Teenagers !

[Richard Owl Mirror]

I'm telling you, they are a waste of valuable space !

Now, I do not have children of my own but, I recently merged myself with my girlfriends family.
She has two sons, only one I have a problem understanding.
I'm hopeful that time will help but, every overture I've made so far has been either rebuffed or simply cast to the side.


Any of you have teenagers ? I'll take any suggestions I can get

 

[dshogan1]

I am 19 so i guess technically i am still a teenager. However, i am an adult and find the stuff that they do stupid, but whenever i need to understand one, i always think back to when i was that age, having 3 younger siblings between 11 and 15 i understand how you feel, also as a "stepfather" figure they will challenge you, having been in that position myself when i was about 16. They have the thought in their head that who the **** are you to take over my house. You can approach this one of 2 ways, either try to be a friend and not an authourity, or an authority and not a friend, you may have to try both, but one or the other normally works. Oh and with this attitude

I'm telling you, they are a waste of valuable space !

you will never be able to understand them because you dont want to. I hope i have been Helpful.

 

[Richard Owl Mirror]

I am 19 so i guess technically i am still a teenager. However, i am an adult and find the stuff that they do stupid, but whenever i need to understand one, i always think back to when i was that age, having 3 younger siblings between 11 and 15 i understand how you feel, also as a "stepfather" figure they will challenge you, having been in that position myself when i was about 16. They have the thought in their head that who the **** are you to take over my house. You can approach this one of 2 ways, either try to be a friend and not an authourity, or an authority and not a friend, you may have to try both, but one or the other normally works. Oh and with this attitude you will never be able to understand them because you dont want to. I hope i have been Helpful.

Ah well that attitude is born out of desparation

Our situation is a bit complicated in that all at the same time, they moved from one state to my state,
I moved from my house into a new house for all of us.
I then entered the hospital for spinal surgery after having moved both houses by myself with a little help from him at his end.
Now we moved stuff into the house, I'm layed up and can't lift a finger and he lays around amongst the piles and boxes.
Never asks if he can help unpack or move furniture, etc...

Damn, I better stop or I'll rant on and on

 

[sixes]

Trial and Error , thats about all i can say for anyone who thinks the world revolves around them. Get a job ,find your way with socal circles. Relise fast you can pick your friends but not your family!....

 

[dshogan1]

Jesus, having had a spinal injury myself i know how that is. But what a lazyass, give him an ultimatum, help around the house or get a job and pay, that is if he is of age to get a job, if not ground his ass, if the mother doesnt feel that you have that authority ask her to do so. I understand the situation perfectly. And i would have that attitude put in your position also.

 

[Richard Owl Mirror]

Jesus, having had a spinal injury myself i know how that is. But what a lazyass, give him an ultimatum, help around the house or get a job and pay, that is if he is of age to get a job, if not ground his ass, if the mother doesnt feel that you have that authority ask her to do so. I understand the situation perfectly. And i would have that attitude put in your position also.

I've begun regarding myself as the gardener instead of the boyfriend recently

She was a single parent and he is her first born son so, naturally he is a spoiled brat.
I'll give it some more time and see if his settling into the new house and school changes his attitude around the house but, then as you said I'll either need to become an authority figure (which I'm not good at) or find a new place to call home.

I love my girlfriend dearly but, after all the talking we've done on this topic, nothing has changed so far.

 

[ImWithStupid]

I both came from a blended family and I was also in your situation, not with a teenager, but with a very strong willed, challenging daughter to my girlfriend. All I can say is that if regular relationships take work these are more like backbreaking slave labor.

I don't think there is any one answer that can help but if you love her and you think it's worth it, keep at it.

I also suggest if you just can't figure out what to do, seek a family counselor. They can listen to how everyone really feels and are trained to help find some common ground or at least a proven plan of action.

Hope the best for you.

 

[cynthiaa89]

Teenagers aren't going to listen to anyone who isn't saying what they want to hear. Trust me. I just recently kindof got thrown into one of these situations. My mom met a guy that has two younger kids, then there's me and my brother.

Me and my brother were raised to do what our mom told us to do, and to respect people. BUT. It can be hard when there's someone else telling you what to do and you have to listen when all your life you've been conditioned to the same thing and have really only been raised by one person.

The older they are, the worse it's gonna be.

Ergh...Also, Not all teenagers are lazy, good-for-nothing idiots. I'm not a self-loving know it all, but I have to say I know I'm better than the stereotypical teenager. I wish people could realize that there is like 3 good ones..Damn..

 

[tizz]

Oh were is SD when we need her. LOL I actually thought this was going to be another bitch about her. HEHE

 

[TheJenn88]

I'm telling you, they are a waste of valuable space !

Now, I do not have children of my own but, I recently merged myself with my girlfriends family.
She has two sons, only one I have a problem understanding.
I'm hopeful that time will help but, every overture I've made so far has been either rebuffed or simply cast to the side.


Any of you have teenagers ? I'll take any suggestions I can get

Suck it up
You were once a waste of valuable space, and until you convince me otherwise, I shall consider you as such. Honestly, you can whine all you want about how we suck, and you can think however lowly of us you like, but don't look to a forum for your answers to life. Get out there and try to figure it out because it's different for every parent/guardian.

