Riss'z Journal
- Thread starter Shadowed Heart
- Start date
Shadowed Heart
New member
I know =P
But
Don't get confused, that's not the girl Will cheated on me with, that's the girl Andrew left me for...
****... at least Andrew left me BEFORE he found somebody else... But really... he found her like 6-8 months before he (Will) met me.
I still want him back =/ >_< ****, I'm such a dumbass.... I wouldn't take him back though... well, I probably would, seeing what a ****-face dumbshit I am... But I couldn't trust...
But
Don't get confused, that's not the girl Will cheated on me with, that's the girl Andrew left me for...
****... at least Andrew left me BEFORE he found somebody else... But really... he found her like 6-8 months before he (Will) met me.
I still want him back =/ >_< ****, I'm such a dumbass.... I wouldn't take him back though... well, I probably would, seeing what a ****-face dumbshit I am... But I couldn't trust...
Shadowed Heart
New member
Ugh... I'm so dumb...
I sent Will an email yesterday... or the day before... I forgot... I apologized for what I've done.
And last night I never signed off MSN, so I was just on as 'away' all night, and all day today...
I was at my friend Jocelyn's house until about 8, and I signed in around 5 or 6 when I was there, so it signed me OUT here... and I guess while I was on here, Will tried to talk to me.
I came home and it said on my screen:
lordsaratn@gmail.com says:
Hey
it was a little scary, because I saw the convo window on the screen and I thought it was going to be like "don't ever talk to me again"
and I was relieved.
But it said "you can't send a message because you are not signed in" so I signed in again, and he was offline. But oh well... hopefully I'll be able to talk to him today.
-_-
I'm so weak...
But Andrew's mad at me now too.
Yesterday we were talking about daylight savings (we had it early this year)
and it was quiet for a few minutes...
and he was like... out of NOwhere
Alan says:
You can **** off too.
riss says:
huh?
Alan says:
I'm getting an earful now.
riss says:
whatever, I can see where this is going.
I'm blocking you now.
Before you hurt me
again
and I did.
I blocked him.
And he's still mad, about nothing.
Joci was talking to him while I was at his house.
And he still seems to think whatever happened was my fault.
Oh well.
His own fault.
I'm probably going to ask why he's mad.
But I won't say sorry.
I've done nothing wrong.
I sent Will an email yesterday... or the day before... I forgot... I apologized for what I've done.
And last night I never signed off MSN, so I was just on as 'away' all night, and all day today...
I was at my friend Jocelyn's house until about 8, and I signed in around 5 or 6 when I was there, so it signed me OUT here... and I guess while I was on here, Will tried to talk to me.
I came home and it said on my screen:
lordsaratn@gmail.com says:
Hey
it was a little scary, because I saw the convo window on the screen and I thought it was going to be like "don't ever talk to me again"
and I was relieved.
But it said "you can't send a message because you are not signed in" so I signed in again, and he was offline. But oh well... hopefully I'll be able to talk to him today.
-_-
I'm so weak...
But Andrew's mad at me now too.
Yesterday we were talking about daylight savings (we had it early this year)
and it was quiet for a few minutes...
and he was like... out of NOwhere
Alan says:
You can **** off too.
riss says:
huh?
Alan says:
I'm getting an earful now.
riss says:
whatever, I can see where this is going.
I'm blocking you now.
Before you hurt me
again
and I did.
I blocked him.
And he's still mad, about nothing.
Joci was talking to him while I was at his house.
And he still seems to think whatever happened was my fault.
Oh well.
His own fault.
I'm probably going to ask why he's mad.
But I won't say sorry.
I've done nothing wrong.
Shadowed Heart
New member
Ok so...
My friend Jarren that I like...
He said "I love you Marissa!" yesterday, and I said "I love you too Jarren!" And today he came to give me a hug and I said "Love you Jarren" and he was like "Mmm..Hmmm" And I kinda felt bad.
And he gave me his jacket thought when we had to go outside.
So... I'm confused.
And I told my friends I liked him, and I think they told him.
Because after school I told him I loved him again and he said "mm hmm" again, and I asked him why he was doing that, and he told me "well, I didn't mean it like that"
grrr....
i.
hate.
boys.
and when I told my friend I liked him, she said "Don't! He's a jerk" But really, it's because she likes him XD
When we went outside, it was to make a movie for school, and he was talking to me, and this girl he likes, and we said something back so we got kicked out of the video for talking XD so we were talking, and we told each other we liked him XD
then she "zapped" me, and dared me to ask him out, and i showed him the dare, and he didn't really answer, but we was like "ahhh!!"
lol
My friend Jarren that I like...
