Man my nans death slowed me down big time, but it also took a lot of weight off of me. I miss her and she is always on my mind but, to be quite honest, for her sake and my mums sake, I'm glad it's all finally over. As for tonight, I jsut feel like ****. My typical depressive period starts now and it'll either last a long time for a matter hours. It's worth it I suppose because I got some cool food earlier.
Man im so just typing now to keep my mind of **** things... Like why am I so lonely? This is bullshit, the violent people and the stupid people I know all have someone they love, but me, I'm a lonely sack of ****.
I make excuses, "**** it, no relationship means no heartbreak" but to be honest, It's all thtas missing in my life. I have so much time but noone or nothing to spend it on.
Well time to stop being a ***** and get over it. meh.
Brother I hear you. I wont say I know how you feel, I know feeling like that feels like to me, and it seriously sucks. I've been single most of my life. I put on a brave front but we are social beings on the most basic of levels. Nothing like the loss of someone you know and care of to make this feeling of something 'missing' to stand out that much more. Sorry to hear about your nan. But I've come to realise that this way of thinking, while 'safe' is sort of... a cop out. I don't mean that disparagingly in ANY way, seriously, but it's like 'If I set no goals in life I can't be dissapointed.' True, you won't be by that logic, but you won't get any sense of accomplishment out of anything either.
That is the optimistic speech as your friend I
have to tell you
Now for my actual opinion.
Look I have never understood this 'need' we seem to have to find someone else to 'complete' us as people. Compliment, sure, it would be nice to find someone you think is like you're soulmate, you know with equal give and take, but lets face it, 99% of the population just settle with whomever due to availability, due to circumstance, and the rest. I don't know of anyone that falls in love anymore for the right reasons. They settle so they won't be alone. If I wanted that kind of half-assed commitment I'd get married, sure - but I don't. The thing is Pete people like you and I think too much to blindly accept just any old 'thing' available (and regardless you say 'but no one would want me, if you absolutely didn't care at all what standard or personality or physical traits you really wanted and just accepted anyone you'd surely find SOMEONE even if she is 60, smells like cheese, and can't speak a word of decent english hahaha - just kidding
But you and I, we think, we over analyse, our heads get in the way and usually speak louder than our hearts. We'll put on a brave front and say 'I'm fine, I don't need it' but on the inside we cringe - I don't care who you are rejection and loneliness feels the same in anyone's language.
I can't give you answers. I wish I could. The older I get the more bitter I become. Sceptical. Cynical. All men are the same, all women are looking to mate with someone, there's no such thing as love just ****, and there's no such thing as happily ever after. Some of us will die alone. Logically the male to female ratio is more geared to men. There's too many women on the planet, factor in homosexual, celibate, the religious, the inferm, the juvenile, those into sexual taboos outside of homosapien sapiens relation, and what we're left with REALLY makes one depressive. The bottom line is Pete, if you don't want to be alone get out and meet people. The more people you meet the better chances you have. You don't have to put on an act, you don't even have to abide by that whole 'be yourself' campaign. Think of the type of person you want and go to places where people like that hang out. If you looked at your life like a pair of ill-fitting shoes would you just put up with it, cramps and all, or go out and exchange exchange exchange until you found the pair that fit? (Chicks and shoes, I don't get it either
)
I sincerely hope you find someone that you feel happy and safe and comfortable with and who feels the same way about you. I can't lead by example - but don't end up a cranky old ***** like me! Keep your chin up and just do for now what makes you happy. Women are attracted to men with confidence, regardless their endeavour. Even Stephen Hawkins has his admirers
Good luck and please take care. Know where to find me if you ever want to chat.
*hugs*
:friends:
