who are fired - um, laid off - from the most important job
on the planet.
A greeter position at WalMart was suggested due to Obama's extensive
experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.
Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States
of America will be outsourced to India as of September 1, 2009.
The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly
salary, and also a record $750 billion in deficit expenditures and related
overhead that his office has incurred during the last 3 months.
It is anticipated that $7 trillion can be saved to the end of the
President's term. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost
savings are huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot
remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash
outlay," Reynolds noted.
_____
Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency
Washington, DC -- July 27,2009
Obama was informed by email this morning of his termination (it is hoped it
did not end up in his junk folder). Preparations for the job move have been
underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh, a tele-technician for Indus Teleservices, Mumbai India,
will assume the office of President as of September 1, 2009. Mr. Singh was
born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at
Niagara Falls, NY, thus making him eligible for the position. He will
receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other
benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between
the US and India, he will be working primarily at night. "Working nights
will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center," stated
Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.
"I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President."
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not
be a problem as Obama had never been familiar with the issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can
address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at
all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson.
"Obama has used them successfully for years, with the result that some
people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."
Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day
of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for
$340 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. This, of course, will be taxable as
income and if he can't pay his rent or mortgage after taxes, that's too bad.
Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment
benefits will exceed the allowed limit. He is being notified of his COBRA
options, whereby he will have to pay what his employer paid. This will be
$870 a month, but it is unlikely he'll be able to afford it on his
unemployment pay, much like most others offered this option.
Obama has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to
help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Obama may have difficulties in securing a new
position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his lifetime
that is actually marketable in this economy. There are few openings for
Harvard lawyers who are fired - um, laid off - from the most important job
on the planet.
A greeter position at WalMart was suggested due to Obama's extensive
experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.