He said "I love you Marissa!" yesterday, and I said "I love you too Jarren!" And today he came to give me a hug and I said "Love you Jarren" and he was like "Mmm..Hmmm" And I kinda felt bad.
And he gave me his jacket thought when we had to go outside.
So... I'm confused.
And I told my friends I liked him, and I think they told him.
Because after school I told him I loved him again and he said "mm hmm" again, and I asked him why he was doing that, and he told me "well, I didn't mean it like that"
grrr....
i.
hate.
boys.
and when I told my friend I liked him, she said "Don't! He's a jerk" But really, it's because she likes him XD
When we went outside, it was to make a movie for school, and he was talking to me, and this girl he likes, and we said something back so we got kicked out of the video for talking XD so we were talking, and we told each other we liked him XD
then she "zapped" me, and dared me to ask him out, and i showed him the dare, and he didn't really answer, but we was like "ahhh!!"
lol
ForgottenKid
New member
"Zapped" eh lol.
Wow, I think I read that 3 times, and I still don't have any thing to say... wow.
Wow, I think I read that 3 times, and I still don't have any thing to say... wow.
Shadowed Heart
New member
yeah -_-
i hate them
i hate them
Shadowed Heart
New member
My brother is sick...
grr
here's something i wrote a few days ago.
I feel so terrible..
Alex is really sick.
Saturday was prom, and he had to work, so he took his girlfriend out on a date instead... And that night he left pretty sick, but I didn't believe him, and on Sunday too, I said he was faking it so he could get checked out of school after drivers-ed today. And he went to bed last night and asked my mom to check him out after drivers ed., because if he misses it, he'll fail and he won't get a license...
But I don't feel completely bad for not believing him, but because I wasn't here... I stayed after school with Jarren and I didn't get home until 4:30, and when I got here, I didn't even mind where Alex was. My mom was at a Tae Kuan Doe class with Loclyn, and Dad was at work. I got online, and after a minute, I heard this really weird sound, it sounded scary, like an old-man trying to call for help, and I first thought "Oh my ***, there's somebody in my house." so I dialed 9-1-1 on my phone, ready to push send, and I walked towards the stairs, where I heard the noise, and I saw Alex just laying there on the landing in between the sets of stairs.
At first, I still didn't believe him... I thought he was doing that for attention. But he started talking about Hitler and that was a little creepy. So I sat on the stairs with him and asked him if he wanted anything, and he said no... And I called my mom, because it was really scary. She told me he'd been like that and that he was doing the same thing, because I told her that his speech was really slurred. And when I asked him if he wanted a pillow, he responded with "We don't have any pillows. I said ok and got up to get him one anyways. I guess he had been passed out there the whole time, and I never noticed... *** I'm so terrible.
And when my dad came home, he asked why I was sitting on the stairs, and I said that I was sitting with Alex, and he yelled at us for 'being in the way'.
And when he was still yelling at us, my mom came home at about 5, and alex tried walking up the stairs. He kinda shifted himself on his knees and I noticed how skinny he was. *** I almost cried, he's just a skeleton. I can fit my fingers around his arm, not his wrist, his arm. He's always been skinny, but now he has NOTHING. So my dad helped him downstairs instead and he's been on the couch... He said he left early from drivers-ed and walked home... And my mom had to go to work, but my dad keeps telling Alex that he needs to drink water, and eat bread. Alex wants to go to the hospital, but my parents are too cheap and don't know where the insurance forms are. It's really scary to me. I've got a head-ache now, and i need to be getting ready for bed soon, but I'm so scared... I mean, I don't think it will happen, but what'll happen if he dies? ****, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I keep wanting to give him a hug or tell him I love him, but then he'll know what I'm thinking. And I can't cry in front of him, I'm afraid that'll scare him.
He's too skinny, he can't see the things right in front of him, we were giving him bread and he thought it was the straw from the water... he even said "i can't find the straw" because he kept clamping at it in the wrong direction. His eyes... scary beyond belief. The color in his eyes are huge. Fills most of his eyes, and the rest that's supposed to be white is red... I want to take a picture of him, but that would be pretty rude....
I'm really scared...