And did you ever consider that maybe the kid just doesn't like you because you're "new"?
Try to empathize, rationalize, and then work your way up from there. Useless asking us for answers when we don't even know the kid

BTW, I'm not saying the kid is justified in being a *****, I'm just saying.. we were/are all one at some point, hopefully you can work it out.

 

[GinGin]

One thing you should keep in mind, is that this teen has just had his entire life completely uprooted and rearranged (e.g., new state, new home, new father figure, etc.). He might be acting out in ways that even he doesn't understand. Try giving him a little time to adjust to all the changes. He'll most likely come around on his own once he sees that you have his best interest at heart.

 

[Richard Owl Mirror]

One thing you should keep in mind, is that this teen has just had his entire life completely uprooted and rearranged (e.g., new state, new home, new father figure, etc.). He might be acting out in ways that even he doesn't understand. Try giving him a little time to adjust to all the changes. He'll most likely come around on his own once he sees that you have his best interest at heart.

That is the approach which I have taken all along.

 

[Richard Owl Mirror]

Suck it up
You were once a waste of valuable space, and until you convince me otherwise, I shall consider you as such. Honestly, you can whine all you want about how we suck, and you can think however lowly of us you like, but don't look to a forum for your answers to life. Get out there and try to figure it out because it's different for every parent/guardian.

And did you ever consider that maybe the kid just doesn't like you because you're "new"?
Try to empathize, rationalize, and then work your way up from there. Useless asking us for answers when we don't even know the kid

BTW, I'm not saying the kid is justified in being a *****, I'm just saying.. we were/are all one at some point, hopefully you can work it out.

My MY, somebody must have given you a few choice words in your lifetime. sheesh!

First of all, I did not come to "chat boards" seeking answers to my life problems.
Secondly, I never wasted any space !

See, when I wrote that phrase, what I had rolling around in my head were the facts that this strong 15 year old would watch me out the window,
struggling with something far too heavy for me to be lifting after just having spinal surgery on my neck and wouldn't think twice about it, just walk away.
Last night, my GF & I wanted to rearrange the livingroom and move the television set.
I asked him if he could unplug all the cables, move the equipment and then put the stuff in place when we put the new TV stand in place.
THAT WAS TOO MUCH FOR HIM !
He stomped his feet and walked away.
He wanted his bedroom in the basement, so we contracted someone and built a room for him.
He was too lazy to even paint it himself !

Waste of Space ? Hmm? wonder why I used that phrase?

 

[Richard Owl Mirror]

I also suggest if you just can't figure out what to do, seek a family counselor.

Hope the best for you.

I requested of my GF, that we hold a family meeting of sorts.
Just so each person could talk about how they feel about the move, what they expect, etc...
It has never been brought up again, as if she herself is afraid to approach the subject for fear of "poking a sleeping bear" .

 

[tizz]

The secret with teens is to gain respect and trust over everything else, then you eill not have to rely on disciplin (unfortunately teens are teh hardest to gain anything from)

 

[dshogan1]

(unfortunately teens are teh hardest to gain anything from)

except for disrespect. And Drugs....

 

[supergrandma]

Most teenagers are a waste of space. I am 16, and feel that the vast majority of American teens are ignorant, brash idiots. My high school is full of annoying, loud, irritating, foolish morons, all of which believe that the world revolves around them, and that if they can't get their parents to buy them a car, the world will end because they refuse to work for their money. Come on, people! If the mindset that most teens have now continues into their adult life, the world will be a very sad, immature place.

 

[dshogan1]

Finally a teenager who sees it as i do. I am 19, i grew up with very little and i am goddamned thankful for what i have. I have worked since i was 12 years old, i dont have a thing that i didnt buy for myself. My mother had to take care of both me and my sister, and my ivalid stepfather. We had very little as a family, and i have very little personally, i spent my teens buying my own clothes, and paying bills. Im not saying im better, im just saying that the people that have everything should be a little more appreciative of it. I was never popular, or anything like that because i worked constantly to help support my family. If polularity is what they are, **** that i dont want any of it. You are so right supergrandma, giving you some reputation now.

 

[cynthiaa89]

Most teenagers are a waste of space. I am 16, and feel that the vast majority of American teens are ignorant, brash idiots. My high school is full of annoying, loud, irritating, foolish morons, all of which believe that the world revolves around them, and that if they can't get their parents to buy them a car, the world will end because they refuse to work for their money. Come on, people! If the mindset that most teens have now continues into their adult life, the world will be a very sad, immature place.

Amen!

Finally a teenager who sees it as i do. I am 19, i grew up with very little and i am goddamned thankful for what i have. I have worked since i was 12 years old, i dont have a thing that i didnt buy for myself. My mother had to take care of both me and my sister, and my ivalid stepfather. We had very little as a family, and i have very little personally, i spent my teens buying my own clothes, and paying bills. Im not saying im better, im just saying that the people that have everything should be a little more appreciative of it. I was never popular, or anything like that because i worked constantly to help support my family. If polularity is what they are, **** that i dont want any of it. You are so right supergrandma, giving you some reputation now.

Makes you mature way too soon don't it?

 

[dshogan1]

Sure does, now i go around doing immature ****, ha ha ha, but i feel i have earned it. Am i right?