RoyalOrleans

My second wife and I had our ups and downs, but I never struck her, never abused drugs with her, I wasn't an alcoholic, nor did I ever cheat on her. It was plain and simple, I worked all the damn time with long days of ten hours plus being the norm. One evening (August 17, 1999 to be exact) I came home late to a dark house. My wife was sitting at the dining room table waiting for me. She began blathering about how I'm never home and that I must be cheating. So I just played it off with a little sarcasm and went into the kitchen. She followed me... bitching and yelping. All I wanted to do was drink a beer, eat something, and watch a little television. My mind was racing as she bitched on. I kept thinking, "Why doesn't she believe me?" and "Isn't the money that I am bringing home reflective of the hours I've been working?". She didn't fucking care... not one scintilla. I tried to remain calm, but my nerves finally got to me and I snapped right back at her. I called her a "spoiled cunt" and then I slammed the pantry door so hard that it cracked the jamb. I then punched the fiberglass pantry door with my fist and cracked the shit out of it. (Back then I had a short fuse. No seriously.) She went ballistic, grabbed a kitchen knife and ran towards me thrusting downwards with it. I took the edge of the blade across my wrist. As a reflex, my arm came up and before I knew it I had backhanded her with the Southpaw. She fell and I left the house. Two hours later, I come back to the house and lo and behold the fuzz is waiting on me. Fuck! I was arrested in my driveway no matter how much I pleaded with them about what she did to me. They kept saying, "Tell it to the Judge". So I got seriously belligerent all of a sudden and broke free of the cops leading me away and ran up to my wife. I told her that it was over, completely over... when I get out of jail have your shit packed up and get the fuck out of MY house. Ten seconds later the cops pounced on me and bound my ankles! I had to do the following to pay my debt to society; 1500 hours of community service, spent two nights in jail, attend six months of anger management classes (50 bucks a session!), and I had to adhere to a restraining order. The divorce cost me nothing... thank the Lord. So in response to Phantom, no... never hit a woman. Let her beat the holy fuck out of you and slash you up. The cops won't believe you either way.

If Jesus was here, he'd miracle a couple more posts out of him.

That guy reminded me of a gay homosexual I knew in high school. How did we know he was queer? He'd bring a stool into the men's showers, perch on it, and shake his head saying "Look at all these dicks.".

I like making phentermine on chick's faces.

Fuck Russia and fuck their oil and fuck "Big Oil". This country, due to it's size and level of technology, needs to become energy independent. Sure I love my '68 GTO, but I'd gladly dump the money into it to convert the son-of-a-bitch to ethanol to save the country from foreign oil.

You always smile when you're dropping a deuce?

Beastie Boys Sure Shot I've Got The Brand New Doo-Doo Guaranteed Like Yoo Hoo I'm On Like Dr John, Yea Mr Zu Zu I'm A Newlywed, Not A Divorcee And Everything I Do Is Funky Like Lee Dorsey Well, It's The Taking Of The Pelham, One, Two, Three If You Want A Doodoo Rhyme Then Come See Me I've Got The Savior Faire With The Unique Rhyme And I Keep It On And On, It's Never Quitting Time And Strictly Hand Held Is The Style I Go Never Rock The Mic With The PantyHose I Strap On My Ear Goggles And I'm Ready To Go 'Cause At The Boards Is The Man They Call The Mario Pull Up At The Function And You Know I Kojak To All The Party People That Are On My Bozak I've Got More Action Than My Man John Woo And I've Got Mad Hits Like I Was Rod Carew You Can't, You Won't And You Don't Stop Ad Rock Come And Rock The Sure Shot Hurricane Will Cross Fade On Your Ass And Bust Your Ear Drums Listen Everybody 'Cause I'm Shifting Gears I'm Fresh Like Dougie When I Set My Specs And On The Microphone I Come Correct Timing Like A Clock When I'Rock The Hip Hop Top Notch Is My Stock On The Soap Box I've Got More Rhymes Than Ive Got Grey Hairs And That's A lot Because I've Got My Share I've Got A Hole In My Head And There's No One To Fix It Got To Straighten My Thoughts, I'm Thinking Too Much Sick Shit Everyone Just Takes and Takes, Takes, Takes, Takes I've Got To Step Back, I've Got To Contemplate I'm Like Lee Perry, I'm Very On Rock The Microphone And Then I'm Gone I'm Like Vaughn bode, I'm a Cheech Wizard Never Quitting, So Won't You Listen Oh Yes Indeed, It's Fun Time 'Cause You Can't, You Won't And You Don't Stop MCA Come And Rock The Sure Shot I Want To Say a Little Something That's Long Overdue The Disrespect To Women Has Got To Be Through To All The Mothers And Sisters And the Wives And Friends I Want To Offer My Love And Respect To The End Well You Say I'm Twenty Something And Should Be Slacking But I'm Working Harder Than Ever And You Could Call It Macking So I'm Supposed To Sit Upon My Couch Watching My T.V. I'm Still Listening To Wax, I'm Not Using The CD I'm That Kid In The Corner All Fucked Up And I Wanna So I'm Gonna Take A Piece Of The Pie, Why Not, I'm Not Quitting Think I'm Gonna Change Up My Style Just To Fit In I Keep My Underwear Up With A Piece Of Elastic I Use A Bullshit Mic That's Made Out Of Plastic To Send My Rhymes Out To All Nations Like Ma Bell, I've Got The Ill Communications