What id Jocelyn died? Or my parents? Or Loclyn? Or Joci, Jarren, or Len? Or any of the people I love, before I got to say 'I love you'.
I want this day to be over... It was the most perfect day ever until I saw Alex lying alone...
and that boy sure is ambitious... he'd rather be deathly ill than fail drivers ed...
=/
But he's better now.
He got taken out of ICU and into another room.
But my family is awful.
My little brother is the only one that's ok.
He doesn't really get that he almost died.
But I've gotten 10 hours of sleep this week so far, and my parents.. probably less.
And he has diabetes.
It's scary.
I haven't had any sugar though... because i'm afraid of needles and i don't want to end up like that....
although i would love to loose 20 pounds...
grr
here's something i wrote a few days ago.
I feel so terrible..
Alex is really sick.
Saturday was prom, and he had to work, so he took his girlfriend out on a date instead... And that night he left pretty sick, but I didn't believe him, and on Sunday too, I said he was faking it so he could get checked out of school after drivers-ed today. And he went to bed last night and asked my mom to check him out after drivers ed., because if he misses it, he'll fail and he won't get a license...
But I don't feel completely bad for not believing him, but because I wasn't here... I stayed after school with Jarren and I didn't get home until 4:30, and when I got here, I didn't even mind where Alex was. My mom was at a Tae Kuan Doe class with Loclyn, and Dad was at work. I got online, and after a minute, I heard this really weird sound, it sounded scary, like an old-man trying to call for help, and I first thought "Oh my ***, there's somebody in my house." so I dialed 9-1-1 on my phone, ready to push send, and I walked towards the stairs, where I heard the noise, and I saw Alex just laying there on the landing in between the sets of stairs.
At first, I still didn't believe him... I thought he was doing that for attention. But he started talking about Hitler and that was a little creepy. So I sat on the stairs with him and asked him if he wanted anything, and he said no... And I called my mom, because it was really scary. She told me he'd been like that and that he was doing the same thing, because I told her that his speech was really slurred. And when I asked him if he wanted a pillow, he responded with "We don't have any pillows. I said ok and got up to get him one anyways. I guess he had been passed out there the whole time, and I never noticed... *** I'm so terrible.
And when my dad came home, he asked why I was sitting on the stairs, and I said that I was sitting with Alex, and he yelled at us for 'being in the way'.
And when he was still yelling at us, my mom came home at about 5, and alex tried walking up the stairs. He kinda shifted himself on his knees and I noticed how skinny he was. *** I almost cried, he's just a skeleton. I can fit my fingers around his arm, not his wrist, his arm. He's always been skinny, but now he has NOTHING. So my dad helped him downstairs instead and he's been on the couch... He said he left early from drivers-ed and walked home... And my mom had to go to work, but my dad keeps telling Alex that he needs to drink water, and eat bread. Alex wants to go to the hospital, but my parents are too cheap and don't know where the insurance forms are. It's really scary to me. I've got a head-ache now, and i need to be getting ready for bed soon, but I'm so scared... I mean, I don't think it will happen, but what'll happen if he dies? ****, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I keep wanting to give him a hug or tell him I love him, but then he'll know what I'm thinking. And I can't cry in front of him, I'm afraid that'll scare him.
He's too skinny, he can't see the things right in front of him, we were giving him bread and he thought it was the straw from the water... he even said "i can't find the straw" because he kept clamping at it in the wrong direction. His eyes... scary beyond belief. The color in his eyes are huge. Fills most of his eyes, and the rest that's supposed to be white is red... I want to take a picture of him, but that would be pretty rude....
I'm really scared...
What id Jocelyn died? Or my parents? Or Loclyn? Or Joci, Jarren, or Len? Or any of the people I love, before I got to say 'I love you'.
I want this day to be over... It was the most perfect day ever until I saw Alex lying alone...
and that boy sure is ambitious... he'd rather be deathly ill than fail drivers ed...
=/
But he's better now.
He got taken out of ICU and into another room.
But my family is awful.
My little brother is the only one that's ok.
He doesn't really get that he almost died.
But I've gotten 10 hours of sleep this week so far, and my parents.. probably less.
And he has diabetes.
It's scary.
I haven't had any sugar though... because i'm afraid of needles and i don't want to end up like that....
although i would love to loose 20 pounds...
Shadowed Heart
New member
He's home!
And his girlfriend is here
We're having a birthday party tomorrow for him,
He's turning 16! Tuesday.
And his girlfriend is here
We're having a birthday party tomorrow for him,
He's turning 16! Tuesday.
ForgottenKid
New member
Oh wow, your bro is older than me... ishhh Im sad now lol. Ahh only a few months lmao. Glad hes okie dokie .
.
Shadowed Heart
New member
Tomorrow is his birthday
and again.
i hate boys.
especially when they tell you 'i love you' when it's about a year too late -_-
and again.
i hate boys.
especially when they tell you 'i love you' when it's about a year too late -_-
Shadowed Heart
New member
Gawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwd....... *cries*
Shadowed Heart
New member
Jesus boys suck XD
But i decided that i'm going to just be happy from now on... it's easier than thinking about my problems XD
But i decided that i'm going to just be happy from now on... it's easier than thinking about my problems XD
Shadowed Heart
New member
Here's an email I sent to Will yesterday. I feel so much better about everything now ^_^
I've finally decided to do this... and it's a lot different. XD i might have thought of something completely different to say, and i might have written something that i'm not going to say... but here's what i want you to know.
You really hurt me. I'm still having the biggest issue trusting boys. Even my brothers, dad, and best friends. And I don't want to make you feel bad, but it's all your fault. I stopped crying over you. I realized that you shouldn't be on the top of my list of things to concern about (even if I'm not even near the top of yours), and I've learned that boys don't really care about me. But they just like girls in general.
I'm guessing that there are too many girls out there right now in your life, and I'm not the one you're going to choose. Which is fine, I guess. But you can't keep telling me that you love me, get mad at me, ignore me, be sweet again, tell me you love me again. And the other thing is. Don't tell me that you love me if you don't mean it, or you're going to tell another girl the same thing. You crushed me, and my eyes are getting hot. I haven't cried in a long time, and I don't want to. But knowing that the hot eyes usually lead to crying, I might. But I've learned to hold in or hide depression/unhappiness/anger. It's been working to my benefit, and I found out that I could ignore people and completely disregard any feeling that they have, after Jarren broke a promise to me, too soon after you broke my heart. I didn't talk to him for two weeks and he apologized, but he did it again. Broke my heart. Made me see that I'm a fool to trust anybody. I don't see why I should, trusting/loving somebody just gives them the power to hurt you.
I just want to know. Did you purposely hurt me? Or did you think you'd never get caught. As if I'd never know. I wrote a letter to you yesterday.. on my arm.... and i remember that the beginning of it said "I just want to be your friend, and I don't want to ruin any friendship that we might have, with "I love you" ever other week. I do love you, but I don't think that anything will happen any time soon. I guess, I was hoping that if you still feel like you love me (I'm thinking that you changed your mind again though, sorry, I'm not sure who you're in love with atm) that you could wait a couple years, and see what happens. Because obviously, there's no way one woman is enough for you. I don't see what's so hard about it. But I mean... I'm not you, so I wouldn't know. I love you Will, but if you honestly don't feel the same way about me, please please tell me. I cannot let you break my heart again, and take more pieces. I need to know as soon as you get this, because I need to know what to save my money for. I'm either going to New Hampshire, or Europe. I'd really like to meet you, but if you don't want me to come, I will not. I will go to see Allie and her kids in Manchester instead.
If you read all of the bullshit I just wrote, thanks a lot. I'd really like to speak to you soon. I suppose much if it seems very selfish, but I really really had to get it out. I have more, but those are things I'd rather not talk about atm.
>_<
I'm very sorry Will.
Please don't hate me.
*hugs and kisses*
Lots of love//
Riss
So now I'm debating on pushing the button on the bottom of the screen that says "-Send-"
And yes. He replied....
...
with this.
You think me not being on a lot anymore is a form of ignoring you? I've explained I've been busy with work and I have final exams. Ask anyone, I am not online at all, probably once a week. And I've explained this too before, all of my friends save Nathan and Chris are girls. I'm not in love with them though, they are just friends. I've also explained to you that I was trying to find a way to tell you and Marie about the whole thing. Marie has moved on, and it really did hurt her too. It ruined practically everything between us. I don't have enough time to respond to everything this very second. Will continue soon, hopefully.
I've finally decided to do this... and it's a lot different. XD i might have thought of something completely different to say, and i might have written something that i'm not going to say... but here's what i want you to know.