Rage Against The Machine Bulls On Parade This microphone explodes, shattering the molds Ya either drop tha hits like de la O or get tha Fuck off tha commode Wit tha sure shot, sure ta make tha Bodies drop Drop an don't copy yo, don't call this a co-opt Terror rains drenchin', quenchin' tha thirst of Tha power dons That five sided fist-a-gon Tha rotten sore on tha face of mother earth gets bigger Tha triggers cold empty ya purse They rally round tha family With a pocket full of shells Weapons not food, not homes, not shoes Not need, just feed the war cannibal animal I walk tha corner to tha rubble that used to be a library Line up to tha mind cemetery What we don't know keeps tha contracts alive an movin' They don't gotta burn tha books they just remove 'em While arms warehouses fill as quick as tha cells Rally round tha family, pockets full of shells Rally round tha family With a pocket full of shells Bulls on parade

Fags, chicks, single mothers, and old bitches have Dr. Phil. Men have Michael Savage.

This is perhaps the dumbest song of all time, but I am so mesmerized by Ewa's wicked game.

Yellow. To match the streak down his back.

Did Vortex post this or did Outlaw? Outlaw (In my Mississippi Porch Monkey accent), is you a fag or is you a metro?

Err.... the video?

Damn good for a monkey!

Then kiss all the sweet burrito rolling unions goodbye!

Fuck being clean-shaven.

I seriously doubt that, Ang, you're such a baby-doll.

I've got to give you rep for that and my address so you can forward the video.

Words of wisdom to live by, Koko. Tell me, do you wear socks with Mickey Mouse on one side and Donald Duck on the other?

Ahh... Koko! How I have missed your wisdom! You think it's sick the way a man makes the ends meet? What do you do? Sit behind a desk and shuffle papers? Never insult what a man does for living or how he goes about paying the bills. Yes... it is so wrong for consenting adults to engage in a sanctioned fight of any sort. Ban adult decision making! To put it nicely, Koko the Monkey, you are a shit-flinging bandwagon hopping fucktard. If you're going to be duplicitous, choose a better face. Oooo... big deal. This is a free fucking market, Koko. Eat a frog, cash a check... don't worry they'll make more. You're not unfucking yourself, Koko. Then turn them away, asshat. It doesn't get any lower than a fucking bum and given the opportunity to make some quick cash for crack, coke, cigarettes, or booze; I'd be chomping at the bit. Again, don't criticize how a man survives. How about we all dress in peppermint colored overalls and spin until we vomit? I wouldn't pay a homeless guy to cut my yard, I take pride in meticulous upkeep of my yard. I don't want some street-urchin scumming it up. This is a completely dumbfounded statement, Koko. How can you trash someone's post when your post is so obviously flawed, semi-coherent, and droll. You are the epitome of shitheel, Koko.

We call it turning on the mud faucet.

So you think you can front when Revelations come?

If I don't get my 8 hours of sleep a night, I get angry. You don't want to see me when I am angry.

If he jizzes in has hand and then rubs his scalp with it, he'll grow some hair straightway.

There are two types of women in the world; those that I don't want to fuck and those that I do want to fuck. Approximately ninety percent of the population of women are not fuckable or what I deem fuckable, so why not try to be their friend? At least I can get a handjob.