You really hurt me. I'm still having the biggest issue trusting boys. Even my brothers, dad, and best friends. And I don't want to make you feel bad, but it's all your fault. I stopped crying over you. I realized that you shouldn't be on the top of my list of things to concern about (even if I'm not even near the top of yours), and I've learned that boys don't really care about me. But they just like girls in general.
I'm guessing that there are too many girls out there right now in your life, and I'm not the one you're going to choose. Which is fine, I guess. But you can't keep telling me that you love me, get mad at me, ignore me, be sweet again, tell me you love me again. And the other thing is. Don't tell me that you love me if you don't mean it, or you're going to tell another girl the same thing. You crushed me, and my eyes are getting hot. I haven't cried in a long time, and I don't want to. But knowing that the hot eyes usually lead to crying, I might. But I've learned to hold in or hide depression/unhappiness/anger. It's been working to my benefit, and I found out that I could ignore people and completely disregard any feeling that they have, after Jarren broke a promise to me, too soon after you broke my heart. I didn't talk to him for two weeks and he apologized, but he did it again. Broke my heart. Made me see that I'm a fool to trust anybody. I don't see why I should, trusting/loving somebody just gives them the power to hurt you.
I just want to know. Did you purposely hurt me? Or did you think you'd never get caught. As if I'd never know. I wrote a letter to you yesterday.. on my arm.... and i remember that the beginning of it said "I just want to be your friend, and I don't want to ruin any friendship that we might have, with "I love you" ever other week. I do love you, but I don't think that anything will happen any time soon. I guess, I was hoping that if you still feel like you love me (I'm thinking that you changed your mind again though, sorry, I'm not sure who you're in love with atm) that you could wait a couple years, and see what happens. Because obviously, there's no way one woman is enough for you. I don't see what's so hard about it. But I mean... I'm not you, so I wouldn't know. I love you Will, but if you honestly don't feel the same way about me, please please tell me. I cannot let you break my heart again, and take more pieces. I need to know as soon as you get this, because I need to know what to save my money for. I'm either going to New Hampshire, or Europe. I'd really like to meet you, but if you don't want me to come, I will not. I will go to see Allie and her kids in Manchester instead.
If you read all of the bullshit I just wrote, thanks a lot. I'd really like to speak to you soon. I suppose much if it seems very selfish, but I really really had to get it out. I have more, but those are things I'd rather not talk about atm.
>_<
I'm very sorry Will.
Please don't hate me.
*hugs and kisses*
Lots of love//
Riss
So now I'm debating on pushing the button on the bottom of the screen that says "-Send-"
And yes. He replied....
...
with this.
You think me not being on a lot anymore is a form of ignoring you? I've explained I've been busy with work and I have final exams. Ask anyone, I am not online at all, probably once a week. And I've explained this too before, all of my friends save Nathan and Chris are girls. I'm not in love with them though, they are just friends. I've also explained to you that I was trying to find a way to tell you and Marie about the whole thing. Marie has moved on, and it really did hurt her too. It ruined practically everything between us. I don't have enough time to respond to everything this very second. Will continue soon, hopefully.
Shadowed Heart
New member
Hair cut
http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/50ca4b44e838efe56eccf62022796f73.jpg
bangs ^_^ (( for the first time in years! ))
http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/20b2905507b3d6b55c9ae4a052381f76.jpg
a little too short but it'll grow back. XD
http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/540e0a2c60d77f6d832bb3ade21ca49b.jpg
pony-tails up that high.... makes your head hurt after >_<
http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/22a99ae750dd734d72b1a19de5811e94.jpg
teddy bear necklace >=D
http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/50ca4b44e838efe56eccf62022796f73.jpg
bangs ^_^ (( for the first time in years! ))
http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/20b2905507b3d6b55c9ae4a052381f76.jpg
a little too short but it'll grow back. XD
http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/540e0a2c60d77f6d832bb3ade21ca49b.jpg
pony-tails up that high.... makes your head hurt after >_<
http://www.offtopic.forum/data/MetaMirrorCache/22a99ae750dd734d72b1a19de5811e94.jpg
teddy bear necklace >=D
LÎnkinPärkExtreme
New member
Nice pictures! but you look angry ...
Shadowed Heart
New member
pfft. I have an ugly happy face XD
Brkng_Th_Hbt
New member
PFFFFT!
More like not ugly.
More like not ugly.